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June 29, 2007
iPitiful
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What the hell is the matter with people who are waiting in line for five days to get an iPhone? I am 99% sure there is no way the iPhone lives up to its hype. First of all, it's an Apple, so you can bet there are going to be loads of annoying little features on it that make no sense, not to mention pesky other problems. Second, it's the first of its kind, which means it will have bugs, failures, and other shortfalls. This review says the phone has lots of great features, but can also be frustrating. That's about what I expected.
Then why have the iPhone? Duh, Apple is the best self-promoter since Muhammad Ali. Apple makes some great products - the iPod deserves all the praise it gets - but they aren't wonderdevices either. But Apple has managed to create this image of itself as cool, futuristic and superior - deserved or not, they've done it. If some yahoo (or as another person called them, iDiots) wants to sit in a line for five days to get one of these things, I can't stop him. However, I can certainly make fun of him.
With that in mind, here's another edition of Osgood's 11. This time, it's 11 things the person who is likely to do such things can do to pass time while waiting in line for an iPhone.
11. Practice Klingon-language skills.
10. Figure out what hasn't had an "i" put in front of its name; trademark it. Sample: iCondom.
9. Talk to member of opposite sex. (When laptop/cell phone/iPod battery dies only.)
8. Coordinate costumes with other superfans for next Harry Potter movie.
7. Avoid the terrible bright light of day.
6. Hold gigantic Dungeons & Dragons tournament, loser must make Taco Bell run.
5. Compile list of arcane reasons why Apple is better than PC.
4. Have round table discussion about whether ninjas or pirates would win in a fight.
3. Form angry mob, ransack the nearest Circuit City.
2. Build iCar, complete with touch screen steering wheel, because an actual steering wheel would get in the way.
1. Create a graven image of Steve Jobs, challenge God to smite them.
Posted at 11:44 AM | Comments (0)
June 28, 2007
Sometimes a blind squirrel finds a nut
Do you think this pot dealing genius knows "the urinator"? If so, there's gonna be some 'splainin that needs to be done:
A man urinating in a Portage Park alley unwittingly helped lead police to a huge stash of marijuana this week, police said.
It started when tactical officers with the Jefferson Park police district spotted a suspicious man in a Northwest Side alley just before 10 p.m. Tuesday.
The man fled, and as police chased him, they spotted a man relieving himself in the alley. That man -- referred to in a police report as "the urinator" -- fled, too, and police chased him. During the pursuit, police ran by a garage with an open door in the 5900 block of West Patterson. Inside was a man putting marijuana into plastic bags, police said.
After searching the garage, the adjacent home and a red Chevy Tahoe nearby, police found 100 pounds of pot with a $670,000 street value and $20,000 in cash, police said. Three men were arrested on drug charges, including "the urinator."
There has to be no worse feeling for a criminal than to draw the cops' attention for something fairly innocuous, only to have the major crime discovered. I'm talking about the guy who gets pulled over for speeding, whereupon the cops notice the headless body in the backseat. I think getting busted because the police are chasing your buddy for pissing in an alley falls squarely into this category. Or maybe you pick up a hitchhiker who wants to one-up the Eight Minute Abs people:
I have a second job now, working down at the criminal courts. We had a guy come in today who got pulled over for some minor traffic violation. The cops found a white powder on the seat. Needless to say, they hauled him off to the pokey. Whoops! Then again, I'm pretty sure lots of cops will pull over black people simply for having a crooked rear view mirror. Either way, it's a hell of a way to get busted for possessing crack.
Posted at 10:48 PM | Comments (0)
Life imitates art, again
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As far as I am concerned, the fact that an alligator can bite my arm off is yet another reason for me to never, ever, go golfing.
A man who lost his ball in a golf course pond in Florida nearly lost an arm when an 3.3m alligator bit him and pulled him in.
Bruce Burger, 50, was playing the sixth hole, which has a "Beware of Alligator" sign posted nearby.
"Unfortunately, that's part of Florida," course general manager Rod Parry said.
"There's wildlife in these ponds."
Burger managed to free himself by beating the alligator with his other arm, said Gary Morse, a spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.
Posted at 06:30 AM | Comments (0)
June 27, 2007
A man after my own heart
Via this rather interesting site, I found this delightful and completely random QVC clip:
I will reserve commentary, as my stance on cartoon women is well-known.
Posted at 06:40 PM | Comments (0)
Smooth move, ex-lax
This fellow is clearly in the shoot first, ask questions later camp:
When Marion police arrived at the house on N. Prospect Street, they found a man huddled next to his wife on the floor in the doorway to their bedroom.
He had a bath towel pressed against her bleeding side. A shotgun lay on the floor.
Marion County Commissioner Josh Daniels, 36, told authorities that he mistook his wife for an intruder, and that the shooting Monday night was an accident. Police say they agree but will follow standard procedure and have the city prosecutor review the case, Maj. Bill Collins said.
Danielle Daniels, 25, was listed in fair condition at Grant Medical Center in Columbus yesterday, her right side and arm full of holes from a round of buckshot.
Posted at 01:02 PM | Comments (0)
June 26, 2007
At least we can laugh about it
You would think with all the free time he has, Mr. Knight would have enough time to come up with an entire stand-up act:
A Texas man scheduled to be executed on Tuesday wants to die laughing.
Patrick Knight, 39, has been soliciting jokes on the Internet and plans to tell one of them before receiving a lethal injection, Texas Department of Criminal Justice spokeswoman Michelle Lyons said on Monday.
"He says he wants to keep his execution light," she said.
Knight was sentenced to die for the August 1991 murder of his two elderly neighbours in Amarillo, Texas.
Lyons said a friend of Knight's set up a page on the social networking Web site MySpace.com to solicit jokes, and "hundreds" of suggestions have arrived in the mail.
"I'll be enjoying my last days on Earth," Knight wrote on the Web site. "I'm not asking for pen pals, but I'm asking you to spread the word that I am holding a contest. I want people to send me their best jokes, and to keep me and others with (execution) dates laughing."
Sample joke: What's the deal with 9 pm lights out? Don't they know all the best shows are on after 9? Listen, if they're going to shoot me full of chemicals and kill me, I should be allowed to watch a re-run of Home Improvement every now and then. Thanks, I'll be here all week... Uh, I mean, 'til Tuesday!
Posted at 02:49 PM | Comments (0)
June 25, 2007
Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
So I went home to visit this weekend, and what was I greeted with but a raccoon in the garage. For lack of a better term, my parents have a raccoon problem.
You can barely see him there [look to the left of the bin with the maroon lid], but that raccoon was holed up in the garage all weekend. He wouldn't leave. I tried to scare him out with loud noise and banging on his hiding place with a hockey stick, but he was unfazed. This was the calmest raccoon I'd ever seen.
Raccoons love to go into the garage because there is lots of cat food in there, and if they sneak in they cause all kinds of problems. Some of these were on full display: piles of raccoon poop, a foul stench, and, oh yes... raccoons! Finally, despite all the prodding, our raccoon friend ate his fill of cat food and then strolled out sometime Sunday morning.
There are definitely a lot of raccoons hanging around my parents' house. So much so, that we live off a road called Coonpath Road. Once, a rabid raccoon was snarling at me, so my dad went out with his shotgun and dispatched the critter. It wasn't pretty, but I think if the thing has rabies, he probably did him a favor. So you see, the raccoon in the garage must not have heard that story, because he was operating in there with impunity.
Because it's Lancaster, here's the obligatory Mt. Pleasant picture:
Finally, on the plane ride over, I was reading the in-flight magazine. It has a section where it publishes reader traveling tips. Usually they are pretty handy, but this one left me feeling sort of skeevy:
Really? Are you kidding? This suggestion is wrong on so many levels, the most obvious of which is why would you where you nasty clothes on vacation? You'd look like a vagabond in all your pictures, and they would probably have sweat stains, tears and other nastiness.
Furthermore, there's the idea of throwing out your old clothes. Now I've never worn something with the intention of throwing it out, but that implies a certain amount of sloppiness to me. Sure, I'm kind of sloppy anyway, but this is taking it to an extreme. You can spill hot sauce on yourself and not care, you can be lackadaisacal while using the bathroom, and you are free to sit in bird poop. I'm sorry, but I'm not to the point where I care that little about my appearance.
Yes, room for souvenirs is a nice bonus, but it is my opinion that is why they sell bags all over the world. I am more than willing to sacrifice having to lug clothes back with me in order to preserve my dignity.
Posted at 09:59 PM | Comments (0)
June 22, 2007
Priorities
Everybody knows the cameras they install at intersections to catch people running red lights serve two important but distinctive purposes: to keep people from running lights, and to get some cash. Of course, now that some company had created a device that will tip off drivers about the location of these cameras, forward-thinking Alderman Ed Burke wants to ban 'em:
High-tech devices that alert motorists to red-light cameras -- before they get nailed with a $90 ticket -- should be banned in Chicago to preserve a "big revenue source" that has generated $35.1 million since November 2003, a powerful alderman said Thursday.
After getting wind that a Chicago company known for its radar detectors and GPS navigation systems was about to hit the market with a $449.95 red-light and speed camera detector, Finance Committee Chairman Edward M. Burke (14th) vowed to remain one step ahead of the technology game.
He's drafting an ordinance for introduction at the July 19 City Council meeting that would ban camera detectors.
Ever since Chicago entered the Brave New World of traffic enforcement, City Hall has insisted that red-light cameras were about safety -- not money. That's even though red-light cameras now positioned at 39 accident-prone intersections generated 304,011 tickets and $17.9 million in 2006 alone. Thirty-one more cameras are expected to be installed by Dec. 31 for a total of 70 cameras.
I don't know about this one. I don't think they should be banned. Red light cameras are supposed to promote safety, and if somebody knows about the location of one of these cameras, it's safer. They won't run red lights, and if it costs a few bucks to save a life, I'm all for it. So pooh on you, Ed Burke!
Posted at 10:22 PM | Comments (0)
June 21, 2007
Now this is juicy
I have the honor of being 1/4 Sicilian. Despite that, I've never been much into the mafia stuff. In fact, I used to be scared to death of the mafia. I mean, those guys mean business, and my parents used to live in the same neighborhood where the Buffalo mafia ran rampant. (Yes, Buffalo has a mafia, idiots.) Anyway, some of my main childhood fears revolved around nuclear war, the safety of my pets, and pissing off the mafia. I was a fun kid.
Needless to say, I have never watched any Godfather movies, nor have I seen an episode of The Sopranos. However, now that I'm all grown up, I'm starting to get more interested in the stuff. So much so that I think I will try to go to the Federal Courthouse here and watch some of the "Family Secrets" trial that started here this week:
Chicago's biggest mob trial in years started Thursday with a prosecutor urging the jury to forget what they know about movie mobsters and see the aging defendants for who they are: men who "committed brutal crimes on behalf of the Chicago Outfit."
"This is not 'The Sopranos.' This is not 'The Godfather.' These are real people, very corrupt and without honor," Assistant U.S. Attorney John Scully told the jury.
As he regaled the anonymous jury with a blood-drenched litany of murders, Scully showed large photos of the victims on a screen.
He talked about Tony "The Ant" Spilotro, once the Chicago mob's man in Las Vegas and the inspiration for Joe Pesci's character in the movie "Casino." Spilotro and his brother were allegedly lured into a basement and beaten to death, then buried in an Indiana cornfield.
Posted at 03:57 PM | Comments (0)
Life imitates art?
I guess the police are fresh out of clues in this horrific SUV murder case. I mean, why else would they watch a Law and Order episode?
State Police investigating the deaths of an Oswego mother and her three children have reviewed a recent "Law & Order" episode that featured the fatal shootings of a family.
Kimberly Vaughn was found shot to death last week in the family's SUV in rural Will County along with her kids: Abigayle, 12; Cassandra, 11, and Blake, 8. Kimberly's husband, 32-year-old Christopher Vaughn, was wounded in the leg during the shootings, which he told police were committed by his 34-year-old wife -- though investigators have said little publicly about the deaths.
The May 8 episode of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" has TV cops trying to determine why a mom shot her kids to death in their home, wounded her husband, then shot herself. The NBC show takes a dramatic twist and ends with the husband being arrested for the murders of his wife and children.
Hmm... If that doesn't work, maybe they'll watch Clue next?
Posted at 01:39 PM | Comments (0)
Happy trails
One of the things that annoyed me about living in Ohio was that almost every restaurant there was of the chain variety. Yes, there are a few independents, but not many. Of course, some of these chain restaurants sprouted up right in Ohio. The two biggest of these have to be Wendy's and Bob Evans. The original Wendy's closed a few months ago, and now poor Bob Evans himself has passed on:
Bob Evans, who founded a retail sausage and family restaurant business and became one of the best-known Ohioans of the 20th century, died today.
He was 89.
Evans had suffered a stroke and was recovering when he contracted an infection and then suffered a collapsed lung.
He died at about 12:30 p.m. at the Cleveland Clinic.
Evans' name and famous white Stetson hats are irrevocably linked with the food business he founded. But the long list of conservation and agriculture awards he hauled home to Gallia County showed that his bedrock interest was not in the kitchen but in the land.
“When I leave this world, I want to leave it better than when I was here,” Evans said in an interview several years ago.
Strangely, I used to hate going to Bob Evans. I don't know if it was the hour waits for a table, the checkerboard pattern tablecloths, or the unattainable 17-year-old waitresses (this is when you're 15, mind you), but I couldn't stand going there. Now, I have a newfound appreciation. Their sandwiches are delicious, and the chicken and noodles is to die for. In fact, now I am thinking I will have to go to Bob Evans the next time I find myself in Ohio.
Posted at 01:22 PM | Comments (1)
June 20, 2007
Not a good way to go
I hope if I get dug up 500 years from now, scientists are interested in me for a reason other than being the oldest-known gunshot victim:
The musket blast was sudden and deadly, the killing nearly 500 years ago of what may have been the first gunshot victim in the Western Hemisphere.
"We didn't expect it. We saw this skull and saw the almost round hole and thought people must have been shooting around here recently," said Guillermo Cock, an archaeologist who found the remains near Lima, Peru.
But he realized that the skull was ancient, and a recent bullet strike would simply have shattered it, Cock said in a telephone interview.
The skull was found among a large group of bones of ancient Incas, who had died violently in the early 1500s as the Spanish Conquistadors battled the native empire.
The bones were in shallow graves, leading the archaeologist to speculate the burials were done hurriedly during conflict, perhaps an uprising against the Spanish in 1536.
To be sure this was a gunshot wound — making it the earliest one documented in the Americas — the skull was studied by forensics expert Tim Palmbach at the University of New Haven, who brought in other experts.
Al Harper, director of the Henry C. Lee Institute of Forensic Science in New Haven, Conn., said the team "tried to rule out all kinds of causes of the hole — a rock from a slingshot, spear, sledgehammer." Harper and Palmbach studied the skull with a powerful scanning electronic microscope.
Posted at 02:57 PM | Comments (0)
Sign me up
You know, I always wanted to be an astronaut. Experience outer space would be an amazing thrill. Alas, I have no real astronaut credentials. However, maybe I can get my astronaut jollies by signing up for this:
The European Space Agency (ESA) on Tuesday called for applications for one of the most demanding human experiments in space history: a simulated trip to Mars in which six "astronauts" will spend 17 months in an isolation tank on Earth.
Their spaceship will comprise a series of interlocked modules in an research institute in Moscow, and once the doors are closed tight, the volunteers will be cut off from all contact with the outside world except by a delayed radio link.
They will face simulated emergencies, daily work routines and experiments, as well as boredom and, no doubt, personal friction from confinement in just 550 cubic metres (19,250 cubic feet), the equivalent of nine truck containers.
Communications with the simulated mission control and loved-ones will take up to 40 minutes, the time that a radio signal takes to cross the void between Earth and a spaceship on Mars. Food will comprise mainly the packaged stuff of the kind eaten aboard the International Space Station (ISS).
The goal is to gain experience about the psychological challenges that a crew will face on a trip to Mars.
Okay, maybe not...
Posted at 02:53 PM | Comments (0)
June 19, 2007
The price is wrong, bitch
I knew Bob Barker was getting up there in years, but is he also going senile? How else can you explain his suggestion that Rosie O'Donnell take over for him on The Price Is Right?
Bob Barker gave his approval to Rosie O'Donnell as a possible successor on "The Price Is Right," although the newly retired host isn't sure CBS wants a woman to take over the show.
"I believe they're going to have a meeting with Rosie," said Barker, who won his 19th Daytime Emmy Friday night.
"She knows the show," he said. "There's no doubt in my mind she could do the show. Now, whether they want a lady host, I don't know. As far as I know, they've only auditioned men."
Barker said his friendship with O'Donnell goes back several years, when she had him as a guest on her old daytime talk show.
"She told me she loved 'The Price Is Right' and wanted to host it one day."
So look, I think Rosie would have been a great Price Is Right host about six years ago, when she was on top of the daytime TV world. Her talk show reigned supreme, and she was regarded as a truly nice person in Hollywood. However, I think it's fair to say her reputation has taken a hit lately. No, not because she's a lesbian, but because she's belligerent, leftist to the point of absurdity, and disagreeable. I think Bob Barker was so successful because the man wasn't controversial. All he does is remind people to neuter their pets, and that's about as political as suggesting people brush their teeth.
What's Rosie going to do the first time a guy in an Army uniform gets called to play, throw a dead baby at him? Or what if the Showcase contains a getaway to scenic Texas, home to her arch-nemesis, the Bush family? I somehow doubt Rosie is truly capable of being as bland as one needs to be in order to be successful on the show.
Posted at 03:24 PM | Comments (0)
June 18, 2007
The right to bare asses
Now here's another law that is certain to cause some controversy:
As one US town outlaws the public wearing of overly revealing leg wear, some believe that visible underpants should be left to the fashion police alone.
The crackdown on exposed boxer shorts and protruding bare bottoms in Delcambre, Louisiana, has brought a legal dimension to a view of public decency in the Western world usually confined to school regulations.
A similar bid for a state-wide ban was thrown out by Louisiana three years ago but a 2005 bill in Virginia managed to clear the lower house of America's oldest legislative body.
It was then killed off by the Virginia senate amid national ridicule including jokes about a "Boxers Rebellion".
Now, however, anyone upset by the underpants of strangers can be confident that at least in Delcambre, population 2,000, offenders face a fine of $500 (£254) and even six months in jail.
Apart from the obvious "don't they have anything better to do" argument (yes they probably do, and no, that hasn't stopped anybody, ever), I wonder if the first guy who gets nailed for this law shouldn't challenge its constitutionality. After all, wearing baggy pants is a form of speech, and there is no compelling government reason for not letting people wear baggy pants. I mean, this isn't exactly the Scopes Monkey Trial, but it'd be a great way for some feisty lawyer to stick it to the man.
Posted at 11:20 PM | Comments (0)
It begins...
I think Kelly Clarkson is starting to show signs of becoming a deranged pop star. It happens to all of them. Christina Aguilera went through that phase. Britney Spears is knee deep in it. Mariah Carey is permanently nuts. Michael Jackson has sunk so low, he is bound to pop out of the ground in China. But Kelly Clarkson, the aw shucks American Idol? Say it isn't so. But look, she is exhibiting the first steps:
"I've sold more than 15 million records worldwide, and still nobody listens to what I have to say. Because I'm 25 and a woman," she says.
"I am a good singer, so I can't possibly be a good writer," she continues. "Women can't possibly be good at two things. I haven't lost my temper about it. It only drives me more. If your thing is to bring me down, cool. I'll just work harder."
Uh oh. This is how it begins. There's that nobody-gives-me-respect attitude. I don't understand it. That is probably because I'm a white guy. White guys, historically, are taken seriously. I have nothing to complain about. I haven't even been shafted by affirmative action! What a terrible existence I lead... However, I probably wouldn't mind having Kelly Clarkson's problems, either.
Posted at 12:49 PM | Comments (1)
June 17, 2007
Beer me
I think I love Yahoo! Answers. Half the questions on the site are completely useless, much like the above question about the price of a case of beer. Do you really need to ask on the internet what the cost is? Can't you go to the store and look? What possible need is there to know the price right now? I find the whole thing puzzling.
I can't think of any scenario that is plausible here. I really can't. Why might somebody ask this question?
Posted at 09:52 PM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2007
Time capsule
I love this story about the buried car recently dug up in Tulsa:
Hundreds watched Friday as a crane lifted a muddy package from a hole in the courthouse lawn: a 1957 Plymouth Belvedere buried to celebrate Oklahoma's 50 years of statehood.
It kinda gets me all warm and fuzzy to read about the old-fashioned things found inside the car, the whole nature of the contest, and the hopes and dreams that undoubtedly accompanied the burying of the car.
Also buried with it were 10 gallons of gasoline — in case internal combustion engines became obsolete by 2007 — a case of beer, and the contents of a typical woman's handbag placed in the glove compartment: 14 bobby pins, a bottle of tranquilizers, a lipstick, a pack of gum, tissues, a pack of cigarettes, matches and $2.43.
There was also a spool of microfilm that recorded the entries of a contest to determine who would win the car: the person who guessed the closest of what Tulsa's population would be in 2007 — 382,457 — would win.
That person, or his or her heirs, will get the car and a $100 savings account, worth about $1,200 today with interest.
In case gasoline was obsolete by 2007? They didn't count on Big Oil, did they? It just goes to show that 50 years ago, nobody had any clue what the future would hold. Did they even think the world would be around in fifty years, or blown to bits by nuclear missiles?
Could anybody have predicted the technology, the political economy, and the cultural situation of today? I highly doubt it. I hope to be stomping around this great land 50 years from now, and I *know* that whatever I think is going to happen, won't. Flying cars would be nice, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
Posted at 01:50 PM | Comments (0)
F--- yeah
Here's an interesting Bud Light commercial, but one you'll never see on TV:
Now, speaking of swear jars, I instituted a "lazy bastard jar" in my college apartment. The idea was, if you didn't do your chores, you had to pay a fine, and the money would be used for a party at the end of the year. As it turns out, my roommates were messier than even me, and also uninterested in self-improvement and paying money (that is, cheap.) So, the lazy bastard jar fell by the wayside after about a week, and my roommates tried interesting stuff like creating a "pyramid of couches."
Posted at 12:48 AM | Comments (0)
June 14, 2007
I have some suggestions
If this isn't a big hanging curve, begging to be knocked out of the park, I don't know what is:
Lindsay Lohan and her personal problems have enlivened the punch lines of late-night TV hosts. Now, Britney Spears is taking a turn.
In a posting on her Web site titled, "You'll Never See It My Way, Because You're Not Like Me," the 25-year-old pop princess asks her "most die-hard fans" to help name her upcoming album.
One potential title is a joke about Lohan: "Omg Is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like." Other possibilities: "What If the Joke Is on You," "Down Boy," "Integrity" and "Dignity."
Members of Spears' fan club can cast their votes on the Web site.
Here are my suggestions for Britney's new album: "Lucky (I'm Not In Jail)"; "Impregnate Me, Baby, One More Time"; "Britney and Kevin: Quixotic"; "Oops I Did It Again For The 12th Time"; and, if Britney wants to become a Beatles revivalist, she can't go wrong with "Help!"
Posted at 04:02 PM | Comments (0)
Rendering the bro useless
Or is it a mansierre? Either way, somebody's out to get rid of man-boobs:
Nearly 14,000 teenage boys got the surgery last year—a 21 percent increase from 2005—making male breast reductions more common than male facelifts. Price: $4,000 to $10,000. Sample Web site: manboobs.co.uk. Reasons: 1) Society is now pressuring boys as well as girls to look like models. 2) More boys are getting fat. 3) More boys are using steroids. 4) More boys are aware of, and open to, cosmetic surgery. 5) More doctors are willing to do or recommend it.
Posted at 03:15 PM | Comments (0)
Ground control to Baby Tom
It's amazing what can happen when there's a lot of radio transmissions, but not enough frequencies. I myself have never picked up somebody else's communications, but if I did I doubt it would be as intriguing as this:
An elementary school science teacher in this Chicago suburb doesn't have to turn on the news for an update on NASA's space mission. She just turns on her video baby monitor.
Since Sunday, one of the two channels on Natalie Meilinger's baby monitor has been picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis. The other still lets her keep an eye on her baby.
"Whoever has a baby monitor knows what you'll usually see," Meilinger said. "No one would ever expect this."
Live video of the mission is available on NASA's Web site, so it's possible the monitor is picking up a signal from somewhere.
"It's not coming straight from the shuttle," NASA spokeswoman Brandi Dean said. "People here think this is very interesting and you don't hear of it often — if at all."
Posted at 03:09 PM | Comments (0)
June 13, 2007
Happy trails
Now this is too bad. Mr. Wizard was always a fun show on Nickelodeon, although I have to admit that sometimes I found Mr. Wizard a little creepy. My favorite episode was when he had a kid try to suck grape juice through a 60-foot straw, only to show that there is a certain length one can suck before the air pressure equalizes and nothing will make the juice go farther. Good times!
Don Herbert, who as television's "Mr. Wizard" introduced generations of young viewers to the joys of science, died Tuesday. He was 89. Herbert, who had bone cancer, died at his suburban Bell Canyon home, said his son-in-law, Tom Nikosey.
"He really taught kids how to use the thinking skills of a scientist," said former colleague Steve Jacobs. He worked with Herbert on a 1980s show that echoed the original 1950s "Watch Mr. Wizard" series, which became a fond baby boomer memory.
In "Watch Mr. Wizard," which was produced from 1951 to 1964 and received a Peabody Award in 1954, Herbert turned TV into an entertaining classroom. On a simple, workshop-like set, he demonstrated experiments using household items.
"He modeled how to predict and measure and analyze. ... The show today might seem slow but it was in-depth and forced you to think along," Jacobs said. "You were learning about the forces of nature."
Posted at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)
June 12, 2007
But I have black dogs
This is your fairly run-of-the-mill racist hiring story, until you get to the employer's excuse:
A Belgian businessman rejected a Nigerian job applicant because the businessman said his own dog was racist and would bite non-whites, Belgian media reported Saturday. The 53-year-old man Nigerian told De Standaard newspaper he arrived at the Belgian's wrought-iron business and was immediately confronted by the barking dog.
The Belgian turned the man away before he could even enter, and wrote on his labor office letter that he could not hire the man because of his color, adding there was a risk the dog would bite him.
The local labor office has concluded that the Belgian was racist and has removed him from its list of potential employers.
"My dog is racist. Not me," the Belgian told De Standaard.
Posted at 11:13 AM | Comments (0)
June 10, 2007
You can go home again
God, I'm old. I went back to Dayton this weekend for my 5 year reunion. It was great fun, we sat in a baby pool, drank beer at old haunts, and saw many long-lost friends. Of course, I took some pictures along the way of random stuff, as I am want to do.
I stopped for lunch at Cracker Barrel in Merrillville, IN. I love Cracker Barrel. It's so good, and because there are no Cracker Barrels to be found in Chicago, I take every chance that I can get to go. Anyway, it was located on Opportunity Lane in Merrillville. I love that the corner of Opportunity and 62nd is pretty much barren. It reminds me of a certain Fountains of Wayne album cover.
This is some sheet metal company located in Dayton. I love the robot on the roof. That's all I got.
This is the chapel at UD. It's basically the symbol of UD, and why not? It's pretty.
And that's the door to the chapel. I'm always amazed at how church doors are so gigantic. You need to work out just to open them!
Posted at 10:08 PM | Comments (0)
June 07, 2007
You tell 'em
I love reading advice columns. They make me feel better about myself. Okay, I get worked up about certain things that other people don't. The one that immediately comes to mind is my possessiveness of seats in class. However, nothing makes me feel better than to read some of the asinine things people write in to complain about. To wit:
I am one of five women at my office. Roughly three out of five mornings, the one man we work with spends the first 10 to 15 minutes of the day in the (single, shared) bathroom. We work in a small office where we need to be available to any current or potential clients who call or drop in, so it does affect the rest of us if someone disappears mysteriously since, obviously, he doesn't announce that he's heading off to the can. I feel that if something is happening on such a regular basis, he should be able to take care of it at home before he comes to work. (He has only a half-hour commute.) My two-part question for you is: Is it worth saying something to him about it? And, presumably this would be a job for our manager, but what would be the best way of going about this? She usually hasn't arrived by that point in the morning, and so is not aware of this tendency.
I was recently on a cross-country flight. My seat partner was an East Indian gentleman. During the flight I noticed that he still had the label sewn on the left arm of his new suit. Because he didn't seem to want to talk, I respected his privacy and didn't tell him about the label.
Now I wonder if I, a red-headed Southern lady, should have told him about his label. Abby, what should I have done? -- SOUTHERN BELLE
What ever happened to good old fashioned advice needs, like "my husband cheated on me"? I mean, people who spend ten minutes in the can? Labels on suits? What gives? Isn't there anybody out there who has a transvestite brother-in-law? Sheesh!
Posted at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)
June 06, 2007
Osgood's 11
I haven't done an Osgood's 11 in ages. I think it's time, what with "Ocean's 13" coming out on Friday. One of the great things about Ocean's 11 is that the characters wind up with oodles of money. Due to this, I think I will talk today about the 11 things I would put in my house if I had oodles of money like Danny Ocean.
11. Golden Tee machine. I love to play Golden Tee. It's great fun. But it sucks that you can only play it when you're out at a bar, and then you have to pay the machine, pay for drinks, and you have to have a friend around to play with you. But if I was rich, oh man, I'd throw down for a Golden Tee machine. What's more, you can get one that's a golf/"Silver Strike bowling" combo.
10. In-house beer dispensing system. Draft beer is really the best, and there are two advantages to such a thing: I get to drink tasty draft beer, plus I don't have to walk to the fridge to get a beer.
9. Massive bed. I saw this episode of MTV Cribs once, where they were in Shaq's house. The man had a circular bed that was about 15 feet in diameter. I'm nowhere near as big as Shaq, but a bed like that would be spectacular.
8. Bathroom with a phone in it. This is self-explanatory.
7. Dedicated library room. I know very well if I had tons of money, I'd spend it all on books. Lots and lots of books. I would need a room for all those books, and I want it to be its own room, with leather and mahagony and all that. Ditto for all my CD's and DVD's.
6. In-house digital music system. How flippin' sweet would it be to have my entire music library digitized, with the further bonus of being able to play a song at command and have it come through the ceiling? It'd be like being in the lobby of some hotel, but only cool, because I am picking the music.
5. Skating rink. I think it'd be a bit too fanciful to have an ice-skating rink, but a tile/plastic roller rink, set up with hockey nets and boards, would provide me lots of hours of entertainment. I see lots of rappers who set up basketball courts at their pads, but I don't roll that way. I'd have my roller rink, which could also double as an indoor soccer surface. After a night of hockey, would could go relax in my...
4. Swimming pool. Duh! Any rich guy worth his salt has a pool. Mine would be shaped like an O, for Oz.
3. Industrial strength satellite dish. I watch weird stuff on TV. I want to be able to pick up Japanese game shows on my TV, which, by the way, would have to be at least 70 inches. Why Japanese game shows? They're pretty f'ing funny.
2. Money vault. I'm talking Scrooge McDuck style. I've always wanted one of those. I want to go swimming in a pile of gold every morning... That would be tops. I don't know if I want to get that money smell on me, but it seems worth it.
1. Cleaning lady. Screw it. If I have millions of dollars, I must have done something right. I'm gonna treat myself. Somebody else can keep my house clean, because I'm not bothering anymore.
Posted at 10:04 PM | Comments (0)
Devious!
A couple in Atlanta is in a bit of a divorce spat about some Atlanta Braves tickets. I didn't even know people cared this much about the Braves:
A divorced couple is feuding over tickets to see the Atlanta Braves. H. Elizabeth King, a psychologist, accuses her ex, Charles Center, a lawyer, of breaking their 2002 divorce agreement to divide the four tickets they had shared behind home plate.
The Atlanta couple owned tickets to 81 home games in a three-way partnership with other baseball fans. Every year King and Center had four tickets to 27 games.
When they divorced, he agreed to take the first home game every year. Then each would get four tickets to 13 games.
Now, it gets better. Apparently the husband is a very vindictive sort:
In a court hearing Tuesday — during which the couple hardly looked at each other — King testified that Center had gone out of his way this year to give her tickets to games that conflicted with her schedule. And she claimed 80 percent of the tickets he gave her were for day games, implying he'd done it because he knew she had skin cancer.
Man, that's harsh. Divorce is a tough thing, isn't it?
Posted at 03:21 PM | Comments (0)
June 05, 2007
Fire in the sky!
This story was very interesting to me:
More than 1,680 guitar players turned out, tuned up and took part in what organizers say was a world record rendition of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" — a song that was the first many of them ever learned.
Some came from as far away as California and Germany on Sunday to take part in a Kansas City radio station's effort to break a Guinness world record for the most people playing the same song simultaneously. The record had been 1,323 people playing the same song in Vancouver, British Columbia, in 1994.
"It was cool to see little kids playing, people who had been playing for their whole lives, like older people, and then I'm sure there were people like me who just picked up the song a couple days before," said Autumn McPherson, of Winfield, a senior at the University of Kansas.
Preliminary numbers show 1,683 people played the popular early '70s guitar riff on Sunday at CommunityAmerica Ballpark.
Know why it's so cool? This way, I have an excuse to show this commercial again:
Posted at 01:52 PM | Comments (0)
June 04, 2007
I lied
I've never seen Commando, but damn, what a great Schwarzenegger scene this is:
The great thing about action movies is, they value human life so cheaply. I wonder if anyone in real life has ever dispatched an enemy, and then made some kind of witty remark. Somehow, I doubt it.
I was actually talking with someone about the difference between action and war movies, and I think that pretty much nails it: action movies have cannon fodder, while war movies still attempt to value human life. See the difference?
Posted at 10:23 PM | Comments (0)
Step away from the tater tots
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I'll tell ya... Kids these days. Can't do nothin' without getting in trouble! If I ever have an arrest record, I sure as hell hope it's for something I do in a food fight:
The food fight started, according to several students, when a senior hurled french fries across the cafeteria at West Aurora High School.
Within seconds, milk cartons, sandwiches, pizza slices and slushies spiraled among jammed lunchroom tables in what students described as a senior prank.
"Everything the school sells was thrown," said 15-year-old Tony Dellorto, who was in the cafeteria when the food fight erupted about 12:25 p.m. Thursday.
But the prank quickly swirled out of control, with a police officer and a school official suffering minor injuries as they tried to restore order, while students ducked under tables for cover or fled into hallways. Three students were arrested, including an 18-year-old senior charged with resisting arrest, authorities said.
"It sounds like it was a senior prank, and it sounds like it got out of hand," Aurora Police Chief William Powell said Friday.
At least "several hundred" students appeared to be involved, a law enforcement source said.
School officials reacted by shutting down the cafeteria for the final days of the school year.
Posted at 12:14 AM | Comments (1)
June 01, 2007
Ah... Paris!
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I saw the most interesting movie recently. It's called Paris, je t'aime, and it's a series of short movies by about 15 different directors all set in Paris, all featuring people falling in love or talking about love. It was truly an unexpected, pleasant surprise, especially when people like Steve Buscemi, Nick Nolte and Maggie Gylenhaal show up.
It was enough to turn my cold, hardened heart into so much mush. Hell, even The Notebook didn't melt me like this one did. There's always something lyrical and magical about two people who simply love each other, and this movie captures it perfectly, in what is probably the most romantic city on the planet. Well... Second-most romantic. It's a great thing if you've got it... And if you do, don't let it go.
Posted at 12:05 AM | Comments (0)
That old Johnson place
Last July, there was a horrific fire in a house around the corner from where I live, and two people died. On their wedding anniversary, no less. It was very tragic, and an all-around sad situation, especially when I recently heard that the fire was probably started by their son smoking in the basement.
Anyway, my neighbor told me the other day that before those people moved in, the previous owner was MURDERED. Now I don't usually believe in stuff like that, but I am staying the hell away from that house.
I bring this up because the burned out shell of the house just went up for sale. The asking price is $1.6 million, and that's even without a livable building on the land. I would be very interested to see if the real estate agent plans to tell potential buyers about the property's unseemly past.
Would you live in a house if you knew somebody was murdered in it? If two people died there on their wedding anniversary? I would really think twice about it. Even if the place isn't "haunted," I'd probably get myself in a tizzy just thinking about what happened there.
Posted at 12:03 AM | Comments (0)