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January 09, 2006
Nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts, we got screwed
So today I got robbed. I'm sure in a few years it'll be an amusing tale, unlike the last time I got robbed. I go off to work out at the nice Bally's in Columbus, and when I come back to my locker I discover that all the cash has been taken from my wallet, and my PANTS are missing. So, somebody managed to jimmy my cool purple lock, and then in addition to taking my cash - and only my cash - he took my pants. What kind of sick fuck am I dealing with?
There was all sorts of valuable stuff in the locker: my watch, my cell phone, my keys which could be used to steal my car, and the cool history book I was reading for like the fourth time because I think it is awesome. (Okay, I guess that's not really that valuable.)
But no, my watch was still there, my keys were still there. My jacket was still there. But my pants? Nowhere to be found. The guy didn't even take my credit cards, my gift cards, or my social security card. I canceled the cards as a precaution, anyway.
Who steals pants? Why on earth would he even want my pants? I don't get it. It's not like I'm a celebrity whose personal artifacts are going to get sold on eBay or something. Unless, and this is a really slight possibility, the thief is a time traveler from the future who, knowing of my fame, wanted the pants for some futuristic museum of the 21st century. Or, perhaps, the pants figured in some future event which had a profound effect on history, and the traveler sought to alter his history (but our future) by taking my pants away from me. If this is the case, expect me to die before finishing this blog item, because the time traveler will kill me to prevent exposing his diabolical secret.
Now, there is the slight possibility that I hallucinated wearing pants to the gym, and that all the money fell out of my wallet somewhere else, but this is not likely. What are the odds that the money, and only the money, would fall out?
Ah well. It was only $60 or so, so I guess I can survive. And I'm about to press save, and there is no time traveler here to rub me out. I'll take what I can get at this point...
Posted by oz115 at January 9, 2006 08:52 PM