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March 18, 2005
Faux March Madness, Entertainment Region
Whoa Doctor, it's time for some results for the first round of the Second Annual Southport Squealer Faux March Madness Tournament. It's been a typically eventful first round so far!
Click here if you want your own handy-dandy version of the bracket!
Entertainment Region
#1 Johnny Cash 68, #16 Waylon Jennings 60: The Battle of Bad-Ass Country Artists. Waylon is one bad mofo, but how can you compete with the Man in Black. It can't be done! The #1 overall seed advances to the next round.
#9 Will Ferrell 71, #8 Jude Law 70. Overexposed vs. Over"exposed." This was a tough battle, but Will Ferrell simply outlasted Jude Law. Jude may be the sexiest man alive, but Will is one of the Funniest Men Alive. And every woman will tell you a sense of humor is important, nyuk nyuk nyuk.
#12 Pinkerton 65, #5 Love Angel Music Baby 56: The Battle of Japan Fetish Albums. LAMB is tearing up every radio, but Gwen's ebullience is no match for Rivers Cuomo's pathos. El Scorcho and co. scorch Rich Girl. A typical 12/5 upset, eh?
#4 Tyra Banks 61, #13 Paula Abdul 50. The Battle of Reality TV Moguls. Look, I love Paula Abdul, but she may as well be steak and blowjob lady for Randy and Simon. Tyra, on the other hand, rules "America's Next Top Model" with an Iron Fist. Plus, she's hot.
#6 Fergie 55, #11 Craig Ferguson 50. Fergie vs. Fergie. The token female of the Black Eyed Peas uses her rock-hard body to squeeze the life out of the new Late Show host. Ferguson hampered because they don't have basketball in Scotland.
#14 Jessica Alba 77, #3 Jennifer Garner 70. Grrl vs Grrl. Jennifer Garner is establishing a box office presence, but Jessica is set to blow up the box office with a flick of her wrist. Garner's linebacker-like shoulders fail to impress, and Jessica Alba moves on.
#10 Tony Kornheiser 66, #7 Ray Barone 65 (ot). Battle of Televised Sportswriters. Everyone may love Raymond, but Tony Kornheiser has the moves. Tony wins despite awful TV version of life starring Jason Alexander.
#15 Jules Winnfield 66, #2 Mace Windu 60. Samuel L. Jackson vs. Samuel L. Jackson. This is an upset! Mace Windu may be a Jedi, but Pulp Fiction's hitman is a Bad Motherfucker. I don't see Mace quoting the Bible before shooting somebody, do you?
So, there you have the results of the first round in the Entertainment bracket. Amazing.
Here are the pairings for the second round:
1 Johnny Cash vs 9 Will Ferrell.
4 Tyra Banks vs 12 Pinkerton.
6 Fergie vs 14 Jessica Alba.
10 Tony Kornheiser vs 15 Jules Winnfield.
Posted by oz115 at March 18, 2005 12:10 PM
Comments
God I love reading your posts.
Who do you think would win in a matchup between Corey Haim and Corey Feldman? That's what I want to know.
Posted by: Karen at March 20, 2005 10:47 PM
Holy hell, that was great. I come here via Karen. And I'll be back.
Posted by: bethany at March 21, 2005 12:12 PM