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August 30, 2007
He could go all the way
You gotta love the life of your average NFL running back. If Travis Henry had scored this much on the football field, maybe the Bills would've been back in the playoffs. As it was, Henry apparently has nine children by nine different women. And he doesn't pay child support for any of them, apparently. He is a veritable Ramses! His replacement, Willis McGahee, ran up a similar record - and it didn't help the Bills win any football games.
Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry will not face NFL discipline for non-payment of child support.
Last weekend, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Henry had not supplied funds for some of his nine children, who all have different mothers in nine southern states.
The newspaper noted court records in DeKalb County, Ga., where one of the children lives, Henry had to borrow money from his former team, the Tennessee Titans, to fulfill one of several judgments totaling $3,000 a month, plus a $250,000 trust for a three-year-old son.
Posted by oz115 at 01:07 PM | Comments (0)
Jiminy!
I've been following the Sen. Larry Craig story with strange bemusement. You'd like to think his "wide stance" excuse for his bathroom antics was true, if only because it's hilarious. But as the Idaho Statesman aptly points out, Sen. Craig has been accused of this behavior in the past:
One man, who was considering pledging with Craig's fraternity at the U of I in 1967, said Craig took him to his room and made what the man said he took to be an invitation to sex. Responding to that allegation in May, Craig said, "I don't hit on any men."
Another man said that in November 1994 Craig "cruised" him at the REI store in Boise. The man, who is gay, told the Statesman that Craig stared at him in a sexually inviting way and followed him around REI for a half-hour. Said Craig: "Once again, I'm not gay, and I don't cruise, and I don't hit on men. I have no idea how he drew that conclusion. A smile? Here is one thing I do out in public: I make eye contact, I smile at people, they recognize me, they say, ‘Oh, hi, Senator.' Or, ‘Do I know you?'
Granted, these are all fairly unsubstantiated accusations. However, there does seem to be a pattern of behavior here. I'm not interested in that so much, though. I love his reaction to the second story from above:
"I've been in this business 27 years in the public eye here. I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!"
Jiminy? Jiminy! That may have to make its way into my rotation of faux swear words. Now, I don't have the world's biggest pottymouth, but I do like to drop in the occasional expletive. It keeps things interesting. But I also love the humor in using swear word substitutes. Some of my favorites are "fudge," "gee whiz," "f-er," "d-bag" and "poop." Can you imagine how funny it would be if I was talking to somebody on the phone and ended my conversation something like this: "So your boss wouldn't let you use the bathroom during the entire convention? That's illegal, by Jiminy!"
Okay, maybe it's not funny... But I think it is.
Posted by oz115 at 12:17 AM | Comments (0)
August 29, 2007
Another reason to not be famous
There's a cemetery up on the North Side here, called Graceland Cemetery, where lots of Chicago's elite from the turn of last century are buried: Marshall Field, Phillip Armour, Louis Sullivan and the like. When rail czar George Pullman died, he was buried beneath a block of cement so that angry railroad men couldn't break into his tomb and desecrate his body.
After reading this article, I am tempted to also ask for a block of cement to protect me in the afterlife:
Remember that goofy uncle of yours who always tried to impress you by "stealing your nose" or pulling the ol' separating-his-thumb-from-his-hand move? Well, those parlor tricks are nothing compared to the appendage stunts pulled by these 10 famous people.
...
Before he died, über-genius Albert Einstein considered donating his body to science. Unfortunately, he never put his wishes in writing.
When he passed away in 1955, Einstein's family and friends made plans to cremate him, but the pathologist who performed the autopsy, Dr. Thomas Harvey, had a different idea. Instead, he opted to remove the math man's brain and then tell the family about it.
For 30-some years, Harvey had Al's gray matter tucked away in his Wichita home in two Mason jars. Naturally, Einstein's loved ones weren't thrilled when they found out, but they eventually allowed the misappropriated mind to be sliced into 240 sections and disbursed to researchers for examination.
Today, many of the cerebral sections remain in scientific institutions, with the bulk held at Princeton Hospital. As for Einstein's body, that was cremated and scattered in a secret location.
Posted by oz115 at 12:26 PM | Comments (0)
August 28, 2007
Stay thirsty
I think the new Dos Equis "Most Interesting Man In The World" commercials are amusing enough, but this one kind of has me confused:
I know he's the most interesting man in the world, but doesn't it look like those girls sitting next to him are not paying attention to him? And if they are, don't they appear to be feigning amusement? I don't know... I don't see what's so interesting about a Sean Connery clone with an indistinguishable latin accent.
Posted by oz115 at 12:00 AM | Comments (0)
August 27, 2007
Fashion is cyclical
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In the '80s, inexpensive fanny packs made of lightweight fabric were everywhere. Especially Disney World and the Dells.
It didn't take long before they came to be the very emblem of overfed tourists (who should have thought twice about belting an additional pouch on their paunch). Thus began the decline of this useful, if hideous, accessory.
Being marked or mistaken for a tourist is not a good thing. Furthermore, when some of us took a hard look in the mirror, we were forced to conclude that affixing a big, additional lump on our waistline or hindquarters was just not a price we were willing to pay for convenience.
I have to admit, I own a fanny pack. But I have used it exactly twice: for when I want to go running, but need to carry some stuff with me. I strap it to my back, and if I get it just right you don't even know it's there. Long distance running, I think, is one of the few times where fanny packs are currently socially acceptable.
So what makes the turnaround for the fanny pack? I'm guessing they are getting an upgraded, more upscale design. Just like a cheap suit is not fashionable, nor is a cheap fanny pack. I can't see somebody dishing out $100 for one, but if somebody deigns to design one that looks somewhat respectable, I can see it coming back into style. But, I think that is a long, long ways away. Maybe Versace will roll one out at the next fashion show, perhaps?
Posted by oz115 at 01:12 PM | Comments (2)
August 24, 2007
Frickin' France
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I was in Boston once, and I saw a shirt that says "France sucks." Naturally, I had to buy it for my France-hating friend. One Ohio State fan I know used to have a t-shirt that said "I wouldn't cheer for Michigan even if they were playing France." Ouch!
With this latest news coming out of France, I think I am starting to see their point:
French officials rejected a request to extradite a man suspected of killing a Loop dermatologist last year, a Cook County state's attorney's spokesman said Thursday.
Hans Peterson, 29, turned himself in to French authorities Aug. 6 on the Caribbean island of St. Martin after an arrest warrant was issued for him in the U.S. He is accused of fatally stabbing Dr. David Cornbleet in his office in October.
On Wednesday, French officials declined to extradite Peterson because he is a French national, said Cornbleet's son, Jon Cornbleet. The French typically do not extradite citizens who may be facing charges that could result in the death penalty. The family, however, would not object if prosecutors don't seek death, Jon Cornbleet said.
So listen... I see France's point. They're anti-capital punishment. Mexico is another country that will refuse to extradite murder suspects to the United States because they face capital punishment here. It's an interesting stand, but I have to wonder what the point is. No matter how much France and Mexico protest, the only thing that's going to make the USA stop executing people is if Americans decide it themselves. I myself am against capital punishment, but I also know that the fact that the rest of Western civilization doesn't have capital punishment is no barrier to its use here. What's particularly annoying to me about this case is how this guy became a French citizen:
Peterson turned himself in to authorities in French-controlled St. Martin two weeks ago and allegedly said he repeatedly stabbed Cornbleet, 64, because he believed the doctor had prescribed medicine that made him impotent.
Peterson is considered a French citizen by authorities there because his mother is French. He obtained his French passport in May and holds dual citizenship.
Whatever, yo. It seems pretty clever to me that he chose not to become a French citizen until this opportunity came about. He's wanted for murder in the USA, he has a French mom. Why don't I flee to French territory off the coast of South America, and get French citizenship so they won't extradite me to the USA? Genius!
Anyhow, this is just another episode in what seems to be continued French petulance. I'm not talking about that World War 2 thing, but all kinds of other stuff. As an early example, the French refused to use the internationally adopted prime meridian - the one in England - and instead made their own maps using Paris as the prime meridian. Thus, French maps were 2.2 degrees off the rest of the world:
In 1884, at the International Meridian Conference in Washington DC, the Greenwich Meridian was adopted as the prime meridian of the world. France abstained. The French clung to the Paris Meridian as a rival to Greenwich until 1911 for timekeeping purposes and 1914 for navigation. To this day, French cartographers continue to indicate the Paris Meridian on some maps.
That's cool, France. Who reads French maps anyway?
Then there's the so-called Rainbow Warrior incident. I'm learning about this is one of my classes, so it's fresh in my mind. Those fine folks at Greenpeace sent their ship, the Rainbow Warrior, off to the South Pacific to protest French plans to conduct nuclear testing in the region. As the ship was docked in New Zealand, French special agents sneaked onto the ship and planted a bomb aboard. The bomb destroyed the ship, but also killed a crewman. Oops! Most of the team was able to leave the country, but the police captured two of them. They weren't too amused that the French government was sending agents into their country to commit illegal acts, and they ended up pleading guilty to manslaughter. France wasn't about to let their agents wind up in a New Zealand prison, so they swung a deal that they broke as soon as they had a chance:
In July 1986, a United Nations-sponsored mediation between New Zealand and France resulted in the transfer of the two prisoners to the French Polynesian island of Hao, to serve three years instead, as well as an apology and a NZD 13 million payment from France to New Zealand.
Mafart [one of the agents] returned to Paris on December 14, 1987 for medical treatment, and was apparently freed after treatment. He continued to serve in the French Army, and was promoted to Colonel in 1993. Prieur [the other agent] returned to France on May 6, 1988 because she was pregnant, her husband having been allowed to join her on the atoll. She, too, was freed and later promoted. This was in violation of the agreement France signed; the French were consequently required to pay further reparations to New Zealand.
Three other agents, Chief Petty Officer Roland Verge, Petty Officer Bartelo and Petty Officer Gérard Andries, who sailed to New Zealand onboard the yacht Ouvéa, were later captured by Australian Police on Norfolk Island, but had to be released as Australian law did not allow them to be held for sufficient time until the results of forensic tests came back. Knowing the tests would show they had transported the bombs to New Zealand, the crew rendezvoused with the French submarine Rubis and sank the Ouvéa. They were never punished.
Of course, France went and set off their nuclear bombs anyway. I have to say, this behavior by France is unsettling. France, I think, is struggling with the fact that it is gradually losing status as a world power. They're shrinking in relevance, and stunts like that are France's way of trying to keep in the public eye. However, I have a feeling that like many of the USA's recent actions, they will merely have the effect of pissing off the rest of the world. Good luck with that, France!
Posted by oz115 at 10:24 AM | Comments (1)
August 23, 2007
Low blow Onion, low blow
Man, the Onion gives it to Buffalo in this week's issue:
This summer has been one of the worst in recent years for flight delays, particularly for passengers stuck on the runway. Here are some of the factors behind the delays:
Pilot not exactly in hurry to get to Buffalo
Posted by oz115 at 09:31 PM | Comments (0)
Don't trust anyone
This poor guy. He tells his wife he's going to divorce her, and as they go to their home in preparation of selling it, she seduces him. What happened next could only be some kind of absurd revenge fantasy:
A 23-year-old Gilbert woman is accused of trying to kill her estranged husband by stabbing him in the chest with a kitchen knife while they were having sex, officers said.
Gilbert police said Falon Gonzales and her husband, 26-year-old Juan Carlos Gonzales, were having marital problems. The pair was separated and Juan Gonzales had filed for divorce last month.
...
Police said she received a telephone call from Gonzales on Tuesday morning requesting she meet him at their home to have the home appraised.
Falon told police that after she arrived at the home, and while waiting for Gonzales to arrive, she contemplated whether or not to harm him by stabbing him with a kitchen knife that she placed in a duffle bag.
She told police she put the knife in the duffle bag for the purpose of injuring him after she lured him to the bathroom to have sexual intercourse, police said.
Gonzales and the appraiser arrived and once the appraiser left, Gonzales showed her dissolution of marriage papers, according to her account to police.
Falon said she began to cry and Gonzales consoled her, officers said. They began kissing and she later suggested they enter the master bedroom bathroom to have sexual intercourse, according to her account.
Once disrobed, she told Gonzalez she was going to get sexual toys from the closet, officers said. She returned with the duffle bag containing the knife, police said.
During sex, Falon reached into the duffle bag, removed the knife and stabbed him in the chest, officers said.
Posted by oz115 at 01:57 PM | Comments (1)
August 22, 2007
Priceless
I have a new pet peeve: restaurants that don't take credit cards. I'm not talking about the local hot dog stand or the farmer selling vegetables alongside the road. I mean actual, honest restaurants.
I got out of class at 9 o'clock last night, and moseyed over to a local diner to get some dinner and do some reading. When my modest $10 check came, I went up to pay and was told they didn't take credit cards. Lo and behold, there was indeed an ATM right in the lobby for me to withdraw some cash. Naturally, I had to pay an $1.95 charge to the ATM, in addition to whatever fee my bank may charge.
To me, there is only one reason certain restaurants don't take credit cards: they're cheap. I don't know what the fee is, but every time a merchant accepts credit cards, the card company takes a bit as a commission. I know it can't be that hard to take credit cards, because almost every type of business on Earth takes them, including some hot dog stands and farmers selling vegetables on the side of the road. The place I was at yesterday is a long-standing restaurant located in an affluent neighborhood - in short, I can't think of a reason other than cheapness that they wouldn't take credit cards.
It is always surprising to me that the places that don't take credit invariably have an ATM on the premises. Why could this be? Not only do they get to avoid paying fees to the credit card company, but they have the added benefit of charging $2 to withdraw cash from the ATM. I don't know who gets the $2 fee, but it wouldn't surprise me if the bank and the place where the ATM is located each get part of it.
Yes, this is really only a nuisance, but when it comes up, it sure is frustrating. I don't like spending cash unless I have to, and every time I'm sent off to an ATM because I don't have enough, I get a little frustrated inside. It probably won't make a difference, but at some point I may decide to stop going to places who don't take credit. It's unfriendly and backwards.
Posted by oz115 at 12:03 PM | Comments (0)
August 21, 2007
If kegs are outlawed, only outlaws will have kegs
What is it with scrap metal lately? People are stealing all kinds of things in order to sell it for scrap. Manhole covers. Copper wire from food pantries. And now... Kegs???
The state aims to stifle the cash flow of thieves who have tapped into the empty beer-keg market, and forced buyers of beer in kegs to put more money up front for their brew.
The governor Friday signed a bill that requires scrap metal dealers to keep track of who they buy from, a means to save an ailing beer industry millions of dollars in stolen aluminum kegs. The new law takes effect Jan. 1.
Part of an increase in general scrap-metal thieving spurred by higher prices the metals command, empty beer keg theft has retailers asking customers for more than the traditional $20 deposit.
The empty containers bring up to $75 at a scrap yard. As a result, area distributors began making retailers put down bigger deposits. The stores then made their customers put more money up front when purchasing kegs of beer, raising deposits 25 percent to 50 percent.
Binny's Beverage Depot increased its deposits from about $20 to $25 two years ago to $50 to $75, said Ted Sullivan, beer buyer for the company.
Breweries lost about 300,000 kegs -- about $45 million worth -- in the past year, according to the Beer Institute in Washington, D.C. About 10.7 million kegs, which cost about $150 each to replace, are in circulation
Now, despite this, I definitely know of one particular use for a stolen keg that will never go out of style. You know what I'm talkin' bout.
Posted by oz115 at 09:12 PM | Comments (0)
Get 'em young
There's nothing quite like typing in an internet address, only to misspell a word and find yourself at a porn site:
Students and parents accessing a school Web site for help with homework got more than they bargained for if they were just a couple of keystrokes off.
The Litchfield Elementary School District site shares a similar, but shorter domain name to a pornographic site which features live sex performances.
A parent alerted school officials after they mistyped the district's site.
Parents are worried their computer-savvy children might end up at the porn site by mistake because of the address similarities.
I've always wondered, for example, if anybody has "hotmale.com" because it sounds just so damn similar to "hotmail.com." I wouldn't be surprised... But being at work right now, I'm not going to find out!
Here's my favorite quote from the article, by one overly concerned parent:
"It's like a sex offender living right next to a school," Morrow said.
Come on! In my opinion, a kid who wants to look for porn on the internet is going to find it. It's pretty simple, really: if parents don't want their children doing naughty things on the internet, they need to be supervised.
Posted by oz115 at 01:19 PM | Comments (1)
August 20, 2007
Congratulations, I guess
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So what I guess I'm saying is, it's high time Rosemont got a little recognition:
Rosemont's water tower is tops.
That's according to an annual competition held by a Missouri paint company. The suburb's water tower -- with its painted images of giant roses -- has been named "Tank of the Year."
Rosemont Public Works Director Michael Raimondi says the tank was repainted last year over about six months. The 135-foot-tall tank was first built in 1982 and holds 500,000 gallons.
Rosemont's flowery structure beat out 100 other tanks around the country, including about a dozen from the Chicago area.
However, my favorite water tower has to be the one located in Florence, Kentucky. The town just over the Ohio River from Cincinnati has one of the more straightforward towers out there: Florence, Y'all! It signified that you truly had arrived in the South, crossing that amorphous border from Southern Ohio wanna-be redneck to true, Kentucky-fried good-ol-boy.
Posted by oz115 at 12:15 PM | Comments (1)
She's gone already, chief
Some people like to make fun of Dave Letterman, but I think he was, and still is, one of the funniest people on TV. His famous visit to Taco Bell still ranks as one of the most hilarious things I've seen:
Posted by oz115 at 12:28 AM | Comments (1)
August 17, 2007
My friends do call me the man of steel...
Your results:
You are Superman
| You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.  |
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
Posted by oz115 at 08:04 PM | Comments (0)
August 16, 2007
The little darlings
So, this past summer I spent my mornings at the juvenile court building. I worked with the Public Defender, and because I am so close to being done with law school I'm eligible for a license that lets me be a lawyer if another lawyer supervises me. Thus, I had quite an experience this summer.
I'm not really going to get into too much detail, but here are some highlights:
- At least three kids were so infuriated at being put in the slammer, they refused to leave the courtroom and had to be carried away by five cops. I am happy to say that no matter how much they resisted, none of the cops punched, tasered, or otherwise did anything to piss off the police brutality watchdogs.
- One kid was arrested in an abandoned building. What did he tell the cops he was doing in the place? Having sex, of course.
- My favorite was the kid who was pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation at 5 in the morning. He was 14, obviously had no license, and no insurance. Why was he driving the car? To go to the hospital, to witness his "baby mama" give birth to his son. When he stepped out of the car, the cops noticed a white powder on the seat. They hauled him in because they thought it was cocaine, but it later turned out to be nothing.
There were stories like this every day. Some more interesting than others, but it was definitely never boring. I was all prepped to do trials, but each time I had one the case either got dropped or the kid took a plea bargain. I am sorry to say, I have not yet had the chance to yell "Objection! Hearsay!" in an actual court of law. Some day, it will happen for me...
Posted by oz115 at 02:52 PM | Comments (0)
August 15, 2007
A well-earned snooze
Man, do I ever love naps! I went down to Pilsen on Sunday, and it was a most interesting neighborhood. There were lots of lively things going on, and a bustling atmosphere on the street. Needless to say, my companion and I were soon worn out, and we retreated to a cafe for lunch... Quite innocently, the kid above was snoozing away on the loveseat. In another corner, a second kid surfed the internet on the computer. I have to say, I wished I could have had myself a nap, too. He must have been really tired, because he slept for the whole hour we were there.
Pilsen gets a bad rap sometimes, but I thought it was a most interesting neighborhood. There were all kinds of little shops selling stuff imported from Mexico, restaurants with delightful smells wafting through the air, and children playing on the side streets. There was also lots of color. Walls were painted bright, festive colors, and some had murals. Many featured the Virgin Mary. For all the Mexican and other Hispanic immigrants living there, it's a slice of home. For me, it was a peer into yet another exciting neighborhood here in Chicago.
Posted by oz115 at 09:51 PM | Comments (0)
When does it become illegal?
I've been kind of interested in the case of Jack McClellan, who has referred to himself as a pedophile. His hobby: hanging out in places with young children, posting pictures of them on the internet, and giving tips to other pedophiles. He was run out of the state of Washington for his deeds, and then in California he got slapped with a temporary restraining order that prohibits him from being within 30 feet of any children. Needless to say, he got thrown in the slammer when he violated that order:
Staffers at UCLA's Infant Development Program in Franz Hall noticed McClellan carrying a camera about 1:40 p.m.
Officers with the University of California Police Department arrested McClellan without a struggle. He was booked on campus and was released later. He is required to appear in court Sept. 13, a UC police statement said.
McClellan said he innocently went to UCLA because he was barred from places such as parks where children congregate. He said he thought there wouldn't be any minors around the college.
He said it was by chance that he sat down outside Franz Hall, where the Infant Development Program is housed.
"(UCLA) is not really considered a kiddie hangout."
McClellan is undeniably sick, and undeniably a pervert. If I spotted him hanging around my kid, I'd probably beat his ass. But at the same time... What, exactly, has he done that is illegal? All articles about him claim he has never been convicted of any related offense, nor has he committed any related crimes. In short, it seems to me he is getting in trouble for being extremely, extremely creepy. He has these urges, but apparently has never acted upon them... Which I think is sort of what you want to do, next to actually eliminating them.
Pedophilia, rightfully so, is treated as a horrific crime. But at the same time, anyone convicted of a sex offense is immediately branded as a black mark on society, a dangerous and repulsive person. It seems to me that pedophilia is being turned into something that can get you arrested simply for thinking about it.
It's nowhere even close to that point, but it's leaning in that direction: there's this McClellan case, and then the efforts by various legislatures to make it illegal to possess computer generated kiddie porn. The reason kiddie porn is illegal is because it harms, debases and violates children. It is clearly something that is repulsive, but virtual kiddie porn doesn't involve any of that: it's completely fake. I see a clear difference there - and again, it is nothing I could never condone, but all the reasons it's bad are eliminated. I don't see what reason there is that is can be illegal, then.
Pedophilia is a disease, but attempts to treat it seem to be unreliable. Like other impulses, it should only be punished if it is acted upon. Jack McClellan has never acted on his impulses in an illegal way, but he is still being punished for it. He is a sick, twisted person - but is he a criminal? Absolutely not, and if it stays that way, we will all be better off.
Posted by oz115 at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)
August 13, 2007
Simply incredible
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Amy Winehouse is my new hero. I saw her at Lollapalooza a few weeks ago, and she looked fine... Then last week she wound up in the hospital with "exhaustion." Obviously that was a bunch of poop, as we found out today:
Winehouse actually slipped into a coma after overdosing on drugs, the "Rehab" singer told Britian's The News of the World.
"It was just crazy -- one of the most terrifying moments of my life," she said. "I just don't know what got into me."
Winehouse, 23, says she smoked heroin, snorted cocaine, took ecstasy and the horse tranquilizer ketamine, along with whisky and vodka during a bar crawl in London, which led to her collapse.
Horse tranquilizers? What a lady! And she's only 23 - though admittedly she sounds about 70 - so she has so much longer to go. All I can say is, soldier on, Amy!
Posted by oz115 at 09:28 PM | Comments (0)
Blame it on the cat
Sometimes curiosity doesn't kill the cat. Sometimes drunken fools kill cats:
A New Hampshire man has been charged with a felony after he first told police that his cat had accidentally shot itself.
Nicholas Goroff, 24, told officers the cat had knocked over a shotgun, causing it to fire. But beer cans in his apartment and the smell of alcohol on his breath, caused police to question his story.
Eventually, he told police he had pulled the hammer back on the gun and while attempting to release it his thumb slipped and the gun fired. A round hit the cat.
The cat had to be euthanized and Goroff faces charges of felony reckless conduct.
Posted by oz115 at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
August 10, 2007
Not even the Weinermobile is above the law
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Apparently not everyone is in love with the Oscar Meyer weiner:
A massive hot dog clogged Chicago's main artery Thursday morning.
In a rare occurrence of an encased-meat vehicle committing a traffic violation, Chicago police ticketed the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile for illegal parking on the Magnificent Mile.
The incident began at 10:57 a.m. in the 400 block of North Michigan Avenue. At least two members of the Wienermobile entourage left the vehicle in the six-lane street with its emergency blinkers on. The vehicle is registered to Kraft Foods under the Wisconsin license plate "WEENR."
A police officer approached the Chevrolet with the 27-foot fiberglass sausage and removable bun roof. The officer radioed for a tow truck.
Matt Smith of the city's Streets and Sanitation Department said the city would have been ready to handle the job.
"We have access to tow trucks that could have handled a Polish sausage, not just a hot dog," Smith said.
The officer wrote the ticket and affixed it to the wiener's footlong side mirror. Ed Walsh, a spokesman for the city Department of Revenue, said parking in a "Parking/Standing Prohibited Anytime" zone is a $50 violation.
Posted by oz115 at 08:03 PM | Comments (0)
August 09, 2007
Would Jesus sell your picture on eBay?
One of the things that gets my figurative panties in a bunch is when people see a smudge or something and realize its an image of Jesus or Mary or somebody.
Take, for example, this cinnamon bun:
It's Mother Theresa... Of course! And who can forget Our Lady Of The Underpass? I often wonder what drives people to believe there is a religious message behind such things. I think it has to do with peoples' desires to see a manifestation of the divine... A sign that yes, God exists. I don't believe in that myself, and think all these things are nothing but coincidences. Then, when one person claims there is an image there, the power of suggestion leads everyone else to believe, too.
And so, we have another appearance of Jesus - this time in a slab of concrete:
FOREST, Va.—A smudge of driveway sealant resembling the face of Jesus Christ has fetched more than $1,500 in an online auction.
The family that found the image on its garage floor sold it for $1,525.69 on eBay Wednesday, more than a week after the slab of concrete was put on sale.
“I really never thought I'd get any, to be honest,” said Deb Serio, a high-school teacher.
“It's fun to see what people say and think about it,” said Serio, who has gotten hundreds of messages from around the world.
The family has hired a contractor to remove the section of concrete. The chunk will be turned over to the winner, identified only as “islandoffthecoast.”
An active Lutheran, Serio considers the smudge just an odd occurrence — not a sign or miracle.
“There are some people who need this kind of thing to sort of start them on their faith journey. I don't,” she said. “That's why I don't mind parting with it.”
Posted by oz115 at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)
Why did it have to be snakes
I have nothing to say to this, really... Just that I plan to stay away from snakes, even headless ones:
Apparently, even a dead snake can bite.
A man said he was bitten by the decapitated head of a rattlesnake on his property near Prosser, Wash.
Danny Anderson and his son saw the 5-foot rattler Monday evening while feeding horses.
They pinned it with a pipe and cut off its head with a shovel.
When Anderson reached down to pick it up, he said, the snake head twisted around and bit his index finger.
In the 10 minutes it took to reach Prosser Memorial Hospital, the venom spread through his body and his tongue had already started to swell.
He was treated with shots at the hospital.
A state Fish and Wildlife Department biologist said it's possible the snake had the heat-sensing ability to make one last attack -- or it may have been a reflex.
Posted by oz115 at 03:51 PM | Comments (1)
August 08, 2007
Those who don't read history are doomed to repeat it
Okay, so I read about this proposal in the Eagle-Gazette:
One "COPP" or rather a COPP proposal for the commissioners. This Citizens on Patrol Program would cost taxpayers $103,000 for one coordinator/court house officer and refurbishment of old police cruisers. It also would put 73 civilians into these old cruisers with new stickers on the doors.
...
Are we expected to believe civilians, trained for 16 to 32 hours, are supposed to reflect our tax dollars at work?
Under this proposal, these civilians would be turned out into the field, in marked cruisers, checking private homes, taking accident reports and possibly looking into vandalism?
I mean... Come on. Didn't they see Police Academy 4? It even has the same name... Citizens on Patrol. Is this what we have to look forward to as more children of the 70's and 80's get positions of power? I sure hope not.
I love Steve Guttenburg, but the man is not fit to be a cop. The movie has a 3.8 rating on IMDB - that's almost impossible! Good luck, my fair home town. You will need it.
Posted by oz115 at 09:59 PM | Comments (0)
August 06, 2007
Lollapalooza pics
I couldn't write about Lollapalooza without posting some of my pics. I haven't been through all of them yet, but here's some of my favorites:
?uestlove of The Roots
People in trees trying to hear Cold Ward Kids
Kids fight over ?uestlove's drumstick
Triumph!
The Hold Steady
Interpol
Interpol glows
Posted by oz115 at 03:18 PM | Comments (0)
Lollapalooza recap
As I said before, I spent all weekend stomping around Grant Park, absorbing sun, beer and music at Lollapalooza.
It wasn't quite as debauched as I thought it would be, nor as invidiously corporate. Music festivals and outdoor amphitheaters are infamous for charging absurd prices for everything, but I didn't feel gouged at all. A bottle of water was $2 - and they let you bring your own - food was usually around $5, and beer was $5 or $7. Now, some might say $2 is a lot for a bottle of water, but it is nowhere near as bad as many other venues I can recall. Security was tight, ready to boot anyone who misbehaved. Nevertheless, marijuana smoke wafted through the air, a few people puked on the lawn, and one ferociously stoned man gave away bumper stickers that said "Thank you for pot smoking."
My favorite show was probably put on by The Roots, who made a glorious racket - including, interestingly enough, a sousaphone. I also enjoyed Snow Patrol, who apparently deserve some respect even though their song wound up on the Grey's Anatomy soundtrack. (Overheard: "I'm calling you 'cause Snow Patrol is playing Chasing Cars, remember when Meredith...") Interpol alternatively moped and rocked; they somehow headlined on Saturday, and I was impressed that they could handle such a large crowd. We tried to catch the Cold War Kids, but everyone else in the place at the same idea, and there was no room at all in the area where they played. I also enjoyed performances by The Hold Steady and Regina Spektor. The former was gloriously goofy and energetic.
On Sunday, I started off with Amy Winehouse, who surprised everyone by showing up. Eddie Vedder joined Kings of Leon for a song. I've seen The Kings three times now, and they seem to be becoming better performers every time. An interesting act was !!! (it's pronounced chick-chick-chick, apparently), whose singer has a penchant for thrusting his hips and banging on a cowbell during extended drum solos.
The evening was capped off with Modest Mouse, and then the big cheese: Pearl Jam. A couple of shirtless lads tried to start a mosh pit where we were standing, which was fine until he crashed into a girl and was promptly dispatched by the girl's date. Security escorted the mosher out, only for him to return and start it all over again. He was again asked to leave. After we moved back towards the outskirts of the crowd, another shirtless guy was running into circles, bumping people. He bumped me a couple of times, until I gave him a hearty shove. He went off to find other targets, or to get his ass kicked. I wasn't sure which was which.
We ducked out of Pearl Jam early, and why not? I'm not the biggest Pearl Jam fan, and it made a taxi about a hundred times easier to find. All in all, it was a grand time and I heartily enjoyed it. I do believe I will be back next year, if I can get me some tickets again.
Posted by oz115 at 02:47 PM | Comments (0)
Rock n' roll forever
I went to Lollapalooza this weekend. That kid sat on his dad's shoulders during the whole Pearl Jam show - he rocks. He's maybe 5 years old, and is already cooler than me.
This was my first ever rock festival experience, and I have to say it was pretty cool. I saw lots of great bands, and I will write a little more about it later Monday!
Posted by oz115 at 12:36 AM | Comments (0)
August 03, 2007
Lucky you
Ever notice how any time a guy mentions a stripper he knows (that is, a stripper he is convinced likes him), he usually concludes by saying, "yeah, but she's working her way through medical school."
Maybe this one should actually do that:
An exotic dancer is credited with reviving a client who passed out during a private strip show early Friday morning, police said.
Exotic dancer Karnesha Nantz, 25, was hired early Friday morning to perform a personal show for Daniel Karpinski, 46, at Karpinski's home on the 400 block of Southeast Evans Avenue in Port St. Lucie, police said.
According to a police report, while Nantz was dancing, she turned and faced away from Karpinski for approximately 20 seconds. When she turned around again to face him, Karpinski was slumped down on the couch and was having trouble breathing, police said.
Nantz called 911 and began to administer CPR on Karpinski because he was not conscious or breathing. Paramedics arrived at the home and were able to revive the 46-year-old to the point where he was able to breathe on his own, but unable to speak. He was transported to St. Lucie Medical Center, where he is listed in stable condition.
Posted by oz115 at 03:43 PM | Comments (0)
August 02, 2007
Tone it down
This will sound very callous of me, but isn't the media blowing the Minneapolis bridge collapse way out of proportion? It is a tragic, horrific event. At least four people have died, and possibly thirty to forty more have died. It will scar survivors forever. But does it deserve round-the-clock, on-location coverage? I don't know.
When looking at other events that have garnered such attention, this simply isn't on the same scale. The one that comes immediately to mind is the Virginia Tech massacre. That was the product of a deranged, psychotic person. It tapped into our fears that anybody could be a mass murderer. The 9/11 attacks had a similar psychological effect.
But this... Honestly, it doesn't cause any great fear for me. The Mayor of Minneapolis was on TV, talking about how his town will survive this like it was another Oklahoma City bombing. Can it really be that traumatic?
I won't avoid bridges because of this. As of right now, the collapse appears to be a freak accident, unpredictable, utterly improbable, but mundane. I don't know why that bridge collapsed, but I know that whatever it was isn't likely to make another bridge fall down tomorrow. The collapse was an awful event - just not one that is a national tragedy.
Posted by oz115 at 05:16 PM | Comments (0)
August 01, 2007
Get your message straight
Now that I have to be to work at 9 am, I've found a new appreciation for what a hassle riding the subway in the morning can be. For example, yesterday I spent my commute standing next to a guy in a sleeveless t-shirt. This wouldn't have been a problem necessarily, but he also chose to hold onto a railing way over his head. Naturally, his open, exposed armpit was inches from my face.
Speaking of armpits, I noticed today that Mitchum Deodorant had two advertisements in the train car, but they had inconsisten messages. One ad read, "A Mitchum Man's shirt has no white residue... Chilidog stains are another story." The other said, "A Mitchum Man's shirt is clean, but not his mind." According to one ad, a Mitchum Man's shirt is clean, while the other posits he has chilidog stains.
Which is it, Mitchum???! This is waffling of the highest order. Now, I agree one interpretation of the "his mind is dirty" ad is that the clean shirt refers to deodorant residue, and not chilidogs. But, if that is the case, they chose poorly. If "clean shirt" meant "no deodorant residue," they should have said that. They didn't, and I was left puzzled as to what exactly a Mitchum Man is: a guy who has clean shirts, or a guy who gets chili on it? Is he a fastidious, metrosexual dandy, or a man's man who drinks beer and belches?
It doesn't really matter to me anyway. I'm not a Mitchum Man, I'm a Rite Guard Man. What does that say about me?
Posted by oz115 at 09:25 AM | Comments (1)