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December 28, 2006

Protecting our morals

There's nothing sexier to me than a girl covered in latex. You know who this really harms? The people who like strippers but are afraid of latex.

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. - Topless dancers in Alabama aren't really topless — dancers are spraying themselves with skin-colored latex.

Under Alabama's strict law regulating exotic dancers, any skin that would normally be covered by a modest bikini must be swathed in an opaque covering. But the law doesn't specify what kind of material must be used, so, in the legal sense, a nylon swimsuit and spray-on latex are virtually the same.

The state, which already was defending against a lawsuit filed by strip clubs challenging the law, says it reluctantly went along with the clubs rather than having a federal judge follow through on his threat to throw out the entire statue as unconstitutional.

Fred Patterson, who works on the Birmingham's vice and narcotics squad, said some clubs were covering dancers with latex long before the agreement was filed.

"You can get it that matches your skin color," said Patterson. "The only thing I hear from the girls is that it can be kind of irritating."

Posted at 03:02 PM | Comments (0)

December 27, 2006

You'll shoot your eye out

[Picture by me!]

As I get older, my Christmas presents just aren't as cool. I get lots of clothes, and gift cards, and the like. Luckily, Christy knows I'm still a little baby, and she got me some cool toys, like a smokin' printer and one of those Nike distance tracker things for my iPod. Thank God Christy knows how to treat me right!

Meanwhile, my mom had me go through my closet in the house, where I found a cache of old t-shirts. I found shirts I didn't even remember I had, such as one I got at a blood drive in Dayton, and my old high school soccer t-shirt. It brought back some memories, that's for sure.

I also found several old t-shirts from the last time the Sabres were in the Stanley Cup Finals, back in 1999. I told my aunt that I did not want any pictures or likenesses of the Cup in my house until Buffalo had actually won it, yet the day before the final series with the hated Dallas Stars began, a package arrived with a bunch of shirts and stuff that had Stanley all over it. I am one superstitious bastard when it comes to hockey, especially when it concerns what I consider the greatest trophy in sport. I mean, look at the thing. Damn, it's a beautiful sight! Yet there it was, like some sort of false idol. You may have heard me talk about how that one ended for us Sabres fans. So that brought back some bad memories.

Posted at 02:38 PM | Comments (2)

December 26, 2006

Mandatory charity

I went up to Easton Town Center today, where I did a little post-Christmas shopping. It's a private shopping mall designed like an English public town square, so it has that strange pseudo-town vibe that the Supreme Court loves to mess with. It also has English-y street names like "The Strand" and "New Bond Street," which I suppose is better than Olde Cherry Tree Court or some stupid name like that which developers like to name their streets. Easton has the most curious parking meter system. The money you put in the meter goes to charity. I tried to take a picture of it, but the picture came out poorly:

The meter money goes to charity, but if I had a good picture, you would see that failure to pay the meter results in a $50 fine and getting your car towed. So, in essence, you are being compelled to donate money to charity. Now I know you are actually paying money to Easton to park, who then gives it to charity. But I don't like the idea of being threatened with towing. I wonder if charities get the $50 towing fee?

Posted at 04:48 PM | Comments (1)

December 25, 2006

Fragile! It must be Italian

[Picture from here]

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone out there in Internet-land. Whatever your Christmas wishes are, I hope they come true.

Posted at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)

December 22, 2006

Montage homage

Anyone who grew up in the 80's knows there's nothing quite like a movie training montage, and the Rocky movies were the king of training montages. Finally, Rocky is getting some recognition for its contribution to movie history:

An hour or so into Sylvester Stallone's Rocky Balboa, the washed-up brawler decides it's his destiny to strap on the gloves one more time. Bill Conti's theme music kicks in, and Rocky hits the floor for a set of one-armed push-ups, then lifts some heavy-looking metal chains and beats the crap out of a side of beef. It's an inspirational, back-to-basics training montage—one of Stallone's finest in 30 years.

...

Rocky, though, will forever be champion of the genre. Close readings of the series' montage sequences reveal countless details that are essential to understanding the silver screen's archetypal underdog hero. The Rocky montages also shine a light on the evolution of the series' aesthetics, the shifting sensibilities of American popular culture, and the geopolitical climate of the 1980s.

Hell, there's even a website dedicated to montages. Here's a clip from what I consider to be the greatest training montage ever, in Rocky IV:

In fact, I think Rocky IV is probably the best of the Rocky movies, other than the original. I doubt the new one will change that. There is just something inspirational about Rocky beating the Russian superman. Did Rocky IV predict the end of the Cold War? Maybe it did. After all, a few years after Rocky sent Ivan Drago packing, the USSR went the way of the dodo. Coincidence? You decide.

Posted at 02:47 PM | Comments (0)

You're going down, iTunes

I hooked my iPod up to the computer to update the software. Fairly routine, no? Next thing I know, the iPod's been "corrupted" and I have to erase everything on it and start over. So, all my songs are gone, and I have to put them back on. Here's what I wanted to do to the computer after this unsettling episode:

Also, here's another cool thing I found on Youtube, just for the heck of it.

Posted at 12:01 AM | Comments (0)

December 21, 2006

Vegas!

Christy and I went to Las Vegas over the weekend. It was an amazing time, one that left my senses overloaded and my wallet underfilled. We did several things on the glitzy Vegas strip, including a trip to the top of the fake Eiffel Tower at Paris [which produced that slammin' picture of the Bellagio fountains seen above], a rollercoaster ride at New York New York, an indoor Gondola ride at the Venetian, and lots of expensive dinners. Christy shopped, I followed her around, and we saw everything there is to see. I saw a guy at the airport from Sam's Town, which happens to be the inspiration for what was supposed to be the greatest album in the past twenty years.

We saw a show called "Jubilee," which was a pageant of dance and song that happened to include topless dancers. But as Christy's mom is fond of saying, "you don't even notice they're topless!" Being a guy, I noticed. Either way, the show was very good. It opened with dance revues and carnival type acts, then told the story of Biblical hero Samson. Christy can tell you that the fellow playing Samson was about the nicest looking guy there. [Even moreso than me!] After other assorted acts, it then had a strange section about the sinking of the Titantic, which I faulted because it did not accurately depict the ship's sinking. We went to karaoke at another casino, and visited the wedding chapel at Caesar's.

Our home base was the Venetian, and let me tell you, that is a sexy hotel. Supposedly the best restaurant in America is there, as are many other great restaurants. One bakery had what I think was the best brownie I've ever tasted - it almost made my face melt, it was so good.

Our last day there was spent off the Strip, where we saw the seedy side of Vegas, with its closed down shops, $200 a month apartments, and wedding chapels in strip malls. But we did make a stop at the Little White Wedding Chapel, where we met a certain celebrity:

Our trip ended with a midnight flight home that didn't arrive until 6 am. Following a dreary cab ride in which I had to argue with the driver about how to get to my house, I slept until 2 in the afternoon.

Overall, it was a great time. Some complaints: everything costs money! The Venetian drove me nuts. We already paid some serious bank to stay at the place, but they charge $4 for a bottle of Coke, $4 to get a corkscrew, $10 a day for Internet, and $35 a day (!!!) to use the gym. Not cool, Venetian. Not cool.

Also, the weather sucked. As Reuben Tishkoff would say, you're in the middle of the fucking desert, yet it was 45 degrees during the day and 30 degrees at night. Deserts aren't supposed to get cold! Yes I know the Gobi Desert is cold, but go with me. I came there for warm weather, yet it was warmer in Chicago than it was in Vegas. Shame on you, Vegas weather!

Posted at 05:09 PM | Comments (0)

Doing the job Americans won't do

I love a good prank as a means of getting back at asinine government acts. Here's one that pokes fun at an ordinance meant to rid a town of illegal immigrants:

Santa isn't welcome in Hazleton because he's an illegal immigrant just like all the others the Pennsylvania town is trying to get rid of -- or so someone would have you believe.

A new Web site, http://www.nosantaforhazleton.com, says the town intends to keep Santa out this Christmas because he represents the illegal immigration the town council believes increases crime and burdens local services.

But the site is a hoax, created by someone in a bid to satirize a local law passed in July that has attracted national attention by imposing penalties on businesses and landlords to deter them from hiring or renting rooms to illegal immigrants.

Posted at 02:48 PM | Comments (0)

Totally prurient!

Well, I'm a dork. I was flipping channels last night, and I came upon C-SPAN's coverage of oral argument in Fox v. FCC, in which Fox is apparently trying to avoid a fine after Cher and Nicole Richie said "fuck" on a live broadcast. This was fascinating to me, though I didn't entirely get the whole argument because a) I kept walking out of the room, and b)you won't usually know what is going on in an oral argument anyway because the lawyers and judges don't want to waste time explaining the case when they already know all the facts and want to argue only the crucial points.

Anyway, watching the esteemed U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit wrangle over the issues was great, mostly because it exposed a lot of FCC hypocrisy in that they get upset over a measly little f-bomb but don't bat an eye when primetime TV has a body count to rival a John Woo flick. Oh yeah, and because I got to hear the Honorable Pierre N. Leval, Harvard Law School, say "fuck" multiple times. Another judge couldn't bring herself to say it. That has to be a lawyer's fantasy - to swear in court. I know it's mine.

As a matter of fact, I was telling a friend that the next time I had to do an oral argument at school, my whole argument would be "Everything that guy said, is bullshit." The My Cousin Vinny defense. It probably would not work.

Now it seemed to me that the judges were sympathetic to the Fox lawyer, and hostile to the FCC lawyer. The Fox guy sailed along, but the FCC's lawyer didn't have a lot of good answers to the judges' questions. Lucky for me, other people saw this as well. Click here and here for some other accounts of the festivities.

Posted at 10:18 AM | Comments (0)

December 20, 2006

The Hit King

That's Pete Rose, baseball's all-time hits leader. Christy and I saw him at a sports memorabilia show in Las Vegas this past weekend. It was one of the many momentous things to happen to us in Vegas!

Anyway, it's typical Pete Rose. I'm one of many people who can't stand Pete Rose, mostly for his refusal to admit betting on baseball (and when he did admit it, doing so in what was a pretty transparent attempt to make money). I also love the way he does what he does best nowadays, which is travel around the country and charge people $25 for his autograph. Here's a story on him stumping for his and Mark McGwire's induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Speaking of the Hall of Fame, as commenter John astutely pointed out, I left Cal Ripken off my list of choices for the HOF. Oops.

Posted at 03:48 AM | Comments (0)

December 19, 2006

Representin'

The NFL Pro Bowl rosters were named today, and a familiar name was included:

Quarterback Philip Rivers and center Nick Hardwick were named as reserves and kicker Nate Kaeding and special teamer Kassim Osgood were the other Chargers named to the Pro Bowl.

That's right, San Diego Charger Kassim Osgood was named as a Pro Bowler. I think he bears a resemblance to the Osgood who writes this particular blog, don't you?

Osgood #1

Osgood #2

Okay, maybe we're not that closely related.

Posted at 11:58 PM | Comments (2)

December 15, 2006

Makes me melt inside

I've always been a sucker for a good dog story. This one is right out of a Hallmark movie:

Alice Baines could not find him on the block. She could not find him near the dock. She could not find him here nor there. She could not find him anywhere.

But two years after a hurricane blew down a back-yard fence in Florida and set free a golden retriever named Sam-I-Am, the wayward pooch was found in McHenry County.

In the most unlikely of reunions Thursday night, Sam-I-Am ran across the tiled floor at O'Hare International Airport and rested his head on the arm of owner Baines, who flew to Chicago from her home in Tampa to retrieve him.

"I can't believe it," she said. "This kind of thing doesn't happen."

Veterinarians in McHenry County were stunned as well when they discovered a microchip in the scruff of the dog's neck that placed his home more than 1,200 miles to the southeast.

"I've never seen anything like it," said McHenry County animal control officer Sean Graff.

`Have you got him?'

On Thursday night, Brett Baines, 9, waited in Florida for the return of his canine pal. The boy last saw the dog in 2004 after the hurricane ripped up a fence outside the family's home.

Read the whole story here.

Now, I've never had anything quite like this happen, but I have two favorite runaway dog stories. When I was a wee lad, we had a dog named Stanley, who was a behemoth. But he was also very gentle, because my brothers and I could climb over him and pull his tail and he never did a bad thing. But he sure loved to run away - once he jumped through the window at the mailman and chased him down the block. Everytime Stanley ran away, my dad would get him vanilla ice cream from Dairy Queen when he caught him. Once, when Stanley was like 15 years old, he walked through an open gate and we found him walking down the road about a quarter mile from the house. He didn't even resist: he climbed right into the car. We think he used to run away just for the ice cream.

After him, our next dog was Indy. He was more of a people dog, and once he got loose and nobody could find him. We looked all over the place, until our neighbors called. They were having a garage sale, and Indy had gone to the sale and set up shop under a table, where everyone was petting him and giving him treats. He wasn't even off looking for female companionship, all he wanted were people to pat him on the head. What a dog.

Posted at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)

I thought it was clever

I think if there is one rule I can distill from life, it's never, ever, make jokes about Nazis. Because your gingerbread sculpture might get the boot.

An artist who was forced to remove his Nazi gingerbread men from the window of a hardware store has set up the display in an empty storefront in another town.

"The Secret Lives of Gingerbread Men" depicts a small gathering at a Nazi rally. Keith McGuckin set up the display in this northeastern Ohio city Thursday night, a day before the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah begins at sundown.

The owner of a hardware store in nearby Oberlin made McGuckin remove the display last month after getting complaints.

McGuckin, 50, said the subject is meant to provoke thought, not offend.

"I remember thinking to myself, 'What's the worst thing a gingerbread man can do?'" he said. "They're just copying things that people have done. There are no hidden messages here."

Last winter, McGuckin used the hardware store window to display a "caroler-bashing" snowman and a little boy excited about using his chemistry set to create the illegal drug crystal meth.

He said he wasn't aware he had set up the Nazi gingerbread men so close to Hanukkah.

"This one does seem to rub people the wrong way," he said. "But I hope it'll stay up for a little while."

McGuckin received permission to use the empty storefront from the owner, The (Elyria) Chronicle-Telegram reported Friday.

Posted at 10:02 AM | Comments (0)

December 14, 2006

Hall of Fame time

Okay, so the Baseball Hall of Fame elections are coming up soon. Here's who I'd put into the Hall:

Bert Blyleven
Goose Gossage
Andre Dawson
Tony Gwynn
Jack Morris
Lee Smith

I still think Jack Morris was probably one of the best starting pitchers of the 80's and early 90's, and Bert Blyleven would've won more than 300 games if he hadn't played on some truly crappy teams. Tony Gwynn was one of my favorite players, and Goose Gossage and Lee Smith helped revolutionize the game. Andre Dawson was just another dominant player in the 80's, who I think doesn't get the recognition he deserves because he played most of his career in Montreal.

Lastly, I don't think Mark McGwire deserves to be in the HOF just yet, especially when you consider the only thing he did was hit piles and piles of home runs. I have a hard time saying he's a Hall of Famer simply because of that. I mean, he hit 583 home runs, but only had 1,600 hits. Downey says the same thing in the Tribune today, and I am inclined to agree.

Posted at 02:26 PM | Comments (2)

Kids these days

Wow. I may have seen some bad stuff at school, but this is pretty rough:

A 14-year-old Buffalo boy could be blind in his right eye after a classmate fired a steel staple at him with a rubber-band sling-shot, tearing a half-inch gash into his eyeball, his father said.

Chammar Wiggins was finishing a late-morning math test last Thursday in Harriet Ross Tubman School 31 on Stanton Street when the incident occurred. His teacher had her back turned to collect a nearby test, according to Chammar's father, Leonard Wiggins.

"I'm angry," Wiggins said. "My son is sitting there minding his business. He looks up, and all of a sudden he's hit in the eye.

"You're not even safe in school anymore."

That night, Chammar underwent three hours of surgery in Women and Children's Hospital.

The staple ripped Chammar's eyeball from the sclera - the white area of the eye - to the retina. The wound cut through his iris - the colored area of the eye - and his pupil.

Let's hope he makes a full recovery! This reminds me of the time a kid threw a pair of scissors at me. They missed, but zinged a few inches from my face. That guy later committed suicide. God I'm happy today!

Posted at 10:46 AM | Comments (1)

My firstborn's name

So, I was checking my email today, and I looked in my spam folder. Sometimes spam messages are funny, and sometimes they are even poetic. Usually, I don't get any fun ones. Maybe I just don't read them enough.

Anyway, I got a fairly bland spam about some stock that costs 10 cents a share (what a deal!), but the "name" of the sender caught my eye. Are you ready for this? Butts Ferdinand! What a name!

I could name my dog Butts Ferdinand. It has a nice ring to it. Like Spuds McKenzie, or Studs Terkel. Have you met my dog? His name is Butts Ferdinand!

Or it could be a substitute for swearing, like "fudge." Hey, your car is getting towed! What?! Butts Ferdinand!

Or, Butts Ferdinand could be an anti-smoking mascot.

Who's that guy? Why it's the National Institute of Health's latest anti-smoking campaign, Butts Ferdinand! It sounds remotely French - maybe if people associate smoking with the French, they won't do that anymore. Okay, nevermind. I see why that's dumb.

Posted at 12:23 AM | Comments (0)

December 13, 2006

Maybe the obesity epidemic has something to do with this

Not to be a whiner, which if you read this commentary frequently, you know I never do, but it pisses me off when I am in a building where all the stairs are rigged to fire alarms.

For example, at school here we have this nice little lounge on the 13th floor, and the only way to get to it is the elevator. There are stairs up to the third floor, and after that people can only go up via the elevator. Likewise, if I want to go from the 13th floor to the 3rd floor, I need to take an elevator. There are two staircases right next to the elevators, but if you try to use them there is a nasty sign warning that you will set off a fire alarm.

Likewise, at my Bally's, the gym is on the 7th floor, and they only let you take the elevators up. If I want to use the stairs next to the elevators, the alarm goes off. However, at that one you can at least go down the stairs.

I guess my question is, why? Why do they set stairwells up so that fire alarms will go off if you open a door? Why can't people use the stairs if they don't want to take an elevator up one floor? I have to say, I get pretty annoyed when a spry person takes an elevator one floor when they can easily use the stairs. But, when the stairwells are alarmed, everybody has to take an elevator. Sometimes a climb up the stairwell is good exercise. I think that should be an option. Maybe people wouldn't be so chunky if they took the stairs every now and then.

Posted at 07:21 PM | Comments (0)

December 12, 2006

America's best

It seems Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith had to have his Heisman Trophy shipped home, because security wouldn't allow it on the airplane:

Troy Smith's Heisman Trophy was shipped home because airport security would not allow the Ohio State quarterback to take it on the plane Tuesday.

Smith wore a black leather jacket with the Heisman insignia on back when he arrived at Port Columbus International Airport from New York, where he was presented college football's most coveted trophy.

Eddie George, the last Buckeye to win the Heisman in 1995, had his trophy get stuck in an airport X-ray machine, losing the tip of its right index finger and bending the middle finger.

“We decided to have it shipped. That's much easier. How times have changed. Eddie carried it on the plane and put it in the seat next to him,” sports information director Steve Snapp said.

Smith said he didn't mind.

“No, because Eddie's finger got bent,” Smith said. “I don't want that to happen to mine.”

I don't understand something. Why wasn't it allowed on the plane? Is the Heisman Trophy a dangerous object? Is Troy Smith likely to use the Heisman as a weapon to hijack the plane? So, people have no problem sneaking a knife on board a plane, but Heisman Trophies and Congressional Medals of Honor get nixed.

Posted at 11:42 AM | Comments (1)

God I'm bored

I really didn't feel much like using my brain at all the rest of tonight, so instead I played around with Photoshop. Christy has always wanted to go to Paris, so I decided I'd give her a memory of being in Paris. I took what is pretty much the most ridiculous picture of us there is [note the stupendously awful 'stache], and this was the result.

So, Christy, here you go. I hope you enjoyed your trip to Paris. I don't know what the Eiffel Tower is saying back there, but so long as it's not "Go home American swine," I won't complain.

Posted at 01:28 AM | Comments (2)

December 11, 2006

I want to move to Australia

I mean, they don't even try to lie about it!

Australians have a reputation as big drinkers but a new report has found many can not handle their hangovers, with Australians claiming more than 2.6 million sick days a year as a result of a night on the booze.

The study of 13,500 Australian drinkers, published in the December issue of the Medical Journal of Australia, found days lost due to alcohol sickness and injuries was costing A$437 million (US$344 million) a year.

The study by Flinders University in South Australia found Australia's heavy drinkers managed their hangovers better than light drinkers who claimed a higher number of sick days.

"A large proportion of alcohol-related absenteeism is due to alcohol hangovers, which are more common for light to moderate drinkers than for heavy drinkers," said the study.>

It said that more than half of all alcohol-related sick leave was taken by low-risk infrequent drinkers amongst Australia's 20 million population.

"This is due to the much larger numbers of workers who drink at these (low) levels, compared with the number of workers who frequently drink at risky or high-risk levels," said the report.

Australia has a reputation for being a nation of heavy drinkers coming in at number 14 for beer consumption per capita behind Germany, the United Kingdom and Belgium, says the World Health Organisation.

Posted at 11:50 AM | Comments (0)

December 09, 2006

Royale with cheese!

I read about this in Rolling Stone. It's funny, in a mistranslated menu sort of way.

Posted at 05:05 PM | Comments (0)

All I got

Here's my fake Monopoly card. Make your own!

Posted at 03:28 PM | Comments (0)

December 07, 2006

Ain't no hollaback girl

There's this website, called HollaBackNYC. Its basic premise is that if somebody sexually harasses someone else on the street, you can snap their pic with a camera phone, and then the site will post the picture and an account of what happened.

I agree with this in principle, because I don't think anyone should have to be subjected to catcalls or lewd remarks when walking down the street. I don't exactly get what men think is going to happen if they tell some random woman they are beautiful, or that she will be intrigued when he describes what he would like to do to her. It just isn't going to happen. In fact, I am certain it never works.

So, I think if a guy does something nasty to a woman on the street, he deserves to get his picture taken and be embarrassed on the internet. Sometimes they'll even get arrested for it. And I say that's a good thing, though I am not sure how much of a detrimental effect this will have on people.

But I think Hollaback dropped the ball, so to speak, when it published this picture:

You see, the guy with the backpack is checking the girl out. And this is wrong why? Look what she's wearing! Of course he is going to look. Personally, I don't think this is worthy of the label "street harassment."

I even asked Christy about it, as she unfortunately knows a little bit about getting harassed on the street. She said that when she wears something like what this lady is wearing, she expects people to notice and to take a look. But nothing more. It's a whole different thing to get checked out as opposed to having gross things yelled at you or trying to grab your ass. Sorry to say, if somebody is going to go out dressed like that, people are going to look. And I think it's appropriate to look, but nothing more.

Posted at 12:59 AM | Comments (0)

December 06, 2006

I don't deserve this

I ran that face recognition website thing on a picture of myself, and according to that website, the celebrity I most resemble is...

John Major? Are you kidding me? The former prime minister of Britain? I mean, LOOK at this guy. I'm insulted. However, it says I also resemble Burt Reynolds. So I guess that's something.

Posted at 11:15 AM | Comments (0)

How embarassing

Somebody should have gotten this lady a can of Glade. Instead, she made about 98 people very, very late and angry:

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Actually, it's always been a bit of a nightmare of mine that I am somehow responsible for getting a plane diverted because they think I am a terrorist. I don't think lighting matches would be how I do it, but I could see my choice of reading material occasionally worrying some people.

Posted at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)

Redesign

So I decided to spruce up the ol' blog design here. Why, it just wasn't entertaining enough anymore, so I figured I'd change up some colors and stuff. I hope you like it, and if you don't, you're just a malcontent!

Posted at 12:18 AM | Comments (1)

December 05, 2006

Wikipedia banality

God I love Wikipedia. At the end of its article about Fort Erie, Ontario, somebody slipped in this nugget of information:

Glaringly absent from the commmunity is a location of the popular convenience chain, 7-11. This is surprising, considering that the smaller, poorer community of Port Colborne next to it has a location.

Somehow that slipped by, but when I made a Wikipedia article about myself, that got slammed in about 30 seconds. What gives? I guess that's what you get with an encyclopedia anyone can edit.

I think the insertion of that information into Wikipedia happened something like this: high school kid/college dropout living in Fort Erie on someone's couch smokes huge bowl with buddies, gets the munchies. Hops in '91 Toyota Corolla (with 150,000 miles on it... or is that 240,000 kilometers???) and starts looking for a breakfast burrito. Naturally he seeks out 7-11, but finds there isn't one located in Fort Erie. He is forced to drive to nearby Port Colborne for his burrito fix, and tops it off with some sort of beverage, most likely a slurpee or a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew. Sated and full from his impromptu snack, he moseys back home to Fort Erie, where he decides to air his grievance about the lack of 7-11's in Fort Erie on the most convenient forum he can think of: Wikipedia. He makes the change, where millions of people seeking information about Fort Erie will see it, causing them to cancel hotel reservations in downtown Fort Erie, thereby sticking it to the Man where it hurts the most: his wallet. Falls asleep, and promptly forgets about it, but has explosive diarrhea from the breakfast burrito.

Posted at 11:35 AM | Comments (2)

December 04, 2006

An interesting hypothesis

I saw this on Slate. By God, this fellow just might be right!

Is James Bond responsible for the Iraq war?

I ask this question in (almost) all seriousness, not in any way to promote the latest Bond movie, Casino Royale, nor the new book on Bond by Simon Winder, The Man Who Saved Britain, but merely to suggest that it was Bond—James Bond—who came to mind the night of Jan. 28, 2003, when George W. Bush, addressing the Congress, the American people, and the whole world, said those now infamous 16 words: "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." By British government, he was speaking, of course, of Bond.

At the time, I did not give much thought to how Bond got this information, but I supposed it entailed a killing or two, a fast car, a gorgeous woman of situational morality, and a lethal gizmo provided by Q. Of course, I knew that it was not literally Bond who discovered that Saddam had gone shopping in Africa, but the fact that it was the British government that came up with the goods gave Bush's assertion unimpeachable authority. You need only ask yourself what the effect would have been if Bush had cited the Italian government or the Russian government or even the Israeli government, which could be seen as an interested party. "The Italian government has learned …" We'd still be laughing.

Click here to read the whole article. It's strangely convincing.

Posted at 10:53 AM | Comments (1)

Nah, it looks that way cause you've only got one shoe on

This is a novel way to get homeless people back up on their feet. Whoever thought up this thing gets a gold star in my book:

Rebecca Kelly used to run from her problems. Now, she runs in an effort to solve them.

Kelly took her first drink at 14, soon entering the first of what would be many rehabilitation stints. She has been forced to live on the streets, once got kicked in the face by a male attacker, been broke more times than she cares to remember.

Now, the 31-year-old is part of a most unusual athletic club called The Home Team, a group of homeless people trying to turn their lives around through running. Three of their members finished 13.1 miles yesterday morning at the Marathon of the Palm Beaches in West Palm Beach.

"It felt better, absolutely better than I thought it would feel," said Kelly, who finished 725 th in the women’s halfmarathon. "It wasn’t even the moment crossing the line. It was just knowing that I was going to finish when I got to 10, 11 miles, knowing ‘Hey, I trained for this. I deserve to feel good.’ It was better than any drug I’ve ever done."

That’s the idea.

The concept — taking people who are living in shelters and showing them how the discipline needed to become a marathon runner can apply to their regular lives — is an unusual one. The Home Team’s members all have jobs and are in rehab programs, vowing to stay clean and trying to get on their feet.

Posted at 10:41 AM | Comments (0)

December 03, 2006

Crime doesn't pay

Every time I see one of those wild police chase TV shows, they always seem to show this one:

I don't know what it is, but there is something strangely exciting about seeing a guy crash into a bus.

Posted at 09:07 PM | Comments (0)