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May 31, 2006

Seen about town

As is my wont, I was walking about town this evening when I came upon this sign:

I've never called one of these get-rich-quick numbers, despite ample opportunity. But, if I was going to call a guy who has a scheme that will make me $60,000 a month, do you think I'd call the guy whose marketing effort consists of a posterboard and some magic markers? If he's raking in so much dough, can't he like, get a sign made at Kinko's?

Posted by oz115 at 09:20 PM | Comments (1)

May 30, 2006

No way to misinterpret this one

A few weeks ago, somebody released a poll naming "top celebrity girlfriends". The results absolutely floored me.

If you had to pick who would be at the top, which of these people do you think would win?

Jennifer Aniston
Katie Couric
Rosie O'Donnell
Sandra Oh
Oprah Winfrey

Why yes, you'd think that with this list, Jennifer Aniston would get somewhere near 90% of the votes for best celebrity girlfriend. But you'd be wrooooong! According to this poll, Oprah Winfrey is the top celebrity girlfriend, with 36% of the vote. Ms. Perfect, Jennifer Aniston, got 34%. And Rosie O'Donnell? Sort of an ineligible receiver.

If you were like me, this poll probably made you think, wtf? I mean, more men would rather date Oprah Winfrey than Jennifer Aniston? After asking those three famous letters, my next question was naturally, who took this poll? My early guess was that the poll was of inmates in a women's prison, but the real answer irritated me to no end.

An outfit called "sisterwoman.com" released the poll, and all the news reports about the poll failed to mention an important distinction that the press release makes clear: this was a poll about "girlfriends," like when two women are friends, as opposed to "girlfriends," such as when a man and a woman are having a romantic relationship. Stupid old me read "celebrity girlfriend" and figured it meant romantic girlfriend, like almost every other similarly titled poll in the history of mankind. There could have been a whole lot less confusion if the dickhead who wrote this story could've SAID the poll meant "girlfriends" like between two women.

The whole women calling each other girlfriend thing really irritates me. Being a guy, when I hear "girlfriend," I think of a "significant other," not a gal pal. And everytime I hear a woman refer to her friend as a girlfriend, a slight twinge goes off in my brain as I have to tell myself she only means a pal.

My question is, why do women say this? How did that term evolve? And why can't we get some new term that clearly differentiates between platonic friends and romantic friends? Because, as my reading of this poll shows, a potentially important term like "girlfriend" shouldn't have two mutually exclusive meanings like that.

Finally, what are your suggestions for a term for a woman's female friend other than girlfriend?

Posted by oz115 at 03:59 PM | Comments (1)

We get it

Yes, really. A lot of people are in love with Jennifer Aniston. I "reported" here and here about my run-ins last summer with Ms. Aniston, and now the movie she was filming had a premiere in Chicago yesterday. Then, the hero-worship Jen is apparently subject to took a turn for the weird:

Aniston was visibly overwhelmed when, after arriving just moments before co-star and rumored beau Vince Vaughn, she exited a black SUV to greet fans lining the street across from the theater. That's when several star-struck fans ran past Chicago police and surrounded her, snapping pictures and, well, screaming their heads off.

Now look... I like Jennifer Aniston; I enjoyed her work in "Office Space," but why does everyone think she is their best friend/dream woman? I mean, she regularly tops polls of "favorite celebrity girlfriend," and women adore her. But can we cut out treating her like the freaking Pope, or, uh, The Beatles?

My theory as to why people worship Jennifer Aniston is a two-part theory. First, she starred in "Friends," which is probably the most popular show among women from my generation. In the way I sometimes relate things to an episode of Seinfeld, women (as I understand it) can find similar nourishment in an episode of Friends. Aniston's character was central to most of the goings-on, and women can apparently relate to her continual run-ins with uberdork Ross Gellar.

Second, Jennifer Aniston was married to Hollywood's sexiest main man, Brad Pitt. Not only did every woman adore her for her work on Friends, she then managed to nab none other than Brad Fucking Pitt! What couldn't this woman do? Then, when the marriage broke up and Pitt ran off with "Homewrecker" Angelina Jolie, she had the sympathy of millions. Everyone is pulling for her, as if her breakup with Brad was a personal afront to all of us, even though nobody knows what really happened.

I can see why so many people love her - but please, God, give it a rest! She doesn't know you. She's not your friend. Leave her be! Please, for my sake?

Posted by oz115 at 02:11 PM | Comments (3)

May 29, 2006

Say what you mean!

Something bothered me about the recent press conference the US military had where the Army mocked the top Al-Qaeda man in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The New York Times account of the press conference provided the quote:

"We have a warrior leader, Zarqawi, who doesn't understand how to operate his weapon system and has to rely on his subordinates to clear a weapon stoppage," the general said. "It makes you wonder."

Is it me, or do Army men sometimes get all technical on us? Al-Zarqawi can't "discharge his weapon system"? What the heck does that mean? What's wrong with "fire his gun"? I dunno, man. That's weird.

I guess the main reason is that the military has to create various euphemisms, because it goes about some pretty unsavory business. So instead of killing people, they get "neutralized." Or, if some civilians happen to be in the wrong place when a missile strike comes in, they're "collateral damage."

Now, this is all not to slam the military, seeing as it is Memorial Day and all. I think we all should appreciate the sacrifices that members of the military made throughout this country's history, and the sacrifices they continue to make. Though I'm always complaining about it, I think this is the best country on earth. The members of the military are one of the reasons why it is. So to them, I say thank you.

Posted by oz115 at 02:40 PM | Comments (1)

May 28, 2006

A gay old weekend

This has been one of the strangest weekends of my life. It started off simple enough: Christy and I went to get dinner at Take 5, a place where everything on the menu is $5. Cool! About a half hour and a few pints of liquid courage later, and with the estimable Tim Quigg joining us, we decided to go into uncharted territory: El Gato Negro (The Black Cat!), a divish looking bar that we had seen several times. As would soon become apparent, that was a mistake.

We stepped in to the bar, and were greeted with a smashing wave of accordion music: the place had the loudest jukebox on Earth, and it was blasting Mexican pop music. The bar was nearly empty, save for a few people shooting pool and a man in the corner, kept company by his bottle of Negro Modelo. But as we got closer to the other patrons, a sick sensation overtook us: they were all transvestites! Yes, El Gato Negro is a transvestite gay bar. Personally, I was amused. Our "waitress" was most certainly a dude, and Christy became upset when she thought the server was flirting with her. However, I was not ready to abandon the place until we ordered three beers and were charged $17 for them. That seemed a bit high, leading Quigg to posit we were charged some sort of "straight gringo rate." Then, the five men sitting at the bar walked to the stage, loaded up some electric guitars, drums and a sax, and started playing more Mexican pop. So now, without the band, it was the three of us, the lonely guy in the corner, and a growing number of drag queens. We then beat a hasty retreat - but only after finishing our $17 beers.

With that bit of strangeness behind us, today Christy and I got up at the veritable crack of dawn (7 am) and did Bike The Drive. Riding a bike up and down Lake Shore Drive is truly a great experience, but did anyone have any idea the road was so hilly? Nor did I! After a relentless spate of hills drained all our energy (and chaffed various body parts), we finished our 15 miles of riding and sought breakfast. I had eaten breakfast at a particular restaurant a few times when I was in school, and so I decided we ought to go there.

As would soon become apparent, this was another mistake. In the restaurant, we noticed that a disproportionate number of the patrons were men dressed in leather pants and motorcycle outfits. We had no idea why. We figured we had come upon some sort of gay motorcycle club, because everybody seemed to know each other. And really, if you were in a motorcycle club, wouldn't you want to get some brekkie after a nice ride? Furthermore, much to my embarassment, this must be their hangout. Of course! So we watched the patrons coming in and out, as we grew progressively more mystified. Some people started to come in wearing t-shirts that strongly hinted they might be gay. Some of them were also wearing tags attached by lanyards, leading us to next theorize that there was some sort of gay motorcycle convention going on.

After a delightful breakfast of eggs, pancakes and toast, we left the restaurant to head home. Next door was the Palmer House Hilton, and still more chap-clad men were spilling out of the hotel. Finally I said, enough is enough, I am finding out what is going on.

I walked into the hotel, and I will never forget what I saw next. Leather galore. A man in a full Cub Scout uniform. Techno music at 11 am. I had to know what this was. I went to the front desk, and I asked what in the world was going on here? You never would have guessed it: The International Mr. Leather convention was being held right in our fair city! Who even knew there was such a thing? I left, horrified, and sent Christy in to take a gander. She also returned horrified.

After this weekend, I am starting to fear that I have some sort of reverse gay-dar. To suddenly and unintentionally immerse myself in two of the stranger gay subcultures twice in one weekend makes me nervous. I mean, sure, we've all accidentally gone to a gay bar once or twice in our lives - and let me make it clear that gay people don't freak me out, but people spackling themselves in leather and dressing like women does - but this was just too much. I simply do not know what to say about this! Does this mean I have to stick to White Castle and a six-pack of Old Style from now on or something?

Posted by oz115 at 01:06 PM | Comments (1)

May 25, 2006

My life has been enriched

I took the ole bicycle out for a spin today, and after a tasty lunch at Flat Top, I found myself on Irving Park Road near Clark St. As I lurched towards the Lake, I looked across the street and saw a big brown historical marker. As you all know, history gets my motor running, so I made a big U-turn and went to look at the marker. I will have a hard time forgetting - and indeed, through the power of blogging, this encounter has been preserved indefinitely - the sheer uselessness of the marker:

As it was, I was standing in front of the Jose P. Rizal Heritage Center, named for this Rizal guy, who happens to be the national hero of the Phillippines. I have never heard of this man, but Wikipedia sort of explains who he is.

Rizal sounds interesting, but his commemorative plaque sure isn't. So he arrived at 8:14, visited places of interest, and left 12 hours later? Couldn't this plaque say a little more, such as what the heck he was doing in Chicago, what he saw, and where he went afterwards? I mean, it's not like he could have hopped the next plane to Manila. Admittedly, my first reaction was Why don't they tell us why he's the national hero of the Philippines?, but then I figured that might be like asking somebody why George Washington is so important.

Nevertheless, I had to chuckle at this historical marker which basically said absolutely nothing at all. On the other hand, isn't the resolution on my camera phone totally awesome? I thought for sure the writing on the plaque wouldn't even come out!

Posted by oz115 at 02:07 PM | Comments (0)

Beer running

Two of my favorite activities, running and drinking beer, are usually mutually exclusive. But on a glorious June Sunday in Milwaukee, these two pasttimes converge in a delightful event called The Beer Run: 1.8 miles, 4 mandatory beer stops.

The shady group of characters you see above are the intrepid beer runners that make this one of the wackiest traditions known to man. (You can see me on the upper left with the mandatory sideways Mickey's hat.) For obvious reasons, it is not enough to simply participate in the beer run. Instead, we fire up some plungers, dress in orange, and drink our beer from said plungers, and pretend to be plumbers. And dammit, some glorious bastard actually set up a plumber's website. The Beer Run goes down in about three weeks. You bet your ass I am pumped.

Posted by oz115 at 10:26 AM | Comments (3)

Always on

So what's Hillary Clinton have on her iPod? "Respect" and "Beautiful Day," of course! Now, uh, I'm not trying to disrespect these two songs, but are there any two songs which are as cliche as these two? One article reckons Hillary's listing of these songs is (of course) a political ploy, and I tend to agree. To me, there are two types of iPod playlists - or any type of music playlist, for that matter: what you actually listen to, and what you want people to think you listen to. Does Hillary actually listen to "Respect" and "Beautiful Day"? Most likely, yes. But I bet she also likes to party down to "Cotton Eyed Joe."

Now, because I have some time to kill, and because I want to pretend like I am cool and your favorite band sucks and all that stuff, here are the first 25 songs that come up when I put my iPod on shuffle:

Outkast - Hey Ya
Beatles - I'm Only Sleeping
Weezer - Across The Sea
Red Hot Chili Peppers - C'mon Girl
Louis XIV - Pledge of Allegiance
Deathray Davies - Elephants
Libertines - Can't Stand Me Now
Guster - Medicine
Old 97's - Nineteen
The Simpsons - Talkin' Softball (ha ha ha!)
Ryan Adams - Hallelujah
Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl
Razorlight - The Golden Touch
Little T and One Track Mike - Shaniqua
Johnny Cash - Big River
Bottle Rockets - Perfect Far Away
Sheryl Crow - Anything But Down
Doors - Maggie M'Gill
Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun
Barenaked Ladies - Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank
Don McLean - American Pie
Shakira - Underneath Your Clothes (bite me)
Mamas and the Papas - I Saw Her Again Last Night
Chad and Jeremy - A Summer Song
Foo Fighters - Stacked Actors

Posted by oz115 at 08:51 AM | Comments (0)

May 23, 2006

This space is your space, this space is my space

I've had just about enough of this Myspace crap. The latest news is that a school district here is telling students that anything they post on Myspace can be used to get them in trouble, such as if they post pictures of them boozing or otherwise misbehaving.

Now I can understand both sides of this debate. Schools don't want their students getting into trouble, as trouble outside of school can spill into school, and lead to that great trump card: the lawsuit. On the other hand, students claim authorities looking at their Myspace pages are invading their privacy.

But I don't get it. Myspace isn't private. I mean, you need absolutely minimal information to find somebody on Myspace. Why, in about ten minutes of searching I found a bunch of people from my high school, I found my cousin's page, and I found Christy's page. I didn't even have to sign in to look at the pages. So, clearly, anything on Myspace is publicly accessible. Anything put onto Myspace is available to anyone with a computer who can decipher teenager gobbledygook.

I mean, even this here Commentary can be read by anyone in the whole wide world. I know this, and as such, I generally try to avoid saying bad things about people I know (especially professors or bosses) because they can and most likely will find out what I wrote. I'm certainly not going to post a picture of me doing something illegal, because somebody's going to find it. If I do someday post a picture of me injecting heroin with Pete Doherty, I don't think I would be in any position to whine about an invasion of my privacy.

If you want to have a Myspace page, don't put evidence of your illegal activities on it! This isn't that hard. It's akin to writing to the newspaper and admitting your guilt. Meanwhile, if schools are going to monitor the Myspace pages of their students, they should only be able to punish students for clearly illegal actions. If schools started punishing people for calling a particular teacher an asshole, that might seem a little inappropriate to me, and can lead to silly lawsuits.

Posted by oz115 at 05:45 PM | Comments (1)

Shuffle off

This past weekend the family and I went off to scenic Buffalo to visit our relatives. I am attempting to convert Christy into a Sabres fans, so I spent most of Friday schlepping around town trying to find the perfect Sabres sweatshirt for her - and do you know, there isn't one damn Sabres hooded sweatshirt in town? I went to about five different stores trying to find one, and there was nothing! Though finally I got her a regular sweatshirt which is about 8 times her size and a t-shirt, which fits much more normally. Let me tell you, there's nothing sexier than a woman in a Buffalo Sabres t-shirt.

Now, the other thing about Buffalo is that there is food. Lots and lots of food. Buffalo has some of the best food on the planet, especially if you like encased meats, Italian, or beef. Why, it's a veritable hodgepodge of food. Needless to say, we ate quite a bit, and I feel strangely fat. Here's where we visited, and what I ate:

Friday, lunch: Pearl Street Grill, chicken/spinach sandwich (delish!), chicken wings and potato chips.

Friday, dinner: Anchor Bar (where the buffalo wing was invented!), Beef on weck, MORE chicken wings.

Saturday, lunch: Ted's Hot Dogs, footlong hot dog, chocolate shake.

Saturday, dinner: Cookout with the relatives. MORE hot dogs. Uuuugh!

Sunday, lunch: Olive Tree, chicken cordon bleu. Mmm!

Sunday, dinner: Otto's, fish fry, MORE wings, and a slice of pizza.

As you can see, I had quite the culinary adventure this past few days. I think it's high time I took my act to Subway!

Posted by oz115 at 11:04 AM | Comments (2)

But why?

I don't think I understand what's so desirable about a phone number:

Qatari pays $2.75 mln for mobile phone number

DOHA (Reuters) - The tiny Gulf state of Qatar, famed mainly for having the Arab world's largest reserves of natural gas, added another record to its name Tuesday -- one of the world's most expensive telephone numbers.

At a charity event in the capital of Doha, a Qatari bidder paid $2.75 million for the mobile phone number 666-6666.

The winner, who made the highest bid 10 minutes into the auction, declined requests for interviews. Eight people took part in the auction, organized by Qatar Telecom to help raise funds for charity, paying 3,000 Qatari riyals ($824.60) per ticket.

Funds from the ticket sales were given to a local charity, while the 10 million riyals from the sale of the number will be used to expand medical services.

Now, on the other hand, this guy is declining requests for interviews. Too bad everybody now knows what his phone number is!

Posted by oz115 at 10:59 AM | Comments (0)

May 19, 2006

A noble cause

Man Gets 3 Years For Stealing Beer Truck

JERSEYVILLE, Ill. -- It's a crime that would have made Homer Simpson proud.

A Southern Illinois man was sentenced to more than three years in prison Monday for stealing a truck loaded with beer.

Prosecutors said Norvelle Hicks, 48, of Jerseyville took the truck full of Bud Light in January and was planning to sell the alcohol to merchants and club owners in East St. Louis.

Posted by oz115 at 03:41 PM | Comments (0)

Playoff time

In a show of solidarity for my beloved Buffalo Sabres, I am growing a playoff beard. It's pretty hideous, though I hoping to get one like Sabre-turned-lumberjack J.P. Dumont.

Not shaving for awhile has its strange quirks. For example, today I was playing soccer when my team got a corner kick. I was sort of hanging around the goal hoping the ball might bounce to me, when the other team starts calling out whose gonna defend whom. Then, I heard seven words that I never thought would be spoken about me: "somebody get the guy with the beard." Glory be!

Anyway, as you probably guessed, I am trying to get the beard into Dr. Richard Kimble territory, but that hasn't happened yet. If I am feeling particularly obnoxious, maybe I will shave it into a goatee ala Evil Spock. Call me a big nerd if you will, but everytime the possibility of a goatee ever came up in my household, there would soon be a discussion of the Star Trek episode featuring Evil Spock, as the only discernible difference between Regular Spock and Evil Spock was that Evil Spock had a goatee. That forever ruined goatees for me.

Posted by oz115 at 01:19 AM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2006

What a gamer

This is one tough raccoon - sort of like this fella - but I bet he'd rather have checked out with the electrical shock when he finds out what usually happens to wild animals:

NICOSIA (Reuters) - A raccoon suffered an 11,000 volt electric shock when it scampered up a pylon in Cyprus but escaped with burns.

The nocturnal mammal triggered a two-hour power outage at the town of Aradippou in southeast Cyprus after it scaled the pylon. It was eventually captured with a net and has been impounded by vets as an illegal import.

"It suffered some burns which we treated and is now recovering ... it certainly has the will to live," Charalambos Kakoyiannis of the island's veterinary department said on Thursday.

Raccoons, a native of the Americas, were introduced to Europe last century but are alien to Cyprus and authorities said the animal, whose owner was unknown, was smuggled onto the island.

Posted by oz115 at 06:47 PM | Comments (0)

May 16, 2006

Way to make a good impression

As it turns out, one of my favorite bands, Guster, played a show at a place that is very near and dear to my heart: Dayton to Daytona. Here's an account of the event, that pretty much sounds like University of Dayton students at their best.

Dayton to Daytona has to be one of the most interesting events ever. Every May, a thousand UD students invade several hotels in Daytona Beach, FL and pretty much move to the party from a porch in the Ghetto to the beach. It's quite a lovely time, and certainly a great college party.

But would you believe that I, along with the lovely Christy, the party-hearty Danny B, med student Liz and the irrascible Lauren, are participating in the Dayton to Daytona reunion in June? Yes, we are. We will be flying to Orlando and then renting a car, and driving off to Daytona Beach. I have no doubt it will be a drunken, rollicking good time. I can't wait.

Posted by oz115 at 08:19 PM | Comments (1)

Ooh ooh ah ah

I wrote last week how I thought being encased in concrete is a hell of a way to die. I've got a new one, which is especially applicable if I happen to be a monkey:

Bears kill and eat monkey in front of visitors at Dutch zoo

Associated Press

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands -- Bears killed and devoured a monkey in front of horrified visitors at a Dutch zoo, officials and witnesses said yesterday.

Visitors reported that the grisly scene began as several bears chased the monkey, a macaque, onto a wooden structure at Beekse Bergen Safari Park.

They said a bear tried unsuccessfully to shake the monkey loose, ignoring attempts by keepers to distract it. The bear then climbed up and grabbed the monkey, mauling it to death and bringing it to its concrete den, where three bears ate it.

Posted by oz115 at 09:39 AM | Comments (0)

May 15, 2006

Local boys

I'll admit, I like to keep track of what's going on in my hometown. I like to read the local paper online, especially the always coherent letters to the editor. But I have to say, my strangest affectation is that I religiously keep tabs on Lancaster's own PGA Tour Golfer, Joe Ogilvie.

Why do I bother? I suck at golf. I don't really enjoy golf. I can't watch more than five minutes of it on TV. I find golfers to be a pretty insufferable lot at times. So I have to say, I am a bit stunned that I come back week after week to see if Joe made the cut, and if so, how he did. He's never won a PGA event, though he did lose in a playoff once.

I guess it all comes down to the fact that he is making obscene amounts of money to play golf, and I like to see him rake in as much dough as possible. I mean, the guy finished 21st in a tournament last week and took home $64,000. For finishing 21st! I marvel at that. I honestly want to know where it is that golf tournaments get so much money that they can lob 60 g's at a guy who finishes 21st? That's about as much money as I made in two years plugging away at my job. (Which may explain why I spent so much time there, uh, working on this particular "side project".)

Either way, through his golfing exploits, Joe joins a long list of local heroes like Allan Anderson, William Tecumseh Sherman, and, uh, Sgt. Tackleberry. For that, I most definitely must salute you.

Posted by oz115 at 10:37 PM | Comments (1)

May 11, 2006

Prom fashion

The Eagle-Gazette has a new feature, where they publish your prom photos. (Some may recall that last year, I reveled in the dirty-old-man-ness of a certain high school senior portrait.)

Anyway, a prom photo from my dear old alma mater has appeared on the site. I have nothing to say, except that I was not aware proms were now pimps-n-hoe's parties.

Behold:

Great God almighty!

Posted by oz115 at 09:30 AM | Comments (2)

May 10, 2006

Creativity at its finest

Man, those guys sure zinged Governor Blagojevich!

Governor Rod Blagojevich could have been snippy. He could have been terse. Instead, he had some fun with a group of College Republicans who came out to his appearance at the University of Illinois yesterday.
The group wore blue T-shirts emblazoned with an anti-Blagojevich slogan ("Blagojevich sucks") to protest a decision that could put some of the Illinois Student Assistance Commission's student loan portfolio up for sale.

The governor announced the program and touted its potential to provide student aid to more students. Then he looked at the College Republicans and said he wanted a T-shirt. In Blagojevich's words, "I promise you if I get a blue one like that, I'll wear it when I go out jogging."

The College Republicans quickly handed up a blue T-shirt and posed for pictures with the governor.

Posted by oz115 at 09:33 AM | Comments (3)

May 09, 2006

Tell it to the cabbies

Methinks some people around here could use this advice:

Bus drivers negotiating the sweltering streets of Manila have a new thing to stress about -- their armpits.

Faced with complaints from commuters fed up with the stench at the front of the bus, taxi and train, Manila authorities have reminded drivers to wash and deodorize daily during the heat of the summer.

"We understand that drivers must earn money to support themselves and their respective families," said Bayani Fernando, chairman of the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority. "It is only right that in return, these drivers must observe proper hygiene.

"If they have body odor or armpit odor, ask the advice of doctors for treatment. But I think if they only take a bath every day, and maybe they can use "tawas" or deodorant, then there would be no problem."

Actually, I'll be honest. Most every cab driver I've had has been pleasant and odor-free. Yes, I can recall a stinker every now and then, but for the most part they are nice folk. Maybe when it heats up the funk will start to rise?

Posted by oz115 at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)

May 08, 2006

Worst song ever

I wrote awhile ago how I thought Train was the worst popular band ever. I stand by what I said. However, somebody at CNN is apparently wondering what the worst popular song ever is. To be honest, I've never heard the song he nominates. But God knows, I have some suggestions, too.

In no particular order, I think these hit songs are highly worthy of scorn:

Sisqo, The Thong Song. This song isn't even fun when you're singing it just to be a dumbass, unlike some other songs that ought to be bad. (e.g., Eye of the Tiger, which I recently put on a mix cd and now consider to be a minor classic.)

Baha Men, Who Let The Dogs Out? I can't even dignify this one with a comment. Actually, this about says it all.

Lou Bega, Mambo No. 5. If this is number 5, I don't want to know what the first four were like.

Summergirls, LFO. Girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch were soooo 2000. Even back then, I couldn't really stand 'em. I always wondered if those boys from LFO really liked girls who wear A&F, or if they got a little kickback. Who knows?

Now, I am sure there are alot more worst songs ever, so feel free to chip in with your response. And if you happen to love one of the abovementioned songs, you are more than welcome to defend it.

Posted by oz115 at 02:22 PM | Comments (3)

Gives me the willies

This may be about the worst possible way to die:

A support frame collapsed at a high-rise construction project Saturday, killing three workers who became trapped in quick-drying concrete as co-workers dug to try to free them, authorities said.

The workers were on the 27th level of the building, pouring its concrete roof, when the supporting frame structure below them gave way, dropping them to the 26th floor, said Capt. Al Cruz of Miami-Dade Fire Rescue.

I mean, there is no fun way to die - unless maybe you have a heart attack while boinking the office intern - but being encased in concrete? Holy fucking shit! Shitballs! My personal least favorite way to die is drowning, but damn if falling into wet concrete is now a close second. Agh!

Posted by oz115 at 01:43 PM | Comments (1)

May 05, 2006

Happy trails

As many of you know, I'm a bit of a soccer junkie. I loves me some soccer. Granted, I am a pretty awful soccer player, but that doesn't stop me from going out and kicking a ball around with whoever will let me.

So, back in the day, we got a DirecTV satellite dish at the house, and we were able to get all kinds of sports channels from around the country. Some of these channels always aired the highlights from the Premier League in England, which many people consider the best soccer league in the whole world. It was stupendous to see what those players could do with a soccer ball, and it was even more amazing to witness the crazy and passionate fans of those teams in England.

Naturally, I started looking for a team to follow, until I finally settled on Arsenal Football Club, for a number of reasons: I liked the military-sounding name, they were first alphabetically, they had cool red uniforms, and I loved the book Fever Pitch. They played in this legendary stadium called Highbury tucked into a neighborhood on the North side of London. The stadium is even older than Wrigley Field!

Sunday they're closing that stadium, and moving to a... you guessed it, gaudy monstrosity. It was always one of my goals to witness an actual soccer game at Highbury, but I never did. When I got to spend a month in London, I made it a point to visit the stadium. It was the off-season, but the nice folks at the park let me walk around, take pictures, and even stand on the field. You may find it hard to believe, but that was one of the most impressive sights I saw when I was there. Now I can only imagine what it must be like when 38,000 people jump at once to celebrate a goal. But it must be magnificent, that's for sure.

Posted by oz115 at 11:41 AM | Comments (2)

May 04, 2006

Superstar

I walked out of school today after taking a grueling three-hour final in Contracts II - anyone wanna know about anticipatory repudiation? Didn't think so! As I rounded the corner onto Jackson Boulevard, I espied the normal gaggle of TV news reporters as they jockeyed for position to broadcast the latest news about the Governor Ryan trial. Yes! I thought to myself. It was exactly 5 o'clock. These newshounds would be going on the air anytime now.

I did what any self-respecting 26-year-old guy might do. I called Christy, and told her to put on Channel 7. I said look out for a guy doing a live remote shot outside the Federal Courthouse. Then I said, look in the background! I waltzed on by, and Christy squealed with delight: "I can see you!!!" I turned around for a second pass, but by then the report had ended. Anyway, Christy took a picture of her TV screen. Here's my 2 seconds of fame:

That TV reporter fellow has no idea he was in the presence of such greatness. Yes, I am a loser. I think this picture bears a resemblance to another famous sighting:

In my defense, at least I didn't do anything like this.

Posted by oz115 at 08:29 PM | Comments (3)

Damn kids

I decided to take the elevated train down to school today, and I got to the platform right as the train was closing its doors. I ran to get on the train, but as I did, the woman in front of me who was also trying to get on the train abrubtly stopped and said, "screw this!" I'm never one to give up, so I got on the train anyhow - it was packed with a group of elementary age kids and their befuddled teachers.

My first thought was, oh great, they're going to be loud and obnoxious, and I am going to hate every minute of this train ride. As the train rumbled along, the kids squealed everytime the train hit a bump, or they oooohed when a train would pass going the other direction and sparks would fly off the wheels. Then as we got closer to downtown, my Brown Line train caught up to the Red Line train on the track next to it, and we moved along beside each other until the Red Line disappeared as it went underground. The kids oohed at that, and then they oohed when they saw the Sears Tower in the distance.

Sure, I could see how this group of kids could be annoying. But then, I realized that they're only saying exactly what I feel: sheer amazement at being on board the el, grinding along towards The Loop. There rarely is a day that goes by where I am not fascinated by something I see when riding the train. Even though I am on it every day, there is always something to look at or be startled by. It truly is special sometimes to be in a place like this, and all I need is a reminder of that.

Posted by oz115 at 06:12 PM | Comments (0)

May 03, 2006

Jaysus

You know, if you are going to be an overbearing, push-your-kid to stardom kind of parent, why not at least do it in a field that might actually make money? I'm not saying minigolf is a bad sport, but if I was trying to make my kid the best in the world at something, I'd make it something more lucrative than miniature golf:

It is a chilly, overcast afternoon in the Czech city of Rakovnik and Olivia Prokopova, 11, is standing on a makeshift golf green in her family's backyard, putting golf balls.

The faux grass surface is lumpy and uneven, but the swing is smooth and steady. Prokopova sinks putt after putt, easily beating two visitors three times her age in a pickup match.

Determined to become champion in a game overlooked and mocked by many sports fans, Prokopova is skipping school to devote six hours a day to mini golf.

Now I can't say for sure whether this kid's dad is a bit of a stage mother, but this doesn't help:

Prokop, a freelance journalist, spends about $15,000 a year to take his daughter to tournaments abroad -- a small fortune in a country where workers make an average of $10,000 a year.

A self-professed fan of America (his cell phone is red, white and blue), he hopes mini golf will someday become lucrative enough for his daughter to make a living at it and that a big company will spot her talents and sponsor her.

"Coca-Cola or McDonalds," Prokop says. "That's the dream. To play mini golf all year. To live in Myrtle Beach -- the sunshine, the water, all those mini golf courses!"

However, with that in mind, I suppose it is time to say Rest in Peace to Earl Woods, a golf-loving taskmaster whose work paid off.

Posted by oz115 at 11:41 PM | Comments (0)

May 01, 2006

Dis n dat

The NFL Draft was this past weekend, so pardon me if I didn't respond to any emails or phone calls. Instead, I was mesmerized by the dulcet tones of Mel Kiper Jr. Actually, not really. I'm sure I've said this before, but the NFL Draft may be the most overrated event in all of sport. It is exciting to see who your team is picking, but I have serious doubts that it needs wall-to-wall coverage over 48 hours. And jesus, who again wants to tell us how Tom Brady didn't get picked until the Second Day of the draft?

Speaking of Mel Kiper, doesn't he creep you out? Essentially, this is a fellow who makes a living watching boys from high school go through college and proferring his opinion on whether or not they can cut it in the NFL. But if he is so good at finding talent, why is he on ESPN and not evaluating talent for an actual NFL team?

Anyway, the Bills had their first draft of the Second Marv Levy era, and Marv went with some brainiacs. I think this is a good move for the Bills, and I think Marv and Co. know what they are doing. However, I always have a great quote in the back of my mind from Casey Stengel, who once said about one of his pitchers that "he don't drink, he don't chase women, and he don't win."

Also, my dear hometown of Lancaster made the news, because former Lancaster Golden Gale and Ohio State Buckeye Bobby Carpenter was picked in the first round by the hated Dallas Cowboys. Congrats to him, and I hope he makes Lancaster proud.

Finally, I should mention that my beloved Buffalo Sabres are currently in the NHL playoffs. They currently hold a 3-2 series lead over the Philadelphia Flyers, whom the Sabres have had the misfortune of meeting 9 times in the playoffs. To say I dislike the Flyers would be an understatement, but that is neither here nor there. Every time the Sabres and Flyers meet in the playoffs, two things always get brought up: "The Fog Game" and "The Bat Incident."

In 1975, the Sabres and Flyers met in the Stanley Cup Finals - so whoever won the Series was taking home that big shiny piece of hardware. The Sabres had probably their best team ever, led by a who's who of Sabres lore: Gil Perreault, Rene Robert, Rick Martin, Don Luce, Craig Ramsay, Jerry Korab and Jim Schoenfeld. On the other hand, the Flyers had a great team, but were known for their mean streak: the Broad Street Bullies, they called 'em. When Game 3 took place in Buffalo, the humid spring air mixed with the ice, and the entire sheet of ice was fogged in. But they played anyway, and the Sabres won the game. Then, in that very same game, Buffalo's Jim Lorentz (who now broadcasts Sabres games) was skating along the ice when a bat swooped down from the rafters at The Aud. Lorentz raised his stick and picked the bat out of the air, killing it. And, forever more, people had stories to tell whenever the Sabres and Flyers met in the playoffs.

Posted by oz115 at 08:40 AM | Comments (2)