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July 13, 2005
Cubs vs. Sox
I was thinking the other day, which family unfriendly rant by a Chicago baseball manager is better? The contenders:
Lee Elia, 1983 [On Cub fans]:
Fuck those fuckin' fans who come out here and say they're Cub fans that are supposed to be behind you, rippin' every fuckin' thing you do. I'll tell you one fuckin' thing, I hope we get fuckin' hotter than shit, just to stuff it up them 3,000 fuckin' people that show up every fuckin' day, because if they're the real Chicago fuckin' fans, they can kiss my fuckin' ass right downtown and print it.
They're really, really behind you around here...my fuckin' ass. What the fuck am I supposed to do, go out there and let my fuckin' players get destroyed every day and be quiet about it? For the fuckin' nickel-dime people who turn up? The mother fuckers don't even work. That's why they're out at the fuckin' game. They oughta go out and get a fuckin' job and find out what it's like to go out and earn a fuckin' living. Eighty-five percent of the fuckin' world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here. A fuckin' playground for the cock suckers. Rip them mother fuckers. Rip them fuckin' cock suckers like the fuckin' players. We got guys bustin' their fuckin' ass, and them fuckin' people boo. And that's the Cubs? My fuckin' ass. They talk about the great fuckin' support the players get around here. I haven't see it this fuckin' year. Everybody associated with this organization have been winners their whole fuckin' life. Everybody. And the credit is not given in that respect.
Alright, they don't show because we're 5 and 14...and unfortunately, that's the criteria of them dumb fifteen mother fuckin' percent that come out to day baseball. The other eighty-five percent are earning a living. I tell you, it'll take more than a 5 and 12 or 5 and 14 to destroy the makeup of this club. I guarantee you that. There's some fuckin' pros out there that wanna win. But you're stuck in a fuckin' stigma of the fuckin' Dodgers and the Phillies and the Cardinals an all that cheap shit. It's unbelievable. It really is. It's a disheartening fuckin' situation that we're in right now. Anybody who was associated with the Cub organization four or five years ago that came back and sees the multitude of progress that's been made will understand that if they're baseball people, that 5 and 14 doesn't negate all that work. We got 143 fuckin' games left.
What I'm tryin' to say is don't rip them fuckin' guys out there. Rip me. If you wanna rip somebody, rip my fuckin' ass. But don't rip them fuckin' guys 'cause they're givin' everything they can give. And right now they're tryin' to do more than God gave 'em, and that's why we make the simple mistakes. That's exactly why.
Ozzie Guillen, 2005 [On Magglio Ordonez]:
He's a piece of shit. He's another Venezuelan shit. Fuck him. He thinks he's got an enemy? No, he's got a big one. He knows I can fuck him over in a lot of different ways.
He better shut the fuck up and just play for the Detroit Tigers. Why do I have to go over and even apologize to him? Who the fuck is Magglio Ordonez? What did he ever do for me? He didn't do shit for me. But he said I'm his enemy -- he knows me. Tell him he knows me, and he can take it how he wants to take it.
Did he play good for me? Yes, he did. Did he play hard for me? Yes, he did. He might like me. He might be sensitive of me. He might be jealous of me, I don't know why. But saying I'm his enemy, he hates me, I could care less what that fuck thinks. I don't give a fuck what he does with the rest of his life. He fucked with the wrong guy, and he knows that, too. He knows for a fact that he fucked with the wrong people.
Oh, Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie. I don't know where to begin. I honestly have to declare Lee Elia the winner here, because his diatribe has so far withstood the test of time. His rant was directed at an entire fan base, while Ozzie was merely calling out Magglio Ordonez, whom nobody likes anyway. I haven't done an analysis yet, but I think Elia's fuck to other word ratio is much higher than Ozzie's. However, Elia loses points, because an a native English speaker, he should be more eloquent than Guillen, a noted butcher of the language. Yet, there is a certain elegance to Elia's remarks; they were made in support of his players, who were taking a ragging at the hands of the Bleacher Bums.
Ozzie is a rising star in the angry quote ranks, and I am certain that before his time in baseball is up, he will unleash something to rival Lee Elia.
Posted by oz115 at July 13, 2005 02:07 PM
Comments
I'd like the "Wrigley Field" sign on the back of the scoreboard to be appended with "A Fucking Playground for the Cocksuckers."
Posted by: Pete at July 14, 2005 09:49 AM
You're funny.
Posted by: Nicholette at September 14, 2005 07:01 AM