« September 2007 | Main | November 2007 »
October 30, 2007
Tone deaf
I think I finally know what it is about the Bush administration that really irks me. Sure, the refusal to condemn torture, the incompetence, and the cronyism are all annoying. But really, after all this, can't they at least recognize a potential PR disaster when they see one? Apparently FEMA can't, as their impromptu press conference with FEMA workers posing as reporters illustrates:
In an internal memo obtained Monday by CNN, Federal Emergency Management Agency chief David Paulison rips the agency's public affairs staff for a staged news conference in which staff members posed questions to FEMA's No. 2 official, Harvey Johnson.
Paulison said the entire episode "represented egregious decision-making" by the director of external affairs for FEMA, Pat Philbin, and his staff, who, he said, "lost perspective of the core imperative that they preserve the credibility of our agency."
...
Paulison said reporters were given only 15 minutes notice for the news conference, held last Tuesday after the agency received a number of media queries about its response to the California wildfires. When reporters did not show up on time, staffers asked the questions -- and reporters, who had been given a phone number to call in to the conference, could only listen.
"Inadequate notice is not acceptable," Paulison said in his memo, and setting up a "listen only" conference call for reporters was "inappropriate."
"Under no circumstances is it appropriate for FEMA employees to pose questions during a FEMA press event," he wrote.
He added, "I am extremely displeased by what transpired and will make the necessary changes in order to regain confidence and credibility in the eyes of the people we serve."
It's not all bad at least. Apparently, FEMA's response to the California fires has been good. And after the Hurricane Katrina disaster, that is indeed very good news.
Posted by oz115 at 03:01 PM | Comments (1)
October 29, 2007
Bad dog
Next time, this guy should try to keep his dogs a little happier. Maybe give them some scraps at the dinner table. If my dog shot me, you bet I'd make sure to keep him pleased:
A Tama man was injured when hunting dogs stepped on his gun.
Officials with the Iowa Department of Natural Resources said James Harris, 37, was pheasant hunting with a group about three miles north of Grinnell when the accident happened.
Officials said the group had shot a bird and when Harris went to retrieve it, he put his gun on the ground and crossed a fence. As he crossed the fence, hunting dogs stepped on his gun causing it to fire.
Posted by oz115 at 03:29 PM | Comments (0)
My life as an article in the Onion
I think I have hit a new low point in my life. Something I have done is actually the subject of an article in the Onion. Dig this:
BURLINGTON, VT—After nearly 30 years of forming his 2s in a "sober, ordinary" fashion, local resident Howard Shorn announced his intention Monday to begin placing a small curl at the bottom of the popular number.
"This was a big decision for me, and I hope that people, mainly those I send checks to, will support it," said Shorn, whose last shift in numeral-writing technique came nearly five years ago when he began making his 8s with a single interconnecting curvy line rather than two separate circles.
Unbelievable. About three months ago, I decided to change the way I wrote my number 8's. I even went from writing two seperate circles to creating one interconnected line, exactly as described in the article. My reasons were simple: I'm such a sloppy writer, that when I made my two circles, they almost never actually joined. Instead of an 8, I had to tiny o's stacked above each other. Talk about stupid! It took me probably a month of really serious concentration to make the switch, but I did it - and I think I'm somewhat more legible now.
On the other hand, I also did the same thing with my two's. Sometimes I'll do the swirl, sometimes I won't. Aren't you glad you read this website today? Such fascinating information.
Posted by oz115 at 03:19 PM | Comments (0)
October 25, 2007
No good deed goes unpunished
When I first saw the headline to this story, I figured the guy had an outstanding arrest warrant, or maybe he had blood all over his shirt and hands... But this? This belongs in the "Thanks for nothing" department:
A Concord man being called a hero after helping an elderly couple escape from their burning home was arrested shortly after the rescue because of a scuffle with emergency workers.
Steven Rivers said that he was sitting on his Walker Street porch at about 2:30 a.m. Monday when he saw flames shooting from the house across the street. He rushed into the building, guiding an elderly couple on the second floor to safety.
"I actually went in there twice," Rivers said. "There was an elderly man and an elderly woman who lived up there, and I came out there and helped them get out and was glad that they're all right."
Rivers refused medical attention when he came out of the burning building. He then walked across the street and passed out, possibly, he said, from a mix of smoke inhalation, the adrenaline rush and some existing medical conditions.
Authorities said that when rescue workers came to Rivers' aid, things got ugly.
"I didn't know where I was and was disoriented, and one firefighter said I hit him and then there were six or seven people on me, and I ended up getting arrested and going to jail over it," Rivers said.
Rivers was charged with simple assault and resisting detention. Police said they believe his conduct warranted the criminal complaints.
Posted by oz115 at 03:10 PM | Comments (0)
October 24, 2007
World Series time
Ah yes, now that the harshness of another long winter has started to descend upon us, it's time for, of course, the Fall Classic. The World Series. This year it's the upstart Colorado Rockies - who, I am pretty sure, nobody predicted to make it this far - and the Boston Red Sox. Although you didn't ask, I'm going to tell you anyway. I'm pulling for the Rockies this time around.
Back in my college days, I took the Boston Red Sox as the team I wanted to be a fan of. I studied their history, their roster, and that curse of theirs. But soon, it began to wear on me: Red Sox Nation is insufferable. Fenway is beautiful. Woe is me, we can't win the World Series. Buckner. Bucky Bleepin' Dent. Aaron Boone. Yaz and the Splendid Splinter. The Damn Yankees. Pretty soon, I got sick of it. When they won the World Series a few years ago, it was the culmination of a process started about ten years back: an unequivocal arms race with the New York Yankees.
Every baseball fan worth his salt knows the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry is the most intense in all of baseball. Part of that stemmed from the Sox' perpetual inability to best the Yankees. Between the Sox' World Series triumphs in 1918 and 2004, I think the Yankees won it 26 times. That's incredible.
However, nowadays, the Yankees and Sox are virtually indistinguishable. I mean, there's still lots of differences: Steinbrenner's an asshole, and the Sox owner doesn't have much of a reputation. Chief Yankee propagandist/nostalgist Billy Crystal is annoying and grating as ever, while prominent Red Sox fans like Bill Simmons and Ben Affleck are merely annoying. (No, Bill, I don't care what your buddy Sully thinks.) There's the ballparks: Fenway is gorgeous, and Yankee Stadium is a cavernous monstrosity.
Yet I still have the haunting feeling they are now one and the same: they have the two highest payrolls in all of baseball, they are always 1-2 in their division, they overpay for free agents, and their fans get PO'ed if they don't win the World Series every year. If the Yankees are the evil empire, the Sox are, uh, evil empire 2.0. I, personally, am over that. My only fear is that the Cubs, my team for the past five or six years, are next in line. They are displaying many of the same symptoms.
So, this year, I will be pleased if the Colorado Rockies emerge as this year's champion. Though somehow, I doubt the Red Sox war machine will let that happen. It's a possibility, though. Cheer for the men in purple, why don't you?
Posted by oz115 at 12:03 PM | Comments (0)
October 23, 2007
An act of terrorism
What a dastardly prank! However, I don't see how all these toothpicks were such a hazard that the entire football game had to be moved to another place. They're just toothpicks. Yes, they're sharp and pointy, but they're also tiny and not likely to do much damage to a guy running around in football pads:
State police said five students are responsible for planting thousands of toothpicks in a high school football field.
According to state police, the students from Oscoda confessed to sticking about 5,000 toothpicks in the Tawas Area High School turf last week.
Players warming up for a game against Alcona noticed the toothpicks, which forced the game to be moved 37 miles north to Alcona County.
The students, one 17-year-old girl, three 16-year-old girls and a 16-year-old boy, said they planted the toothpicks only as retaliation because their school was vandalized days before.
Posted by oz115 at 02:50 PM | Comments (0)
October 19, 2007
Sweet Jesus
[Pic]
One teenager has been released from the hospital and another remained in serious condition after their hands were severely injured during a game of tug-of-war at school.
Henry Bennett and classmate Mitch Helfer were participating in a team-building activity at Lutheran High School in Parker on Oct. 12 when the accident happened.
Bennett's doctor told 7NEWS that the 16-year-old wrapped the rope around the palm of his right hand for a better grip.
"At some point a bunch of the kids let go, creating an imbalance in the tugging, and it pulled his hand off. The medical term is avulsed," said Dr. Lewis Oster, Microsurgeon with Hand Surgery Associates in Denver.
Bennett underwent a 10-hour surgery to save his hand. He was released from the hospital Wednesday. Helfer, who suffered a very similar injury, remained in the hospital, according to Oster.
Posted by oz115 at 03:12 PM | Comments (0)
Not quite The Godfather
Nothing says high school quite like the big game against your archrival. At my school, our most disliked opponent were the Granville Blue Aces, though I'm not entirely sure why. But there's some chicanery going on lately. First, somebody apparently left nasty notes on cars at another rival school, and tried to frame my alma mater in the process:
A letter left on the windshields of Liberty Union soccer players and their fans on Tuesday allegedly from Fisher Catholic students. The letter, entitled "Ode to the Lions," denigrated Liberty Union's football team, its facilities and even its socioeconomic profile.
...
[FC Principal] Silcott said that short of a confession, eyewitness or video taped evidence there is no way to determine whether the letter originated with anyone associated with Fisher Catholic. He did, however, point out parts of the letter that cast doubt as to its purported Irish origin.
The five-paragraph letter is signed "The Fighting Irish of Lancaster Fisher Catholic." The city in which the school is located is hardly ever used when discussing divisional games, let alone two schools separated by fewer than nine miles. The city designation typically is reserved for out-of-town opponents.
The letter also mentions a Fisher Catholic graduate and former player who transferred from Liberty Union. He was an all-Ohio honorable mention last season. His name is spelled incorrectly in the letter.
However, that's small peanuts compared to the outrageous prank pulled by some students in Texas:
A girl's high school volleyball team was shocked to find a bloody deer carcass on their bus after a game against a rival.
Members of the Comfort High School Whitetail Deer volleyball team came across the remains of a dead deer after playing a game against Blanco High School.
A sister of a Comfort High School student said she believes students from Blanco High School placed the carcass on the bus as a prank.
"That is very inappropriate, I just couldn't believe it," Laura Lozano said. "(My sister) was just so surprised that they would do something like that."
Lozano said the rivalry between the two schools is deeply seated.
Man... They sure take their sports seriously in Texas.
Posted by oz115 at 03:02 PM | Comments (0)
October 18, 2007
New Zealand, anyone?
I think I want to move to New Zealand, if only for the off chance I might get myself a lifetime supply of beer. However, 12 bottles a month? That's not exactly enough to keep me permanently loopy:
A New Zealand brewery is reportedly offering a lifetime supply of beer for the return of a stolen laptop.
Local media said the laptop was stolen from the Croucher Brewing Company in the central North Island city of Rotorua earlier this week.
Owners were desperate to retrieve the computer containing designs, contact details and financial information, the Rotorua Daily Post said.
They have offered free beer to anyone giving clues leading to its recovery.
Co-owner Paul Croucher said the company would provide a lifetime supply of about 12 bottles a month to anyone who could name the thief.
Posted by oz115 at 03:19 PM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2007
Poor headline placement
From today's front page at the Daily Telegraph:
Posted by oz115 at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)
Life imitates art
You'd be a liar if sometimes you didn't wish your life occasionally unfolded like a porn movie. Well, for one police officer, it did. After pulling over a motorist for speeding, he discovered she had some pills in the car. She also turned out to be a porn star:
Her blog said that although she acknowledged having drugs she described only as "happy pills," the trooper threw them into the brush near the highway.
"I thought it would be a good blog story. (I thought) my fans would love it and they did," she said.
But according to her, receiving a speeding ticket wasn't the interesting part of the encounter.
"He ended up throwing (the drugs) out and not giving me a ticket for it, and I offered him an oral favor as a nice gesture," said Cummings.
She said Moss went to a secluded area and claims he later asked if he could tell his friends about her Web site.
Well, it seems this officer's bosses didn't take too kindly to his acceptance of the gift. Nor were they pleased when they found out other drives had complained about him:
District Attorney General Tommy Thompson said in June that publicity surrounding the case prompted other women to come forth with complaints about Moss, which the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation and the FBI investigated.
After a raid on Moss' house in June, officials said they took the hard drive from Moss' computer, cell phone and floppy disks. Before the raid, officials said they were reviewing more than 25 traffic stops involving Moss.
The charges against Moss include official misconduct, official oppression and destruction of evidence.
About half of the charges stem from the incident involving Cummings. The other four are a from a separate incident with another female driver.
I guess the moral of the story is, when you're watching Cinemax at 3 am and the police officer's investigation of a noisy neighbor turns into an all out sex-fest, and you sit there thinking, "Damn, I wish that'd happen to me," just remember what happens in real life. And yes, I know that's a run-on sentence, but I don't care.
Posted by oz115 at 02:03 PM | Comments (0)
October 15, 2007
A mean trick
One of my stranger fantasies involves faking my own death to see what everybody would say about me when I'm gone. Of course, I'm not stupid enough to actually try it, nor do I think my mom would do that either. Luckily for me, somebody else tried it, and got arrested for her trouble:
A Western Illinois woman was charged with disorderly conduct after Madison County prosecutors said she falsely claimed her teenage son had been killed in a car accident and staged a memorial service in his honor.
Meredith Sharp, 35, of Bethalto, was arrested Friday after the boy's guardian in North Dakota alerted authorities to the ruse.
Prosecutors said Sharp was embarrassed to admit that her sister, who lives in Williston, N.D., was awarded legal custody.
She allegedly arranged for an obituary in local newspapers and worked with a local funeral home to hold a memorial service several days later.
Posted by oz115 at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)
October 12, 2007
The face of evil
[Pic]
Now this is what I call Girls Gone Wild!
Police said five women, four of them Ball State University students, brutally attacked another woman and then bragged on the Internet about what they had done.
The attack happened in an off-campus neighborhood on North Maplewood Avenue on Oct. 7, 6News' Renee Jameson reported.
The students, Rene Whiteley, Ashley Kirkman, Kari Streib, Alysse Popov and a friend, Amanda Polson, are charged with battery with serious bodily injury, a Class C felony.
For a more detailed account of this story, click here.
Posted by oz115 at 04:01 PM | Comments (0)
October 11, 2007
Man's best friend
When I first read this story, I thought, oh this is just like a Simpsons episode! But then, I realized, oh wait, I got it backwards. It's still funny enough:
Thumper, a black Labrador retriever, is getting credit for saving a Greenville man when a fire swept through his home.
Roland Cote said his wife and their 7-year-old grandson were away when the blaze started early Sunday in a converted two-story garage. He said Thumper grabbed him by the arm to wake him, leaving just enough time for him to dial 911 before fleeing the fast-moving fire.
While the dog is the hero, a cat is the bad guy in this story.
Cote said the fire marshal investigator believes the blaze was started when Princess, the family cat, tipped over a kerosene lantern. Cote says he and his pets escaped safely, but he says Princess did get her tail singed by the flames.
Posted by oz115 at 03:01 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2007
Me so litigious
Here's some more ammo for those who think Americans sue too much:
A police officer has sued the family of a 1-year-old boy who nearly drowned because she slipped and injured a knee responding to their 911 rescue call.
The young boy, Joey Cosmillo, fell into the family pool in January. He was resuscitated but suffered brain damage and now cannot walk, talk or swallow. He lives in a nursing home and eats and breathes through tubes.
Casselberry police Sgt. Andrea Eichhorn alleges the boy's family left a puddle of water on the floor, causing her fall during the rescue efforts. She broke her knee and missed two months of work.
Of course, the so-called firefighter's rule limits what emergency workers can sue for, except a quick search suggests this may not fall under the exception. What an absurd case, to say the least.
Posted by oz115 at 12:09 PM | Comments (0)
October 09, 2007
I've seen it all
If I hadn't been a hairy mofo, last night's appearance by the Bills on Monday Night Football would have caused me to go bald from pulling out my hair.
It's too painful for me to even type a recap. This pretty much sums up the whole thing. I need a hug.
The Bills forced six Dallas turnovers, returned two of them for touchdowns, and got a kickoff return for a touchdown. It wasn’t enough.
Dallas scored a touchdown with 20 seconds remaining, recovered an onside kick with 18 seconds left and got a 53-yard field goal as time expired to hand the Bills a 25-24 defeat.
A crowd of 71,575 at Ralph Wilson Stadium watched a thrilling night of football and almost willed the Bills to victory, standing on its feet for almost the entire game.
The Bills got the first score of the game on a 25-yard interception return by George Wilson just 5:40 into the game. The Bills got another interception return for a touchdown from Chris Kelsay in the second quarter to make it 17-7.
Terrence McGee returned a kickoff 103 yards for a score to put the Bills ahead, 24-13. Remarkably, it wasn’t enough.
Dallas quarterback Tony Romo suffered through one of the roughest games of his career. He threw five interceptions and lost a fumble.
However, Romo threw a 4-yard touchdown pass to Patrick Crayton with 20 seconds left to pull Dallas within 24-22. When Romo’s two-point conversion pass for Terrell Owens fell incomplete — thanks to a breakup by Bills cornerback Jabari Greer — it looked like the Bills had scored one of the more memorable upsets in their history.
Dallas perfectly executed an onside kick, as rookie Nick Folk bounced the ball over the Bills’ first line of return men. Dallas recovered on the Bills’ 47 with 18 seconds left. Two Romo completions produced 12 yards and set up Folk for the winning kick.
Posted by oz115 at 12:46 PM | Comments (0)
October 08, 2007
Lesson learned
Roommates tend to argue a lot. Sometimes it's important stuff, but mostly it's about little things roommates do that annoy the other person. For example, my last roommate used to put cups in the dishwasher right-side up, so when we ran the machine, water pooled in the cups. He never could get it right in his head that the cups should be upside down, so water wouldn't collect. Despite my obvious annoyance, I never did want to kill him:
A man stabbed his roommate to death during an argument about stinky feet, officials told KPRC Local 2.
Houston police said the men argued at their home at the Magnolia Cove II Apartments on Goodson Drive at about 7:50 p.m. Saturday.
Investigators said one man told William Antonio Serrano that his feet smelled bad.
Serrano, 22, got a knife and stabbed the other man to death, police said.
On the other hand, I did want to kill one previous roommate. My reasons were simple, really: I was trying to write, he kept farting in my face. Eventually I locked him out of the room, he broke it down and then I punched him. It was awesome.
Posted by oz115 at 12:02 PM | Comments (1)
October 04, 2007
Happy anniversary
[Pic]
Yes, fifty years ago today, the Space Age officially began. Even better, it spawned my favorite movie.
Posted by oz115 at 02:12 PM | Comments (0)
October 03, 2007
Take the good with the bad
Did you ever think it would be really cool to have a holiday named after yourself? I did. After all, who doesn't admire people like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, or Martin Luther King. Yes, Lincoln and Washington are now combined in their own day, but you get the picture.
Yeah, there's some days that are maybe a little more controversial, like Columbus Day. He discovered America, but it also blamed for all kinds of ills, like the slaughter of the Native Americans, pestulance, greed... 1492: Conquest of Paradise. Then there's Pulaski Day. With all due respect, w.t.f.? I'm Polish and proud, but this thing is needless.
But I digress. Back to having my own holiday. Osgood Day. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? I don't know what I could accomplish to get my own holiday, but it has to be something big. However, there's some downside. I'll probably have to be dead before I get my own holiday, so I won't be able to enjoy it. I also fear my holiday might get cheapened. Do you really want your holiday to be the occasion for a mattress sale? Yeah, I think I'll pass. If Columbus knew what was in store for him, he'd have turned the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria right around.
Posted by oz115 at 06:17 PM | Comments (0)
October 02, 2007
George Lopez?
I was quite fascinated to see who Forbes put on its list of the twenty richest people on television. Most of the usual suspects were there, such as Oprah Winfrey, Dave Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld. As the list moved down, however, I was a tad surprised at some of the names on the list:
Simon Cowell of Fox’s “American Idol” places third with $45 million. David Letterman ranks fourth with $40 million, followed by Donald Trump and Jay Leno (both $32 million), [Dr. Phil] McGraw and Judy “Judge Judy” Sheindlin (both $30 million) and George Lopez ($26 million).
Judge Judy gets $30 million to bitch out people arguing over a botched car wash? Apparently advertisers are willing to shell out big bucks to reach the home-at-1-pm demographic. College students, maybe? They are big spenders, after all.
But what of George Lopez? The Latin King of Comedy must have some kind of side deal going on, because I don't see how he can be pulling down $20 million simply from The George Lopez Show. Especially since it got axed.
Posted by oz115 at 11:28 AM | Comments (0)
October 01, 2007
All about ties
There is no more annoying piece of clothing in a man's wardrobe than the necktie. I've often wondered exactly how it is that the tie became a fashion staple, but something tells me it doesn't really matter. They're here to stay. Don't even get me started on bolo ties.
Ties, to me, are annoying simply because they are so hard to tie. A few months ago, I undertook upon myself to learn how to make a full windsor knot, as opposed to the rather juvenile four-in-hand. Here's a secret about the full windsor: it's a bitch to learn how to do. I spent probably two days trying to figure out to make one, and I was only successful because I found a video on youtube which explained it perfectly.
Nevertheless, I mastered the full windsor, and set about tying my ties that way for a week. But I noticed something extremely annoying about the full windsor: you have to get it exactly right, or your tie will look comically short. The tie, as I understand it, should extend to just about your belt... Any shorter, or longer, and it looks silly. The full windsor, however, is so hard to get just right, that people end up doing it wrong and just leaving it.
Here are two examples:
The top is Captain Ellerby from The Departed, and the bottom is Newcastle United manager Sam Allardyce. I mean, look at those things! At the very least, get somebody to fix the damn thing for you. Don't these guys have wives or something? The sad thing is, I see people with ties like this all the time... In fact, I was spurred to write this entry because I just sat through class with a professor who had a similar misfortune with his tie.
I took the easy way out, however. After weeks of spending ten minutes on my tie because I couldn't get it just right, I gave up and went for the half windsor, which is about twenty times easier to get right than the full windsor. But those of you who continue to walk around like this... I guess I salute you. You are troopers.
Posted by oz115 at 12:04 PM | Comments (1)