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March 28, 2005
Faux March Madness, Second Round
It appears I've been a little lax in updating the progress of the Second Annual Southport Squealer Faux March Madness bracket. Sorry about that, loyal reader.
I originally meant to do so on Friday, but then I almost died. Let me tell you about that.
See, I was driving Yoshi back to Ohio. I officially can't call Yoshi my new car anymore, since I've just gone over 40,000 miles on him. Apparently 40,000 miles is the time you are supposed to get new tires, because when I was on Interstate 70, just past the rest stop between Dayton and Columbus, when my car started shaking. The car kept rattling and rattling, which I thought was due to the grooves on the road from construction.
But then, a huge chunk of rubber flew up in my windshield, over the top, and off into space. Then some more rubber came flying, and I started swearing. I pulled over to the side of the road, as trucks whizzed by me at 70 mph, and found out that my front left tire was no more. It was literally in shreds, and the car was moving along on the rim. I would suppose that I was pretty lucky that this turn of events didn't cause me to swerve into another lane, where I would have been obliterated in a spectacular NASCAR-style crash, except nobody would be upset because I'm not Dale Earnhardt.
So you see, this tire business caused a slight delay, and kept me from updating my brackets.
It also caused me to forget until now another great story, but I am going to tell you anyway.
I stopped for lunch and fuel in Lafayette, IN, home to the Purdue Boilermakers. One of the things that annoys me is how people say it "Laff-ee-ette," instead of the proper "La-Fay-ette," but that's really not important.
In a fit of idiocy, I ate lunch at a family diner. I wanted to absorb the local color, and I surely did, in a most unfortunate way.
After my lunch of a delicious grilled chicken sandwich, an older lady got up from her table and started walking slowly towards the exit. The owner of the restaurant, a friendly woman, asked her why she was limping so.
Her response was burned in my memory. She said at the top of her lungs, so that everyone in the restaurant, which was basically just me, could hear her: "gout!"
I mean, damn. I didn't need to know you had gout. If I ever get gout, please reprimand me if I ever talk about it on here.
Now that I've caught you up, here's the results of the Sports Region, Second Round!
#8 Major League 66, #1 John Madden 64. Boom! Madden goes out with a thud. The coach may have made his indelible mark on pro football, but what on Earth does he do for pop culture in general? I mean, he goes everywhere in a bus and endorses an athlete's foot medication. Those are some shady credentials. Major League, of course, launched the career of Wesley Snipes. (Har har.) It also gave us a larger appreciation for Mr. Bob Eucker.
#13 Phil Jackson 60, #12 NFL Preseason 52. This wasn't as close as it looks. Phil may as well be the greatest NBA coach of all time, and that's before you consider the fact that he was able to keep Shaq and Kobe from killing themselves, for a little while at least. That beats the pants off a fourth string running back any day.
#3 James Naismith 76, #6 Golden Tee Golf 65. Golden Tee may be loved by millions, but Naismith's creation is loved by billions. Plus, basketball is a sport requiring oodles of coordination, speed and athleticism. Golden Tee, on the other hand, requires simply knowing how to make the ball curve when you hit that stupid launch button.
#2 Pete Rose 65, #10 Indianapolis 500 63. Charlie Hustle pulls out another victory. One of the hardest working men in baseball was able to outlast the 500-miler. But can Pete make it all the way out of the Sports Region? Don't bet on it!
So, there you have the results from the Sports Region. Two of the top three seeds were able to advance to the Swell Sixteen (tm), but not Madden himself, the #1.
Here are the matchups for the next round:
#8 Major League vs. #13 Phil Jackson
#2 Pete Rose vs. #3 James Naismith
Posted by oz115 at March 28, 2005 02:28 PM