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April 19, 2006
Faux March Madness, Swell Sixteen
Okay, I've had enough of dicking around. Let's figure out this Faux March Madness thing once and for all!
Let's take a look at the results from the Swell Sixteen. The winners, of course, advance on to the Esteemed Eight.
History Region
#1 Andrew Jackson 72, #4 Clarence Darrow 66. AJ didn't take any shit from the British, you think he's gonna let a defense attorney get the best of him?
#7 Queen Elizabeth 68, #6 Blackbeard 60. The salty dog meets his maker.
Chicago Region
#1 John Paul Stevens 82, #4 Red Line 69. As far as I know, John Paul Stevens does not get vomited on every day, nor does he smell like piss.
#14 Walter Payton 77, #7 Kanye West 63. Kanye may be a better dresser, but Payton is far classier.
Pop Culture Region
#4 Steve McQueen 75, #1 Mel Gibson 72. Braveheart himself can't stop a guy as cool as Steve McQueen. Know how cool Steve McQueen is? He doesn't even care that he is in this tournament.
#10 Johnny Cash 79, #6 Ellen Degeneres 75. She has a good run, but the Man In Black is on fire.
Miscellaneous Region
#1 John Wayne 79, #4 Condoleeza Rice 66. Condi may have like some all-powerful job and stuff, but I bet you John Wayne is as great an American ambassador as they come.
#2 Winston Churchill 82, #11 Tim Horton 74. Winston is a tough mofo. Even tougher than Tim Horton!
Thus, we have these interesting matchups in the Esteemed Eight!
Andrew Jackson vs. Queen Elizabeth I
John Paul Stevens vs. Walter Payton
Steve McQueen vs. Johnny Cash
John Wayne vs. Winston Churchill
Amazingly enough, 3 of the 4 number one seeds have made it this far, all except Mel Gibson, who I think you might say was a bit overrated. Check back soon to see who will be in the Penultimate Four!
Posted by oz115 at April 19, 2006 02:16 PM