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February 28, 2007

That thing with the guy in the place

This story is great, and this Matt Goldstein guy has some serious huevos:

Zipping around Chicago in a white Hummer and offering to whisk his girlfriend's parents off to the Super Bowl in his private jet, Matt Goldstein claimed to be a successful CEO from California.

He even had a business magazine cover to prove it--one that featured him in a suit and tie along with the headline: "Achiever of the Year 2006."

But the Deerfield parents didn't buy the story their daughter's flashy new beau was selling them. So last month they began to investigate and went to the authorities.

After a two-week investigation, police said they discovered that the man isn't named Matt Goldstein. He's Hillard Jay Quint, 42, a disbarred lawyer from Atlanta who is wanted in Georgia on warrants accusing him of forgery and probation violation and is under investigation by the U.S. Secret Service in Boston on fraud allegations.

Authorities believe Quint has scammed 10 women from Illinois and seven other states out of more than $1 million after meeting them through online dating sites.

"Achiever of the Year"? If I was this girl's parents, I think I would have busted him right there. Who gives an "Achiever of the Year" award? That sounds like some kind of lame office award, or, you know, something somebody makes up to put on their resume. Or it could be a trick devised by your evil boss to escape liability.

"Oh, Mr. Johnson, I see you've won some awards."

"That's correct, sir. I was the Achiever of the Year for 2006."

Whereupon the first guy calls "shenanigans," "bullshit," or whatever the convention of the day is.

Posted by oz115 at 09:34 PM | Comments (0)

When animals attack

What is it about New Jersey and bears? Every time there's a story about bears running into humans, it happens in New Jersey:

The last thing Lorraine Grossman expected to see as she gazed out the kitchen window of her daughter's home was a 211-pound bear.

"I was making a pot of coffee, and I turned around and there he was in the window looking at me," said Grossman. "For a minute I didn't realize there was a glass between him and me."

The scream Grossman let out was loud enough to startle the wandering bear, who turned tail and scurried some 40 feet up a tree.

More than 50 neighbors gathered to watch and the beast soon grew tired. As the bear gave a lazy yawn, the crowd cooed loudly in appreciation.

"He's really kind of cute," Joanne Penaluna said.

The bear remained wedged in a web of branches until it was shot with a tranquilizer dart Sunday. The bear hung on for 10 minutes before dropping neatly into a taut net set up below.

I have to give credit to the wildlife officials. For once they didn't kill the bear. I'm for keeping wild animals and humans separate, but it always pains whenever a bear wanders into the suburbs and gets popped in the head for his troubles. I'll tell you something, though. When that bear gets back home, he sure will have a crazy story to tell... And probably a sore backside.

Posted by oz115 at 03:27 PM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2007

In a hurry?

I love working in a skyscraper. On Friday I left work at a little after 5, and I got into the elevator on the 26th floor with a woman who looked frazzled and ready to go home. I pressed the button for the ground floor, and the elevator made it one floor before it stopped. The woman sighed as more people got on the elevator at the 25th floor. We went down another floor before the elevator again stopped at the 23rd floor. Again, the woman sighed.

After the elevator was again summoned at the 22nd floor, the woman loudly groaned, and began to huff like an angry dog. This continued over several more floors, as the woman continued to moan at the elevator for daring to pick up other people. Luckily, the elevator doesn't stop at floors below 18, or I think the woman would have had a stroke right there on the elevator. I wonder if this woman goes through the same production every day when she leaves? If so, it's not very healthy.

Posted by oz115 at 01:45 PM | Comments (0)

February 23, 2007

Why I love hockey

I have two delightful ice hockey stories for you. First, the goalie for USC's hockey team did his best Happy Gilmore impression during a game. Unfortunately, life doesn't imitate art, as he soon learned:

Mickey Meyer rode his stick like a horse, dropped his bulky pants, mooned the crowd and slapped his buttocks during a game against Brigham Young University, police said.

He was ejected and ticketed for lewdness, a misdemeanor, after an officer who was working security at the rink said he witnessed the scene Saturday.

"I had my fill of these refs," Meyer said on an Internet broadcast of the game, according to The Herald-Journal of Logan.

Meyer's antics occurred while play was stopped and referees were trying to sort out penalties in the third period of a consolation game in the ACHA West Regional tournament at Eccles Ice Center.

The junior from Clinton, N.Y., was "riding his hockey stick like a horse and slapping his butt," North Park Officer Mike Stauffer said in a report.

After pulling down his pants, Meyer slapped his bare bottom several times, Stauffer said.

So you see, ice hockey is a good way to blow off some steam. Release your inner demons, if you will. And who is in need of some time away from it all? Miss Britney Spears, that's who. Luckily the fine folks in Syracuse, New York have just the ticket:

The Syracuse Crunch of the American Hockey League have offered Britney Spears a quiet weekend getaway by extending to the troubled pop singer an all-expenses-paid trip to snow bound northern New York.

“The team and community want to provide Britney Spears with a stress-free environment and the chance to experience a high level of hockey,” said Crunch president Howard Dolgon.

“In addition to being 3,000 miles away from Hollywood , Syracuse is light years away from that pretentious environment.
“There won’t be paparazzi within 100 miles.”

...

The Crunch is also offering any woman who shaves her head a free ticket to their Feb. 24 game against the Manitoba Moose.

If Spears accepts the Crunch’s invitation, each member of the club’s front office staff will also shave their heads.

A fabulous idea. However, I don't find the notion that there will be no paparazzi within 100 miles very convincing. Those guys find a way - even to Syracuse. Canada is like 150 miles away from Syracuse, so Canadian paparazzi will have something to do. That's, like, three photographers right there. Plus, they always seem to be around to snap a celebrity in some compromising position, no matter what desolate (though probably tropical) corner of the world they choose to visit. Hell, I bet if Neil Armstrong landed on the moon today, the next edition of US Weekly would have a telescopic lens picture of him scratching his ass: Astronauts - They're Just Like Us!

Posted by oz115 at 04:30 PM | Comments (0)

Letter of the day

The Eagle-Gazette is always good for a laugh when it publishes a letter to the editor. I do not know what prompted this response, and I don't much care. All I wonder is what is this black cat up to?

To the Editor:

This letter is about Steve Spears and the cats. I never said I didn't like cats, read what I wrote again.

I don't know you, but I'll say one thing: You are a smart aleck. All I said is that they should be treated like dogs. As for mice, I have lived here for 47 years, and I have never seen one mouse or rat. I'll tell you what to do with your cat, get a better box, a license and a collar. If you want it to go for a walk, you go take it for a walk Steve Spears, with a collar and lead strap. Like we do for our dogs. Maybe people are too lazy to do that. You say I'll let my cat out, and they can pee or poo any place. You don't care. For you know it will go out of your yard and do what it has to do.

So, Steve Spears whoever you are, you are a rude person.

I just read in the paper what Kari Windon had to say about what I wrote about cats. Thanks Kari Windon.

But this one big black cat is still wandering around. But so far, he hasn't come into my yard in the last week. I've seen him on the next street, and there's a Dumpster behind Quality Plumbing and Heating. I don't know what, but I've seen several different cats go under it and disappear. After a while, they come back out and go down or up the street.

I never said I didn't like cats. Yes, I have a big piece of cement on top of my two garbage cans and a chain through each handle, and it fastened to the gate. It worked so far. Just once the trash and garbage was all over the road on the ground. So I got a larger cement block and it's worked so far.

- Frances Johnson

Lancaster

Posted by oz115 at 10:35 AM | Comments (0)

Holy schnikey

This is bad ass. I probably couldn't kill a guy with my bare hands now, let alone when I'm 70. Though I could probably kill a puppy, kitten, or baby seal with my bare hands.

SAN JOSE, Costa Rica — An American senior citizen killed an alleged mugger with his bare hands, and his traveling companions aboard a tour bus fended of two other assailants in the Atlantic coast city of Limon, police said.

A retired member of the U.S. military aged about 70 put suspect Warner Segura in a head lock and broke his clavicle after the 20-year-old and two other men armed with a knife and gun held up their tour bus, Luis Hernandez, the police chief of Limon, 80 miles east of San Jose, said yesterday. Segura was later declared dead, apparently from asphyxiation.

The two other men fled when the 12 senior citizens started defending themselves during the Wednesday attack. Afterward, the tourists drove Segura to the Red Cross where he was declared dead. The Red Cross also treated one of the tourists for an anxiety attack, Hernandez said.

Posted by oz115 at 09:50 AM | Comments (0)

February 22, 2007

A really bad idea

I'm sure you've heard about this. As a resident of a big city who spends quite a bit of time looking for parking spaces, this concerns me:

Finding a parking spot often requires drivers to summon their inner caveman: Scan the horizon for the target, then bag it before someone else does.

A start-up company is betting it can chip away at that anachronism and transform the search for parking just as eBay changed auctions.

SpotScout hopes to create an online marketplace where drivers armed with mobile phones can not only reserve private spaces in garages and driveways, but also swap public parking spots in real time, with vacant spaces going to the highest bidder.

The article didn't get into specifics, but it seems to hint that people will be able to sell their parking spots on the street to whoever will pay the most money for it. This is dumb from a practical and moral standpoint.

First, I don't know many people who would be willing to sit in their car for five to ten minutes while people bid on the parking spot. When I'm in my car and I'm ready to go, I go. I'm not going to cool my jets while waiting for someone to offer me two bucks for my spot.

Second, who wants to pay for a parking spot on the street? The very reason that people drive around for hours looking for a spot instead of going to a garage is because it's free. George Costanza once compared garages to prostitutes: "why should I pay, when if I apply myself, I can get it for free?" I don't think most people have it in them to get into a bidding war over a parking spot.

Then, of course, is what concerns me the most: it isn't your parking spot to sell. It belongs to everyone. When you leave a parking spot, it's up for grabs. I don't think I have ever seen somebody try to sell a street parking spot to another person. Sell your garage spot, parking lot spot all you want. That's yours. But the street? It's like trying to sell your spot on the lawn at a concert. Eventually somebody's going to come along and kick your ass.

Either way, I think this scheme will die a swift and deserved death soon enough. As the article points out, there aren't enough people using mobile web surfing to get a good mass of users, and people won't want to pay money for a street parking spot.

Posted by oz115 at 03:44 PM | Comments (0)

Don't stop believing

If I was in Patrick Kaleta's shoes, I would most likely be pooping my pants right about now:

Patrick Kaleta had just finished watching his favorite hockey team win, and he decided it was time to go to bed. Then came the phone call that changed the sleep schedule for people throughout Western New York.

Kaleta received word at 10:45 Tuesday night that he was the latest player called up to the Buffalo Sabres. For someone who grew up in Angola wearing blue-and-gold shirts and dreaming of playing for his hometown team, that was news that had to be shared.

So Kaleta called his dad, Tom, told him to get ready to watch his son make his NHL debut for the team they adore. Then he called a few buddies. Then he called a few more. Meanwhile, Tom was calling his friends and Patrick's old coaches.

"I think I was up for a good five hours after that," Patrick Kaleta said Wednesday. "I was calling everybody, just pumped up."

Imagine the feelings they will have tonight. Kaleta will become just the third Western New Yorker to play for the Sabres, debuting in front of his family and friends in HSBC Arena as the Ottawa Senators come to town.

"It's all coming at me at once, and it's hard to take in," the 20-year-old said. "But basically, it's a dream come true.

"It's always been a dream of mine just to be a part of this organization. When they drafted me I was thrilled. Now this, this is a pretty big accomplishment."

My favorite part about the story is that he's from Angola. I have never been to Angola proper, but I've been to its rest stop many times. Angola is about 20 miles from Buffalo, and every time we would drive to Buffalo, we'd stop in Angola, where New York State had built a rest area with a Denny's and a McDonald's inside it.

However, everything was on the westbound side of the Thruway, so in order to get to the McDonald's, they had put an enclosed walkway over the road. My brothers and I would spend a good 15 minutes standing in the middle of the walkway over the interstate, waving at the cars passing beneath us and occasionally getting a trucker to blare his horn. If you leaned up right against the window it felt like you were hanging over the edge, ready to drop onto the Thruway. We'd stop there even if we didn't need to. That's what I think about every time I hear about Angola. I bet it's annoying that the only reason any one has ever heard of your hometown is because of a rest stop.

Posted by oz115 at 09:10 AM | Comments (0)

February 21, 2007

When egos collide

I haven't had many operations in my life, but I've always wondered what the doctors are doing when I'm out. As it turns out, I'm lucky I don't live in Serbia:

BELGRADE (Reuters) - A routine appendix operation in Belgrade went badly wrong when two surgeons started fighting and stormed from the operating theater to settle their dispute outside, the daily Politika reported Wednesday.

Surgeon Spasoje Radulovic was operating when his colleague Dragan Vukanic entered and made a remark that started a quarrel, said the anesthesiologist on duty.

"At one moment Vukanic pulled the ear of the operating doctor, slapped him in the face and walked out," she said.

Radulovic followed and an all-out fight ensued, resulting in bruises, a split lip, loose teeth and a fractured finger.

The operation was completed successfully by the attending assistant doctor.

Posted by oz115 at 11:04 PM | Comments (0)

February 20, 2007

Better late than never

It's taken me awhile to get mail, but never this long!

A British soldier's postcard to his sweetheart has finally arrived — 92 years after he sent it from the trenches of World War I.

Pvt. Walter Butler wrote to Amy Hicks in 1915 telling her he was alive and well — but the army issued postcard never made it to her home in Wiltshire, 60 miles west of London. Butler survived the war, and the couple went on to marry.

The postcard turned up in a postal sorting office, which sent it along last week to the post office near Hicks' address. A local postman called the home of the couple's daughter, Joyce Hulbert, to announce the discovery.

Posted by oz115 at 04:27 PM | Comments (0)

February 19, 2007

Unintentional humor at its best

I wrote last month about my annoyance at a fellow who made naughty drawings in the snow on peoples' cars. Naturally, this letter to the editor in the Flyer News caught my eye:

Phallic symbol carved from snow or drawn may be more than immature

If you know me, there is nothing that I cherish more here at UD than the respect with which each student treats one another. And yet, just the other day, whilst I was walking to class, quietly humming The Beatle’s “Happiness is a Warm Gun,” I came across a spectacle so vile that I find it difficult even now to utter its description. It was none other than a giant snow penis. Yes, the snow—so white, so beautiful—was used to make a sculpture of the much talked about male organ. Why you might ask? Well, I believe it has something to do with our male-dominated society. Allow me to explain.

The article then goes into this diatribe about phallic drawings as an attempt to perpetuate a male-dominated society. Personally, I think that analysis is a bunch of hooey. I know exactly why people like to draw pictures of wee-wees in books, on walls, or in the snow. They think it's funny. To prove my point that penis jokes are hilarious, I challenge you to read this sentence from the very same article and not laugh, let alone crack a smile:

When students here at UD choose to erect a giant snow penis, they are inadvertantly doing something worse: advocating patriarchy.

Come on! That's gold. See what I mean? You know you giggled at that. I still can't tell if the article is serious or a joke, though use of the word "erect" sure makes me think it's a joke. The reference to the Beatles' Happiness is a Warm Gun also suggests the writer might be "playing with us," because that song could be about, you know.

Posted by oz115 at 10:31 PM | Comments (0)

February 18, 2007

You dog

Tom Brady may be an All-American kid, but he ain't no angel. He's no longer dating uber-sexy Bridget Moynahan, but before he left he managed to slip one by the goalie. Peyton Manning, your move.

BRIDGET Moynahan, the star of ABC's "Six Degrees," is expecting and the father is New England Patriot All-Pro quarterback Tom Brady, although the couple is no longer together.

Moynahan, 36, is more than three months along and "healthy and excited" about the impending arrival, said her spokeswoman, Christina Padadopoulos.

She and Brady dated for two years before breaking up in December.

Posted by oz115 at 10:53 PM | Comments (0)

February 16, 2007

Get romantic

In the Redeye a couple days ago, they had a story about who the new queen of romantic comedies should be. [Their hard-hitting cover story today: Chicagoans who look like celebrities.]

Their list of candidates included Drew Barrymore, Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner, Cameron Diaz, and Keira Knightley. Now, all these ladies got DQ'ed for various reasons: namely one can be annoying and spacy, one can seem too "high maintenence," one can kick your ass, one is "attractive but dull," one needs a sandwich, and one is "slutty" and "loud." I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which. As for me, out of that list, I'd pick Reese Witherspoon.

But it got me thinking about who I think the perfect romantic comedy actress is. I think I have a list. In no particular order, I think I like the following actresses in romantic comedies: Rachel McAdams, Eva Mendes, Kate Hudson, and Kate Beckinsale. I think the good thing about these actresses is that they aren't overexposed or always in the news, except for maybe Kate Hudson; but even she isn't on the level of Jennifer Aniston or Cameron Diaz.

I mean, who has ever heard of Rachel McAdams going on an all-night drinking binge and winding up in rehab? Does she even drink? I sure haven't. Why, she's just a sweetie pie!

On the other hand, here are some actresses which I *never* want to see in a romantic comedy: Sarah Jessica Parker, Angelina Jolie, and Minnie Driver. Why, you ask? They aren't funny. And SJP has never done much for me, and no amount of Sex and the City reruns is going to make me change my mind. She almost singlehandedly ruined "The Family Stone," until she was let off the schnide by who else but... Rachel McAdams! It all comes full circle, see.

Who, dear reader, do you think would be great in a romantic comedy, and who don't you want to see in a romantic comedy?

Posted by oz115 at 11:27 PM | Comments (1)

Stupidity

Today I got up to go to my job, and I went through my usual routine. I got all dressed up, I shaved, I put all my stuff into my little briefcase that makes me look all professional-like. Finally, I was ready to go: I had my keys, my phone, my wallet, and my newspaper. I stepped out the door and started trudging to the elevated train station.

About halfway there, I realized something was amiss. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew something wasn't right. Then, it hit me: I forgot to put my glasses on before I left. Who does that? Me, that's who.

Luckily for me, my eyesight isn't so bad that I can't live without my glasses. I can see fairly well without them, and I usually do allright so long as I don't have to read a blackboard or, say, an advertising banner pulled by an airplane. I decided that I would just forgo the glasses, because going back for them would mean certain lateness. It's almost like I'm wearing contacts!

Posted by oz115 at 10:53 AM | Comments (0)

February 15, 2007

This guy here is dead

I couldn't let this go by without saying something. Spring training started yesterday. In two short months, baseball season will be back. Will this be the year for the Cubs? Or, as is more likely, will they go down in flames yet again? We shall soon find out.

Posted by oz115 at 10:42 PM | Comments (0)

This means war

Allow me to indulge my angry, whiny side. Thanks. I wrote awhile ago about how it severely annoys me when somebody takes my seat in class. Well, I am currently engaged in a seat war in two classes.

First, I'm in this Civil Procedure class. The first day of class, I took a seat in the front row and sat in it the first two weeks of class. I liked it - I could hear, I could see the board, and it wasn't cramped. Then, I come in to class the next Monday, and some girl is sitting in my seat like she's been there all along. Not only that, she hadn't even been in the class the first few weeks.

I ended up having to go all the way across the room and squeeze into a group of people who were all probably wondering, "who's this clown?" So, now I have to get to class extra early just to make sure I get my seat, because although I sat in my seat next time, she beat me to class the next day and took the seat again.

To add to the problem, if I beat that girl to class, she takes the seat next to me, causing the guy who normally sits in that seat to have to go find another seat. Or, if she sits in that guy's seat, he has no qualms about mine. He has been getting there early, too, and as a result there are three people fighting over two seats. Yesterday the other guy and I both got to class early, and the girl had to sit in a random seat. It was, I believe, the first time she hadn't gotten one of the seats. To add to my glee, she acted visibly upset that somebody had taken her seat, and made a big show out of looking for a new seat. Bitch. All I know is, I have to keep getting earlier and earlier to class, because I am *not* going to be the one who has to sit in an uncomfortable spot. I was there first, I sat there for two weeks. You can find somewhere else to sit. Because that is the first class of the day, I have been leaving extra early to make sure I get there before that seat-stealing harpie. I will clearly have to redouble my efforts.

Then, in my other class, a few weeks ago I once arrived a couple minutes before class to find a girl with a laptop sitting in my seat, which I had used for all the weeks of class prior. I steamed a little bit, and made a point to get to that class earlier to stake out my seat. Well, I made the mistake of relaxing a bit today, and when I came in, there she was, sitting in my seat like nothing ever happened. I gave her the evil eye, and sat in the far more uncomfortable seat next to her. It looks as though my claim is not being honored yet. Once again, I will simply arrive to class 15 minutes early. It's not like I do anything important between classes.

Call me immature if you must, but I like continuation. That's where I sit. I sat there for a reason. I picked out that seat because I want to be close to the professor, I want space, I want to be able to hear. It's not for you to decide that you suddenly want the seat because you got there a few minutes before me.

Additionally, it's a respect thing. I don't take other peoples' seats. By taking my seat, you are basically saying, you don't even exist to me. Every man for himself. There is merit to the argument that one day in the seat does not make it yours. But, I think two weeks is a pretty good indication that that is where you are going to sit for the rest of the class. At the very least, it should be unspoken that after awhile, that seat belongs to you.

Not only that, it starts a chain reaction of someone else's seat getting stolen, and I am made to feel like an ass because I have to take someone's seat. And then they will probably blog about it like this.

Posted by oz115 at 03:30 PM | Comments (0)

She's so lucky, she's a star

I followed through with my threat and took Christy to White Castle for Valentine's Day. It was an awesome time. We ate sliders, bantered with our own personal waiter, and drank wine (okay, Sprite) from glasses. Oh, yeah, and Christy got on TV. (Watch the video on the right.)

The funny part was, *I* wanted to be on TV, because I had a great line all ready to go: "Well, Charlie Trotter's was booked, and this was the next best thing." But the reporter took one look at me, and then another look at Christy, and she decided to interview her instead.

Posted by oz115 at 12:30 PM | Comments (1)

February 13, 2007

Amazing

You know how the Maury Povich Show devotes about half of its episodes to women who have slept with multiple men and don't know who the father of their baby is? And wherein all the men angrily deny that they are the father, and that the woman is a whore? I think I know how to get all these men to step up to the plate: make sure that baby could potentially inherit $300 million. After all, when Anna Nicole Smith had her baby, only two guys claimed to be the father. But now that Anna has died and her baby might become filthy rich, at lest three other people have emerged from the woodwork to claim they could be the father:

In an interview that aired on TV show Extra last night, the chef-turned-bodyguard claims he had an intimate relationship with his employer for two years.

He said, "She was wonderful, a very good kisser."

Denk insists Anna Nicole always talked about having his child: "She always told me she wanted to have kids with me."

The bodyguard admits he can't be sure that he's Dannielynn's biological father, but adds, "There's always a possibility."

As well as Birkhead and Stern, actress Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic Von Anhalt has hinted that he's the father of the child, and Smith's half-sister, Donna Hogan, claims frozen sperm from the actress' late husband J. Howard Marshall could have been used to impregnate Anna Nicole.

So you see, at least two people hadn't bothered to claim they were the father of the baby until they realized the baby could put a few hundred million in their pocket. Classy.

Posted by oz115 at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2007

She couldn't wait any longer

I've had some strange teachers in my day, but I don't think any of them ever did this:

A substitute teacher who admitted snorting cocaine in front of her fourth-grade pupils will be arraigned Feb. 21 in Town Court on charges that could send her to jail for up to three years, police said Friday.

Joan M. Donatelli, 59, a Lewiston-Porter substitute who lives in the Town of Lewiston, has been charged with criminal possession of a controlled substance and two counts of endangering the welfare of a child. Each count carries fines and up to a year in jail.

Sgt. Frank J. Previte of the Lewiston Police Department said the incident occurred Feb. 1 while Donatelli was teaching at the Intermediate Education Center in the Lewiston-Porter Central School District.

Two of her pupils said they saw Donatelli use the cap of a pen to scoop the contents of a small plastic bag and place it to her nose, Previte said. They reported the incident to the principal, Tamara Larson, who in turn told Don W. Rappold, interim superintendent of schools.

Lewiston police officers checked the classroom that evening and found some trace evidence, Previte said.

Posted by oz115 at 12:03 AM | Comments (0)

February 09, 2007

Oh hush

How could anyone take Rush Limbaugh seriously? His theory for people hating on Rex Grossman: he's white, and the media wants white quarterbacks to fail.

On the February 5 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, Rush Limbaugh, responding to media coverage of Chicago Bears quarterback Rex Grossman, stated "they're dumping on this guy -- Rex Grossman -- for one reason, folks, and that's because he is a white quarterback." Limbaugh later insisted in conversation with a caller that, "they just want this guy not to do well 'cause he's a white quarterback," and that Grossman was "targeted for destruction." The Bears lost to the Indianapolis Colts 29-17 in Super Bowl XLI.

Limbaugh was forced to resign from his position as a football analyst for ESPN in 2003 after he claimed that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb was overrated because "[t]he media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well." The following season, McNabb led his team to the Super Bowl.

What the hell, Rush?

Unless you happen to have Joe Montana as your q, people are going to criticize the quarterback. It's the way it is. People criticize quarterbacks all the time, whether they're white, or black. See, for example, Mr. Aaron Brooks.

Is it possible that people wanted Grossman out because he turned in some doozies during the regular season? The dude had some great games, but he also had a few games where he registered quarterback ratings below 10, which is the sporting equivalent of spelling your name wrong on the SAT. He's streaky, and it's understandable that some fans and analysts would want to give him the boot. And I think you would find the same thing would have happened whether Grossman was black or white.

Posted by oz115 at 05:56 PM | Comments (0)

Our wonderful society

Here's a, uh, cracker of a case!

Trying to get something done at town hall can be a pain, and for one local woman it was- literally. Joanne Harding broke a tooth on a Tootsie Roll she took from a candy jar in the town clerk's office in Abington Town Hall last month during a visit to get a license for her dog. She now wants the town to help pay her $4,000-$5,000 dental bill.

"I took the candy, so it's partially my fault," Harding, 40, told the Patriot Ledger of Quincy. "I wouldn't have taken it if it wasn't there."

Town Manager Phillip Warren Jr. forwarded Harding's request for financial assistance to the town's insurance carrier.

"We'll wait to see what the insurance company says," Warren said.

Meanwhile, the candy jars at the clerk's office remain.

I think this woman will lose if she sues, because taking the candy and eating it were her own positive acts. On the other hand, she could argue that the town violated a duty to her by putting hard candy in the dish. At any rate, I put this in the "can't blame her for trying"/"complete b.s." category.

Posted by oz115 at 04:48 PM | Comments (0)

February 08, 2007

Better days ahead

I live right by Children's Hospital, and they have this little garden set up at the big Halsted/Fullerton/Lincoln intersection. I always walk through the garden, and I love that statue they put in it. It reminds me of two things which I love: summer and being carefree. Who wouldn't love to be doing what the kids in the statue are doing? If only we, as adults, could get away with doing that kind of stuff.

Posted by oz115 at 10:30 PM | Comments (1)

Now I don't feel so bad

There are actually people with much, much, more time on their hands than me.

Posted by oz115 at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)

Hang em high

Keith Urban the country singer has had it with Keith Urban the artist. The former has slapped the latter with a trademark infringement suit because of his website, KeithUrban.com:

Singer Urban filed the suit in U.S. District Court in Nashville, Tennessee, Friday against the New Jersey painter who uses the Web site address www.keithurban.com to advertise oil paintings for sale.

The entertainer, who married Nicole Kidman last year and who recently ended a stint in rehab for alcohol abuse, says in the lawsuit that the Web site is being used "in a manner likely to deceive the public into believing that the website has a connection to Plaintiff that does not exist."

Now I usually find those kinds of suits silly, because being famous name doesn't mean you automatically get to have every use of your name. But after looking at the website in question, I think I have to agree with Urban the singer. Apart from the fact that it looks like it was designed in the 1990's, the site sure does appear to lead people into thinking Keith Urban the singer is the one who is selling the oil paintings. At the very least, it doesn't do anything to dispel the notion.

I think Painter Keith Urban better hire himself a good lawyer, because he's in some trouble. Then again, he may have done that anyway. Correct me if I am wrong, but is he actually selling a painting of Al & Peg Bundy over the Capitol?

Posted by oz115 at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)

February 06, 2007

Finally, somebody to blame

You all know I'm a superstitious kinda guy. Yes, I know it's all probably bunch of baloney, but I don't like to tempt fate. Never have, never will. As soon as I assume something good is going to happen, wham, fate kicks me in the behind. So you can imagine how annoyed I was when I read the fascinating NY Times article about the fate of the "Super Bowl Champion" t-shirts that bear the name of the losing team and learned this nugget of information:

The Bills, losers of four consecutive Super Bowls in the 1990s, at least have a following in Romania. Some of their Super Bowl champions T-shirts were relegated to a trash heap in Tampa, Fla.

In the final seconds of the 1991 Super Bowl at Tampa Stadium, Buffalo place-kicker Scott Norwood lined up for a potential 47-yard game-winning field goal against the Giants. Eddie White, a Reebok vice president, ran onto the field with an armful of Bills championship shirts.

He had to position himself to get a shirt to Buffalo’s best players after the field goal was converted. But Norwood’s kick drifted right, and Mr. White did a 180-degree turn, sprinting from the field and tossing the shirts in the closest trash bin.

He talked about such moments as if he were a coach deconstructing a memorable fourth-down play. “We need to have a game plan just like the teams do,” he said.

Way to go, Einstein! The football gods saw you down there with the t-shirts, and CAUSED that field goal to go wide, thus ensuring decades of pain for all fans of the Buffalo Bills. How do you sleep at night?

Posted by oz115 at 08:56 PM | Comments (0)

February 05, 2007

Red Swingline stapler

Now that I'm back working in an office, I am starting to get an appreciation for certain ingenious office devices. Nothing amazes me more than the staple remover. In my last job, I had to remove lots of staples to copy reports and such, and it was not always an easy task.

Until now, most staple removers I have encountered were like this guy. Honestly, that kind never did much for me. On the other hand, my last job had these ones floating around, which gave you a lot of leverage and worked quite well. But nothing prepared me for what I saw a few days ago.

This crazy contraption is a staple remover:

Know what it does? You stick the end in the staple you want removed, then press the handles and pow! The staple comes flying. The first time I used it, I almost shot my eye out. This thing is stupendous. It almost makes removing staples fun. It's easier than actual stapling! I honestly think somebody could give me 50 stacked documents, tell me to get the staples out of there, and I would enjoy it. That's how much I like that staple remover. Now if they could just invent some kind of legal robot - while still finding a way to pay me money...

Posted by oz115 at 09:38 PM | Comments (1)

You know you want to say it

Come on, everybody now. Talk about the wrong stuff! [Story]

An astronaut drove from Houston to Florida, donned a disguise and confronted a woman she believed was romantically involved with a space shuttle pilot she was in love with, police said. She was charged with attempted kidnapping and other counts.

U.S. Navy Capt. Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew last July on a shuttle mission to the international space station, was also charged with attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. She was denied bail.

Police said Nowak drove from her home in Houston to the Orlando International Airport — wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to urinate — to confront Colleen Shipman.

Posted by oz115 at 09:19 PM | Comments (1)

February 02, 2007

An apt name

Every day that goes by adds another reason to why "NFL" actually stands for No Fun League. Here's a smattering of cynical things the NFL has done recently. First, we have this:

The NFL has nixed a church's plans to use a wall projector to show the Colts-Bears Super Bowl game, saying it would violate copyright laws.

NFL officials spotted a promotion of Fall Creek Baptist Church's "Super Bowl Bash" on the church Web site last week and overnighted a letter to the pastor demanding the party be canceled, the church said.

Initially, the league objected to the church's plan to charge a fee to attend and that the church used the license-protected words "Super Bowl" in its promotions.

Pastor John D. Newland said he told the NFL his church would not charge anyone and that it would drop the use of the forbidden words.

But the NFL objected to the church's plans to use a projector to show the game, saying the law limits it to one TV no bigger than 55 inches.

Okay, so the NFL says no to churches. What else could they ix-nay? Oh yes, a large scale viewing party at Soldier Field:

The NFL has quashed plans by the Chicago Park District to open Solider Field on Super Bowl Sunday and show the Bears-Colts game on giant screens in the stadium as a charity fund-raiser.

The Chicago Tribune reported that city officials contacted the NFL to see whether they could charge fans a "nominal fee" to enter and see the telecast from Miami. The park district owns and operates Soldier Field.

"Our thought was that there are people who can't afford a Super Bowl ticket and that this would have been a great thing for Chicago fans," park district spokeswoman Jessica Maxey-Faulkner said.

However, I love the insidious reason given for deep sixing these parties:

But the NFL said no, saying a large gathering would take away from the number of viewers in homes watching the telecast, thus affecting the TV rating (Nielsen Media Research's figures don't include viewers in public places).

"It's prohibited," said Greg Aiello, the NFL's vice president of public relations. "Mass out-of-home viewing is not permitted by our television contracts."

You would think that if there is one sports league that does not have to worry about television ratings, it's the National Football League. Supposing that a few thousand people go to these things to watch the Super Bowl - a term, by the way, the NFL might sue your ass for using (or at least send a stern cease-and-desist letter) - the TV rating for the Super Bowl might drop from, say, a 41.5 to a 41.4. Then, the NFL can only charge $2,000,000 for a TV ad instead of $2,100,000.

But what can we, as fans and lovers of justice, do? Boycott the NFL until they become less loathsome? That train disappeared right around the time Bud Bowl 7 premiered.

Lastly, other people can jump on the litigious NFL bandwagon. Heinz is at odds with Red Gold Ketchup, in a dispute that only could happen in the cutthroat world of ketchup sponsorship:

Ketchup giant H.J. Heinz Co. is seeing red over a smaller Indiana ketchup maker’s use of the term “red zone.”


Heinz partners with the Pittsburgh Steelers and three other NFL teams to make charity donations whenever the home team gets past the opponent’s 20-yard line – the so-called red zone.


Heinz claims Elwood-based Red Gold Inc.’s “Red Gold Red Zone” program is too similar to its “Heinz Red Zone” program. The Red Gold program donates to charity when the Indianapolis Colts enter the red zone.


Heinz has about 60 percent of the ketchup market, while Red Gold has less than 1 percent. The food giant sent the Colts a cease-and-desist letter about a year ago and is pursuing trademark registration of the term “Heinz Red Zone” in the context of entertainment purposes at sporting events, Heinz spokesman Robin Teets said.

Posted by oz115 at 10:35 PM | Comments (0)