« Chaos | Main | More from New Orleans »
September 01, 2005
I am become death
A certain lady friend of mine has challenged me to a hot dog eating contest. We fight a lot, and one of the our constant sources of argument has to do with hot dogs. She is a proponent of the Chicago style hot dog, which apparently is boiled, on a Sam Rosen bun, and absolutely without ketchup.
I think she is full of shit. As I have said before, I prefer my hot dogs grilled on an actual grill. With ketchup. You boil leaks, and cabbage, but not hot dogs. What are we, under siege in Leningrad? Get a fucking flame out!
As you can see, this has led to a lot of acrimony. The only fair way to settle things, we thought, is to have a hot dog eating contest. She challenged me, and I accepted, and it seems that the contest is tentatively set to take place this Monday. We can have the hot dog any way we want, with whatever toppings we want, cooked in the way we want. Whoever eats the most dogs in an hour, without throwing up, will be the winner.
The only way to ensure that this contest takes place is to pester me and pester her, because she is a baby and is already trying to find a way out of this contest, as she knows that I am an unstoppable eating force who will stop at nothing to ensure her defeat. I am the Karl Rove of hot dog eating.
I have a specific strategy in mind as to how I am going to vanquish my foe. But I can't tell you, because she reads and I don't want to give her advance knowledge about my tactics. But know this: it won't be pretty.
And please, feel free to wager on the outcome.
Posted by oz115 at September 1, 2005 03:04 PM
Comments
As you know, Oz, my money is on you! You're my boy, Blue!
Posted by: Stat Boy at September 2, 2005 08:37 AM