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March 06, 2006
Some common sense
Nobody's ever going to mistake the Flyer News for the New Yorker, but this editorial makes absolutely no sense at all. I mean, literally. What is this letter asking for? And it took two people to write this?
This is America, and men need to act more like John Wayne. Walk across campus and you’ll see nothing but pink shirts and wine coolers. Oh, the days when a man could wrestle stray dogs in a bathhouse without fear of prosecution.
In order to amend these social ills, the following changes must be implemented immediately. We must promote masculinity, protect animal rights, improve the future and promote a healthy America.
We must preserve and respect the masculinity of all males on campus and the legacy of John Wayne. First, tennis shoes are for ninnies. From now on, all good and proper men shall wear cowboy boots measuring 7 inches or above. If boots are not available, bare feet will do.
Second, in the presence of females, the cologne of choice MUST be BRUT. The scents of raccoon urine and pine trees entwine to give the general impression that you are both masculine and fertile.
Finally, a real man goes to the health center as little as possible. Rather than being swabbed, groped and generally violated, one shall self-medicate by consuming a healthy amount of whole-grade D milk and bamboo shoots.
Posted by oz115 at March 6, 2006 12:56 PM