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March 19, 2007
Faux March Madness, Pop Culture Region
Well I hope everybody survived St. Patrick's Day intact. Now back to what I know you have all waited for with baited breath. More results from the first round of Faux March Madness. Let's see what happened in the Pop Culture Region.
#1 Chewbacca 88, #16 Short Round 59. No time for love, Short Round. Indy's sidekick from the Temple of Doom is no match to the Wookiee. 'Tis a shame, but true. Maxim pretty much had it down when it claimed that Chewie is "essentially a big dog who can kick ass in a bar fight and fix your car."
#2 Janis Joplin 74, #15 Kelly Clarkson 68. Since You've Been Gone may be a great pop song, but Kelly's got nothing on Janis Joplin. Okay, well maybe Kelly is hotter, but that's about it. Somebody buy me a Mercedes Benz!
#14 Janice Dickinson 79, #3 Paula Abdul 78 (ot). This is a battle of mentally unstable TV personalities, and JD pulls off the upset. Paula Abdul is just too nice, and both of these women's drug-addled ramblings are a sight to see. But Janice comes out on top because she adds a dash of truculence and bitchiness to her behavior.
#13 Data from "The Goonies" 66, #4 Data from "Star Trek" 59. It just occured to me that Data and Short Round are played by the same actor. Luckily he doesn't take an o-fer in the tournament, as Goonies Data takes out Star Trek Data. Okay, ST Data is an android, a cyber organism with stupendous mental and physical capacities. But as a machine, he has no passion, and you need passion to win. Goonies Data wins with a stellar combination of wits and "boobie traps."
#5 Danny Ocean 67, #12 Charlie Croker 50. It's a battle of two heist kingpins, and Danny Ocean sends the "Italian Job" ringleader home without much worry. If I needed someone to pull of a bank heist (or maybe an art theft), I'm calling Danny Ocean, not Mark Wahlberg's motley group of pals. This victory was almost a foregone conclusion.
#6 Slash 70, #11 Richie Sambora 63. Now I know some of you will protest that Richie Sambora should win because he managed to marry Heather Locklear. Well, maybe I am not old enough, but that doesn't do it for me. But I'll tell you what does do it for me: Slash' hard-partying, death-defying ways. That man has done enough drinking for three lifetimes. He is like a younger Keith Richards.
#7 Marty McFly 69, #10 Sam Beckett 64. These two reluctant time-travelers face off, and McFly comes out on top. Marty singlehandedly managed to turn around the fortunes of the McFly family and the city of Hill Valley. Sam Beckett, the protagonist of Quantum Leap, found himself in a new situation and new body every week, and always managed to fix the situation. Like anyone's gonna believe that.
#8 Maxwell Smart 75, #9 Gomer Pyle 68. It's a miracle one of these two bumblers managed to win at all, but Smart emerges the winner. Not only did he battle KAOS, he somehow managed to score Agent 99. Well played, Maxwell. Well played.
So there you have it. The matchups for the next round look a little like this:
#1 Chewbacca v. #8 Maxwell Smart.
#2 Janis Joplin v. #7 Marty McFly.
#5 Danny Ocean v. #13 Goonies Data.
#6 Slash v. #14 Janice Dickinson.
Check back tomorrow, friends, for the results from the Miscellaneous Region!
entry no. 782
Posted by oz115 at March 19, 2007 12:03 AM