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April 28, 2005
Damned if you do, damned if you don't
I was listening to the radio on my drive to work this morning, as I always do. An e-mailer into the show posed a dilemma: the maintenence guy at her apartment complex came by to fix the gate leading to her building, and when he was done, he asked her for a date. He did so by noting that "since I did this for you, you owe me something." (Or something similar.) The woman was horrified, and wondered if the man was actually serious, and by extension, do all men think that if we do something for a woman, we are entitled to a date?
Numerous women then called into to the show to share their stories of being hounded by repair, delivery, and other dufus guys. Some of them were sort of creepy, as is to be expected. There was a lot of indignation and denouncing of men as filty scumbags.
However, I am pretty agitated at this whole discussion. Here's why: it's only creepy if the woman is not attracted to the man. Supposing the UPS guy dropped by, and he was a good looking man. All the ladies in the office are leering at his rugged good looks. Then, when he is done moving packages and picking up paperclips that were somehow accidentally dropped, he walks out the door. I would say that is very likely that at least one of these women would have said yes had the good-looking UPS man proposed a date. They're probably fantasizing about it and calling him an idiot for not asking the question.
On the other hand, maybe the UPS man is ugly. Maybe he's boring and vapid. If this man asks out a customer, he is suddenly a disgusting creep. He may even merit a slap in the face or an angry call to the employer. All of a sudden, this is like Moses smashing the Commandments with a hammer.
It's all based on how the woman feels. The man is basically in a no-win situation. In practice, not many people are downright gorgeous or fugly. There's usually a middle ground, where most men are going to fall. How is he supposed to know? Indeed, he can't.
It has been established that most men know absolutely nothing about women, and this only adds to the problem. All men want is to be with women, and they are certainly going to try to get them. Sometimes they make mistakes. But I don't think it's fair to start dropping creep labels on men for something like that.
Posted by oz115 at April 28, 2005 02:08 PM