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January 31, 2007
Cheap, romantic, or cheaply romantic?
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Make your Valentine’s day STEAMY! Take your Valentine to White Castle on Wednesday, February 14 between 5 and 8 p.m. and enjoy hostess seating, candlelit dining and your own server. Reservations are required, so check the list below for participating Castles near you!
Special this year, you can also treat your honey to a romantic White Castle dinner in your home! Cupid’s Crave Kits include eight cheeseburgers, one sack of fries, two regular soft drinks, coupons and keepsake items to heat up your homespun romance. Now, ain’t that sweet?
Posted at 11:31 PM | Comments (0)
Workin' for the man
Finally, I found myself legal employment. I have a honkin' 5 hour break between classes on Monday and Wednesday, and nothing to do on Friday, so I'm turning some of those hours into money by working at a law firm in the Loop.
The coolest thing I've gotten to do so far is file a lawsuit at the Daley Center. I walked over there, complaint and summons in hand, thinking to myself, make way, peons. I have a *lawsuit*! Of course, my sense of importance was soon deflated because there were about 100 other people there also filing lawsuits, and at least five other law clerks who were bouncing around the Loop filing suits, doing the bidding of a senior partner, looking as confused as me.
My dropping off those papers has some interesting effects, too. From what I understand, the documents go to the Sheriff, who then has to go serve the complaint on the defendant. She is going to be pretty unhappy when she finds out she's getting sued for lots of money. I'm guessing she is in trouble!
Now the other downside of this is that I actually can't goof off at work. Not that I did before... No, not at all. Uh... Yeah.
Posted at 11:20 PM | Comments (0)
January 30, 2007
That's gotta hurt
I've played on some crappy sports teams in my times, but I don't think I've ever gotten whooped on like this:
Kazakhstan beat Thailand 52-1 to wrap up their ruthless march through the group stage of the Asian Games ice hockey tournament yesterday. A search of records indicated the game was the highest scoring match in Olympics history.
Kazakhstan is currently ranked 11th in the world in the sport. Thailand is unranked.
Other tops teams have taken it easy against the amateurs from warmer countries but the pre-tournament favourites scored 17 goals in the first period, 20 in the second and eased up only slightly to score 15 in the last third of the game.
The scoring was spread fairly evenly through the roster and Oleg Yeremeyev took the biggest haul with seven goals inside the first two periods as Kazakhstan added this rout to a 38-0 drubbing of the UAE.
Posted at 12:22 AM | Comments (1)
January 29, 2007
I'll fly away
I flew home to Columbus this past weekend (leaving behind Chicago like so), but I wanted to tell you about some craziness on the flight home.
As our plane touched down at Midway, the flight attendant said, "welcome to Chicago, oh, and Go Bears." The 20 or so people on my flight nodded in approval, until the other flight attendant gets on the PA and says, "Uh, go Colts!"
This started an exchange in which the first attendant responds, "oh no you din-int," and then a "oh yes I did!" It was even stranger because one attendant was at the back of the plane and the other was at the front, so they were waging war on the PA. But it all sounded extremely fake to me, and maybe it was. Maybe they say it every time they land at Midway.
Now, I always fly Southwest, and they like to have all sorts of flight attendant pitter patter at the end of the flight, such as the Bears/Colts exchange. I don't think I like this. I mean, I get the image that Southwest is trying to project: we're fun, come fly with us. I remember one flight attendant made up a silly song about buckling your seatbelt, and I was thinking, just tell us how to buckle our seatbelt, and that we can use our cushion in the event of a "Water landing." But a song? Don't need it!
Posted at 11:28 AM | Comments (0)
Me so litigious
I found this delightful story on the WSJ Law Blog. It seems Michigan Law alum Adrian Zachariasewycz got fired from his job and got poor grades on his exams, so he did the natural thing: he sued his law school (among others), because his poor typing skills put him at a disadvantage. He fails to mention that if he is so bad at typing law school exams, he could write them by hand - which is what I do, and I do pretty well. I'm not sure how it's Michigan's fault he chose the option at which he is not very good.
Here's my favorite portion of his complaint (PDF), which accuses Michigan of intentional interference with prospective business relations and civil conspiracy:
21. The Law School made no generally adequate accommodation to students with deficient typing skills that would allow them to compete on a level playing field with their manually more dexterous peers with better-developed keyboarding skills.
Good luck, buddy! We're all with you.
Posted at 12:34 AM | Comments (0)
January 25, 2007
Super Bowl Shaft
If there's one thing I've noticed about Chicago, it's that sporting events bring out the brutal capitalist in all of us. Whether it's charging $30 to park in a garage a block from Wrigley Field, or charging five times face value for a baseball game at said stadium, we're all turning into miniature Vanderbilts and Carnegies. It can also turn people into pretty big jerks.
First, there's the saga of construction worker/public access TV show host Bryan "Chong" Lane, who got Bears safety Chris Harris to promise, on tape, that if the Bears made it to the Super Bowl, he'd buy him tickets.
In [the tape], Harris tells Lange -- who goes by the name Chong on a show called Psycho Babble -- that his goal is to make it to the Super Bowl.
Says Lange: "If you guys make it to the Super Bowl, I'll sell my Harley to go.''
Harris replies, "You won't have to sell it. I will give you tickets.''
Lange replies, "I'm going to hold you to it. I've got you on tape.''
Harris, looking at the camera, then agrees: "It's on tape. If we win, he's going.''
Lange concludes the interview by saying, "Chong is going to the Super Bowl with the Bears on Chris Harris' dollar.''
Well shoot, Chris Harris, what are you going to do now?
In a phone interview, Harris' agent, Albert Elias, said he was unaware of Harris' promise but called Lange's appeal "a very unreasonable request considering Chris has over 40 family members trying to get tickets and he's only offered 15.''
Everybody's pretty much in agreement that Harris isn't under any legal obligation to pay up. As Zorn suggests, he has a moral obligation to do so. Why make this promise if he didn't plan to keep it? Whether or not he meant it, he had to know that a promise like that means a whole lot to some people. So, while nobody can force him to pay, I think it is the right thing to do from both a moral standpoint and a public relations standpoint.
Meanwhile, there's local watering hole O'Donovans. I don't think I've ever been to this place, but I certainly won't plan on going after they pulled a stunt which could best be called "d-bag-ish."
My friend had a contract for a superbowl party at a bar in Chicago. Nowhere on the contract does it say that the bar can cancel this contract at will.
While there are terms indicating that if my friend doesn't cancel at least 2 weeks prior, he must pay a penalty, and there are terms indicating he must guarantee at least 20 attendees at $28 per person for this party, nowhere does it say the bar can cancel at will.
Of course, since it's in Chicago and the Bears have just made the superbowl today, they called him and said he can no longer have the party. It's worth mentioning the party was booked on December 13th.
$28 per person was all inclusive for catered food and open bar for a few hours. Obviously this is because they could make more money if this party isn't held in the back room of the bar he had reserved.
The contract clearly states "Superbowl" on it so no argument can be made that they didn't realize the implications of the party.
In talking to the bar's manager, he admitted it was because the Bears were in the superbowl, and was completely rude about it. My friend even offered to pay more money, and asked "name a realistic price, I understand you could make more money by not having my party", and his return was "$100 a head."
Come on, O'Donovans! Not only does there appear to be a legally binding contact, but you have no compelling reason for cancelling the contract. When they booked the party, they knew there was a chance the Bears could make the Super Bowl. They took the risk, and they formed a legal contract to have a party during the game. Too bad, so sad. The Bears making the Super Bowl definitely isn't a good legal defense, in my opinion, because the bar knew that could happen yet chose to make the deal anyway. I think this guy could win some damages against the bar should he choose to take them to court, which I sincerely hope he does. But at the same time, I'd understand if he didn't because, well, it could be expensive. If it was me, I think I'd sue them, or at least threaten to sue.
And, I am sure there will be many more instances of Chicagoans dicking over fellow Chicagoans as the Super Bowl approaches. Just you see!
Posted at 03:51 PM | Comments (2)
It's all relative
I was at the ol' Virgin Megastore a little while ago, and the cashier was lamenting the fact that she is about to turn 22. Even when I turned 22, I didn't think it was a big deal. Now, 23 and 25, those kinda freaked me out. Turning 27 didn't irritate me too much, and I think I'm handling it decently.
The lady next to me in line made some sarcastic comment about how she wished she was turning 22, and then I made what I think was my first ever "enjoy your youth" comment that so many people have made over the years. I said to her, "It only gets worse from here."
The best part - I was kidding. As a matter of fact, I think it's getting better. It depends on how you define having a good birthday, I suppose. Raging kegger every year? Yes, it probably goes down hill. But otherwise? Sure, it gets better! Right?
Posted at 01:14 PM | Comments (1)
January 24, 2007
This pleases me
Posted at 11:51 PM | Comments (0)
If only
I don't how I came upon this (probably because I was, indeed, slacking), but the Wikipedia article on "slacker" contains an interesting defense of the slacker mentality:
Proponents of slacker theory assert that managing to survive by doing things at the last possible moment improves intellect as a compensatory way to cope, fashioning a wily yet lazy person. Similarly, a disorganized lifestyle may be superior to an organized one from the pragmatic perspective that a slacker will adapt to disorderliness by improving skills at memorization and at effortlessly rummaging, whereas actively organizing would require serious effort. Hence, the epithet slacker, while often used in the pejorative, is growingly signifying a complimentary, cerebral quality of an unconventional person.
Ha ha ha! Now listen. I can be a slacker. I procrastinate at times. It has to be a very big stretch for me to consider this a virtue. Sure, having little time to do something certainly makes me more motivated to do it, but I much more prefer to have the time to do something properly.
I mean, here's how much of a procrastrinator I am: my friends invented a word to describe how I waste time. Ozzygagging. For example, I was supposed to drive to Cleveland for New Years, but I was late because Rocky IV was on TV. Unfortunately, I don't think this would cause anyone to suggest my "disorganized lifestyle" is "superior to an organized one." Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, however.
Posted at 04:23 PM | Comments (0)
January 23, 2007
Priorities
If he was smart, this guy could've flipped his tickets for $2,000 and started a college fund for his new son:
Nine months pregnant and married to a fervent Bears fan with tickets to Sunday's NFC Championship game, Colleen Pavelka didn't want to risk going into labor during the game against the New Orleans Saints. Due to give birth on Monday, Pavelka's doctor told her Friday she could induce labor early. She opted for the Friday delivery.
"I thought, how could (Mark) miss this one opportunity that he might never have again in his life?" said Pavelka, 28, from the southwestern Chicago suburb of Homer Glen.
At 10:45 p.m. Friday, Mark Patrick Pavelka was born at Palos Community Hospital after close to six hours of labor.
While her husband watched the Bears play the New Orleans Saints at Soldier Field Sunday, Colleen planned to watch in the hospital with the baby wrapped in a Bears blanket — a Christmas gift from his grandmother.
Posted at 12:33 PM | Comments (0)
January 22, 2007
Trumptastic
You know, I didn't know what to say when I first heard about the ridiculous Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump feud. I think Trump is a pompous, self-important ass. Rosie is a loudmouth, hypersensitive and deliberately confrontational. Personally, I blame Trump for escalating the feud, because I thought Rosie made some good points about Trump's moral authority to judge the activities of Miss USA. I mean, let's face it. No matter what Trump says, he has not always been the most virtuous person.
Now, I think Trump made the right choice in giving Miss USA a second chance. That doesn't take away from the fact that he is acting like an infant. It is not funny, it is not amusing, and the only person it is hurting is himself. I will thoroughly enjoy myself the next time he fails at something - which, mark my words, will happen. After all, he's certainly had trouble before.
My opinion of Donald Trump, however, is best summed up in this article, written by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I think I agree with almost every word written in the article.
Ancient codes of honor dictated that a while a man should aspire to greatness, he should do so with a whisper. Let others speak of his feats of daring. A gentleman is not crass and is certainly not a braggart. Indeed, boasting of one's achievements undermines them, as it betrays insecurity rather than confidence, and weakness rather than strength.
These codes held that troubadours and minstrels could create your legend, as Homer did for Achilles and an unnamed bard did for Beowulf. To crow of oneself, however, was the height of vulgarity.
But Trump has built his brand name through sheer and unending braggadocio, and as such, has made it challenging, and perhaps impossible, for the rest of us not to follow suit. After Trump, if you want to build your brand, you have to brag, humility be damned. When one shouts above the din, then those who seek to live modestly will forever be dwarfed by those who seek success at any cost.
Moreover, the ancient codes of male honor dictated that a gentleman was judged first and foremost by his treatment of women. Trump's nauseating attacks on Rosie's body mass betray a man who denies women an independent identity and creates them solely in a man's image. Who determines how women should look? Trump and his testosterone-filled friends. Rosie, who lacks an hourglass figure, fails to entertain him, and is therefore a primate. He had every right to criticize her words, but not her weight; her opinion, but not her shape.
Posted at 01:30 PM | Comments (1)
Fun at Casey Moran's
Some highly dedicated Bears fans wore Bear costumes to the football game yesterday. Here's Christy with one of them:
She then let me put the Bears head on, with predictably hilarious results. It also seems that camera flashes let you see through the mesh screens on mascot costumes. Uh oh.
Speaking of the Bears... What the HELL is this song supposed to be?
Posted at 12:57 AM | Comments (1)
Bear down
Christy and I, along with a bunch of her and her roommate's friends, went off to Casey Moran's to watch the Bears run roughshod over the New Orleans Saints.
As usually happens in such matters, I was soon badgered with various questions such as, "Why aren't you a Bears fan? After all, you don't live in Buffalo, why should you cheer for the Bills?" I guess all this really comes down to is, some people just don't understand. I can't become a Bears fan. I won't become a Bears fan. I have my loyalties, and I would be nothing but a lowly fairweather fickle fan if I swore allegiance to the Monster of the Midway. And if you know me, you know I don't change easily.
Sure, I love the idea of debating about whether Rex Grossman should be the quarterback, or whether or not Ditka's a traitor because he declined to throw is support to the Bears.
But alas, it does not work that way. My heart belongs to the Buffalo Bills, and so long as there are a Buffalo Bills to support, I will. I don't care about Rex Grossman vs. Brian Griese. I care about J.P. Losman vs. Kelly Holcomb. I prefer the Ivy League tones of Marv Levy and Dick Jauron to the Southern charm of Lovie Smith. When I think football weather, I like my blizzards blowing off Lake Erie into Ralph Wilson Stadium, and not off Lake Michigan into Soldier Field. I like Bear Down Chicago Bears well enough, but I wholeheartedly wished I was hearing Shout! instead. I prefer to wax nostalgic about the Super Bowl teams of the 90's with Jim Kelly, Frank Reich, Andre Reed and Thurman Thomas. Refrigerator Perry and Mike Singletary? They were pretty good, I guess. I know the pain of the words Wide Right, and the joy of the greatest comeback in NFL history. I know what it's like to see your team's greatest player become the poster child for celebrities who skirt the law.
And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Am I happy for the Chicago Bears? Of course. Do I want the Bears to win in two weeks? You know I do. But am I a Bears fan? Don't bet on it. I've made my choice on the roulette wheel of NFL fandom. The Bears could go out in two weeks and win 9,000 to 0, but it won't do that much for me. I'm going down with the good ship Bills, and there's no changing it.
So, Chicago, here's to you. But don't worry about me. I wish you luck as the Bears bandwagon gets up to full speed. I'll be here when you get back. Good luck!
Posted at 12:27 AM | Comments (0)
January 19, 2007
Really mature
I don't know if you can tell what that is, so I'll tell you. It's a penis. Drawn in the snow on somebody's car. Not only was it on that car, but they were drawn on about ten other cars along the block. To me, this is pretty disgusting.
Honestly, it probably wouldn't have bothered me if it was only on one car. But somebody took the time to draw a dick on nearly every single car on the block. I'm sure whoever did it thought it was a harmless prank, which I will admit it probably is. Nevertheless, I don't want to see that as I walk down the street. I don't live in the bathroom at a junior high school, even if people want to treat the neighborhood like that. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people abusing their surroundings, especially when they also happen to be my surroundings.
So, after all this, I wiped the drawings off the cars that had them. It makes them look slightly better, don't you think?
Posted at 05:31 PM | Comments (0)
January 18, 2007
Greatest paragraph ever
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Porn in real space is zoned from kids. Whether because of laws (banning the sale of porn to minors), or norms (telling us to shun those who do sell porn to minors), or the market (porn costs money), it is hard in real space for kids to buy porn. In the main, not everywhere; hard, not impossible. But on balance the regulations of real space have an effect. That effect keeps kids from porn.
These real-space regulations depend upon certain features in the 'design' of real space. It is hard in real space to hide that you are a kid. Age in real space is a self-authenticating fact. Sure--a kid may try to disguise that he is a kid; he may don a mustache or walk on stilts. But costumes are expensive, and not terribly effective. And it is hard to walk on stilts. Ordinarily a kid transmits that he is a kid; ordinarily, the seller of porn knows a kid is a kid, and so the seller of porn, either because of laws or norms, can at least identify underage customers. Self-authentication makes zoning in real space easy.
Citation: Lawrence Lessig, The Law of the Horse: What Cyberlaw Might Teach Us, 113 Harv. L. Rev. 501, 503-504 (1999).
Well, Professor Lessig, I have never tried to walk on stilts, but that seems like an extreme method of attempting to get porn. I mean, don't these kids know somebody who can get them porn? Either way, I will agree. Walking on stilts is not easy. If it was, everyone would walk on stilts.
I did not expect to find that in what has so far been an otherwise dry book. Actually, most law textbooks at least occasionally try to put something amusing in them. My class in torts introduced us to the basic idea of negligence with a line of cases that all had one factor in common: people slipping on banana peels. If my memory properly serves me, you can't sue a guy and win if you slip on a banana peel unless the responsible person had notice (or should have known) that a banana peel was on the ground. Unless you're talking about a public carrier, like a railroad. They're usually held to a higher standard.
Posted at 10:55 PM | Comments (0)
Good luck with that
Apparently two towns in Texas and Connecticut are set to duke it out over where the hamburger was invented. Personally, I find it hard to believe that something like the hamburger had to be invented. After all, what is a hamburger but a sandwich made out of beef? I can't imagine somebody seriously believes they, and only they, created one of these things.
NEW HAVEN, Connecticut (AP) -- A burger battle is brewing between a Texas state legislator and the owners of a restaurant who claim the hamburger was invented in New Haven, Connecticut.
With the new session of the Texas legislature now under way, Republican State Rep. Betty Brown has proposed a resolution declaring Athens, Texas, the original home of the hamburger.
Brown, an Athens resident, says that a long-ago resident of the town had a luncheonette in the late 1880s and sold the first burgers there.
Those claims are not sitting well with Ken Lassen Sr., 89, the third-generation owner of New Haven eatery Louis' Lunch, established in 1895. He says his grandfather came up with the first hamburger there.
Lassen said it happened in 1900 when a man rushed into the restaurant asked for something he could eat on the run. Ken Lassen's grandfather grabbed a broiled beef patty and put it between two slices of bread.
Mayor John DeStefano Jr., advocating for his city, backs the Lassens and their claims.
"We are even the birthplace of George Bush who wants people to think he's from Texas," the mayor said. "So yes, the hamburger is as much a New Haven original as President Bush. Get over it, Texas."
Posted at 12:20 PM | Comments (0)
January 17, 2007
Choo choo
I always thought it would be cool to drive a train. These boys took that dream to the extreme:
NELSONVILLE, Ohio - Two boys walked out of an unlocked juvenile detention home and took an early morning joy ride on a train — until authorities tracked them down.
The boys managed to start up the Hocking Valley Scenic Railway locomotive early Tuesday morning after breaking through a side door into the building that houses the engine, said Sgt. Edward Kurtz of Nelsonville police. No cars were attached to the engine, which usually hauls tourists.
The tracks go by the windows of the city police station, and Hocking College police also noticed the engine rolling down the tracks.
"That's very unusual. The train runs only on weekends," Kurtz said.
He said the boys rode about 12 miles to Logan, blowing the train whistle and waking residents. They also stopped by a grocery store off U.S. 23, where Athens County sheriff's deputies took them into custody.
Strangely, I think I may have ridden on that particular train before. Nelsonville and Logan are right down the road from dear old Lancaster, and we used to ride a train down there around Christmas.
Logan is in the Appalachian foothills, and there used to be a restaurant there called the Shake Shoppe. They had very tasty milkshakes and excellent hot dogs, and we used to take Sunday drives out in Logan with a lunch at the Shake Shoppe. It burned down a few years ago and was never rebuilt, leading to speculation that it was an insurance scam!
Nelsonville is the hometown of a certain leading lady. I'm talking about the one, the only, Sarah Jessica Parker. I hope you remember all this. There'll be a quiz later.
Posted at 02:23 PM | Comments (0)
January 16, 2007
What a day
As I mentioned, yesterday was yours truly's birthday. To celebrate, I made Christy drive me all around Chicago. First we went down to school because I wanted to pick something up. Alas, it was closed on account of MLK Day (see, MY birthday is a holiday, sucka!) Instead, we went over to Water Tower Place, because I don't spend enough money already.
As we were walking over there, I saw a group of guys with a video camera and one of those fuzzy microphones talking to people on the street. I said, "Hey, wanna try and get on TV?" We walked in their direction, and sure enough they asked us if we wanted to be interviewed. Interviewed for what, you say? The Oprah Freaking Winfrey Show!
Christy loves Oprah, so she readily accepted. I also accepted. They interviewed us seperately, and asked us all kinds of questions about her. I am not entirely sure what this was for, but apparently it's some kind of surprise or something; Christy's mom thinks it was an elaborate scheme to steal our identities. We were fed lines to say about how Oprah got her start, and I talked at length about how I watch Oprah with my mom and Christy, and thought her and Gayle King aren't lesbians, and how Gayle kind of knows how to pick a decent burger. They also asked my opinions on Oprah's various controversies, like her beef (heh heh) with the beef industry, her dissing at the hands of Hermes, and Tom Cruise's couch jumping. Finally, they asked me about the "Oprah factor," and I said that Oprah could make or break a person if she wanted to, but she would never destroy anyone because she's benevolent.
Supposedly this is going to be on the Oprah Winfrey Show at some point, so look for Christy and me on Oprah. If not, well... somebody might have stolen my identity.
Christy gets interviewed
I get interviewed
After that excitement, we drove out to Naperville for dinner at my favorite eating establishment, BD's Mongolian Barbeque. Did I ever tell you about the time the one in my neighborhood closed? Oh, multiple times? Sorry. It was grand, as usual. We made pretty big asses of ourselves, and topped it off with a gigantic brownie sundae. BD's, PLEASE come back to the city!
Anyhow, Christy is the bestest girl ever for hauling me all over the place and driving me to Naperville for my birthday dinner, not to mention getting ourselves on Oprah.
Posted at 10:46 PM | Comments (0)
First day of skool
Well, it's back to the old salt mine for me. Today was my first day of school after a lovely month off. Damn it all to hell.
The worst part about the first day of class is that you have to get there early in order to pick the best seat. Last semester, I arrived to my first class with a minute to spare, and I got saddled with the seat in the upper left hand corner of the room, which had two strikes against it, as I soon learned: first, the professor had a tendency to always call on the same people, one of whom is the person on the end. To make matters worse, the room was set up in such a way that the corner seats could not see the entirety of the blackboard. Not only was I always getting called on to give my views on abortion, but I was also unable to read half of the blackboard. And because law professors aren't always inclined to learn your name, they like seating charts so they can just look at their chart to figure out who you are. This means that you're stuck with the same seat all year.
As you can imagine, I verily wanted to get to class earlier so that I could pick a good seat. I got there in time, and I was able to pick a fairly decent seat. It's not in the back, and I can hear the professor, and it's on the end so I don't have to be squeezed in between two people. Of course, now that I scored this great seat, the damn professor doesn't have a seating chart, which suggests to me that you can sit anywhere you want, and some bitch is going to take my seat. Once you get your seat on the chart, it's in there. It's tattooed. It's branded. That's your seat.
I had the misfortune this time around to sit next to two girls that I remember from last year who would sit next to each other and chat on instant messenger instead of pay attention in class. This time, they didn't arrive at the same time and they had to sit with somebody else between them. I fear one of them is going to attempt to take my seat, because they look territorial and cliquey like that. If so, there will be hell to pay. I ain't givin' up my seat.
This brings me to my next point: seat possession. It is an ingrained principle that if you are taking a class, and somebody sits in a seat the first day, that's his seat for the rest of the class. Don't bother trying to sit there. It's like the land grabs when they opened up Oklahoma. First come, first served. Didn't come to class the first day to get a seat? Your loss, dipshit. You are stuck with the leftovers. Shoulda come sooner. To do otherwise is a faux pas of the highest magnitude.
I will never forget the time I walked into class and somebody I didn't recognize was sitting in my seat. I was forced to sit in another seat. It caused a nasty ripple effect. When the person who owned that seat came in, she was forced to sit in another seat, after first giving me a pretty substantial evil eye. I wanted to say, "Don't blame me, blame this clown who never comes to class!" But I didn't. Instead, I gave the interloper the evil eye. In reality, I wanted to smack him with a 2x4.
In short, just respect my seat. I'll respect yours.
Posted at 11:29 AM | Comments (1)
Happy birthday to me
So yesterday was by birthday. Thanks for noticing, assholes.
Here's a little video in honor of me. Joey Ramone pretty much sums it up when he says, "Go to Hell, you old bastard."
Posted at 11:27 AM | Comments (0)
January 14, 2007
The terrorists have won
I think the more important question is, who hasn't gotten in trouble after posing for Playboy?
SAN ANTONIO (AP) - An Air Force staff sergeant who posed naked for Playboy magazine has been relieved of her duties while the military investigates, officials said Thursday.
In February's issue, hitting newsstands this week, Michelle Manhart is photographed naked.
"This staff sergeant's alleged action does not meet the high standards we expect of our airmen, nor does it comply with the Air Force's core values of integrity, service before self, and excellence in all we do," Oscar Balladares, spokesman for Lackland Air Force Base, said in a statement.
Manhart told Playboy that she considers herself as standing up for her rights.
"Of what I did, nothing is wrong, so I didn't anticipate anything, of course," Manhart, 30, said. "I didn't do anything wrong, so I didn't think it would be a major issue."
Posted at 05:20 PM | Comments (1)
January 13, 2007
Supermarket sweep
I had the most awful trip to the market today. I have this lamp that I keep in my little "office," which is actually a room between my kitchen and my living room. Two of the three light bulbs in the lamp burned out, and they were these strange looking bulbs that I had never heard of before, but that I now know are something called "quartz double ended halogen bulbs." I also learned that they cost $12 each. Who ever heard of a light bulb that costs $12?
I picked up two of these bulbs as well as an air freshener and moseyed to the checkout line. My three items totaled $34, and I reached to the pocket on my new jacket to get out my wallet. Because I have an unfortunate history with dropping my wallet and watching the contents explode, I always try to keep my wallet in a spot where it won't fall out. With this jacket, I accomplished that by zipping the pocket closed.
The problem with zippers is sometimes they get stuck. My jacket's zipper got stuck, and it would not budge. I spent almost 10 minutes trying to get the zipper on my new jacket loose, until finally the zipper broke. With that, my wallet was freed; I then cursed my new jacket and its broken zipper. I now have an achy red spot on my finger where I tried to pry the zipper open. Who would have thought a jacket from Old Navy would be so poorly constructed?
Posted at 12:11 AM | Comments (0)
January 12, 2007
Time to bring back sexy
JT and Cameron are dunzo! The pop superstar and movie princess called it quits over the weekend, says US Weekly. It looks like there wasn't "Something About" Cameron anymore for JT, and any "FutureSex/Lovesounds" will no longer involve her.
What next for Timberlake?
Us Weekly said the 25-year-old Timberlake's bitter breakup with Diaz, 34, drove him into the arms of her worst enemy, 22-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson.
Okay, I'm done with the tabloid drivel. Scarlett Johansson? Why doesn't Cameron Diaz like Scarlett Johansson? Also, I don't see Scarlett and JT getting together. Everybody knows Scarlett loves the older men. I mean, she dated Josh Harnett, and I think Jared Leto, and apparently thinks WOODY ALLEN is sexy.
But apparently there was a chance for a love connection, as Scarlett appeared in JT's newest music video:
Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson has rubbished reports she acted like a diva on the set of Justin Timberlake's new music video. The Lost In Translation star teamed up with Timberlake for his new music video "What Goes Around... Comes Around," but the event has been dogged by speculation the actress behaved like a diva throughout. Johansson was said to have thrown a strop when she wasn't allowed to smoke on set, and allegedly said, "How come we have fire dancers, but I can't smoke?" Eating in front of her was also reportedly banned, with her bodyguard telling crew members to go somewhere else if they were going to eat. However, Johansson's publicist Marcel Pariseau has blasted the claims, reports the New York Daily News. He says, "Scarlett is always respectful of other people and never made this statement. Also, Scarlett doesn't have a bodyguard."
What does this tell us? It tells us I have no idea what is going on anymore, and I have a headache.
Posted at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)
January 11, 2007
It's the most awful time of the year
It never ends! Mayor Daley and his Seattle counterpart have made another asinine wager over the outcome of the Bears/Seahawks playoff game on Sunday.
Mayor Daley put pork chops from Ditka’s Restaurant and a smorgasbord of other Chicago culinary delights on the line today in a bet with Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels that the Bears will beat the Seahawks in Sunday’s NFC semi-final at Soldier Field.
Daley is so confident about a Bears team that’s been dissed by the national media that he firmly predicted that the team would return to the Super Bowl for the first time in 21 years.
Forget about the injuries that have sidelined defensive stalwarts Tommie Harris and Mike Brown. Chill out about quarterback Rex Grossman’s zero passer rating against Green Bay.
Daley says the Bears are headed for Miami.
Strangely enough, I wrote about this exact same thing exactly a year ago. Mayor, I'm BEGGING you. Get a new shtick. I'm sick of it! Isn't there something they can bet other than food? For example, if Chicago wins, Seattle has to give us Microsoft. And if Seattle wins, we have to send back Boeing. Or something.
Posted at 10:33 PM | Comments (1)
The good ol' hockey game
I'm finally back in Chicago, and I burned rubber on I-65 in order to get back by 7 pm. I drove right to the United Center, paid $15 for a ticket, and watched my beloved Sabres take care of the Chicago Blackhawks last night.
Again, a great contingent of Sabres fans were in the audience, and it felt nice to be around my fellow blue & gold supporters. The chants of "Let's go Buffalo" were always a pleasure. I was particularly impressed by these guys:
For some reason, the people with "SABRES" on their shirts never wanted to stand up. Great work, however!
Posted at 03:28 PM | Comments (2)
January 10, 2007
Touchdown
Bills running back Willis McGahee is scoring in places other than the football field, it seems:
Buffalo Bills running back Willis McGahee is facing his third paternity suit in two years, according to the Miami Herald.
Keisha Walls, 27, an elementary school teacher, claims McGahee is the father of son Kai Walls, who was born April 19, 2006. McGahee also fathered Willis McGahee IV, born Jan. 6, 2006 to Chiniqua Smith, 26, and Bria McGahee, born Jan. 17, 2005 to Dorothy Doretha McNeil, 29. McGahee, 25, was declared the biological father in those cases and is paying child support.
The Miami Herald reported that Walls met McGahee in Miami during a college break. Walls was married at the time, but said she was estranged from her husband when Kai was conceived. They are now in divorce court. Her husband took a paternity test, which she said was negative.
"I don't sleep around," Walls told the Herald. "It was Willis."
Posted at 11:28 PM | Comments (0)
January 09, 2007
Oh the humanity
[picture]
Wow, that was ugly. I went to a party with my parents to watch the game, and the place emptied out at halftime. Then, after all was said and done, the postgame show on Columbus TV was more akin to the 9/11 broadcasts than it was to a football game. People love their Buckeyes around here, I guess.
Posted at 04:05 PM | Comments (0)
January 08, 2007
Damn dirty apes
For some reason, Planet of the Apes was on TV at about 3 am Christmas Eve. Planet of the Apes is a funny movie, because I love to watch Charlton Heston grimace through the story. I think I watch the whole movie, however, for two scenes:
Posted at 12:50 AM | Comments (0)
At it again
I don't know what it is about The Killers, but they always make albums that grow on you. I didn't like their first album that much when it came out, but now there's about six songs on it that I think are totally swell. Likewise, their second, Sam's Town, is starting to grow on me.
The second single, Bones, has a very nifty music video. Could you guess just by looking at it who directed it?
Okay, I'll tell you. It's Mr. Creepy Movie himself, Tim Burton.
I also must give credit to the Killers for pulling off ridiculous facial hair and making it look cool. Brandon Flowers and the drummer, whose name I am sorry to say I don't know, are dynamite with their 'staches.
Posted at 12:39 AM | Comments (0)
January 05, 2007
Let that be a lesson
I guess the German reputation for having no sense of humor also extends to Austrians:
Wedding jokes aren't always funny. When a bride in Austria jokingly answered "no" instead of "yes" when asked if she wanted to marry her husband-to-be, the official performing the civil wedding promptly broke off the ceremony.
Not even the bride's sobs could reverse the decision and the couple had to wait two and a half months before they could give it another — successful — try, the Austrian newspaper Oberoesterreichischen Nachrichten reported Friday.
Officials at the registry office in the city of Steyr where the mishap occurred declined to comment directly but noted the incident was highly unusual, according to the newspaper.
Posted at 04:59 PM | Comments (0)
Happy new year
[Picture from here]
I thought I should mention my favorite part of the new year. Sad but true, I always look forward to a new year because it gives me a chance to write a new set of numbers. For example, I'm happy that it's 2007 because now every time I write the date, I get to make a 7, and I love to write 7's.
Unlike most people, I put a little cross in my 7, which makes sure my 7's don't look like 1's, and that's notwithstanding the fact that the 7 with the cross in it looks cool. Now I get to do that EVERY day. Yes, I got to do it every day during July or on the 7th, 17th, and 27th of each month, but that's not the same. Duh! But it sure will be a bonanza when it's July 7, 2007, won't it?
I am glad it isn't 2004 or 2009, because I don't like writing 4's or 9's. But the 7? As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "flippin' awesome."
Posted at 03:31 PM | Comments (0)
January 04, 2007
I'm a winner
Well, it finally happened. After five long years, my flip cup team and I won the Golden Keg last weekend. My flip cupping has long been questioned, seeing as I did once lose to a guy with one arm. But, I've gotten a lot better since that ignoble incident. The California Penal League made a mockery out of every other team at the tournament, going 5-0. My name finally can be etched onto that beautiful golden trophy.
Here are some other pictures from this glorious event:
The winning flip
I kiss the Keg
Posted at 02:40 PM | Comments (4)
January 03, 2007
Not-so-trivial pursuit
[Picture from here]
This sounded like quite a hard-core version of a drinking game. I'd be in the hospital, too:
A 21-year-old woman was hospitalized for intoxication over the weekend after "continually providing wrong answers" during a game of Trivial Pursuit where participants drank alcohol and did drugs when they answered incorrectly.
Flurisha L. Cooper, of the 1000 block of N. Central Park Ave., and Bridgette Pierce, of the 1500 block of E. 65th St., were playing the 2006 Current Events version of Trivial Pursuit about 6:30 p.m. Saturday on the 1000 block of N. Monticello Ave, according to a report taken by Harrison District police officers.
If a player provided an incorrect answer, that person would take a shot of E&J Brandy and take a "hit" off a cannabis "blunt," according to the report, which defined a "blunt" as the street name for cannabis rolled up in cigar leaves.
I love the way the report then tells us what piece Ms. Cooper was playing with:
Cooper, 21, who was the yellow piece, continually provided wrong answers, resulting in over intoxication. She was taken to Norwegian-American Hospital where was listed in good condition, the report stated.
Posted at 01:54 PM | Comments (0)
January 02, 2007
Beam me up
Do you think in the future it will be a lot harder for people to be late? I was thinking today, that many years from now, there will be no excuse for being late other than your own incompetence.
For example, suppose they can beam people around like on Star Trek. There's no way somebody can be late, because you can pretty much go any place in a second. I mean, I suppose that if you have to be somewhere on Neptune and you're on the Moon, you have to take a spaceship, because they couldn't beam people that far on Star Trek. Then you have some good excuses, like there was a huge traffic jam in the Asteroid Belt. But if you're going somewhere close enough that they can beam you, you've got nothing. On the other hand, there's a greater opportunity for dicking around, because you can leave 2 minutes before you have to be somewhere and get there on time.
Posted at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)
Kittens are evil
I was at the mall today, and this advertisement kept catching my eye:
I know the ad is supposed to remind people that lots of things can cause asthma attacks, but I can't help but think it also advocates things like killing kittens! I mean, look at that kitten. He's so cute! But I think this ad suggests that if you have a kitten in the house, and someone keeps getting asthma, you better throw that kitten in the lake!
Posted at 12:58 PM | Comments (0)