« Speechless | Main | Oops »
December 20, 2005
Fun with guns
I've had an interesting day. Christy and I did a Secret Santa sort of deal, where you can go to the Post Office downtown, pick up a kid's letter to Santa, and then buy him stuff from his list. Buying all those presents made me feel kind of magnanimous, but also like a total square, because I did not know what the hell half the stuff these kids wanted was. One kid, for example, asked for a Batman Laptop Computer. What the dickens is that? My other kid asked for a "ball." Okay, sure - that narrows it down.
Anyhow, we bought these presents. The next task was to get the presents to the kids. We delivered them to Christy's kids, who turned out to be sisters. They were all so sweet and made little thank you notes with their handprints on them and stuff. It was cute.
Meanwhile, I am stupid. I let my presents sit in my living room for a few weeks, until today rolled around and I had only 4 days to get them where they needed to go. I went to Fed Ex them, and the bill came to a whopping $90. I said some curse words, and then I did something or other, which I am not going to tell you about, which reduced my cost. However, having picked out two letters to Santa, I also had presents for a local kid, so I went to deliver those to his family today.
I had trouble finding the apartment, because it was in an absolutely gigantic complex on the Southwest Side. I located the building management office, and asked where the building was. When they asked why I was there, and I told them, the lady said she didn't believe me. I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but it was Christmas so I couldn't do that. Plus, I probably wouldn't tell a woman to fuck off.
I figure they thought I was there to buy drugs or something, because if I was on drugs of course I would go to the building office to help them locate my dealer. After finagling the location, I scurried over there and dropped off the presents. I met the family, who were all very lovely and gracious people. The kid lives with his grandma, who was just the sweetest lady ever.
But one thing did bother me about all this. Both the girls Christy bought presents for and this kid knew about us and how we were bringing them presents. Maybe I'm idealistic and all, but I was hoping that the kids would think it was actually Santa Claus who was bringing the presents to them, and not some jackass law student. We all believed in Santa at some point, and I think it's a precious part of growing up. I rather would have had these kids believed Santa was bringing presents instead of me. Either way, I hope I made those kids' holidays a little better. Everyone deserves some love at Christmas.
Now, you're probably wondering why I titled this post "Fun with guns." I drove home to Lancaster today, and will be there for a few weeks "decompressing" from law school. As I sat in my parents' bedroom chatting, I noticed that the dog was laying on the floor. Next to him, my dad's shotgun was propped up against the wall.
Though we're all adults in the house, I still get antsy around guns. I didn't know if it was loaded or not, but I told my mom how I didn't think it was a good idea to leave a gun propped up against a wall, because someone could knock it over, set it off and pop some unsuspecting member of my family. I gingerly picked it up and put it in its proper hiding place.
Apparently my dad had the gun out because he was fixin' to shoot a stray dog. A few months back, some mean lookin' dog was hanging around the house. (This sounds like the kind of story where you need lots of fixin's and lookin's and needin's n' stuff.) My mom dubbed it Cujo, and it had yellow eyes, which made me think of Scut Farkus. I never saw the dog in person, but he sounded very unpleasant and menacing. So my dad was going to shoot it.
Now, my dad is not a violent man, but he will occasionally make use of the shotgun. There is only one time that I remember him using it, around 1992, and that was to dispatch a raccoon behind the barn who had been hissing and growling at us. Yes, I said barn. It was during the day, which is usually the sign of a rabid raccoon, because proper raccoons only come out at night. I am such a redneck.
One time he tested it out on a pumpkin. I don't know the specifics, but the shotgun did quite a number on that pumpkin. He still talks about how it put hundreds of little holes in the pumpkin, and I vowed to never let myself get shot by a shotgun.
Also, I once found the gun in its hiding place. I was mildly fascinated, but I stayed away from it. I'd seen one too many after school specials about kids and guns that I wanted nothing to do with it. I was 18 at the time. Okay, just kidding. It was more like 16. Remember, guns don't kill people, I kill people.
Posted by oz115 at December 20, 2005 11:20 PM
Comments
Honey,
1. I think it was a ton of fun to give gifts to these kids as well. Hopefully it made their Christmas' even better. I too was dissapointed that they knew it was us, and not Santa bringing the gifts. Don't I feel dumb for writing FROM SANTA on all the gifts!?
2. I'm scared of guns. Please keep it away from me when I'm at your house. MORONS with GUNS kill... not that I'm calling you or your family a bunch of morons, but I am dumb enough to accidently step on it and blow my brains out. And then my mom and dad would sue your mom and dad and we'd not be allowed to love each other, and we'd thus become star crossed lovers, and would have to comit suicide in order to be together in heaven... which we can only PRAY exists, otherwise we'd just end up dead with nothing to show for it.
Posted by: Christy Your Love! at December 21, 2005 10:22 AM