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March 16, 2007
Faux March Madness, Chicago Region
Let's take a look at what happened in the Chicago region, shall we?
#1 Dr. Phil 83, #16 John C. Reilly 80. You know, I was really tempted to call this an upset, but Dr. Phil is simply a dynamo. Why is he so powerful? It's simple, really: He's got the O. I'm talking about Oprah. Oprahness is next to godliness, and when you have Oprah backing you up, not even John C. Reilly can withstand the assault. Reilly also loses (or maybe gains) points for parlaying success in Chicago to serious acting roles like Will Ferrell's sidekick in Talladega Nights.
#2 Studs Terkel 69, #15 Mike Royko 64. Allright, I'll admit it. Royko doesn't deserve a 15 seed, nor an early round exit at the hands of Studs Terkel. Studs Terkel IS Chicago, and still going strong even though he's in his 90's. Royko has a similar legacy, not to mention a love for 16-inch softball that goes beyond reasonable.
#3 Jennifer Hudson 73, #14 Bonnie Hunt 69. Poor old Bonnie Hunt. She gets no respect. Her sitcoms keep tanking, while upstart Jennifer Hudson gets booted off American Idol and somehow pockets an Academy Award. That is the stuff legends are made of.
#13 Midway Airport 78, #4 O'Hare Airport 72. An upset! I have a bad feeling I used this matchup years ago, but it remains the same. O'Hare may be the big brother of Chicago airports, but it's a POS compared to little old MDW. Midway has a Ben and Jerry's in the terminal, for heaven's sake! You don't have to take a creepy HAL-style monorail to get to that terminal, nor do you need a degree in engineering to find your gate. Plus, MDW has that neighborhood charm, like the guys at the offramp from the Stevenson who are selling packages of socks. O'Hare, meanwhile, has Rosemont and its creepy mayor, Donald E Stephens.
#5 Lovie Smith 82, #12 Ozzie Guillen 71. No upset here. This town had love affairs with both the White Sox and Bears, and their respective coaches received lots of plaudits. Unfortunately, Ozzie is a foul-mouthed, combative sort who somehow manages to keep his job. At least the worst thing people can say about Lovie is his loyalty to Rex Grossman.
#11 Ferris Bueller 75, #6 Jake Blues 71. So I watched Blues Brothers for the first time recently, and it was very entertaining. But Ferris Bueller is in Chicago movie royalty, and Jake functions better as a team with his brother Elwood. Cameron Fry, sidekick to Ferris, is more vestigal than anything else. Also, his dad had a hot car.
#7 John Wayne Gacy 64, #10 H.H. Holmes 60. Insert serial killer reference joke here. This was a tough one, as both these serial killers are way high in the creepiness factor. Let's see, constructing a murder mansion or holding a day job as a clown? The clown wins, as the horror movie cliche is just too apparent. Yikes!
#8 Eric Zorn 74, #9 Jay Mariotti 69. Oh, poor Jay Mariotti. He gets dumped in the tournament in the opening round, just like his archenemy Ozzie Guillen. Perhaps he will write a column lambasting this tournament. Zorn, on the other hand, will also write a column calling March Madness stupid, and suggest it should be moved to February for some reason or another.
So those are the results from the first round of the Chicago Region. Our second round matchups, with a spot in the Swell Sixteen at stake, look like this:
#1 Dr. Phil v. #8 Eric Zorn.
#2 Studs Terkel v. #7 John Wayne Gacy.
#3 Jennifer Hudson v. #11 Ferris Bueller.
#5 Lovie Smith v. #13 Midway Airport.
entry no. 779
Posted by oz115 at March 16, 2007 09:22 AM
Comments
Totally agree on Midway. Smaller, more accessible, and tons of local restaurant icons: Superdawg, Potbelly, Harry Caray's, Lalo's, Gold Coast Dogs, Miller's Pub, Pegasus, Manny's Deli. O'Hare, in contrast, has a bunch of generic chains.
Hate to see Royko fall in the first round, but I doubt if even he would have minded losing to the great Studs.
Posted by: Pete at March 16, 2007 04:23 PM