« The Penultimate Four results | Main | Not to start a fight or anything... »
April 24, 2006
The Final Game
After a very long, extremely drawn-out tournament, the 2006 Southport Squealer Faux March Madness is down to its very last matchup. We have whittled the list from 64 to 32; from 32 to 16; from 16 to 8, until there are only two: Queen Elizabeth and Steve McQueen. Who did these intense competitors knock out on their way to the final?
Queen Elizabeth started out as the 7th seed in the History Region. She dispatched Katherine the Great in the first round, then upset #2 seed Susan B. Anthony in the second round. The Queen then had no problem with Blackbeard in the Swell Sixteen. Top-seeded Andrew Jackson took her to overtime in the Esteemed Eight, but she was able to outlast Old Hickory. Finally, she earned the ire of sports fans everywhere by ending Walter Payton's cinderella run in the Penultimate Four.
On the other hand, Steve McQueen recieved the 4th seed in the Pop Culture region. He won an easy victory over James Garner in the opening round, and the Health Department is still gathering Carson Daly's remains after he met McQueen in the second round. McQueen then took care of top-seeded Mel Gibson in the Swell Sixteen, and met his toughest challenge yet in the Esteemed Eight: Johnny Cash. But McQueen narrowly escaped defeat at the hands of the Man in Black, and he used that momentum to dispatch the heavily-favored Winston Churchill in the Penultimate Four.
And that is how the contestants stand now. Who will be the victor in '06? Let's find out!
Sex Appeal
QE reputedly used her femine wiles to make her point with the noblemen of England, but McQueen oozed raw sexuality. (Or, uh, at least that's what women say.) That's a point for McQueen.
Historical Impact
Elizabeth's impact on history is well-known, and if anything, McQueen's place in history is yet to be known, though one would hypothesize that a movie actor may not be as significant as a powerful Queen. Point for QE.
Pop Culture Impact
According to The Simpsons, QE's most significant impact is that she forever has given a role for older English actresses to play. In fact, she has been the subject of or a character in quite a few recent movies. McQueen is showing up posthumously in car commercials, and his famous stuntwork has served as a template for any chase scene worth its salt. (You tell me YOU could jump a motorcycle over a barb-wired fence.) However, prospects dampened by awful Sheryl Crow song called "Steve McQueen." Nevertheless, point for McQueen.
Fashion Sense
QE: Sickingly tight corsets and giant hair that would make an 80's Oprah proud;
McQueen: Leather jacket. Point for McQueen.
Intangibles
QE: Member of a royal dynasty, impact still felt in English world.
McQueen: Making a comeback, helping define classic cool. Another point for McQueen.
Final Result: McQueen wins! In a truly fantastic run, Steve McQueen upends Queen Elizabeth and takes home the crown as the winner of this year's Faux March Madness tournament. What a great performance by McQueen, and a great performance by runner-up Queen Elizabeth.
This is a significant change for the tournament, as both previous winners came out of the History Region. He joins the ranks of the truly great.
Let's look again, shall we, at the previous champions.
2006: Steve McQueen (runner-up Queen Elizabeth I)
2005: Henry VIII (runner-up Phil Jackson)
2004: Ben Franklin (runner-up Marv Levy)
Posted by oz115 at April 24, 2006 11:37 AM
Comments
Honey! How happy are you that I'm back to blogging? We'll see how long it lasts.
I couldn't help but notice no mention of the Sabres on your blog... are we not wanting to curse ourselves, or what?
Anyhoo... can't wait to see you tonight!
XOXO
Posted by: christy at April 25, 2006 03:06 PM