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November 30, 2005
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut
In college basketball, I think my least favorite team has to the University of Cincinnati. It's true that Dayton's archrival is Xavier, and I get so much glee every time we beat the Musketeers, which regrettably is not as often as we lose to them.
However, Cincinnati is pure evil. I'm not going to get into a long diatribe about why Cincinnati is bad, but trust me. They are.
So, you can imagine my utter joy when I checked ESPN.com to find out that Dayton was beating the Bearcats last night. I then found an audio feed of the game, and listened to the last five harrowing minutes of what was Dayton's first victory over Cincinnati away from UD Arena since like 1971. I don't know how UD basketball is going to fare the rest of the way, but damn, toppling the Bearcats sure feels good.
Posted by oz115 at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
November 29, 2005
Eat it
I made Christy be my date to a wedding in Akron this past weekend. It involved her flying to Cleveland, a rental car and a ghastly trip for me via Greyhound and subway that started at 5 am in Buffalo and ended at 12:30 in the Cleveland airport. It was a logistical nightmare.
But we made it to the wedding just in time, and I mean just in time. I had to shower, shave and get all spiffy before going to the wedding, and we arrived at 4 o'clock as the bridesmaids were lining up outside the church. Good times.
But enough about that. On to the topic at hand. The next morning, Christy and I found ourselves at a Cracker Barrel. They set out a peg game on all the tables for amusement while waiting for food. It's a triangular board with 15 holes and 14 pegs. The goal is to jump the pegs so that there's only one peg left in the end. It is incredibly hard. I labored for fifteen minutes, and was only able to leave two pegs once.
Christy, on the other hand, managed to leave one peg twice in a row, leading her to declare herself a genius and me a half-wit. While this is usually the case, I like to think of myself as being able to solve some puzzles. Christy may be a genius, but can't I at least be a smart cookie or something? But it was not to be.
This whole thing left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I resolved to beat this infernal game. In my quest, I discovered Cracker Barrel has an online version of the game. After about a half hour of playing, I finally did it. I solved the puzzle, as you can see by the handy-dandy screen capture from above.
So, to all you naysayers out there who claim I'm an idiot: scoreboard! Scoreboard!!!!
Posted by oz115 at 10:12 AM | Comments (2)
November 28, 2005
Bigger than my body
A big rain cloud washed over Chicago this morning, but in its wake it left a mild, sunny day. I took advantage of this and went for a run, which was shaping up to be my most pleasant run ever in the month of November.
I was nearing the end of my jaunt when I approached the intersection of Wrightwood and Seminary. The rain had pooled in the crosswalk. I sized it up quickly, and believing I could jump over it I ran as fast as I could and leapt.
My first foot landed in the puddle, and my second foot caught the curb. As I yelled "Oh shit!" I did a faceplant right onto the grass median between the sidewalk and the street. I lay facedown in the grass for a second, alternately cursing and laughing at myself. I picked up and continued running when I realized there were a bunch of people standing around who probably thought I was injured.
The best part is I got a cool mud stain on my leg and back which makes it look like I was trying to negotiate a Marine Corps obstacle course.
Posted by oz115 at 02:22 PM | Comments (2)
Damn allergies
This sounds almost like it's out of the Pop Rock and Coke genre, but apparently it's true. (Because the AP would never make a mistake.)
SAGUENAY, Quebec - A 15-year-old girl with a peanut allergy died after kissing her boyfriend, who had just eaten a peanut butter snack, hospital officials said Monday.
Christina Desforges died in a Quebec hospital Wednesday after doctors were unable to treat her allergic reaction to the kiss the previous weekend.
Desforges, who lived in Saguenay, about 155 miles north of Quebec City, was almost immediately given a shot of adrenaline, a standard tool for treating the anaphylactic shock brought on by a peanut allergy, officials said.
This reminds me of something. A certain lady friend of mine claims her school banned all substances containing peanuts, because allergic people would have a reaction, keel over, and die. I said this was ridiculous, because peanut butter and jelly is the preeminent school lunch in a brown bag meal. I mean, I packed a mean PB&J for school, and I've been known to eat a few for lunch nowadays. It seems rather silly to ban something that is such a staple. Why, it'd be like banning milk!
Can anyone verify this information? Has anyone else's school banned peanut butter and jelly? If so, are you living in Communist China or Cuba?
Posted by oz115 at 12:26 PM | Comments (1)
November 24, 2005
There is no Santa Claus
Dare I say it? For shame!
CHICAGO -- For decades, commuters and tourists have delighted in the mouthwatering smells wafting over the city from the Blommer Chocolate Co. factory.
Now, that aroma is about to disappear, courtesy of federal regulators.
The family-run company, which makes chocolate liquor and cocoa butter among other products, was cited by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency for violating clean-air regulations and is now installing equipment that will reduce its emissions -- and stop the smell.
"It'll start to go away as we put pollution abatement equipment in place," Vice President Rick Blommer told The Associated Press.
The demise of the rich smell spilling from the cocoa bean processing plant will be a bitter loss for Chicago, said odor researcher Alan Hirsch, head of the Chicago-based Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation.
"Chocolate smells put people in a relaxed state," Hirsch said. "It's been shown bad odors increase aggression; pleasant ones make people more docile. So you could say the chocolate smell is a real service to Chicago."
Smells are a big deal in this city once associated with the stench of slaughtered cows and whose name etymologists say comes from the American Indian words for skunk or onion.
Within smelling range of the 66-year-old factory, it's nearly impossible to find anyone who doesn't rave about the rich, brownie-like aroma.
"I love it," said Maria Negron, 48, as she passed by the factory on her way home from work. "Who wouldn't like the smell of chocolate?"
At least one person in Chicago apparently doesn't.
The EPA said its recent inspection and citation stemmed from a complaint about the plant's smell and emissions. The agency refused to elaborate. Blommer owners also refused to discuss the complaint.
Inhaling the plant's emissions in high concentrations can harm children, the elderly and people with heart and lung diseases, the EPA said.
While environmentalists agree there are some legitimate concerns about the emissions, they also question the EPA's priorities in going after Blommer.
"It's like crushing an ant when there's a pack of wolves around -- then claiming you have saved people from harm," said Brian Urbaszewski, of the American Lung Association's Chicago chapter.
Far more pollution is created by power plants, which pump some 15,000 tons of particles into the air annually, Urbaszewski said.
Still, any high concentration of airborne particles, whether from cocoa dust or coal, can irritate respiratory illnesses.
"A lot of people may get a warm fuzzy feeling from this chocolate smell," he said. "Some people may get the same warm fuzzy feeling from smelling tobacco -- but that doesn't mean it's good for you."
Posted by oz115 at 11:08 PM | Comments (1)
November 23, 2005
Wacky
Yesterday I had one of the stranger nights of my life. My wonderful and awesome girlriend asked me to go to a musical performance by her former violin teacher, so of course I said yes. We were nearly late because the City of Chicago decided Tuesday night was a great night to cut down trees on Fullerton. This produced a most unsatisfactory situation, because in so doing they completely blocked my street.
We persevered, and arrived at the show in time because they started a half hour late. The music was very good, a jazzy sort of violin/saxophone/keyboard/guitar mish-mash. Christy's violin teacher guy is a certifiable violin virtuoso. He's got more talent in his nosehairs than I do in my whole body.
But, the experience was certifiably wacky. It was at a bar called Martyr's, which is on Lincoln Avenue. (Like you care.) First, a man with a hand-held camera recorded the entire show. He did not stand idly in front of the stage. Instead, he walked around the cramped stage, doing Wayne's World style Extreme Close-Ups on whichever musician happened to be ripping off a solo at that time. As if this wasn't disturbing enough, he then stuck the camera on a boom or pole or something, and used that to do extreme close ups on the musicians.
Meanwhile, every band has to have a drummer. This band had the greatest drummer ever. It was an Indian guy in a full, bright red turban and beard. It was the silliest sight I had ever seen. I think it seemed out of type for a guy in a turban to be going crazy on drums, but he flailed away for the entire set. Bravo to him.
After they finished up, we left because the next band was boring. Across the street, we spied a bar called The Grizzly Lodge. Christy dared me to take her there, so off we went. I thought I was in an outpost in the Northwest Territory. They had Blue on tap and hockey on the TV. I'd never seen so much flannel, either. It was strange, but it was really a nice little bar, until there was a minor scuffle over the Van Morrison classic "Moondance."
Of the ten people in the bar, one of them pronounced "Moondance" to be a "gay song." I, and Christy, disagreed with this fellow. I was not going to say anything, but Christy got a spiteful look on her face and said something like, "No, you're gay." (It wasn't that, but it was close.) That was when I knew it was time for us to leave.
So, for a truly schizophrenic night, I highly recommend jazz fusion at Martyr's, followed by a pint of beer at The Grizzly Lodge. I hope to be back!
Posted by oz115 at 09:48 PM | Comments (3)
November 22, 2005
Bring it on
Thanksgiving morning, I am engaging in one of my favorite acts of lunacy: I'm running the Turkey Trot in Buffalo. This will be, I believe, the 5th year in a row I've run the thing. The Turkey Trot is a fun event. It starts in North Buffalo, and you run five miles down Delaware Avenue into downtown, where the race ends at the convention center. In the convention center is a big party, where you can get all sorts of food and goodies, AND, as much beer as you want. Molson Canadian beer! If you ever needed a motivation to run, I'd think a frosty, FREE cup of beer will be all you need.
Nevertheless, running races is tough enough, but this one always delivers a surprise in the weather, and it's never a good surprise. Thursday's forecast: 80% chance of snow. I'm going to be a frozen block of ice by the time I finish the race. I'd take pictures, but I have no pockets!
Posted by oz115 at 11:34 AM | Comments (0)
November 21, 2005
Holla
The annual list of safest and most dangerous cities came out today. Sorry to say, most places I've lived rank at the bottom!
However, I must give kudos to Amherst, NY, which ranked #3 safest and safest city with a population between 100,000 and 500,000. Amherst is a suburb of Buffalo where a certain Osgood family grew up. It's a pretty little town.
On the other hand, Dayton was pegged at the 17th most dangerous city in the country, and Columbus is the 7th most dangerous city over 500,000. This is not very good company.
As usual, Chicago is not included in the survey. They have a different crime reporting system, so the fine folks who compile the survey can't use our data. It's a good thing, too, because I'm sure Chicago would have a high ranking on these lists.
Posted by oz115 at 10:58 PM | Comments (0)
Another crash landing?
Thank God there is, like, nobody famous aboard this plane:
PORTLAND, Ore. - A Nike Inc. corporate jet carrying seven people developed landing gear problems shortly after takeoff Monday and was preparing to make an emergency landing, officials said.
Neither Nike founder Phil Knight nor any sports stars were on board, a Federal Aviation Administration spokesman said.
Posted by oz115 at 01:46 PM | Comments (2)
Saving electricity?
My mom was always raggin on me because I have a habit of forgetting to turn off the lights before I leave. But public utilities and stuff have never had such a problem, such as the school I used to work at where they'd leave the lights on all night and over the holidays, when not a soul was allowed in.
This is why I was surprised when I hopped on the Red Line this morning for my trip to school. The lights on the train were turned off. As my train rolled into the dark underground tunnel, nobody could see a thing. We rode in complete darkness, which was kind of spooky because the only light came from the lights in the tunnel. Strangely, nobody complained about it. If there's one thing people like to do, it's complain about the government.
My only complaint was somebody could've pulled off a sweet little pickpocket move in the darkness. Otherwise, it was pretty neat to zip along in the dark tunnel, with only a few scattered light bulbs for company.
Posted by oz115 at 10:32 AM | Comments (2)
November 19, 2005
Great moments in targeted advertising
Nothing pleases me more than when contextual advertising generators totally miss the point of the article.
See, for example, this gem:
Meanwhile, let's hope George Best makes a full recovery. That guy was one of the most exciting players of the 60's and 70's.
Posted by oz115 at 12:56 PM | Comments (2)
November 18, 2005
Family feud
Oh boy. How could I forget? In Ohio, it's Michigan Week. Tomorrow the Ohio State Buckeyes, Ohio's "other" professional football team, take on the hated Michigan Wolverines in their annual slug-fest.
If you ever spent time in Columbus, Ohio, you'd know what I was talking about. The place may as well shut down, because all anyone can think about is the pounding they want to give to anyone who dares to wear maize and blue. People hate Michigan so much they threatened to boycott the Columbus Blue Jackets because one of their colors was blue.
When I was little, I got pretty excited for the Michigan game. Alas, Ohio State continually lost to them with perpetual whipping boy John Cooper at the helm. Eventually, I became disillusioned with the Ohio State Buckeyes and their asinine fans and 24/7 media coverage. (For example, I do not need an article in May about how much the fourth string quarterback can bench press.) I don't hate the Buckeyes now, but I don't much care either. My philosophy is, I won't cheer for a college football team unless I am associated with it somehow: I went there, someone in my family went there, I work there. Otherwise, no dice. I'm sorry, that's the way it is. I'm not changing.
But, for the average person in Central Ohio, Michigan Week may as well be like having the Pope come visit. And if, by some horrible stroke of luck, you are in a divided family, there'll be hell to pay. Check out this article from the Eagle-Gazette, about Michigan fans living in the Lion's Den, no doubt sleeping with the enemy:
After spending much of her life in Michigan, Janie has noticed a difference between the two areas when it comes to the rivalry.
"I told (Jack) that there's a difference between fans an fanatics," she said. "Buckeye fans are fanatics. Michigan fans are fans.
"It almost forces you to hate (Ohio State)."
Janie, a masters student at, of all places, OSU-Newark, isn't alone in love of Michigan. Her 10-year-old son, Justin, was born in Michigan. He spent the first four years of his life 45 minutes outside of Ann Arbor before Janie met Jack. The two were married and moved to Pataskala.
To some in the Treinish family, Jack might as well have said "I do" to Bo Schembechler.
"She gets razzed at every family function," Jack, a firefighter, said. "She takes a pretty good beating for it. In my family you either like the Buckeyes or you don't like football.
"Everyone was joking at first, asking me, 'What were you thinking?' I was pretty happy, so they must have seen that."
I know I am going to offend somebody with this, but I was at a wedding once where they divided the families into Ohio State and Michigan sides. I know it was all in good fun, but it struck me as incredibly lame. I mean, maybe the same thing happens in New England with Yankee and Red Sox fans, or Chicago with Cub and White Sox fans, but that bothered me to no end.
Can't you forget about the University of Michigan for one freaking second? Please?
Posted by oz115 at 12:03 PM | Comments (2)
November 17, 2005
Is this why Arnold left?
I was a tad interested to hear about British historian David Irving getting thrown in the slammer in Austria. His crime? Denying the existence of the Holocaust. If convicted, he faces a sentence of 20 years.
This is pretty bogus, if you ask me. Everyone knows the Holocaust happened. It was a terrible, horrible thing. It is a stain on Germany, Austria, all of Europe, and the entire world that watched it happen. It must never be forgotten, so that it doesn't happen again. But why on Earth is it a crime to deny it happened?
One of the great things about America is you can say and believe whatever you want, no matter how ludicrous it is. Sure, there are a few exceptions, but usually any kind of heinous speech is not going to get you thrown in the can. Not to get all preachy on you, but I hope the prospect of something as trivial as that being a crime makes you enjoy your free speech rights here in America. It should also make you recognize that certain other forms of speech should remain legal, even if they fly in the face of everything you believe.
Posted by oz115 at 10:50 AM | Comments (1)
En fuego!
My distant cousin lit the lamp again tonight, at the expense of my sort-of hometown Columbus Blue Jackets! Then he tallied an assist for good measure. That makes two goals and an assist against the hapless BJ's. Gooooooo Stempniak!
Posted by oz115 at 12:52 AM | Comments (0)
November 16, 2005
I'm a funny guy
Have some fun with the Einstein chalkboard generator:
Posted by oz115 at 03:09 PM | Comments (0)
Food drive
Today at school, we had a canned food drive. If you brought in two items of canned food, you received a very special prize: the professor was not allowed to call on you. Everybody brought in their items, though I could swear I saw one person whose items were cans of Milwaukee's Best.
I had to make a special trip to the store to get my two canned food items. You know very well that I barely have any food in my house, and most of that is frozen. I do have cans of pork and beans, but I am not giving those away because I love pork and beans. Always have, always will. That shit is delicious, and it goes perfectly with just about any type of meat.
My two items were a can of Chef Boyardee's spaghetti and meatballs and a can of green beans. I was late for class today because there was some sort of problem with the El and it took my train 45 minutes to get downtown instead of 20. As I walked in, somebody says, "Look! He brought Chef Boyardee!"
My favorite part of canned food drives is when you get to see what everyone else brought. It is usually somebody's kitchen rejects that get brought to the canned food drive. Somebody always brings a can of fruit cocktail. There's usually a thing of lima beans. One girl today brought a can of chickpeas. Chickpeas! Did she go to the supermarket and find the cheapest, most repulsive thing there?
That's what I love about the food drives. Everyone always brings a can of crap, useless food. When you were a kid, your mom would reach into the very back of the cupboard and yank out something from the doldrums like a can of lentls and a can of chicken broth. Not chicken soup - just broth. It would all get crated up, and some poor needy person would get a big box of fruit cocktail, spaghetti sauce and matzo balls.
I've often wondered, do the poor people get upset about their canned food? Thankfully I've never been poor, and hope I never will be, but come on - show a little compassion. That's why when I bring stuff for canned food drives, I try to get something a little classy. I mean, I'm not going to send a can of caviar or something, but I think instead of a can of watery alphabet chicken soup I can send along some Dinty Moore stew. You know, something substantial, like a Campbell's Chunky Soup. That's soup that eats like a meal, my friend. If I ever have a kid, I'm going to make sure he's bringing something nice, too.
Does anyone agree with me? Should you spend the extra 50 cents and get some nice canned food for the canned food drive, or are you giving them the can of peaches you bought in 1997?
Posted by oz115 at 01:16 PM | Comments (0)
November 15, 2005
When cell phones are outlawed, only outlaws will have cell phones
Here's another reason to ban cell phones in the bank:
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The FBI on Tuesday arrested a 19-year-old woman suspected of robbing four Virginia banks while apparently talking on her cell phone, local media said.
Candice R. Martinez was captured at 3:40 a.m. in Centreville, Virginia, after an FBI agent spotted a car linked to the Washington-area robberies, FBI spokeswoman Debbie Weirman told a CBS television affiliate.
The young woman who robbed the banks was filmed by security cameras casually walking up to the teller and handing over a note while holding a cell phone to her ear the whole time.
Posted by oz115 at 01:17 PM | Comments (1)
November 14, 2005
What in blazes?
I'm all for an indoor smoking ban, but I think this particular reaction is too heavyhanded for my taste:
ROME (Reuters) - A stunned Italian actor had to stub out the cigarette he had lit up on stage after a spectator complained, forcing the theater to change the script of an Arthur Miller play to make it smoke-free.
"This had never happened to me in more than 300 performances," the actor, Sebastiano Lo Monaco, was quoted as saying by the Web site of Italian daily Corriere della Sera.
Italy has banned lighting up in all enclosed public places since January this year.
Lo Monaco was smoking, in line with the script, while playing the main character Sunday in Miller's "A View from the Bridge" at a theater in the northeastern city of Mestre, when a woman from the audience shouted "Put out that cigarette."
After a 15-minute suspension, the performance resumed with a modified script and a non-smoking protagonist.
This reminds me of the time I went to see The Libertines play an in-store at the Tower Records on Clark St. In what seemed like a typically punk rock move, they showed up an hour late and stumbled through five or six songs. Right at the start of the set, the guitarist lit up a cigarette and puffed on it throughout the appearance, even though you're not supposed to be smoking inside.
Nobody told him to put it. It's part of the experience!
Posted by oz115 at 12:50 PM | Comments (0)
Man vs. Nature
Sometimes, nature wins the battles. The best part is, the beavers probably don't get triple time for working on holidays.
Elma officials called it "an engineering marvel," but one residents of West Blood Road can do without.
Twenty-one residents have asked the Town Board for help in getting rid of a 6-foot-high, 40-foot-long beaver dam that has created a lake out of Pond Brook, a stream that runs 2 feet deep.
Basements are flooded, yards are a mess, and whole trees are being gnawed down and carted away.
Aboard an Erie County Sheriff's Department helicopter, Supervisor Michael Nolan recently took an aerial tour of the 110-acre lake - which is from 4 to 10 feet deep.
Neighbors believe 10 busy beavers created the dam.
Posted by oz115 at 11:56 AM | Comments (0)
November 13, 2005
Are celebrities bastards?
I was poking around the internet - no, I wasn't looking for porn, you perv - when I came across a blog which, among its regular features, has stories about celebrities who are bad tippers. For example, Aretha Franklin tipped $4 on a $207 bill; Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes tipped $5 on a $458 bill, and strangely, Seth Green paid a $19.94 tab with a twenty and called it a day.
Sadly, none of these stories are sourced, so you can't really verify the truthfulness. Half the magazine world would be out of business if you had to verify stuff. However, if the stories are to be believed, quite a few celebrities are bastards.
So, I've come to this conclusion: some people aren't generous tippers no matter how much money they have. Don't worry, I don't need an excuse like "if they want my 15%, they have to earn it!" or "I don't get tipped to do my job!" If someone doesn't want to leave a big tip, that's his prerogative.
It only makes sense that some people don't leave big tips, and some of those people happen to be celebrities. The only problem is, if you're a celebrity/rich/famous person who leaves a sub-standard tip, you're going to pilloried on a website. Hell, it can even happen if you're a regular joe schmo.
Posted by oz115 at 10:15 PM | Comments (2)
November 10, 2005
Well shit
This is terrible news for me. As an avowed proponent of naps, I know all about the dangers of excessive sleepiness:
WASHINGTON - Staying up an hour or two past bedtime makes it far harder for kids to learn, say scientists who deprived youngsters of sleep and tested whether their teachers could tell the difference.
They could.
If parents want their children to thrive academically, "Getting them to sleep on time is as important as getting them to school on time," said psychologist Gahan Fallone, who conducted the research at Brown Medical School.
The study, unveiled Thursday at an American Medical Association science writers meeting, was conducted on healthy children who had no evidence of sleep- or learning-related disorders.
Difficulty paying attention was among the problems the sleepy youngsters faced — raising the question of whether sleep deprivation could prove even worse for people with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD.
Posted by oz115 at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)
Where do I sign up?
This may soon be on the list of "Top Male Fantasy Jobs" right next to Lotion Applier for the Swedish Bikini Team:
BAGUALING, China - The Chinese are serious about building a better bra. There's now a degree in bra studies at Hong Kong's Polytechnic University.
And China's biggest lingerie manufacturer, Top Form, has a bra lab at its factory. The company makes more than 60 million bras a year for well-known labels like Victoria's Secret, Playtex and Maidenform.
The Wall Street Journal reports Top Form has been experimenting with various types of padding to give the bust a boost. They've tried air, but like tires it was prone to flats.
Oil-filled pads were too expensive and heavy.
Now, the company is trying a filling made from a thin type of fiberfill, the stuffing used ski parkas.
Posted by oz115 at 12:47 PM | Comments (0)
November 09, 2005
I'm always complaining about something
There's these girls at school who are always messing around on their laptops during class. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. I can always see exactly what they are doing because they sit five feet in front of me. Also, I like to snoop.
Lately they've been reading some blog, and it bugs the hell out of me. Most of the blog's content seems to be paparazzi pictures of celebrities , with snarky comments written in pink, all-capital military stencil letters. (You know, like in M*A*S*H.)
I am bothered mostly because the pink, all-caps is obnoxious. Like, really obnoxious. Also, it appears the site is written by a dude. What kind of dude uses a pink motif on his website? Who uses pink letters? I know I once waxed poetic about pink shirts, but that does mean it is appropriate to make pink your theme color.
In fact, I think that applies to girls, too. Pink is fine. But don't dress yourself exclusively in pink, especially if it's hot pink. It doesn't look right. Pink tracksuit? Keep walking, Britney and Britney's mom.
(Exception: a certain lady friend of mine, whom you may know, put on a very nice pink bunny outfit for Halloween. That was scrumptious. If she wants to wear it again, I would be quite satisfied. In that case, pink is good.)
I was reminded of this because I was at the gym today, doing battle with some guy on the running track. (He kept passing me, and I was like, no you don't, so I kept passing him.) As I was repeating my endless loop of laps, there were these two girls who were obviously friends doing some sort of stairclimber thing or some shit. They both were wearing blazing hot pink jackets and sweatpants. I was like, ugh! Too much pink! Must. Look. Away.
What was I talking about, anyway? Oh yes. That guy's blog. It's really quite ridiculous. You can check it out for yourself! Personally, if I need snooty celebrity gossip, I'll stick to the Defamer. They ain't no got no pink at all.
Posted by oz115 at 08:47 PM | Comments (0)
Luxury
I went to a meeting at the Chicago Bar Association building yesterday, and let me tell you, I was impressed. The entire lobby of the building is nothing but marble. Marble floor. Marble wall. Marble ceilings. Marble desks. I marveled at all that marble.
One of the advantages of being some high-powered attorney type is you get to be surrounded by all this opulence. This opulence, naturally, extends to the bathroom. Every now and then my dad would go to some conference, he'd bring us along, and he'd get put up in some fancy hotel. Without fail, the bathroom in the hotel room always had a phone right next to the toilet. I said to myself, "I want to be so important one day that I can't miss a call even when I am trying to make a poo." (My exact words.)
I went to use the bathroom at the CBA building. The whole room was marble, with expensive turkish carpets and lighting like I was in a romantic Italian restaurant. There may have even been an attendant in there. I stood with mouth agape, did my business, and went on my way.
It somehow reminded me of the movie RoboCop. My second most vivid memory of RoboCop, other than the guy who plays Red Foreman getting pulverized into a million pieces, is when the executives at the firm that designed the RoboCop have a heated discussion in the executive bathroom. There's just something silly about a bathroom exclusively for the use of executives. Secured with a key! Do you think the President needs a key to get into his bathroom?
Do we really need such spectacular bathrooms? I think all I could ever ask for is the bathroom to be clean, and for it to be stocked with an adequate supply of toilet paper. I don't know if I want the bathroom to have the feel of a hunting lodge, or a country club. Let me do my thing in peace. It doesn't matter how nice it is. But, for God's sake, at least let there be enough light for me to read.
Posted by oz115 at 12:20 PM | Comments (1)
November 08, 2005
Expensive refund
If they didn't use fake names in the suit, maybe a lot more people would know who they are now:
NEW YORK - A Manhattan judge has ruled that two women whose expectations were dashed after they signed on with the Internet dating service Great Expectations are entitled to refunds of all fees they paid.
Civil Court Judge Diane Lebedeff awarded one woman, identified by the pseudonym Jennifer Doe, the $1,000 she had paid for a six-month membership after the woman said she had met no one through the service. The judge awarded the other woman, Debra Roe, the $3,790 she paid for a 54-month deal.
The judge found that "there was a massive overcharge by the dating service" and that Great Expectations' contract "violated every mandate of the Dating Services Law" except for the three-day "cooling off" right to cancel.
Posted by oz115 at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)
November 07, 2005
Shoot me
Due to the pecularities of Illinois law, school insisted that I have a tetanus shot before coming there. I put submitting my information off long enough that they waited until a few weeks ago to notify me that my tetanus shot was expired, and if I didn't get a new one, they would not let me register.
Do you know how hard it is to get a tetanus shot? I'll tell you. I looked around at all sorts of health clinics in Chicago, but none of them did tetanus shots. I was starting to panic - what would I do if I couldn't get a tetanus shot? What would they do to me?
Tetanus is such a stupid disease anyway. From what I know, you pick it up from rusty nails, and if you aren't careful you can wind up with lockjaw. I've never gotten a clear answer on what lockjaw is, but it isn't pretty. Nobody ever gets tetanus, probably because people are always getting shot up with the vaccine.
But I was panicking about a lack of tetanus shots, when I realized I have total insider access. I told my dad how I needed this shot. This was good because he, as a doctor, can write prescriptions and stuff and prescribe me a tetanus shot. I went to visit the family in scenic Lancaster, so I had the perfect opportunity. He made a few phone calls, before the hospital said they could give him the stuff. We drove over to the hospital, filled out some paperwork, and got the syringe from the pharmacy. It cost a whopping $22. Apparently the rest of the normal hospital charge is labor, or something.
There was no needle with the syringe, so we went over to his department to hunt down a needle. I said hi to all sorts of people at the department, who have been hearing about me since I was a wee lad.
Among the people working there that day was the mother of the girl I took to prom. It was a very asinine prom date, even more so because I was a stupid idiot who did not remember that the mother of the girl I was asking to go with me was in the same room with my dad 10 hours a day. It didn't really matter anyway - I had a fun time, though if certain people think I am boring and unexciting now, you should've seen me in high school. She's married now, to a guy who sings in the opera. I can't even sing karaoke.
But I digress. We were walking around the hospital, trying to find a needle. We found a nurse, whom my dad cajoled into giving me the shot. I don't know if he could've given me the shot, but I'm guess he could have. My dad thinks I am a pussy when it comes to getting stuck with needles. This is because the last time he stuck me with needles, I almost fainted. In my defense, he was poking my fingertip trying to extract a sliver, and he was just not getting it. It hurt like a bitch - your fingertips have a boatload of nerve endings as it is, and I don't need my dad jamming me with a needle for ten minutes. But I took this damn shot with ease. I scoff at you, needle!
The other side effect of the tetanus shot is it makes your arm sore for weeks. Right now, my arm is sore, and it's got a funky little bulge where I got the shot. I thought it was my bulging muscles, but then I remembered I didn't have any bulging muscles. Anyway, it's sore, and I don't like it. It feels like somebody punched my arm real hard. Wah!!!
But it's all worth it. I'm officially cleared up with all my vaccinations!
Posted by oz115 at 10:10 AM | Comments (0)
November 05, 2005
Congratulations
The athletic pedigree of my extended family is now unquestioned. My aforementioned second cousin, whom I have never met in my whole life, scored his first NHL goal last night at 18:56 of the third period.
So you see, that blazing wrist shot I so aptly display in intramural floor hockey games is not just a matter of skill. It's genetic, baby.
Posted by oz115 at 10:22 AM | Comments (1)
November 04, 2005
There's a lot of jerks in the world
First, we have people giving parking tickets to ice cream trucks. Now, somebody has reported the local chocolate factoryfor pollution!
The sweet smell of chocolate wafting through downtown Chicago isn't fattening, but it could be bad for you anyway.
Considered by many to be an olfactory delight, the Blommer Chocolate Co. factory in the West Loop is being accused of releasing too much choco-pollution while grinding roasted cacao beans for 10-pound candy bars and other delectable treats.
Someone apparently isn't cuckoo for cocoa powder lingering in the air.
The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency sent an inspector to check out the factory, 600 W. Kinzie St., after a neighbor complained about the aroma of burnt chocolate. The unidentified person did not care for the powder-filled plume churning out of a roof duct, either.
Based on what the inspector saw during two mornings in early September, the EPA cited Blommer on Thursday for violating limits on opacity, or the amount of light blocked by the factory's grinder dust. The company later could be fined by the government.
What sort of grinches inhabit this city? Now, I've only been around the chocolate factory a few times, and it could possibly get annoying after awhile. However, whenever I am in the area, and that chocolate smell wafts through the air, there cannot be a problem in the world. What a delightful surprise!
Posted by oz115 at 12:46 PM | Comments (1)
November 03, 2005
It's coming
I was down at the Century City on Tuesday (Nov. 1), when the display at the Bath and Body Works caught my eye, and not in a good way. They had their Christmas display all set up, complete with garlands, ornaments and Christmas mix CD's.
It's November 1! Christmas is still nearly 60 days away! What gives? I'm all for celebrating and all, but this is getting a little too wacky. Many people, like myself, decry the "creep" of Christmas season each year. Before, Christmas decorations might show up in the middle of November, or the tenth of November, and everyone would get agitated that its too soon. Christmas had not even entered my mind until I saw the Bath & Body Works display.
I think many people long for the days of Christmas season starting the Friday after Thanksgiving. That's manageable. But November 1? Please!
But thankfully, there is a stop to this madness. If the driving force behind Christmas creep is market forces, we have ourselves a tasty barrier: Halloween. Only a true moron would set up a Christmas display before Halloween. I heard somewhere that Halloween is the second largest home-decorating holiday behind Christmas. Halloween also must generate a huge chunk of change in costume, candy, movie and music sales.
I think it would be unwise for a merchant to start selling Christmas stuff before Halloween has passed. Why miss out on Halloween profits when Christmas is two months away? Unless they ban Halloween, which is not going to happen unless something really, truly wacky happens, I don't see Christmas season ever extending into October.
I sure as hell hope it doesn't. I don't know if I can take more than a few weeks of this annual steaming pile of hooey.
Posted by oz115 at 12:35 PM | Comments (2)
November 02, 2005
That didn't take long
This is a good idea and all, but how are you going to see anything with that small screen?
It may not be quite what Steve Jobs had in mind, but an online search engine called Guba is set to offer vast amounts of pornography and other video files, specifically tailored for Apple's new iPods.
Guba is a subscription-only search engine that culls video files from the Usenet newsgroups, a huge repository of online content -- much of it adult, pirated, or both.
Beginning this month, Guba will convert video files from Usenet into the format used by the iPod, known as H.264. Apple Chief Executive Steve Jobs launched the video-enabled iPod last month along with deals to sell downloadable music videos and TV shows.
Posted by oz115 at 12:20 PM | Comments (1)
November 01, 2005
Fashion statement
In early October, I had a really lazy streak regarding my personal appearance. I mean, really, very lazy. I didn't shave for the rest of October. Ostensibly, I said I thought it'd be cool to grow a beard, but in reality I didn't feel like taking ten minutes to shave it off. As the month went on, it got increasingly scraggily.
Yesterday I'd had enough and I took out the ol' Mach 3 and shaved that mofeek right off. I feel quite refreshed and almost like a new man. I've also come to the realization facial hair just isn't for me.
I've had several run-ins with facial hair in the past. The summer after my senior year of high school, I sported a goatee for the month of August until I started college. There, I realized I looked like a tool and got rid of it.
In May of next year, the Sabres were on their historic run to the Stanley Cup Finals. I developed a number of rituals as they chugged along through the playoffs, mostly revolving around a playoff beard and eating Chinese food every night they played. I mean, it worked up until the very last, and I do not want to talk about what happened after that.
But the point is, I ended up with another goatee then. Once it again, it looked stupid, and I resolved never to have another goatee. If I was going to do facial hair, it was going to be a 'stache or a beard. I know a lot of people have mustaches, but it is not for me. Then there is the beard. It is too itchy. It makes your lip feel weird. It had to go. Plus, people with mustaches are historically goody-two-shoes, creepy, or a crazy dictator, and I can't stand to be pigeonholed like that.
I am sad that I was not able to fully emulate my heroes like Jim Morrison, Dr. Richard Kimble, or Rasputin. But, it is for the best. Maybe some day I'll try again.
Posted by oz115 at 12:29 PM | Comments (1)