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May 24, 2005
Worst. Band. Ever.
I got into an interesting philosophical argument last night at the Cubs game. It all started when the loudspeaker at Wrigley Field began playing "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. I unequivocally regard Train as probably the worst band ever. I don't know why, but I do. Pat Monahan is a nice guy, and the rest of Train seem like upstanding citizens, but every Train song I hear on the radio makes me wish I was deaf. Okay, I take that back - I would never want to be deaf. But it definitely makes me wish I had really long arms like Elastigirl so as to find the radio that is playing Train and change the channel.
So, I started saying to anybody that would listen how I thought Train was the worst band ever. But I realized that such proclamations could get me in trouble, because I once saw a band playing in the basement of a house in college who were really, pretty shitty. Train is probably better than them, so I amended my statement to be "Train is the worst band to ever have a platinum record."
This brought on a cavalcade of suggestions as to bands that may be worse than Train. My friend claimed that Genesis was definitely worse than Train, but I disagree. Phil Collins is awesome, and that is all I have to say about that. A secret you may have never known about me: the first compact disc I ever bought was Genesis's "We Can't Dance." I had plenty of tapes and records before then, but Genesis was my very first CD. No, I really can't remember why I bought it. But no way is Genesis or a solo Phil Collins worse than Train.
The people in front of us, three Southsiders who somehow found themselves at Wrigley, probably to watch the Cubs lose (which they didn't... assholes) heard the discussion and joined in. One says, "I know who's worse: that black lady with the real annoying voice." Then we both said "Macy Gray" at the exact same time. Yes, Macy Gray is also bad. She's the one who started that annoying drop thing I was talking about awhile back. But Train is worse. Macy Gray may have the most awful voice, but she can at least put some soul into her music. If we did this purely on awful voices, Bob Dylan would be in the poor house somewhere in Minnesota.
Now, in my mind, there is only one contender to worst band ever that even comes close to Train. And that is Chumbawumba. I don't even know if Chumbawumba should even count as a band. Their lone hit, Tubthumper, is a song about getting drunk and beating the crap out of each other. They are also self-styled anarchists who encourage fans to steal their CD's, though I don't know if you'd find anyone who would take a free copy of a Chumbawumba CD.
I am hesitant, however, to label Chumbawumba as worse than Train simply because they have no staying power. That is why Train puzzles me so much. They suck, but keep getting brought back for more. And people keep buying their stuff!
If anyone can think of a band worse than Train, let me know. I'm interested to hear your thoughts. My only limitations are that it must be a famous artist, who are not one-hit wonders and who have more than one CD in release. I await your suggestions.
Posted by oz115 at May 24, 2005 08:06 AM
Comments
YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Amy at July 12, 2005 07:42 PM
I'd have to say 'Disconsolate Messiah' is the worst band ever. It's very a well-known artist where I live (New Zealand). It's one of those people say you either love or hate but I don't know how anyone can like it? All they rap about is killing god and jesus. People think they're innovative because they only use one tone in all their songs, seriously, the same note over and over, it sounds like morse code. They take my pick as worst band. Their cover of Limp Bizkit's 'Nookie' make Limp Bizkit lsound like Claude Debussey.
Posted by: Ken Carter at August 10, 2005 08:31 AM
Thank you so so so so so so much for defending Genesis, they are the best.
Posted by: Chandler at August 24, 2005 05:14 PM