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March 14, 2006
Fun with Craigslist
Sorry to break away from the exciting Faux March Madness action, but...
So the other day Christy and I were talking about how our friend Lauren does almost all her business on Craigslist, such as finding a roommate (no word on what she thinks about Blacks or Arabs though) or buying a coffee table. I then mentioned how I thought it would be funny to place a "missed connection" on there to see if she read those, but this quickly devolved into a discussion about why don't I put a missed connection for Christy? (I didn't because she doesn't read Craigslist, so why would I do that if she was never going to read it?)
Of course, today was the day she started reading Craigslist, and started reading "Missed Connections." I figured now would be a perfect time to write a missed connection to her, because I know she's reading it. But she is a quick one, and she beat me to the punch:
You have brown hair, and a heavy orange and black backpack. You have the bluest eyes I've ever seen. You are a tall drink of water. You had the most rosey, kissable cheeks I've ever seen. I saw you at Dunkin Donuts ordering a hot chocolate, and saw you were reading something from JMLS. I thought you were the sexiest man I've ever seen. I'd love to spend time with you. My family has a timeshare in Hawaii... let me know if you need a study break.
Aww, too sweet! Of course I need a study break. But what is this time share in Hawaii about?
Now, as some sort of crazy e-Valentine, I was compelled to compose my own missed connection:
You were the sales rep in the dentist's office at Diversey & Halsted. I was there to get my teeth cleaned, but you ended up stealing my heart. You were wearing black pants and a pink top, paired with a beautiful smile and the prettiest green eyes I ever did see. You were tall and gorgeous with short blonde hair in a ponytail, and you had an amazing set of legs that you can wrap around me any time you want. I think your name was Kristi, or was it Christy? Listening to your voice was like listening to a long-lost Mozart sonata. I'm sure every guy in the room was looking at you, but I felt a connection, and I think you did too when our eyes met ever so briefly. Please let me take you out for a pizza or an eggroll sometime!
Allright, I tried to be all nice, except for the whole wrap your legs around me thing, because really, I wouldn't be a guy unless I said something crass. (And at least it wasn't like, "I wanna f you in the ass," ya know?" Additionally, seeing as this was directed towards the lovely and talented Christy who knows how I am very difficult to tolerate, I could pretty much say whatever I wanted. So there.
But no, apparently this is not good enough. Apparently some of her fellow sales reps have a pretty high-minded attitude. "Oh no I only go to the Swiss Hotel!" Thus, not more than ten minutes after my posting appeared on Craigslist, this rather bitchy response came my way:
A few things:
1. Why do you think the vast majority of medical sales reps are hot, flirty, women in there 20's? It's because physicians and dentists go gaga over our looks. We're trained and paid to smile, make eye contact and generally encourage that feeling of connecting in clients. It's our job. Think you're special to us? Get in line.
2. You flatter her with a line like "your voice was like listening to a long-lost Mozart sonata". Good, nice, classy. But straight after you said "an amazing set of legs that you can wrap around me any time you want". After you've told her you see her as a sex object you think she is going to fall for the sonata line?
3. You want to take her out to a "pizza or eggroll"? Do you have any idea how much a medical rep earns? With at least four years of college and two years of pricey ivy league graduate school, you can just imagine what earning level we are at. Pizza or eggroll is like taking her to Burger King. She isn't going to be impressed with anything less than Japonais - and you better know the difference between Akami and Chutoro.
You can be sure that this woman is dedicated to her work, highly educated, highly ambitious and gets what she wants, when she wants it, on her terms. If she wanted you, she would have let you know. Unambiguously. Sorry to burst your bubble, but put this girl out of your mind.
Rrawr! Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed of nails, eh?
Now, I know I am not normally an angry guy, but this shit pisses me off! If I've got someone demanding Japonais and saying Chinese food is like taking a girl to Burger King (which I've yet to do, though Christy and I did enjoy a delightful trip to the White Castle by Midway the other day), that girl can take a long walk off a short pier. Now, on the other hand, we have a girl like Christy who is equally at home at the symphony or at Rose's. So what's my point? Christy is marvelous, and also: Little Miss I'm a Sales Rep So Rub My Feet And Be My Cabana Boy If I Should Stoop To Breath In Your Direction You Lower Species, eat my ass, and my regrets in advance to the poor (or rich?) schlub into whom you manage to sink your fangs!
Posted by oz115 at March 14, 2006 10:08 PM