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June 30, 2005

Say it ain't so

It's kind of a sad week for Chicago institutions. First, Demon Dogs gets whacked, and now Joe Borowski. The Cubs pitcher who was instrumental in them winning the 2003 division title was cut yesterday. To be fair, he wasn't spectacular this season, but you hate to see a guy like that go.

He was a closer of the Millennium Falcon style: Dusty Baker and all the Cub fans would be watching like Han Solo, mumbling "come on baby, hold together." For that 2003 season, he held together. This was a guy who a year prior to that was hurling for the Monterey Sultans in the Mexican League. That, friends, was perseverence.

My favorite Borowksi memory has nothing to do with his pitching, though. I was riding the Red Line with a friend after a White Sox game, when one of the people who ride the train a little too much started to talk to us. We talked about baseball, and the Cubs, and the White Sox. He tells us how he likes many of the Cub players, "especially that Polock." Yes, he said, "I love that Polock." I knew he wasn't talking about Antonio Alfonseca. For some reason, whenever I think about Borowski, that's what sticks out.

So, happy trails to you, Joe. I hope you catch on somewhere and make other homeless guys on the El admire your tenacity. I sure did.

Posted at 08:32 AM | Comments (1)

June 29, 2005

Don't fear the reaper

If you never hear another peep out of me after this weekend, here's why: I'll be in the ground, having become deceased after an unfortunate skydiving accident. After years of claiming I am going to do it, I am jumping out of an airplane on Saturday. After jumping out of this plane, my parachute is supposed to open and float me on down to the ground. But like I said, if it doesn't, I'll be in the ground, probably in the same spot where I made a gigantic crater after falling 13,000 feet. (Though in fairness it doesn't really matter if I fall 13,000 feet or 40,000 feet, because I'll have reached terminal velocity by then.)

So I'm feeling jitterish, but I'll manage. But like I said, if you never hear from me again, now you know why. Nice knowing you.

Posted at 09:25 AM | Comments (3)

Happy anniversary

Here's a cool bit of trivia for today:

'Moonlight' briefly lived his dream a century ago
'Doc' Graham played just 1 game in majors

Ben Walker
Associated Press
Jun. 29, 2005 12:00 AM

NEW YORK - Even a century later, there's still a mystique in the ol' Moonlight.

Archibald Wright Graham played only one game in the big leagues, and it was a glimmer at best. He never got to bat, and was simply a defensive replacement in right field.

"Two glorious innings in the garden," the New York Evening Telegram reported then.

Hard to believe how that brief stint for the New York Giants on June 29, 1905 - exactly 100 years ago today, at a ballfield in Brooklyn - became a part of baseball lore.

Brought back to life by author W.P. Kinsella in his novel Shoeless Joe that was adapted into the movie Field of Dreams, just the mere mention of his name evokes something magical.

Posted at 08:10 AM | Comments (1)

June 28, 2005

Muzak roundup

There's a couple music things I thought I'd mention today.

First, from Pitchfork, the Gallagher brothers have some negative things to say about the Live 8 concerts:

After the initial denouncing of the Live 8 shows by many for under-representing minority artists and the subsequent about face of adding more acts, organizer Bob Geldof has once again been getting it; this time from two barrels, as some artists are slamming his project in the press and others are thwarting his organized plans. For instance, noted gentleman and scholar Noel Gallagher was up to his old tricks in discussing the upcoming Live 8 shows. He sung to the media, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but they hoping that one of these guys from the G8 is on a quick 15-minute break at Gleneagles and sees Annie Lennox singing 'Sweet Dreams' and thinks, 'Fuck me, she might have a point there, you know'." And what's a Gallagher quote without mentioning another overblown British band not completely dissimilar to our Manchester heroes, but who of course, "are shite": "Keane doing 'Somewhere Only We Know' and some japanese businessman going, 'Aw, look at him...we should really fucking drop that debt, you know'. It's not going to happen, is it?" Nope, probably not Noel, you know.

Shazaam!

But there's more:

Liam then told Canadian Chart Magazine that were they not booked, they'd love to play Live 8. "I'd love to. Y'know why I'd love to do that gig?" he said. "First of all, it's fucking awareness and all that stuff. I just love to go on and do four fucking songs and really fucking rip it up. Come in and fucking bang it with fucking four of your classics. And then walk off, and fucking flick Robbie Williams in the eye and say: 'Follow that you dick!'"

Sigh. I just can't get pissed off like that, even if I have a few Brown Ales in me. Oasis may be washed up, but Liam & Noel can still produce a world-class tirade.

On the other hand, Fountains of Wayne put out a new CD today. It's actually two CD's worth of outtakes and demos, but that unmistakeable FoW quality is there. By God, there's even a sort-of ironic cover of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" that probably rivals Cake's version of "I Will Survive."

Fountains of Wayne, to me, are at the top of the power-pop universe. They occupy a rarified air that is rarely matched. The only current band that can catch them in this department are Weezer.

Posted at 01:36 PM | Comments (0)

No!!!!!!

Come on, Avril. You can do better. This burns me up, but not quite as much as when Natalie Imbruglia went and got hitched, nor when Nelly Furtado got herself knocked up.

LAVIGNE, WHIBLEY TO MARRY

Pop singer AVRIL LAVIGNE, 20, is engaged to marry SUM 41 frontman DERYCK WHIBLEY, 25. Whibley
proposed over the weekend while Lavigne was completing her European tour. The pair -- both from
Ontario, Canada, and both pop-punk artists -- have dated for more than a year, and were friends
for several years before that. Sum 41 released their fourth album, "Chuck," last fall, while
Lavigne has been touring since the release of her sophomore effort, "Under My Skin," last
spring.

Posted at 09:17 AM | Comments (1)

Crime of the century

From today's Eagle-Gazette:

# Between 7:15 p.m. Saturday and 7 a.m. Sunday, someone broke into Ed's Market, 1850 N. Memorial Drive.

Stolen items included 12 jars of stick candy valued at $360; beef jerky worth an estimated $100; beef sticks worth an estimated $150; cheese valued at $270; 10 jars of barbecue sauce valued at $30; and watermelons valued at $160, according to a Lancaster police report.

Luckily, they have a picture of the suspect:

Posted at 06:13 AM | Comments (0)

June 27, 2005

They gone

I was getting off the elevated train on Friday, and I made a starting discovery: Demon Dogs is finally gone. The hot dog stand was waging a years-long war with the CTA against its removal to make way for an expansion of the Fullerton station. It was just a matter of time before Demon Dogs went the way of the dodo.

Personally, I didn't like Demon Dogs that much. Their french fries suck. They serve Pepsi. Jay Leno endorses them, which certainly says a lot. And their hot dogs - and I know I am committing some kind of heresy by saying this - are boiled instead of charcoal-grilled. As far as dogs, I think I have to say the Wiener's Circle beats Demon Dogs to a bloody pulp. Yes, we all know about Wiener's Circles' questionable clientele, but they are damn good. Another tasty hot dog joint is the one on Belmont, and damn if I can't remember the name of it right now. ... Murphy's! Yes. Now that is a good charcoal grilled blend of meat encased in a tube of skin.

This will effect me mostly because when I am giving people directions to my house from the El, I always use Demon Dogs as a reference. Now what am I going to do? I can't say "walk towards the lake," because most people have no idea which way the lake is. Instead, I'll have to find a new way to make sure I don't send people on a walking tour towards bufu - you know, Bucktown. Snap! Just kidding, you lovable hipsters.

So, here's to you, Demon Dogs. I'll miss you.

Posted at 07:42 AM | Comments (2)

He gone

Now here's something I can get behind: if you've ever watched baseball on TV with me, you know that I despise Sox TV announcer Ken "The Hawk" Harrelson. He's old school, and doesn't talk that much. But I am heartily annoyed by what he does say, especially the ridiculous "he gone!" that accompanies nearly every strike out of a White Sox opponent.

What's so bad about the "he gone!" you might ask? A catchphrase is always good, but it *can't* be overused. Hawk, you just can't say he gone twenty times a game. Plus, you can't say it when the Sox are losing by ten runs, for example. Suppose the Sox are having a bad day, and they've just allowed five runs in an inning. If the fourth pitcher in the inning finally gets a guy to strike out, Hawk is still going to get fired up and yell "he gone!" Unacceptable. To me, "he gone" is low-level smack talk, and talking smack while getting your ass kicked is just wrong. Likewise, when the Sox are winning by ten runs, gloating with "he gone" is nothing but rampant arrogance.

So now, we have this website: Heave the Hawk. Oh God, please. Let this come true. If the Cubs can get rid of Chip Caray, the Sox can get rid of Hawk.

Posted at 07:35 AM | Comments (2)

About time

Hell yes. Make your own ribbon here.

Posted at 06:28 AM | Comments (0)

June 26, 2005

Fabulous!

Today I went to the Gay Pride Parade. I'd heard a lot about it, and I declared that this was the year that I would be going. It was in a word, fabulous. It was also very long. There had to have been about 150 floats , all with various people expressing support for the lesbian/gay/etc. community.

One particular float really sticks in my head: it was G-Rod himself, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. It was fun to contrast his with Lieutenant Governor Pat Quinn, especially because Rod was swarmed with police protection, while Quinn was guarded by a guy in assless chaps. However, here is what I had to note: Rod is one ugly mofo. I'm serious. He usually looks good on TV, but damn, he is ugly in person. Uglier than me! I mean... wow. Maybe he was just having a bad hair day or something.

Posted at 07:43 PM | Comments (0)

June 23, 2005

She's stalking ME!

Would you believe I saw our beloved Jennifer Aniston again? On my way home from work, I spotted the ubiqitious trailers and police escort outside The Fireside Bowl, everyone's favorite hipster/punk hangout/bowling alley.

And yes, there was Ms. Aniston, flitting away at something. I really do think she has a thing for me. Call me, Jennifer.

Posted at 04:19 PM | Comments (1)

Can I make it any more obvious?

I was driving home yesterday when I reached into my gigantic CD wallet and pulled out one of those crazy mix CD's I made many moons ago. One of the first songs on it was the Avril Lavigne staple "Sk8r Boi." I love this song. Love it. I could probably be forced to listen to it on an endless loop like I was being interrogated at Gitmo and never break, because the song is that awesome. And I ashamed to admit that.

You see, Avril is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. I'm a guy. I'm not 17. I don't wear black. And I don't really like that crap new punk rock that much. But I love Avril. This is because, as some punk rock devotees have said, Avril is not really punk. Which is probably true.

But it reminded me of what is, by far, my most guilty pleasure. I can't believe I am telling you this. I love Dido. I own all her CD's. I'll actually stop what I am doing and watch VH1 shows about her. Dido rocks my world.

All this would be a moot point if stupid Eminem hadn't sampled Dido in his song "Stan." After that happened, Dido blew up all over the world, and her lilting soft rock proclamations seeped into every sorority girl's Winamp playlist. I'm happy for Dido, but also a little upset the whole fame thing.

I was actually a Dido fan long before that whole Stan thing happened. On one of my typical late night goof-off sessions in college, I was watching Later with Cynthia Bryant, which was really a very good show, unlike the current occupier of the post-Conan O'Brien slot, Carson Daly. Cynthia's guest was Dido, and she played three or four songs and impressed me greatly. I said, Hey, I like this Dido chick. I bought her CD. I said, Hey, I like this Dido CD.

And from there Dido gradually wormed her way into becoming my number one guilty pleasure. When she became so famous I was fairly mortified, but I can deal with that. I still love ya, Dido. But now that I have revealed my most awful secret to you, I think I will go committ ritual suicide. Bye.

Posted at 09:24 AM | Comments (0)

Hero

The latest bit of stupidity floating around Congress is the Constitutional amendment that would give Congress the power to make flag-burning illegal. As General McAuliffe might say, "nuts" to that.

The flag is a revered symbol of our country and all that it stands for. I would argue that as the symbol of our country, it would unfortunately be subject to desecration every now and then. But one of the ideals that America was founded upon was that speech, no matter how unpopular or ill-advised, could not be suppressed by the government. Like it or not, burning the flag is a form of speech. Sure it's disrespectful and probably rude, but half the stuff that people say nowadays is disrespectful and rude. I just don't see the need or point to make it illegal, other than what it really is: empty symbolism and cloying pandering.

Luckily, it looks like the proposed amendment won't make it out of the Senate. If you ask me, I think matters of protecting the flag should be left to people like Rick Monday.

Posted at 08:40 AM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2005

Of no import to anyone but me

Aw shucks!

You're Rhett! You're very attractive but you're
more than just a pretty face. You're deep and
artsy and very into literature. You have a way
with words and with people. You're so
passionate that sometimes you have difficulty
with relationships. It is possible that you
sweat more than the average person.


Which member of the Old 97's are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

Posted at 07:15 PM | Comments (0)

Greed pays

If these guys had joined "The Clean Plate Club," maybe they would have gotten away with their crime:

DNA on Burgers Links Three Men to Robbery

SUFFOLK, Va. - Three men are in jail after DNA evidence from leftover burgers linked them to the robbery of a McDonald's more than a year ago, police said Monday.

Marcellus L. Jones, 45, Thomas Nelson Cribbs IV, 23, and Dexter Carlos Webb, 22, are charged with armed robbery, five counts of abduction and six counts of using a firearm in a felony. Jones also was charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.

The men allegedly ordered food and ate while waiting for the restaurant to empty on May 2, 2004. They then robbed the business at gunpoint and forced the employees in the freezer, said police spokeswoman Lt. D.J. George.

Police were able to get warrants when the DNA evidence was found on the leftover portions of the burgers the robbers left behind, George said.

Cribbs and Jones already were incarcerated when the warrants were served. Webb was arrested on Saturday.

Posted at 08:00 AM | Comments (1)

June 21, 2005

Told you so

New Coke was a bad idea too, boss.

But really, as much hell as the lack of hockey has put me through this past year, it will be worth it if a new agreement keeps player costs down.

PRAGUE, Czech Republic -- New York Rangers forward Jaromir Jagr said Tuesday that players' initial refusal of a salary cap in talks with the NHL was a mistake.

"We started the fight because we didn't agree with the introduction of salary caps," Jagr said. "Now, we'll be happy to get them. We didn't expect the owners to be so tough and persistent. It was a risk that didn't pay off."

Jagr was quoted, in Czech, on the Czech Ice Hockey Association's Web site.

The NHL and the players' association recently agreed that a salary cap model with an upper and lower limit will be the centerpiece of a new agreement.

The lockout started last September and wiped out the entire 2004-05 NHL season.

Posted at 03:43 PM | Comments (0)

OMG!

Like, OMG! I just totally saw Jennifer Aniston at North Ave beach!

Seriously. I took the day off work, and decided to celebrate by going for a jog in the sweltering 9 am heat. As I plod along towards North Avenue, I see that the beach and surrounding path is blocked off with a swarm of mean-looking policemen around the entrances. Behind the tape was a fleet of trucks, RV's, and limos.

After an initial "wtf" phase, I assumed it was the pro beach volleyball tour which comes here every summer and closes the beach. But then I saw the papparazzi. There weren't that many, but when a bunch of guys with high-powered lenses on their cameras are blocking the path, you can see why they might be a nuisance.

After I got past the paparazzi - that must be what it feels like to be a celebrity hanger-on, since all the cameras are there but nobody is trying to photograph me - I saw none other than Jennifer Aniston walking along with some other impossibly tall blond lady, chatting it up for the camera that was following them along the path. All the people along lake were watching this, snapping pictures with camera phones, and calling friends in Oregon to tell about this incredible sighting.

I'm not going to lie, I was temporarily starstruck. I thought of something clever to yell that might get her attention. I was looking rather badboyish, if I may say so - not showering that day and having a five-day old beard must somehow make me look dangerous - but it was not to be. I thought better of yelling at Ms. Aniston when the burly security guard directed a stern "keep running, asshole" look at me.

Posted at 09:53 AM | Comments (0)

June 19, 2005

Greetings from Springfield

Hey there. I'm writing today from the Quality Inn & Suites in Springfield, IL. I hate to say anything bad about any place, but Springfield is not a very hopping locale. My parents and I arrived Saturday night to a downtown that is dead as doornails. The outskirts of town are not much better.

I am across the street from the Statehouse, which is a beautiful domed building that can be seen for miles. One would think there would be people walking around, but there are none. Every downtown restaurant is closed, as is most every other place. The only sign of life that we saw was when we visited the brand new Abraham Lincoln Museum.

Now, we're hoping that things will pick up Monday morning, when the government of Illinois is back in business. Springfield on a weekend is, I can honestly say, worse than Dayton, Ohio on a Monday night. I'd sure like them to prove me wrong.

Posted at 08:47 PM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2005

Pansies

What is this crap?

Hit the showers, boys
Youth baseball team ousted from league for being ‘too good’
Friday, June 17, 2005
Kirk D . Richards
THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH
JAMES D . DeCAMP | DISPATCH PHOTOS

No one misbehaved. No one broke any rules.

But after only a few games, the Columbus Stars have been kicked out of a recreational youth baseball league in Canal Winchester.

The players, ages 11 and 12, were deemed too good.

On May 9, the Stars beat the Red Sox, 18-0. Two weeks later, the Stars also beat World Harvest, 13-0. But the biggest blowout occurred on May 27, when the Stars defeated Sugar Grove II, 24-0.

Sugar Grove I lost to the Stars the next day, 10-2.

"After hearing and seeing the scores from that group, I called up the league office and said, ‘No way are we going to play them,’ " said Terry Morris, who coaches one of three teams from Bloom-Carroll schools in Fairfield County. "I wasn’t going to subject my players to that."

Other teams started complaining. And canceling. The Stars were pulled from the league schedule. The team appealed to the league’s commissioner, Joe Bernowski, to no avail.

Okay, this team is way better than the other teams. But to quit? To say, we're not going to play you? It seems a bit wussy to me.

But then the opposition coaches bust out this gem:

Kris Hutchins, coach of the Yankees in the Canal Winchester league, said the parents of his players unanimously decided not to engage such a fearsome squad. It was an issue not only of competitiveness but also of safety, Hutchins said. "We didn’t want one of our kids to get hit in the face with a ball, not being able to defend himself."

Dahh!!!

I've been on some crappy sports teams in my time. I've been on some good ones, too. More often than not, though, they're crappy. But I never gave up. If I was one of these parents, I'd be ashamed of myself. I'd tell my kid to go out there and do your best. By most accounts, you can't kick out the best in something in real life simply because it makes the others feel bad.

Posted at 08:20 AM | Comments (2)

Happy Father's Day

Ah, what a crazy time of year. It's Father's Day! Now I'm not one to get all teary-eyed unless it's about dogs, cats, or sports. And possibly food. But my dad is awesome.

He's a quirky fellow. He would never let the entire family fly on the same airplane, in case there was an accident. He wanted some of us to survive, though I always figured the guilt would be sickly overwhelming. But it was perfectly acceptable for us to pack into a station wagon, along with our human-sized dog Stanley, and drive nearly a thousand miles to Georgia.

But safety was his thing: he was completely against the idea of riding my bike anywhere. Admittedly, I never really liked bicycling anyway, but when he got all worked up about it, that was the end of it for me. The reason I'm telling this story is because he recently told me that when he was 16 or 17, he'd take his little brothers on bicycle trips halfway to Rochester - 50 or 60 miles away! And, you know, *I* couldn't even go to the River Valley Mall.

Then there was the pond. We have this pond at the house, which is always full of ducks and geese and other interesting fauna. I used to want to swim in it. Dad said no. I pouted, and probably never went into the pond. And then, my mom told me that whenever we weren't around to see, he would jump in the pond and swim! Wtf?

So, I've found you out, my friend. But I'll let it slide.

Posted at 06:59 AM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2005

Groan

From today's Columbus Dispatch:

Names of zoo’s wolverines anger some fans up north

Thursday, June 16, 2005

ROYAL OAK, Mich. (AP) — Some University of Michigan backers weren’t amused to learn the Detroit Zoo’s baby wolverines had been given nicknames of rival Big Ten teams.

After receiving several dozen complaints, including threats to cancel memberships or reduce donations, the zoo renamed the 3½-month-old kits last week.

A zookeeper who graduated from Michigan State had named the kits Sparty — for the MSU mascot — and Bucky, either for the Wisconsin Badgers mascot or a variation on Ohio State Buckeyes.

"We got some e-mail and phone calls from zoo visitors and the general public who were deeply offended by the names," zoo spokeswoman Rana Kozouz told the Detroit Free Press on Tuesday. "So we changed the names to Tamarack and Tilia, the names of Michigan trees."

Yeah, I don't know. At least nobody tried to murder the offending wolverines.

Posted at 07:10 AM | Comments (0)

Big red

Here's your latest John Stevens update:

"I've had fame," he sang in a rich baritone, "but it doesn't stay." Not a phrase that most 17-year-olds could perform with a straight face, but this was "Buffalo's American Idol," John Stevens, and he can say he's had - and has - fame.

One of the top contestants on "American Idol's" third season, the Williamsville East senior performed a 46-city tour last summer, and his debut CD, "Red," will be released June 28, two days after he graduates.

"A Night With John Stevens and the East All-Star Band," Wednesday evening in the Mary Seaton Room of Kleinhans Music Hall, featured the big band and jazz repertoire that launched his blossoming career.

Way to be, Johnny. Now, certain readers of this site have ridiculed John for his, shall we say, classical taste. This quote and this speaker probably says it all:

"I love the songs he sings," said Jenny Tobias, 96, of Lackawanna. She was one of the first to arrive at the concert and sat in the front row. "The way he handles himself - he's a real gentleman," she said. "And he better give me a kiss!"

96 years old! Holy hell! Talk about a guy who can cross genres.

Posted at 07:05 AM | Comments (0)

June 15, 2005

Insert "Jacko beats it" joke here

Unless you're reading this from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, you heard that Michael Jackson was found not guilty on all ten counts relating to child molestation.

The funniest part to me is how all the commentators are up in arms about how guilty he is, how could he possibly get off, how the jury is a bunch of idiots. I think they are completely wrong.

When it usually comes to celebrity trials, everyone usually ends up predicting the celebrity will go free despite overwhelming evidence otherwise. I don't think that's what happened here. Everyone agrees that Jacko is Wacko, and probably not safe to have around the kids. But is he a molestor? You can't prove it - and that is the way the criminal justice system works. This is not like the OJ trial to me - where, really, The Juice got away with one.

I thought the defense did a great job. They turned the prosecution's case into swiss cheese, and whittled the kid's mother down to a stump. So while the Fox News Channel is ready to kick California out of the union for this latest transgression, I applaud the jury. I think it would have been the easy way out to convict Jacko.

Posted at 12:03 PM | Comments (0)

Gradumatation

Ah, it's that time of year: high school graduation. The class of '05 has been released upon the world. Where are they going? What will they do with themselves?

One of my strangest memories is of a railroad bridge next to the Speedway off 33 in Carroll, Ohio. On the bridge someone had spray-painted "CLASS OF '76" in big white letters, and it has remained there since, I would presume, 1976. Whoever did that is nearly 50 years old now. I often think about what the guy who did that so many years ago is doing with himself now. Was that a high point, or a low point? Only he knows.

But enough about that. Let's take a look at the graduation photos published in the Eagle-Gazette:

This is a girl who graduated from Bloom Carroll HS, the home of the Bulldogs. This is just my own experience, but I think posing with those big block letters is s-t-u-p-i-d. They're so ugly. I feel like it's one step above having your baby pose with those colored oversized blocks that have the letters of the alphabet on them. You're a high school graduate! Get like the theory of relativity on there or something. But I'm one to talk. I did my graduation photos posing with my car (The Shaggin' Wagon) with my cat Sam in the back window - but that was only fair, he was there the first day I left for kindergarten.

On the other hand, this girl, from Berne Union HS, can pose any way she wants. I bet her dad is none too happy about this particular outfit. Not that I am complaining. I am a dirty old man, after all.

Posted at 08:06 AM | Comments (1)

June 14, 2005

On meat

The big news about town today is that the Tribune named its five best hamburgers in Chicago. Unsurprisingly, I have never heard of most of these restaurants.

But I am apt to disagree with the rankings. I am not much of a hamburger connoiseur these days, but I do have my favorites. Those are Yak-Zies and Boston Blackie's.

I'm not going to lie, Blackie's has become sort of my unofficial "fuck it" restaurant. Because Blackie's is located just off the Mag Mile, it is a stretch for me to simply mosey down there - even though I can drive or bike there in about fifteen minutes - because the Mag Mile is basically a black hole of tourists and women from Schaumburg on shopping expeditions. But Blackie's is damned good, and I usually find myself there after a tough experience. Most recently that was after I took the LSAT and had my run-in with the Wilbonesque professor at John Marshall.

But let me tell you: that Blackie's hamburger is something extraordinary. It's tender and juicy with a powerful flavor. The toppings add to the experience. It is an excellent way to cap off a day, or for lunch. However, I do not recommend it with a hangover.

On the other hand, I have grown to love Yak-zies because it is so close to my house. I am a big fan overall of Yak-zies. Their chicken sandwich is a marvel, but the cheeseburger may well kick its ass. It possesses a lot of the same qualities that I like in Boston Blackies.

To be fair, the best hamburger I have ever had comes from Tank's, just a few blocks off the campus at dear old University of Dayton. While it is close to UD, it may as well a seperate world. The place is becoming popular with UD students, but it is just as popular with the regular Dayton folk. I used to go there to study. One glorious autumn in 2001, I engaged in a semester-long project to drink every beer on the Tanks menu, thus earning myself a shirt that says "I drank my way around the world at Tank's Bar and Grill." When I wear it, nobody has any fucking idea what it took to get it.

The titular owner of the restaurant looks exactly like a guy who calls himself Tank would look. There is also a cheeseburger which bears his name, and I almost always make it a point to stop there when I am in Dayton. It may be better than both the Blackie's and the Yak-Zies burger, but I cannot say for sure. My fondness for it must certainly be increased by Dayton nostalgia.

While those are my three personal favorites, I am certain that there are many good cheeseburgers that I have never heard about, nor will I ever. Sadly, my burger binging days are behind me. Even as I write this, I am not craving a burger. But I will surely attempt to see if I can expand my horizons one of these days.

All I can say for sure is that Chicago is a better burger town than Columbus. Do you know what finished second in Columbus' best burger poll? White Castle. White Castle!! One of my many complaints about Columbus has been that it seems to really lack any local flavor. Everything is a chain. White Castle's remarkable finish does not diminish my opinion of this.

Posted at 01:11 PM | Comments (2)

Hit me

I went to see Mr. and Mrs. Smith on Friday. This was easy for me, because I have a man-crush on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would make me crumple like a sack of flour simply by looking at me with contempt across the room. Know what I'm saying?

The movie had some bad reviews, but I thought it was pretty good. There was a lot of blowing-up and implausible escapes, but that's what the movies are for. My only complaint was that the movie ended kind of abruptly - they had just vanquished a bunch of bad guys, and then that was that. Like, you know, don't they have to go after the fellow masterminding their demise? Guess not!

But I am a sucker for hit-man comedies, anyway. There is just something funny about hit-men. Now, in real life I am sure hit-men are not funny, nor are they glamorous. But they make good comedy fodder, especially ones that pair John Cusack and Minnie Driver.

Posted at 08:27 AM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2005

So you want to be a lawyer

If you've been taking notes, you know that I'm sending my sorry ass to law school in August. I applied to six schools, have been accepted at three, waitlisted at the other two, and outright rejected by certain bastards whom I will not name.

On Saturday I went to John Marshall Law School, which is right in downtown Chicago, for an open house. This is the school I am leaning towards attending. I had an interesting time.

I have heard every single person moan about how hard the first year of law school is. I am getting the impression that it is the educational equivalent of boot camp. I hope I can deal. But my first law class certainly had me nervous.

As part of the open house, we had a mock law class, with an actual professor. He came in, and immediately ordered the doors closed because nobody was allowed to leave. He said something about how he hopes to see some of us at class next year, because he will make us his "personal victims."

He then went on an hour long dissertation about property rights, using a famous case from 1722. He grilled prospective students and parents alike about what happened in the case, why the court said what it said, and how this might apply to people today. I was scared shitless that he would call on me. He was also a dead ringer for Mike Wilbon, the cohost of Pardon the Interruption on ESPN. He looked and sounded exactly like him, right down to the way he flipped out when he caught you making a mistake. It was awesome.

Posted at 11:46 AM | Comments (1)

June 10, 2005

Oz's mailbag

I get so many e-mails and comments that some days it would take forever to go through them all! Actually, I lie. I don't get many. But on the plus side, I don't get any "you're an idiot" e-mails either. If anyone wants to knock me down a peg, why not shoot me an e-mail? I've had a lot of visitors here googling spelling bee participants, and I'm surprised nobody has yelled at me for putting a bunch of 10 year olds on a fantasy team called "The Porn Stars."

With that in mind, let's see what I've gotten in the mail this time!

Pete agrees with me about how lame it was that Subway claims to have doubled its menu because you can now get a toasted sub:

Why don't they just say they have two billion different sandwiches on their menu? That's probably the total number of different combination of meats, bread, condiments, etc. that can be created. That claim would be no more disingenuous than saying they doubled their menu.

My god, I'm sick of seeing Jared's smug face. I'd love to see him caught on film wolfing down a Big Mac.

You said it, dawg. Let's do some rudimentary, shall we? According to the Subway web site, there are about 20 different basic types of sandwiches. (Meatball, tuna, turkey, etc.) There's five types of bread, or you can get it as a foot long, six inch, wrap or salad. So, that's 240 combinations. There's another 11 types of toppings you can get, and since all of those can be combined, there are 39,916,800 different possible topping combos. (11 x 10 x 9, etc.) And since those toppings can be had on 240 different sandwiches, we find that there are 9,580,032,000 different Subway sandwich permutations. But there's more! There are 9 types of sauce. Two of those are mayonaisse and light mayonaisse, and nobody could possibly get both of those, so we'll call it 8. Assuming somebody would be sick enough to combine 8 different sauces, that's another 40,320 possible combinations. Thus, we arrive with a grand total of 386,266,890,240,000 different Subway sandwiches. Now, let me ask you this. How are they going to fit all this on the menu?

On the other hand, Karen had this to say, though I have no idea what it pertains to:

Oh Tim, please tell me you didn't sit in a locker room with a bunch of naked old guys. Do you need me to come back and remind you that you are better than that?

If I can get personal with you, I love the locker room. Not because I like naked old guys, because that is sick. They stand around naked for no apparent reason other than that they are in a locker room with a bunch of other guys. In my opinion, this is gross. In fact, locker rooms are probably the grossest place on earth. I've never been inside a girl's locker room - I certainly wouldn't turn down the opportunity - but I bet they are gross, too. People pee on the floor, fart, shave, sneeze, snort, and do any possible body function you can name. It's despicable.

But back to the naked old guys. They make me feel not so bad about myself. I'm certainly no Brad Pitt - hell, I'm probably not even a Drew Carey - but I sure look a lot better than the naked old guys. I am sorry to say that one day I will be an old guy. But mark my words, when I am, I will not be spending my days naked in a locker room.

Now, somebody calling herself The Future Mrs. Oz agrees that it is pretty useless to find cabs on Google Maps:

Ok, so knowing a cab's location may not do you anygood. Especially if I'm out and about and not carrying around my laptap with wi-fi connection. I mean, are cabs really that hard to locate that you have to utilize a website to pinpoint one? And aren't the chances pretty high that once you've "located" one, it's the same one that 18 other people have located and now you all just can't cram into one taxi can you?

You are a genius, my friend. You hit the nail on the head. But let me proffer another question about cabs: suppose you call for one to pick you up. What happens if somebody tries to hail the cab? And how is he going to know you are the one who called? I think if I called for a cab, and somebody stole it, I would beat him with a stick. Preferably I will do this while I am a naked old man.

Finally, John points out that I missed a key flick-off move, pioneered by Jim Carrey:

What about the Trumpet flip? As seen in the movie "Bruce Almighty," turn to the side, raise a pretend trumpet, finger some notes and finish the "song" with a long note with the middle finger extended.

Yes. Good call. The thing about flicking people off like that is that you have to be willing to give it your all. A physical comedian like Jim Carrey could pull this one off, but as I am morose, it does not work for me. The only one I am really decent at, I would say, is the very same scratch the nose bird that David Toms pulled off at The Memorial.

Posted at 08:58 AM | Comments (0)

June 09, 2005

Pat on the back

I may have mentioned on here before that my hometown, Lancaster, holds a special distinction: one of its own is the designer of the current 50-star US Flag.

Bob Heft was in high school when he designed the flag for a class project, a few years before Hawaii and Alaska were admitted to the union:

According to Heft's friend and Lancaster resident Lou Varga, Heft designed the 50-star flag as a class project in the 11th grade at Lancaster High School. He got a B minus on the project and wanted a higher grade.

A B-minus? What the hell! But here's where it gets interesting:

His teacher, Stanley Pratt, said he would raise the grade if Heft persuaded the U.S. Congress to accept the flag. So Heft found his local Congressman Walter Moller and asked him to submit the 50-star flag if there was a contest for a new design.

Talk about a demanding teacher! I suppose this makes a case for people who complain about grade inflation. Back in my day, if I wanted to get a better grade on something, the professor would usually let me write a 5 page paper. But back in the 50's, the teacher literally wants you to get a better grade by spurring an Act of Congress. Holy shit!

If I was an engineering student, and I got a bad grade on my building design, I imagine my professor would tell me I could have an A if I could convince Donald Trump to build it. Or if I was a biology student, I'd have to get my experimental vaccine to prevent the shingles in monkeys. I just hope ol' Bob got that A.

But I digress. There is, I think, a lesson there about hard work paying off. If Mr. Pratt hadn't been such a dick, Bob probably never would have sent his flag to Congress and earned his special place in history. And, despite my calling Mr. Pratt a dick, that's a good thing.

However, it is also worth noting that something like 3,000 identical designs for the US Flag were submitted to Congress, but Bob's was selected because of the really great essay he had sent along with the design. As another great American, Mel Allen, would say, how 'bout that?

Posted at 07:47 AM | Comments (0)

June 08, 2005

It's Henry, Clay Henry

Know what I think the biggest pile of bull plop is? I see these Subway commercials now, with Jared, boasting that Subway has doubled its menu. You mean they added thirty new sandwiches? Au Contrare. [Yes, I know I probably spelled that wrong.]

Subway has not added any sandwiches. They have however introduced a toasting option, which apparently means that a toasted turkey and swiss is different than a plain turkey and swiss. By that rationale, every time they add a new condiment, they've doubled the menu.

I don't see the connection. I consider toasting an option, just like pieces of bread or different types of cheese. Toasting does not constitute a brand new sandwich. Suck it, Jared!

Speaking of which, I am now all worked up for some Subway. I think I am going to get mine toasted. Teehee.

Posted at 08:44 PM | Comments (1)

Stick 'em up

David Toms is my hero. After getting rankled that a fan at the Memorial golf tournament was cheering for his opponent Fred Couples, Toms sank a putt and then made the rude gesture you see above. Toms pleaded that he was, in fact, scratching his nose. But you can't fool me - this is one of the most classic "subtle flickoffs" ever. In fact, I think it is the ultimate subtle flickoff.

Here are some of my other favorite moves:

The Crank: Raise your fist at the recepient of the flickoff; then, with your other hand next to the fist, pretend you are turning a handle, like on a pencil sharpener. Slowly raise your middle finger as you do this. It looks like you're cranking up your middle finger! Priceless!

The Make-Up Case: Works best if you are a girl. Again raise your fist, then use your other hand to raise your middle finger. Pretend that the raised middle finger is now the mirror that all women carry around in their purses, and adjust your hair and makeup accordingly. Then, close the makeup case. Get's em every time.

The Penny on the Floor: This one is timeless, and probably edging towards lameness. When somebody offends you, act surprised and then announce that you see something on the floor, in the couch cushions, etc. Then, bend down to retrieve it, and come back up with your raised middle finger. Best accompanied with a "fuck you" or some other witty response.

Posted at 11:59 AM | Comments (1)

June 07, 2005

Craigslist = Penthouse forum?

Via Gapers Block, somebody posted this on Craigslist. First, if the story is true, this man is so going to hell. Saying your brother died in Iraq to get in somebody's pants? Bravo my friend, bravo.

Second, I will admit that the Mary Stain was a good potential place to meet people, if you are good at that sort of thing. (And we've established that I am not.) It's very good if you have a thing for girls with exotic foreign accents - unfortunately for me not many Canadians show up there.

I then quietly asked her what brought her to this spot on this rainy night. She said that she was there with her friends and that she wanted to see the Stain (or the “Veesion,” as she called it).

I then proceeded to tell her one of the biggest lies I have ever concocted in my life. I apologize in advance to anyone who has ever experienced this, but thinking quickly, the only thing I could come up with was “My brother died in Iraq…I came to pray for him.” Now, if you know my brother, you could appreciate the absurdity of this statement. First, the closest my brother has ever come to real combat has been by playing Socom Navy Seals on the Playstation2 for 24 straight hours during a particularly snowy (and drunken) weekend last winter. Second, although his chronic daily bong hits may one day kill him, my brother is very much alive.

Well, I am ashamed to say that it worked. She looked at me with those bright green eyes, and with a serious look on her face, reached out, touched my arm and said, “I am sorry.” I gently took her hand in mine and said “Thank you.”

Posted at 10:52 AM | Comments (1)

It's not unusual

Happy birthday to Tom Jones, who is a young 65 today. Say what you will about Tom Jones' music, but he is one sexy man. I think he, along with Sean Connery, are the twin towers of sexy British older men. Yes, Tom calls the mountains of Wales home and Connery calls the, uh, mountains of Scotland home, but that don't matter: they still get the American ladies in a twist.

I raise my glass to you, Tom Jones. But I'm not gonna throw my panties at you.

Posted at 10:13 AM | Comments (0)

June 06, 2005

Khan!!!!

I have always been a keen supporter of the oldies radio station. There's nothing more cheerful than the sounds of the 60's wafting through my car as I drive. Even in my road-rage induced hysteria, I melt every time I hear a song like "Happy Together" or "Build Me Up Buttercup" or "Wonderful Word." It's a beautiful tonic to the asinine rock radio that typically overloads the airwaves.

But now it looks as though Chicago's oldies station has gone the way of the dodo:

With no fanfare or warning, Infinity-owned WJMK-FM (104.3) ditched its oldies playlist late Friday afternoon in favor of the so-called Jack format, which scrambles a variety of 1,200 different songs spanning 30 years and 10 different genres.

The abrupt switch to Jack was simultaneous to one at Infinity's WCBS-FM in New York.

The "play anything" format is similar to the one with which former local Infinity radio exec Harvey Wells has won plaudits, if not yet a ton of listeners, on Chicago's WDEK-FM (92.5), WKIE-FM (92.7) and WRZA-FM (99.9).

Do we really need another station that's going to play Jewel followed by Duran Duran topped off with Smash Mouth? I don't have any ratings numbers or anything like that, but I find it hard to believe that this will seriously prop up the station's ratings. Instead, there's going to be a bunch of disaffected baby boomers and nostalgia freaks like myself left with no place to listen to the Dave Clark Five.

Though this does not surprise me at all. Let me go way back for you, all the way to the early 90's. In Columbus, there was a time when we had two oldies stations: 92.3 and 97.1. They had a bit of a rivalry going on, and I was a 92.3 man.

Every morning I would wake up to 92.3 as I got ready for school, until one Friday morning I woke up to static. I twiddled the knob on the radio, but the station was nowhere to be found. I spent the whole day in a funk, despondent at the loss of my radio station. A few days later, the awful truth was revealed: 92.3 had ditched the oldies, and switched to country music, along with the terribly cliche name "Buckeye Country."

I could just see the marketing execs guffawing at the double entrende of the new name: "We'll call it Buckeye Country. Get it? Ohio is the Buckeye State, and we play country music! But it also means you're in Ohio State Buckeye country! We'll kick those f'ers from that place up North [no self-respecting Buckeye ever actually speaks the name of that particular state] right out the door!"

Columbus had about eighty country music stations at the time, and I was very bitter. I reluctantly switched to 97.1, and I was angry for about a month because the deejay's were continually extending greetings to all the listeners who had come over from 92.3. All I could think was, they were gloating.

Finally, in about 2001 or so, 97.1 gave in and also ditched the oldies format. They chose, amazingly, a mix format laden with Sheryl Crow and other non-offensive workday stylings. I was not as stung this time because I've come to expect it.

But I certainly did not expect it in Chicago. No sirree, I did not.

Posted at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)

I thought it tasted funny

I wonder if they at least let him keep the sandwich:

THOMASVILLE, Ga. - A man serving time for burglary at Thomas County Prison is in a new jam. Authorities say Curtis Hall tried to sneak illegal drugs in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Prison officials said Friday that Hall brought the sandwich back to the prison from work detail. About 3 grams of marijuana were found wrapped in plastic between the peanut butter and jelly.

"They're not supposed to return with anything," said Peggy Chapman, spokeswoman for the state Department of Corrections.

Hall, 43, was charged with possession of marijuana across a guardline. He will be transferred to a different prison, Chapman said.

Posted at 10:17 AM | Comments (0)

June 04, 2005

Devil in the White City

Wednesday afternoon, I found a leaflet on my car, demanding that I not park on the street between Thursday night and Sunday afternoon. The occasion: the Park West Antiques Fair. I was mildly peeved at this inconvenience, mostly because I hate having to park far away from my house.

I was also worried that I would be charged admission to get into my own house, because the whole block is roped off with mean neighborhood ladies manning the entrance points to make sure nobody sneaks in without a donation. As I write this, the Fair has not started yet, but as you can see, the tents are out in full force.

But there is something redeeming:

Yes! A beer truck! If I really wanted to, I could walk out my door, turn right and be right at my very own bar. The possibilities are like, ridiculously endless. I mean, it would be much easier to simply walk to my fridge, but what's the novelty in that?

Finally, there's this:

This is the new location for Planet Sub. As you can see, it says "Coming This Spring." That sign has been there since January, and according to my World Almanac and Book of Facts, spring ends in about sixteen days. Better get on that, fellas.

Posted at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)

June 03, 2005

We have a wiener

How about that crazy spelling bee action yesterday? If you've been following along, you'll know that I started a Spelling Bee Fantasy League. Well, the results are in. And they are controversial.

Let's get to the crux of the matter. The Unpronounceables had four of their players eliminated in the first round, but their last player, a dude named Anurag Kashyap, went and won the whole shebang. I mean, he knocked 'em dead. He is the champion. It's ridiculous how well this guy spelled. But, this is a team competition, and his teammates let him down. Under my original scoring system, Unpronounceables would finish dead last. However, under the new scoring system, Anurag's brilliant run actually gave The Unpronounceables a one-point win over the runners-up, Team Precious.

Let me break it down for you like a fraction.
Original Scoring System (fewer points is better):
130 - Team Precious
141 - Apple Pie
148 - Porn Stars
151 - No Theme Team
188 - The Unpronounceables

You see, Team Precious had three players do very well, with the 5th, 16th and 21st ranked spellers. They effectively cancelled out their other two players, who didn't do so well with 50th and 38th place finishers. But because The Unpronounceables imploded and had four guys lose right off the bat, they were in a very untenable position from the start. As you can see, they got blown away.

Now, in the new scoring system, things take a dramatic turn:
39 - Unpronounceables
38 - Team Precious
36 - No Theme Team
33 - Apple Pie
32 - Porn Stars

This leaves me little option but to declare Team Precious the champions. They had a far better team effort than The Unpronounceables, who won only because their last guy managed to run the table. Spelling Bee Fantasy League is a team game, and not an individual sport. So, congratulations to you, Team Precious!

I've created a handy-dandy table with all the scoring for you. I hope this works!

Posted at 08:32 AM | Comments (1)

June 02, 2005

The spelling bee is a barnburner!

Here's another update on the Spelling Bee Fantasy League, for those of you who are absolutely hanging on the results.

In a dramatic turn of events, the favorite Apple Pie went down in complete, total, Hindenbergesque flames in the 7th round. This has to be a disaster. Katie Brown, James Clark, and Joseph Shepherd were eliminated in a row, meaning Apple Pie is out of the contest, despite the fact that I declared them the favorites.

The Porn Stars are also out of the game, as Hannah Rae Smith couldn't spell "cancrizans" in the 9th round. Meanwhile, all of The Unpronounceables except Anurag Kashyap were eliminated early one, but Anurag is still going strong. If Anurag can keep it up, the Unpronounceables may not finish last.

No Theme Team and Team Precious both have one player left, Rajiv Tarigopula and Marshall Winchester, respectively. This means that depending on how their representatives do, we will soon have a winner.

The standings:
By finish:
125 - Team Precious
141 - Apple Pie
147 - No Theme Team
148 - The Porn Stars
187 - The Unpronounceables

By round eliminated:
47 - Team Precious
42 - No Theme Team
40 - Unpronounceables
33 - Apple Pie
32 - Porn Stars

Click here for a PDF of the results

Posted at 01:10 PM | Comments (0)

Spelling Bee update

Well, they're dropping like flies in the Spelling Bee Fantasy League. Since I last left you, they've gone through two rounds and 13 of the 25 spellers on my fantasy teams have been knocked to the wayside.

The Unpronounceables are treading water, as only one of their five players, Anurag Kashyap, made it through the opening round. However, the favorite so far seems to be Apple Pie, who have only lost two spellers, both in the sixth round.

I'm having a crisis of conscience about how to do scoring. My original plan was for each speller to get a point based on where he or she finished, so the first one eliminated (51st place) got 51 points, while 50th got 50 points, etc. The team with the least amount of points would then win. However, since spellers go in a continual order, a player could theoretically move up quite a few places simply because he was one of the last to go in a round. Example: the unfortunate Maithreyi Gopalakrishnan from The Unpronounceables was the first one out when she misspelled ligniperdous, and Riley Davis of Team Precious stumbled and was eliminated on "pelmet." They were both knocked out in the same round, but the old system gives Maithreyi 51 points and Riley 38 points, meaning Team Precious has 13 more points to work with despite both players being eliminated in the same round.

So, I am going to do two scores: one based on place, and one based on the round in which the players was knocked out. For example, players eliminated in the fifth round get 5 points, sixth round is 6 points, etc. For tracking purposes, until a player is eliminated, he receives 20 points in this system. For the scoring based on rounds, the higher the score, the better.

But enough jibber-jabber. Here are the standings:

Points based on place finished:
66 - Apple Pie
85 - Porn Stars
88 - Team Precious
118 - No Theme Team
187 - The Unpronounceables

Points based on round eliminated:
72 - Apple Pie
70 - Porn Stars and Team Precious (tie)
56 - No Theme Team
40 - The Unpronounceables

Click here for a PDF file of the results.

Posted at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)

Spelling Bee Fantasy League

Allright, I'm really bored, so I thought what better way to entertain myself than create a Fantasy League for the National Spelling Bee? Since the competition has already been whittled down to 51 spellers (out of an original amount near 280), I think all these picks have a good chance to scoop the top prize.

It's simple, really. You get points based on where you finished, with the higher the place earning fewer points. So, the winner will finish first, and get one point. The 51st place finisher gets 51 points. I've created five teams, with five spellers each. The team with the lowest score - think golf, stupid - will be this year's Spelling Bee Fantasy League champion.

So, here are the teams, and their members' provenance and contestant number:

Team #1 - The Unpronounceables
a. 20 - Anurag Kashyap - San Diego, CA
b. 36 - Maithreyi Gopalakrishnan - Boulder, CO
c. 64 - Ashwini A. Gokhale - Bloomington, IL
d. 113 - Sahiti Surapeneni - Lowell, MA
e. 239 - Nidharshan S. Anandasivam - Harlingen, TX

Team #2 - The Porn Stars
a. 133 - Hannah Rae Smith - Minneapolis, MN
b. 136 - Jessy J. Hwang - Columbia, MO
c. 253 - Cari Peacock - Leesburg, VA
d. 265 - Yiping Wang - Charleston, WV
e. 268 - Ava Lintz - Morgantown, WV

Team #3 - Apple Pie
a. 1 - Laura Ann Brown - Birmingham, AL
b. 54 - Katie L. Brown - Stuart, FL
c. 58 - James David Keane Clark - Atlanta, GA
d. 59 - Joseph S. Shepherd - Augusta, GA
e. 131 - Andrew T. Peters - Fargo, ND

Team #4 - No Theme Team
a. 126 - Forrest A. Brazeal - Oakland, MI
b. 139 - Rajiv Tarigopula - St. Louis, MO
c. 167 - Harvest L. Zhang - Rochester, NY
d. 222 - Dominic Ranz Ebarle Errazo - Charleston, SC
e. 230 - Heather Elizabeth van Stolk - Memphis, TN

Team #5 - Team Precious
a. 11 - Evan M. O'Dorney - Walnut Creek, CA
b. 27 - Finola Mei Hwa Hackett - Edmonton, Alb.
c. 47 - Dovie Eisner - Miami, FL
d. 172 - Marshall Kelly Winchester - Charlotte, NC
e. 266 - Riley Judith Davis - Clarksburg, WV

There you have it. Which team will come out on top? Stay tuned to find out. And, as go all things on this web site, please: no wagering.

Posted at 08:20 AM | Comments (1)

June 01, 2005

Ready, set, spell

Hey, it's time for the Scripps-Howard Spelling Bee. Growing up a complete and utter dork (and, admittedly, still being one), I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the spelling bee kids. I once finished 11th or something in my fifth-grade spelling bee, which means I am not anywhere close to being a good speller. (However, I should add that most of the spelling errors on this site are because I didn't press hard enough on the proper key, and not because I am a shitty speller. But the general aimless and roughshod nature of my writing ought to tip you off to the fact that I don't exactly read over what I've just written. Which is to say, I just don't care. Why am I still in a parentheses?)

Anyway, once again the Lancaster Eagle-Gazette is sending Fairfield County's brightest to the bee. As usual, it's a dude from Pickerington with a name almost like mine. Let's hope he gives some FC love to the peoples!

Posted at 01:38 PM | Comments (0)

Talk about the wrong stuff

That Neil Armstrong is one tough monkey:

CINCINNATI - Apollo moon mission astronaut Neil Armstrong has threatened to sue a barbershop owner who collected Armstrong's hair after a trim and sold it for $3,000.

Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, used to go to Marx's Barber Shop in Lebanon about once a month for a cut. That stopped when he learned that owner Marx Sizemore had collected his hair clippings from the floor and sold them in May 2004 to a collector.

"I didn't deny it or anything," Sizemore said. "I told him I did it."

Sizemore said Armstrong asked him to try to retrieve the hair, but the buyer did not want to give it back.

Posted at 11:43 AM | Comments (0)

Shout-out to a guy who doesn't really need it

If you haven't done so already, I strongly suggest you surf over and start reading Michael Yon's blog about his experiences in Iraq. He's with the Army and Marines, and his dispatches paint a vivid picture of the war that's often missing from other stories.

Posted at 09:10 AM | Comments (0)