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April 07, 2005
Oz's Mailbag
You know, it's been awhile since I've opened up the mailbag. Today is as good a day as any other, so let's have at it.
And, once again, welcome to all the people who arrived here by googling CNN Vatican Analyst Delia Gallagher. Yes, I will keep mentioning her for as long as possible. Call me, Delia. Please?
Anywho, Karen writes:
God I love reading your posts.
Who do you think would win in a matchup between Corey Haim and Corey Feldman? That's what I want to know.
Oh Karen, that's very nice of you to say. But there's no way I'm moving to Atlanta with you.
Now, I have pondered long and hard about this Corey Haim vs. Corey Feldman matchup.
Let's do the run-down, shall we?
Breakout role:
Corey H: "The Lost Boys"
Corey F: "The Lost Boys"
That's a wash!
Height:
Corey H: 5'7"
Corey F: 5'3"
Both freakishly short, but Haim wins that one. 1-0 to the Haimster.
Nickname:
Corey H: Space Ace
Corey F: Core
Core? What the fuck is that? 2-0, Corey Haim.
Parental relations:
Corey H: Parents divorced when he was 11.
Corey F: Divorced himself from his parents.
Minor power, Feldie! 2-1, Corey Haim.
Run-ins with the law:
Corey H: Drug problem, filed for bankruptcy, owed hundreds of thousands of dollars in back taxes.
Corey F: Once busted for drug possession.
Corey Feldman ties it up!
Current pop-culture relevance:
Corey H: Subject of song by Irish pop-rock outfit The Thrills, "Whatever Happened to Corey Haim?"
Corey F: Frequent guest on Howard Stern.
Another wash. Let's go to a tiebreaker!
Famous lovers:
Corey H: Once engaged to Nicole Eggert.
Corey F: Once married to Vanessa Marcil, aka Carla from "The Rock."
Corey Feldman, that is worth 10 million points!
Final score: Corey Feldman, 10,000,002, Corey Haim, 2. I hope that answers your question, Karen.
Next, in reference to my appearance in the Chicago RedEye, Pete offered these supportive words:
Well, at least you weren't the ugliest contestant.
You're too kind. I actually took so long to send in my responses that they threatened to replace me with a cartoon dog. Even then, that was the best I could do. What can I say? I was there simply to be eye candy.
Then, workingnob posits:
Hahha good one! I also wonder if all the water on star destroyers is made from recycled urine too - like the technology they're making for our space station. Then again - the empire weren't conservationalists - this would clearly be rebel technology. Speaking of rebels - aren't they terrorists because they're attempting to over-throw the dominate political authority?
Man, that'd be pretty sick if those star destroyers were using recycled urine as drinking water. Maybe that's why all those empire people look so sickly. They're all drinking pee! Even if it is distilled or recycled or whatever.
On the other hand, no, the rebels aren't terrorists. Everybody knows white people aren't terrorists. That's what minorities are for, duh! So Chewbacca is a terroritst, but not Han Solo. Get it?
(That's sarcasm, by the way.)
But, I would argue that they are not necessarily terrorists because they aren't targeting civilians. Terrorists are concerned with, well, terror and killing people who normally wouldn't be involved in the proceedings. So, if the Rebels started setting off bombs on the bus in Imperial City, then they would be terrorists. But blowing up the Death Star? Not terrorism. I imagine if CNN were covering the Rebels vs. the Empire, they would be called "guerillas," "fighters," or even "combatants." But it's all a matter of perspective. If the Empire had a TV network, say, the Fox News Channel, they might call them terrorists.
That, friends, was the mailbag. Thanks for your comments, and keep on reading!
Posted by oz115 at April 7, 2005 01:10 PM
Comments
Timmy, I wish you were here with me. I miss you, and I haven't seen a movie in ages.
Thank you for my requested matchup. You are the bomb.
Posted by: Karen at April 10, 2005 04:32 PM