Southport Squealer, Part Deux: They call me Mister Tibbs!

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May 22, 2007

They call me Mister Tibbs!


[Pic]

Growing up, my dad and my little brother were big into reptiles.

At some time or another, we had a caimen (which is like a little alligator), an iguana, a gecko, a skink, tortoises, turtles, and salamanders. No snakes though.

The funny thing about this is that they never really had names. They were always Mister so-and-so. The caimen was Mr. Caimen. The iguana was Mr. Iguana. I always thought it was disrespectful. I mean, even on the Planet of the Apes, the humans got names!

But they're still known by that. We still talk about Mr. Caimen, mostly because he was bad-ass. My dad would feed him pinkies, which are a nicer way of saying "frozen baby mice." We kept him in a big aquarium in the basement, and people would come to see him as a curiosity.

One day about thirteen years ago, Mr. Caimen got sick and died. My dad decided to perform an autopsy, and had me and my little brother assist him. [Fun fact... Somebody once asked my dad if he wanted to run for county coroner. He didn't.] Well, everything was going fine until we severed an artery and bright red blood started pouring into Mr. Caimen's chest cavity, or whatever you would call it on a lizard. Thorax? Anyway, we wrapped him up in towels, and then he had one last final indignity: my dad stored Mr. Caimen in the freezer, where he remained for an unknown period of time. I am certain he is no longer in that freezer. However, I am not going to look.

Personally, I think he died of a lonely heart. For, alas, there was no Mrs. Caimen.

entry no. 857
Posted by oz115 at May 22, 2007 10:33 PM


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