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November 22, 2006
Hatfields and McCoys
Well I'm here in Buffalo, NY for Thanksgiving. My grandma has lived in the same house for nearly 50 years, as has her neighbor, Jenny. As it turns out, they don't like each other. This was never much of a secret. When I was little, I was told to never touch her lawn, or to go over on her part of the sidewalk, which is marked off with some tape like a crime scene. She is super wacky, and super bitchy.
She is obsessed with her lawn. She mows it every day, and keeps it as short as the grass at a miniature golf course. Of course, like most people who are obsessed with something, it is hilariously overdone. You know how there are some women who tan so much their skin turns orange, and everyone thinks they look ridiculous? Her lawn is the lawn equivalent of that. The grass is short, unhealthy, and ugly. But if you breath on it, she'll call the cops.
Once, when I was walking up the driveway, I sneaked a glance at her house and I saw her peaking through the window at me, and then the curtains whooshing closed. My mom refers to her as the witch, and says they have not gotten along since she was a kid.
The witch's favorite time to call the police is any time noise comes from the house, which is often because my aunt, who lives with my grandma, has a gigantic white dog called Lucy who likes to bark. Everytime Lucy barks, the witch calls the police and sometimes they come over, but most of the time they don't. This little dance has been going since I was a little baby, and nothing has ever been resolved. My aunt claims that Jenny once threw a dead rat at the house, and I feel like she once kept a ball of mine that went into her yard, like the prototypical movie evil neighbor she is.
So last Saturday, apparently, Lucy was barking at about 11 pm, and she called the cops. This time the cops came, and my aunt was working - she works at the US/Canada border and had the late shift, I guess - and my poor little grandma, who is turning 90 on Saturday, had to deal with the cops and she was completely scared.
Today, my uncle, cousin and I stopped by the house and brought my grandma a Filet o'Fish from McDonald's, because she loves fried fish and she can eat whatever she wants because she's 90. The witch was out mowing her lawn, and my uncle flew into a rage and started yelling and swearing at her, and the witch was yelling and swearing right back. We then went into the house, gave my grandma the fish, and came back outside. Then they yelled some more, gave each other the finger, and continued to yell. It was very comical to see a middle aged man in a screaming match with a 65-70 year old woman, but she deserved it.
entry no. 660
Posted by oz115 at November 22, 2006 02:59 PM
Comments
That's no way to deal with a 70 year old witch. You gotta punch her in the gut.
Why doesn't your aunt call the police about on her for harassment?
Posted by: G at December 4, 2006 10:32 AM