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August 31, 2006

Riddle me this

Is it bad manners to steal questions from another advice columnist? I am compelled to ask after the identical query appeared in both Dear Prudence and Miss Manners. However, there is no shortage of people seeking advice from whoever will listen, so perhaps the letter writer felt the need to get the opinions of both ladies.

Here is the Dear Prudence version:

Dear Prudie,
Our daughter is planning her wedding. The bride and groom are 28 years old, and this is the first marriage for both. They have college degrees and good-paying jobs. In fact they make approximately twice what my husband and I make. Both the bride and groom have their own homes. Neither of them have been dependent on either of their parents for five years. My daughter feels that traditionally parents should pay for the entire wedding and want to do so. I realize that I married 32 years ago and things are not the same price as they once were, but $15,000 to $20,000 is hard for us to handle. I want to do the right thing, but should the bride and groom help with the wedding expense, or should all of the cost fall to the parents? My husband and I are planning to borrow most of the money for this wedding.

—Mother of the Bride

And here's the Miss Manners version:

Dear Miss Manners: Who should be responsible for the cost of the wedding? Should the bride and groom help with the wedding expenses, or should all of the cost fall to the parents?

Our daughter is planning her wedding. The bride and groom are 28 years old, and this is the first marriage for each. They have college degrees and good-paying jobs. In fact, they make approximately twice what the mother and father of the bride do. The bride and groom each have their own home. Neither of them has been dependent on their parents for five years.

My daughter feels that traditionally parents should pay for the entire wedding and want to do so. I realize that I married 32 years ago and things are not the same price as they once were but $15,000 to $20,000 is a little hard to handle.

I will also mention: Mom and Dad will be borrowing most of the money for this wedding. I need some help on this matter. I do want to do the right thing.

If this discovery should lead to the downfall of Miss Manners in a plagiarism scandal, yours truly deserves some credit for exposing this derelict behavior!

Posted by oz115 at 11:26 PM | Comments (2)

Another strange occurence

Strange things are afoot at my apartment. I think somebody stole my vacuum cleaner. In an effort to keep my dwelling presentable, I sometimes like to vacuum. So, when I went looking for my trusty vacuum, it was nowhere to be found. Not in the closet. Not in the corner where I sometimes put it. Not under a pile of clothes. Nowhere!

First, who would steal a vacuum? If so, why a vacuum and not, say, the computer I am using to type this missive, or my DVD player, or my TV, or my iPod, or any number of things which are more valuable and fungible than a vacuum? Clearly nobody but Supernanny would have a need so pressing that she would need to steal a vacuum. I concluded that my elderly landlady must have moved it when she was in my apartment a few days ago attempting to have some plumbing problem fixed. I asked her about it, but because she is elderly, she doesn't remember. But she is the nicest lady ever, and she took out three vacuum cleaners that were in storage and told me to look at them, in case one of them is mine.

Now look. I really have no idea what my vacuum looks like. All I remember is it's gray or black, and possibly a Hoover. The only thing I remember about it is the red button that turns it on, because I really liked the way that particular button felt. Now, one of the vacuums she left out is a black Hoover with a red button, and the button sort of feels the way I remember, so it's possible this is my vacuum. I am just not 100% sure this is actually MY vacuum. Bt it's a vacuum, and I am inclined to treat it Martin Guerre style, until I am otherwise persuaded. If you are ever in my apartment, you will thank me.

Posted by oz115 at 11:07 PM | Comments (1)

I hate phones

I am having a hell of a time with the telephone lately. A few days ago I was at Bennigan's with Christy and our friend Katy, and we were planning to see Ferris Bueller's Day Off at the park. But, being as it was raining quite heavily, we nixed that and decided to decamp to my house and watch it there. When we called Blockbuster, it turns out everyone in the city had the same idea, because all copies were rented and the clerk said everyone was asking for it.

Then we decided to buy a copy at Best Buy, but because none of us had a phone book or internet handy, we called 411 to get the number. I must have pressed the wrong button, because the voice on the other end started speaking in Spanish. I then meekly asked, "Uh. Habla ingles?" and the voice on the other end sounded annoyed, and said yes she did. She was more annoyed because I couldn't stop giggling, and when she asked me for the third time what city and state I wanted, I finally got the listing. Indeed we did watch Ferris Bueller, and it was a grand old time.

Just now, I have finally stumbled in from class. It's 9:30 at night, and I'm hungry. I want Chinese. My current favorite spot for Chinese is Chinalite, even though they are all the way in Lakeview. Their website has coupons for free delivery, so I called and started giving them my order. At the end, I told them I had a coupon for free delivery, and the voice on the other end sounded annoyed, because his place doesn't have coupons. He asked me what restaurant I thought this was, and is was definitely not Chinalite. I had somehow called Jia's, which is much closer to me. After some more confusion, I said sure, I'll try your food. Hell, I'd already ordered it.

But I really have no idea how I called the wrong restaurant, because the number of the coupon is the number I called, and it was definitely the right number. Either I am losing my mind, or somebody at Chinalite is really messing with my head. I suppose when my order arrives here shortly, I will have my answer. It had better taste good, too. Or I will be super duper PO'ed.

UPDATE: I checked. Chinalite is 244-0300, and *I* dialed 244-3300. I bet you these Jia's people knew Chinalite's number, and got the 3300 because it's close to Chinalite, and they can pinch unsuspecting customers. Hmmm!

Posted by oz115 at 08:48 PM | Comments (1)

Oh dear

This amusing letter showed up in Dear Prudence today:

Dear Prudie,
My partner and I are having our condominium remodeled. We have worked well with one company and asked them to bid a second phase of the job. The person who showed up to bid the job wore a cap with an angry bald eagle on the front with multiple American flags sewn onto the rest of the cap. When I was obviously startled at the hat, he acknowledged, "Guess I should have worn my company hat." I replied, "I would be more comfortable if you had because I can't support much of what the country is doing right now." This led to his reply, "Just so we all support America." My partner and I are gay and feel assaulted by the right wing. We are also horrified by the war in Iraq and so many other issues that our patriotism is very low. That hat was a sickening reminder of my childhood in rural America. I feel that perhaps my money should be spent in a more socially conscious fashion, but I don't relish starting my own campaign of reverse discrimination. Am I making too much of this incident? The company has done a good job for us so far.

—Uneasy Remodeler

Now we all know I'm a fairly liberal fellow, but I'd have a pretty hard time rejecting someone who does good work for me because he wears a tacky hat. If I start getting rid of people because I happen to disagree with their political views, not only would I have no friends, but I'd probably be as bad the people who are trying to blow up all of us.

Posted by oz115 at 09:30 AM | Comments (1)

August 30, 2006

It burns my britches

I try to watch Jeopardy fairly regularly, and there are always a few types of contestants that I can't stand. One is the type who tells a really lame story in the meet-the-contestant segment, such as "I once shook Tom Wolfe's hand and he signed my copy of The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test." (Not that that's not cool, but is that the best you can come up with?)

But I think the contestant I want to punch the most is the one who picks the questions out of order. I think it's fairly standard practice that you start with the $200 question first, and then the $400 question, and so on until you get to $1000. But when the guy picks the $1000 question first, it's the most frustrating thing ever. Gah!

This practice is only acceptable if time is running out, but otherwise I cannot condone it.

Posted by oz115 at 02:35 PM | Comments (1)

August 28, 2006

My new enemy

Every now and then I'll be watching Headline News, and I'll come upon the Nancy Grace show. I simply do not care for her rather shrill and cloying manner, such as her continual moaning and groaning about Scott Peterson. Take, for example, this rather strange interview with kidnapping survivor Elizabeth Smart.

Posted by oz115 at 03:59 PM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2006

We've all been there

I saw this on Chicagoist. It is an absolute classic. The only flaw in his thinking is that now not only does his mom know about his penis pump, so does the whole world.

Mardin Azad Amin found himself in a tight squeeze last week when security at O'Hare Airport discovered a suspicious-looking object in his luggage.

So, Amin, 29, handled the delicate situation this way: He told security the object was a bomb, Cook County prosecutors say.

The security guard then asked Amin to repeat what he'd said to a supervisor. This time, Amin was chuckling as he spoke, prosecutors say.

In fact, Amin was trying to disguise the fact that the black object -- resembling a grenade -- was a component for a penis pump.

Posted by oz115 at 10:39 AM | Comments (0)

Didn't you get the memo?

I got up at the crack of dawn today and headed over to Midway, for a flight back to see the family before school gets a little too crazy. Because it was before noon, I was in my typical morning haze, but something caught my eye. A woman was ripping apart her bag, and she had about 15 bottles of lotion, shampoo, and other liquidy things. A TSA agent placed them in a sack, and took the whole lot away. I had to chuckle.

It made me think, where has this woman been? Doesn't she know that she can't bring that stuff on planes? That must have been $100 worth of junk, and now it's going to sit in a warehouse somewhere. Most people try to sneak a tube of toothpaste or something on board, but not her. She went all out, and the TSA nailed her. Oh well, I hope she has a discount at Bath & Body Works.

Posted by oz115 at 10:23 AM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2006

Who funded this?

Forbes did a ranking of the drunkest cities in America. Who came in number one? Milwaukee, duh! Strangely, Minneapolis was number two, and then even more strangely, my own former burg of Columbus was third! Chicago was a measley 6. All three of Ohio's biggest cities came in the top 16, meaning either there is not much else to do in Ohio, or Ohioans are naturally pickeled.

Posted by oz115 at 04:17 PM | Comments (1)

August 23, 2006

Talkin' bout my generation

I was a little perturbed at this so-called "Mindset List" that Beloit College publishes every year. I can't even tell what is going on in the heads of people who are in their early 20's, let alone people who are 18. And I sure as hell know a college professor probably doesn't have a better idea about this than I do.

The list for this year's set of incoming freshmen contains such gems as "Google as always been a verb," and "they have rarely mailed anything using a stamp." This was interesting to me, and so I was able to find the list for the class of 2002, or the people like me who regretably started college waaaaay back in 1998.

I have a bone to pick with a few of them:

5. There has only been one Pope. They can only remember one other president.

I, like everyone else born in 1980, was a Jimmy Carter baby. Seeing as I just turned 1 when Reagan was inaugurated, I don't remember much about Carter. But I remember Reagan, and then Bush Sr., and Billy Boy. So one president in 1998? Not so much!

6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.

7. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them—not a movie.

Oh yes I do. Sure I didn't have a Cuban Missile Crisis, but I knew all about nuclear war, and you bet I worried about it. And it's not much better when terrorists have easy access to former Soviet nuclear bombs.

8. They are too young to remember the Space Shuttle Challenger blowing up.

I, like most others, watched this happen live on TV. It suuuuucked!

10. They never had a polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is.

Yeah, isn't that something like smallpox?

13. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
14. They have never owned a record player.
15. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of "Pong."

My first vinyl album? Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet. And I have many fond memories of Pac Man at Tiki Lanes.

25. They cannot fathom what it was like not having a remote control.

My dad once had this VCR where the remote was attached by a wire. Cool!

31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player

Well... I did see him on Sportscenter!

22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black & white TV.
23. They have always had cable.
24. There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what Beta is.
32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

Good thing I had a VCR to watch it on tape! And if I wasn't home, I could always tape it off cable.

42. McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

Oh man, I remember the styrofoam. I kinda like it.

Anyway, I guess my point about this list is... It's not very accurate. Or very useful, and it's probably just a way to remind you how terribly old we all are.

Posted by oz115 at 06:14 PM | Comments (2)

Call me unimpressed

Christy and I rolled over to Poag Mahone's tonight, as I had heard about how they served an excellent hamburger. In fact, Oprah's pal Gayle King adores the Poag Mahone cheeseburger.

Here is Christy with her half-consumed burger:

I am sorry to say, but this once again does not live up to the hype. I wasn't as thoroughly disappointed with this one as I was with Moody's, but it didn't knock me flat on my ass. I wouldn't rate it as one of the better burgers in Chicago, let alone one of the 20 burgers I must eat before I die. However, Poag Mahone's does earn extra points because the french fries were delicious. They were those crinkly ones that should be more fashionable, but they aren't. That saved the thing for me.

So, my unofficial Chicago hamburger rankings go something like this:

1 (tie): Boston Blackies/Irish Oak
3: Yak-Zies
4: Weiner's Circle (Pretty good for a fast-food joint!)

Posted by oz115 at 12:22 AM | Comments (3)

August 22, 2006

There's something in the air

I have found that most people who ride the elevated train are fairly civil to each other, even when the train is stuffed and there is no room to breath, let alone move. On those sorts of days, it's an advantage to not be too protective of your personal space. So today I was a bit confused to see a fight nearly break out on the Red Line as I rode to school.

I boarded the train at my usual station, and there was a balding white man two seats in front of me. Next, a larger - but by no means overly large - black woman sat in the seat next to him. Thirty seconds later, the man stood up and walked to the door of the train and stood there. A few seconds after that, two other black fellows approached the man and started yelling at him, finally cornering him and being somewhat physical with him. One kept saying to him, "mind your own business!" Then they quit, and left the train at the next station.

I have to wonder if the whole thing was racially motivated, because the man got up right after the woman sat next to him. I don't know why else he would have stood up, because he didn't leave the train at the next station, and in fact sat back down after the woman and the two men left. (They didn't know each other, as far as I could tell.) Whatever reason the man stood up, I don't think it's right to go beating up somebody for it. It was all pretty surreal, and nobody else knew what to do. I figured that if the thing escalated, I could always hit the red button they have in every car to talk to the driver.

After escaping that mess, I was leaving the train station when I saw a homeless man running through the station and leaping over the turnstiles. Another man was chasing him, and he also lept over the turnstile before pinning him against a wall. All I can figure is the man had stolen something from that guy, and his feeble attempt at escape would end in failure.

Posted by oz115 at 01:19 PM | Comments (0)

Osama and Whitney, sittin' in a tree

Maybe this is an elaborate ploy to get Osama bin Laden to come out of hiding? I think if somebody said in the newspaper that I was obsessed Whitney Houston, I'd seriously think about coming out of my cave to refute the accusation. By cave, of course, I mean apartment. Same thing.

Author: Bin Laden Obsessed With Whitney Houston
Al-Qaida Leader Wanted To Kill Singer's Husband, Author Says

NEW YORK -- Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof, who claims to have been Osama bin Laden's sex slave, has written in her autobiography, "Diary of a Lost Girl," that the al-Qaida leader was obsessed with Whitney Houston.

The New York Post quoted Boof as saying bin Laden told her Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

Boof said he even talked about spending a lot of money to go to the U.S. and meet her.

She said he wanted to give Houston a mansion and he'd be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives.

As for Houston's husband Bobby Brown, Boof said bin Laden talked about having him killed.

She said bin Laden believed Houston was "truly Islamic" but had been "brainwashed by American culture and by her husband."

Posted by oz115 at 10:21 AM | Comments (0)

August 21, 2006

Kids these days

I tell you, this Little League World Series thing is corrupting. I can see a 5 second delay for supposed family friendly fare like the Super Bowl, but Little League? What kind of world do we live in where 12 year old boys swear?

Player, manager apologize for incident at LLWS

An incident at the Little League World Series on Sunday night involving a player swearing and a coach slapping the player has resulted in reprimands, apologies and a five-second delay for broadcasts of the event.

Little League officials on Monday reprimanded the manager and a player for the Staten Island, N.Y. team after the player was heard using an obscenity and the manager responded by slapping him.

In the middle of the sixth inning, just before a commercial break, a player for Staten Island used an obscenity while telling his teammates in the dugout that they needed just one run to tie the game. The Staten Island manager responded with a quick slap to the player.

Lemont defeated Staten Island, 1-0.

The manager and the player apologized Monday for their actions, and Little League officials have made them aware that a repeat violation could lead to a suspension.

In response to the matter, ESPN has decided to put its Little League World Series telecasts on a five-second delay beginning with Monday's 3 p.m. game on ESPN between Lake Charles, La., and Portsmouth, N.H.

This really has nothing to do with anything, but I would not swear around other people probably until I was about 17. I just wouldn't do it. Even when all my friends were saying fuck this or fuck that, I was like, ain't gonna say it! But then I decided it's not really that bad.

One time, I had this friend who probably wasn't really a friend anyway, who ended up killing himself when we were 18. He introduced me to the word fuck, and I didn't know it was bad until I said it around the parents. Needless to say, they set me straight. Then I think my next public swearing was when I called somebody a pussy, once again not knowing that word was frowned upon.

Anyway, this intrigues me. When did you start swearing regularly, and if so, what were the circumstances of it?

Posted by oz115 at 06:48 PM | Comments (2)

Be a doll

Christy is being totally cool and doing the 3-Day Breast Cancer walk this September. Breast cancer is an awful thing, and it affects almost everyone's life at some point or another.

Reportedly she and her roommate are at it training hard for this walk, but she also needs some donations! So I am asking you, dear reader, to click over to her website and chip in $10, or $20, or $50. It's for a good cause, and Christy will be eternally grateful.

Posted by oz115 at 09:22 AM | Comments (1)

August 20, 2006

Me so crabby

I don't know if I've mentioned this in past years, but I detest the way the Little League World Series outfits all its teams with uniforms that have nothing but bland monikers such as "West" instead of their real team names.

I mean, take a look at this bunch:

You wouldn't know it to look at them, but that team is from Chicago's very own suburb of Lemont. How come you don't know? Because their uniform says "Great Lakes"! Now, I am sure there is some monetary reason that they can't make uniforms that say something like "Lemont", but I've always thought it to be a bit tacky. Even on the Little League Website, the teams are identified with monikers like "Asia", "Midwest", and something called "EMEA". Do they think people aren't going to know Japan is in Asia? I am most offended because when they start referring to the team by some geographical region, they lose their identity and it destroys some of the Little League World Series' charm. I don't know about you, but I think Surrey, BC vs. Dharan, Saudi Arabia to be a much more intriguing matchup than Canada vs. Transatlantic.

Pitiful update: I checked my trusty archive, and I wrote about this very same topic almost one year ago to the day, and I made the exact same point on August 21, 2005 that I make on August 20, 2006. That should tell you exactly how angry this Little League junk makes me.

Posted by oz115 at 09:38 PM | Comments (0)

August 17, 2006

It's so simple

I saw the above sign on the church by my house, and its message was a little peculiar: Put on shoes for peace.

So that's why they're having so many problems in the Middle East! All those people are wearing sandals, not shoes. Don't they know that all they have to do is put on a pair of Nikes? Though not New Balance, because I think those have been co-opted by certain undesirables.

Posted by oz115 at 09:18 PM | Comments (1)

August 16, 2006

Running out of ideas?

For no reason that I can understand, Maxim Online has a slideshow of the greatest video game toilets of all time. And yes, the fact that I am commenting on Maxim's dearth of ideas also means that I myself am running out of ideas. Or it can mean I don't want to talk about illegal immigrants hiding out in churches.

Posted by oz115 at 10:50 PM | Comments (0)

Why am I not surprised?

Out of curiosity, I clicked on the news story about the New York Yankees breaking ground on their brand new, $1 billion stadium. Among the dignitaries present were Yogi Berra and Mayor Bloomberg. But, I was annoyed to see another name there:

Hall of Famer Yogi Berra, superfan Billy Crystal and dozens of politicians and team officials watched from a small grandstand.

Billy Crystal? Doesn't this guy have anything else to do? I think every sort of documentary I've ever seen about baseball or the Yankees somehow manages to get an extended interview from Billy Crystal. Aren't there any other Yankee fans they can interview?

Posted by oz115 at 02:33 PM | Comments (2)

August 15, 2006

Stupid yes, illegal no

It seems the Illinois Liquor Commission is cracking down on a scourge of society: bottle service at night clubs.

Some Chicago clubgoers wanting to feel like a VIP will shell out hundreds of dollars for their own bottle of expensive vodka or other liquor, then settle in to be doted on at a private table where they can see and be seen.

But the Illinois Liquor Control Commission says the practice—known as bottle service—is illegal under state law, and it has sent violation notices to 13 clubs, including Le Passage, Enclave, Four, Stone Lotus and Jet Vodka Lounge.

State liquor control officials say bottle service does not allow the staff to properly supervise alcohol use by its patrons, which can result in overconsumption.

But club owners argue bottle service actually has the opposite result, because one server pours the drinks from the bottle and can more closely monitor drinking than if patrons are ordering from different bartenders throughout the night.

"You can see what everyone is drinking," said Luke Stoioff, co-owner of Stone Lotus in River North.

The funniest thing to me is this argument that it either allows or does not allow proper monitoring of alcohol consumption. There is one reason clubs like to have bottle service: being able to charge $500 for a bottle of Stoli that would normally cost $25. And likewise, the people who pay this have their reasons: to be seen in the VIP section, and to feel super duper important. This whole liquor commission business strikes me as a good bit of nonsense!

Posted by oz115 at 11:34 AM | Comments (0)

August 14, 2006

Definitely not a distortion

I bought my parents a package of W Ketchup during the 2004 election. Consequently, I get occasional "press releases" in my e-mail which usually deride something Democrats have done or praise something President Bush has done.

This one, however, left me scratching my head:

CBS Correspondent Disparages American Freedom

Eagle Bridge, NY — August 14, 2006 — Last night 60 Minutes broadcast an interview with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad by CBS Correspondent Mike Wallace. Mr. Wallace’s first question was: “What do you think of George Bush, as a man, and as commander-in-chief of the so-called free-world,” to which President Ahmadinejad replied: “Well the ‘so-called’ says everything.” In describing Ahmadinejad afterwards, Wallace said “He’s an impressive fellow, this guy. He really is.”

In 1982, Mike Wallace interviewed General Westmoreland, who then sued Wallace and CBS for libel and damages of $120 million. CBS later settled with Westmoreland. In 2004, Wallace assaulted a New York City Taxi and Limousine Commission inspector and was arrested.

W Ketchup CEO Dan Oliver commented: “Watching Mr. Wallace interview mad-man President Ahmadinejad brought back memories of disgraced CBS News correspondent Dan Rather ‘interviewing’ Saddam Hussein. Every American who has ever defended our country and our liberties should be appalled by Mr. Wallace, CBS News, and the entire liberal media establishment. We invite Mr. Wallace to explain how the ‘so-called’ freedoms in the countries under the guidance of Western Civilization compare with those in the Islamic world.”

In mid-June, the New York Times chose to publish the details of U.S. tactics used to monitor how terrorists finance their activities, even after government officials, including leftist-Congressman John Murtha, requested they not expose the anti-terrorist program.

Bill Zachary, chairman of W Ketchup, commented, “These actions that the mainstream media have taken against American interests in the war against terror should be seen for what they are: traitorous. We’re proud to support the Freedom Alliance Scholarship fund and the men and women who defend our country. It is scandalous that these liberal elites undermine the work they do.”

Oh pish-posh. I don't exactly see what Mike Wallace said that "disparages" American freedom. Admittedly, he complimented the Iranian President, but I don't see how asking his opinion on President Bush counts as insulting him. Any politician who gets elected to a post like President, even if it's President of Iran, must have some good qualities. I mean, he still seems to be a little wacko, but is he completely no good? Not so much.

Posted by oz115 at 02:09 PM | Comments (1)

August 10, 2006

Please!

Everybody knows the first rule of using the internet at work is don't look at porn or otherwise objectionable stuff! But child porn, which is illegal per se? He ought to be put in jail just for being a jackass.

A Montana man who used his work computer to access child pornography does not have a reasonable expectation of privacy that would bar a search of the machine, a U.S. federal appeals court ruled on Tuesday.

Jeffrey Ziegler had argued that his Fourth Amendment rights against unreasonable searches and seizures should prevent the government from using evidence that he had viewed many images of child pornography at work.

The U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals based in San Francisco cited similar past cases and found that even if some people lament the lack of privacy at work, the law was against Ziegler.

Posted by oz115 at 06:58 PM | Comments (2)

August 09, 2006

Wrong

At least O.J. managed to have a career before throwing it all away. Maurice Clarett must be the biggest waste of talent to come out of Ohio since Art Schlichter.

Maurice Clarett was charged with carrying a concealed weapon after a highway chase early Wednesday that ended with police using Mace on the former Ohio State running back and finding four loaded guns in his sport utility vehicle, police said.

Officers used Mace to subdue Clarett after a stun gun was ineffective because the former Fiesta Bowl star was wearing a bullet-resistant vest, Sgt. Michael Woods said.

"It took several officers to get him handcuffed," Woods said. "Even after he was placed in the paddy wagon, he was still kicking at the doors and being a problem for the officers."

The complaint police filed when they charged him with carrying a concealed weapon without permit said he had a 9 mm handgun under his legs in the driver's seat of an SUV.

Posted by oz115 at 11:21 AM | Comments (1)

August 08, 2006

Call me a pizza traditionalist

I'm noticing an ad blitz on TV for Pizza Hut's Stuffed Crust Pizza. Because stuffed crust pizza has a ring of cheese baked into the crust, Pizza Hut reckons I should eat the pizza backwards, or crust first.

As the title of this post suggests, I will not eat the pizza backwards, stuffed crust or not. The point of the crust is to support the rest of the slice of pizza. If you eat the crust first, you have nothing but a limp piece of pizza with sauce all over your hand. Yes, I know there are also lots of pizza places that slice pizza into squares, so that there's no crust on the internal slices. I also disagree with this method of pizza slicing. For me, the regular pie-shaped slice is the only way to go. I do not go for un-crusted slices of pizza, and by God, I will not eat my pie backwards, no matter what Pizza Hut says.

Posted by oz115 at 05:47 PM | Comments (2)

When it's too much work to take the car

I was driving by Grant Park the other day, when I spied a group of people rumbling along on Segways:

I am just not sure what to make of these things. Why yes, they allow for increased mobility and movement, but to me they are another tool to be lazy. I seem to recall Segways being envisioned for moving around houses, because walking is too much of a chore nowadays. Honey, can you go to the store around the corner and pick up some milk? Just use the Segway, I don't want you to damage your precious feet!!!

Like the folks in the picture above, it seems to me that whatever tour they are taking on a Segway could just as easily be accomplished with walking. According to Wikipedia, the things can move at speeds of 8-12 mph, which I will admit is slightly faster than walking. Even so, everytime I see a Segway all I can think is that it's nothing but a substitute for walking, which, God forbid, is a helpful form of exercise.

Posted by oz115 at 02:07 PM | Comments (1)

August 07, 2006

Didn't you get my evite?

For some reason, I have always found evites to be a little weird. I mean, there is no legitimate reason to be critical of them. What better way to tell all your friends about something you would like them to attend? No invitations in the mail, no tricky mass e-mails, and a central list of those who are coming. It's perfect!

But I think I may have found the thing that always bothers me about evites:

Consider this compilation of people who are unable to attend an event for which I recently received an evite. I think some peoples' favorite things to do is to engage in a certain bit of oneupmanship when it comes to saying why you can't go to a party. Not only can I not go, but look at my totally bitching excuse for why I can't! Pimping Kitchen Products? Ooooh! An engagement party? Look at you! Excuuuuuuse me, I can't go to your little shindig because I'll be in NYC. You know - The Big Apple.

It's even funnier because I have absolutely no idea who any of these people are. "We" can't go? I don't even know who you are! Even if you do know the people, you may never figure out it's actually them because all the evite has is a silly little screen name such as "Mike". Oh... That helps.

Posted by oz115 at 11:44 AM | Comments (2)

What a concept! Part two

I was going to make a snide remark about this, but the headline writer seems to have already nailed it, so to speak:

Hundreds expected to come to Masturbate-a-thon

LONDON (Reuters) - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "Masturbate-a-thon", a leading reproductive healthcare charity said on Friday.

Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/ AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday.

"It is a bit of a publicity stunt but we hope it will raise awareness," a Marie Stopes spokeswoman told Reuters.

"We want to get people talking about safer sex, masturbation and to lift taboos."

Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas.

Posted by oz115 at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

What a concept!

With ideas like this, it's no wonder China is going to be the next superpower. But who knew working at a karaoke bar was so stressful?

Stressed-out Chinese can now unleash pent-up anger at a bar that lets customers attack staff, smash glasses and generally make a ruckus, a Chinese newspaper reported Monday.

The Rising Sun Anger Release Bar in Nanjing, capital of the eastern province of Jiangsu, employs 20 muscled young men as "models" for customers to punch and scream at.

"Customers can specify how they want the models to appear -- they can even appear as women -- and then they are free to give them a sound beating," the China Daily said.

The bar charges from 50 yuan ($6.25) to 300 yuan for the pleasure.

If violence does not work, counselors -- students from local universities -- are at hand to dispense advice, the newspaper quoted the owner of the bar, Wu Gong, as saying.

Wu said that since he opened the bar in April, most of the patrons have been women, especially those working in karaoke bars and massage parlors.

Posted by oz115 at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)

August 03, 2006

What iceberg?

This seems awfully arrogant, to me. If I'm the police chief, and there's a possibility hooligans might be at the soccer game at my brand new stadium, I would, you know, at least attempt to pick the brains of people who deal with it all the time:

Bridgeview officers in charge of policing Saturday's soccer match between an MLS All-Star team and English champions Chelsea have not taken advantage of an offer of advice from British cops, despite an earlier pledge to do so.

Fears that soccer hooligans from the United Kingdom may attempt to disrupt the Toyota Park showcase event prompted London's Metropolitan Police Service to offer support to Bridgeview in June.

Bridgeview Police Chief Charles Chigas responded at the time that his officers "will speak with anyone who can help us."

But speaking Tuesday, London Supt. Dave Page — in charge of matchday policing at Chelsea — said nobody from Bridgeview had taken up the offer.

And then...

The "Chelsea Headhunters" — a notorious hooligan gang associated with Chelsea — has followed the team in small numbers to the United States in recent years, but Page described the Bridgeview game as "low key" and said he did not expect trouble.

...

Speaking Tuesday, Chigas said he was unaware that his officers had not contacted their London counterparts.

But he said, "That's a long way for those hooligans to come — I think we'll be fine.

"Things have been going very smoothly over there (at the new stadium)."

Posted by oz115 at 10:35 PM | Comments (0)

Speaking of guilty pleasures

Oh holy hell, do I love the Nelly Furtado song, "Maneater." I like it far much more than Promiscuous Girl, mostly because I don't really think Nelly Furtado is a very good rapper. No. Not one bit. But this, this I like. Download it!

Posted by oz115 at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)

August 02, 2006

Not to gloat

But I won at Family Feud again, for like the second time in about 200 chances. Woo!

Posted by oz115 at 09:17 PM | Comments (0)

Guilty pleasures

Q Magazine in Britain created a chart of songs that are guilty pleasures, and one particular song stuck in my craw:

#5, Gary Glitter's Rock N' Roll Part 2.

I know of nobody who actually likes this song. It's played at every damned sporting event in America when the home team scores, but that's about it. Drunk people like to sing, "We're going to kick the shit out of you!" at the end, but again, I don't know a single person who would play this song just for the hell of it.

Actually, I do. Back when 104.3 here in Chicago was an oldies station instead of that Jack crap, they would play Rock N' Roll Part 2 every few days. I never understood why this song ended up on their playlist, and this is all notwithstanding the fact that he is getting run out of countries because he apparently is a child molestor.

Posted by oz115 at 08:39 PM | Comments (1)

That toddlin' town

Lancaster is a city on the make. I mean, look at this!

Larry “Smitty” Smith hasn’t spent much time inside his house since “Supernanny” production crews rolled onto his street. He’s been too excited.
Smith, 63, of Lancaster gave up a portion of his front yard for the crew from ABC’s “Supernanny,” and he made his iced tea famous with crew members who have been working outside in 90 degree weather.
Residents in Lancaster welcomed the television crew with open arms, said the show’s production manager, Laurz Segal.
“I’m just trying to be helpful,” Smith said.
Smith and other neighbors lined Spring Street as Supernanny — Jo Frost — was dropped off at a Lancaster family’s house by a small London taxi to help teach parents some new tricks.

More coverage of this extraordinary event here and here.

Posted by oz115 at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)

August 01, 2006

The pinnacle

Up until last night, I would have to say my greatest drinking accomplishment was when I drank all 50 beers of the world at Tank's in Dayton. I didn't drink them all in one day, as it was more of an endurance drinking feat. I got a cool shirt for my trouble.

Last night, Christy and I attempted the impossible: drink 9 beers in 9 innings at the Cubs game. There's a lot of strategy involved in this, such as making sure a beer man is always around and being able to finish your beer before the last out.

I will let the pictures tell the story.

Second inning. Christy is cruising.

I'm bebopping along as well.

Fourth inning, fourth beer. Christy still going strong!

Ain't no thang!

In the fifth inning, Christy starts to realize the idiocy of it all.

Meanwhile, I start to get goofy.

7th inning.

Yep, I'm clever.

Nine!!!

So close!

That's nine empty beer cups, bitches.

And that's Wrigley Field, fool!

So you see, we are lunatics. To make it better, we sat in the midst of a church youth group, and next to a family who was none too pleased at the alcoholics to their left.

The total cost of the evening was somewhere in excess of $150, but it was worth it, especially when I puked in the alley on the way home.

Posted by oz115 at 11:06 AM | Comments (4)

Brad Pitt got kidnapped

I have been giggling nonstop since I saw this. I'm pretty sure my favorite part is the person at the end who says, "Brad Pitt got kidnapped."

Posted by oz115 at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)