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September 15, 2005
Oz's mailbag
You know what? It's raining, the Cubs are getting shut out, and I don't feel like doing work. Let's open the Southport Squealer mailbag. That always gives me grins.
First, Pete is agitated that Hurricane Katrina survivors liken their plight to the tsunami victims of last Christmas:
Saying the phrase "this is our tsunami" must become a felony offense, immediately. Equating this with the loss of 200,000+ lives in Asia is simply appalling. Leave it to a bunch of self-pitying, woe-is-us Americans to try to claim our suffering is as bad or worse than the rest of the world's, apparently for the sole reason that IT HAPPENED TO US.
You are correct, sir. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing, but this entire disaster proves if there's one thing all Americans are good at, it's self-pity. Don't get me wrong, this is one of the worst disasters to ever hit the country, but the worst parts are mostly a product of our own incompetence. No matter what, it was not even close to the scale of that tsunami.
Meanwhile, Skyler relates his tale of milk-chugging woe:
I tried to pull that gallon of milk thing in college and wound up getting all but a pint down. The result: 15 minutes of laughing while puking partially curdled milk. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
You are a better man than I. I once chugged a pint of milk, and that's it. You'd have to be crazy to try to chug a gallon of milk, even if it is for $1000. If you don't succeed, there's some sick results.
Personally, I am not a milk fan. I attribute this to my parents only buying skim milk, which tastes like hell. In school, when we got those little things of milk in our lunches - our's had mini biographies of the presidents, and I always got Millard Fillmore - I would take the little straw and drink my milk as fast as I could, because I did not like the taste of it. To this day, I cannot sit and enjoy a glass of milk. My kids are going to have the world's most brittle bones.
Nevertheless, dear reader, I applaud your milk escapade. Bravissime!
On the other hand, Stat Boy will find something to nitpick, and he takes issue with my top ten albums of 2005 list:
You've actually listed 11 CDs in your "Top 10" list. If two CDs are tied for #10 you can't have a #9.
That's a true "Top 10" list. Thank you for your time.
Cut me some slack, dude. I agree, it does not make sense to have 11 items on a top ten list, but the last two are tied. They are tied for tenth place. If you have a golf leaderboard, and the leader is -5, and there are two guys behind him at -4, those two are not in third place, they are tied for second place. Likewise, the poor schmucks who have -3 are all tied for fourth place. See what I'm getting at?
I suppose that if I had two CD's tied for 9th place, then there could be no tenth place, but luckily that is not the case. In truth, I thought both those CD's were good, and I didn't want to give them the awful "honorable mention" title. Lastly, it's my list. I can do whatever I want!
Finally, I have to take the time to address several comments made by my wonderful, caring and sexy girlfriend, Christy.
She always seems to find a way to ridicule me. For example:
Okay, you know you are like the wind beneath my wings or something... but you have a list of favorite bottled water?! I mean, doesn't it all taste the same? I think we should do a blind taste test this weekend and see what you come up with. To me, the colder, the better. And that's ALL that matters!
I am certain that I would fail a taste test of the different waters, but it's purely psychological. I simply like those brands. I'm sure there are subtle, impercetible differences between different brands of toilet paper, but some people insist on Scott, or something. It's my prefence, is all.
Or:
Dude, it IS cool however to blast Grateful Dead, keep that in mind!
I did catch ya a few weeks ago blasting your Fountains of Wayne (or something... can't remember what exactly) when we all sent you to get the pizza for us for dinner (couldn't miss a second of the ND game), and you returned with your windows down, and music blasting. It was cute.... I assume you meant that blasting RAP is dumbass, right?
Honestly, I think blasting all music is kinda dumb, and to be fair I don't think I recognize the loudness of my car's stereo system. Hence, while driving along to my tunes at what Milton may call a reasonable volume, the sound doesn't stay in the car. It seeps out.
On the other hand, people who go around blasting their rap with the thumping bass and the windows down do so, at least partially, to impress or annoy other people. Why else would you do it? After about fifty or so bass wumps, your ass is going to go numb. Either way, blasting any kind of music, especially in a crowded area, strikes me as rude and inconsiderate. So, by all means, if you see me sitting in my car at an intersection and my indie rock is too loud, feel free to set me straight.
As you can see, she seems to revel in yanking my chain.
I think that about does it for this edition of the mailbag - thanks for reading, you crazy kids, and leave some damn comments!
Posted by oz115 at September 15, 2005 08:11 PM