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March 14, 2008
Faux March Madness
Well folks, it's that time of year again. Faux March Madness! It's hard to believe, but this will be the Fifth Edition of Faux March Madness. To recap, we've had a great diversity of winners. Last year, Chewbacca was the champion, defeating Abraham Lincoln. In 2006, Steve McQueen emerged victorious, in a hard fought battle with Queen Elizabeth I. 2005 saw Henry VII beat Phil Jackson. Ben Franklin won the first tournament in 2004, in what I can only call a personally heartbreaking defeat of Marv Levy.
For those who don't know, the competitors are rated on a set of criteria, which are then fed into sophisticated computer algorithms; these also allows for a little luck, thereby creating the potential for upsets. I let the computers do their work, and they tell me who should be the winner. I'm afraid I can't tell you more about how this all works, but suffice it to say it's very elaborate. I hope you understand.
But who will win the tournament this year? For this year, I've ditched the old seeding formula, whereby we had sometimes ludicrous seeding like making Joseph Stalin a #16 seed, or the Chicago Style Hot Dog as a #3 seed. Instead, this year I made matchups, but then seeded them according to common sense. So, we won't have logical first round matchups like "Oprah Winfrey vs. Jerry Springer," but we will have logical seedings. And since customized matchups only last one round, I think it's okay.
For those of you worried about my sanity because I spent this much time on a fake tournament, the whole ordeal took five minutes. And when you can either do that, or vacuum, the fake tournament wins out every time. So, without further ado, let's meet the contestants. And as always, please, no wagering.
History Region
#1 Leonardo da Vinci v. #16 William Jennings Bryan
#2 Theodore Roosevelt v. #15 Mary Todd Lincoln
#3 Horatio Nelson v. #14 Salome
#4 Woodrow Wilson v. #13 Henry Clay
#5 Eleanor Roosevelt v. #12 Hernando de Soto
#6 Bernard Montgomery v. #11 Michelangelo
#7 Marie Antoinette v. #10 Anne Boleyn
#8 Henry Hudson v. #9 Judas Iscariot
Mythic Figures Region
#1 Babe Ruth v. #16 Benjamin "The Patriot" Martin
#2 Davy Crockett v. #15 Frederick Barbarossa
#3 Robin Hood v. #14 Richard the Lion Heart
#4 Joan of Arc v. #13 Daniel Boone
#5 Cleopatra v. #12 Blackbeard
#6 Manfred von Richtofen, the Red Baron v. #11 William Wallace
#7 Amelia Earhart v. #10 Jesse James
#8 Billy the Kid v. #9 Jim Thorpe
Chicago Region
#1 Michael Jordan v. #16 Carter Harrison
#2 Ernest Hemingway v. #15 H.H. Holmes
#3 Carl Sandburg v. #14 Burce Wolf
#4 Chris Farley v. #13 Horatio Sanz
#5 John Wayne Gacy v. #12 Liz Phair
#6 Bobby Hull v. #11 Todd Stroger
#7 Anton Cermak v. #10 Pete Wentz
#8 Rod Blagojevich v. #9 Jay Mariotti
Miscellaneous Region
#1 Achilles v. #16 Croc Shoes
#2 Wilt Chamberlin v. #15 Babe the Blue Ox
#3 Keith Richards v. #14 James Buchanan
#4 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar v. #13 Jamie Lynn Spears
#5 Eminem v. #12 Young Einstein
#6 Odysseus v. #11 Babe The Pig
#7 Crocodile Dundee v. #10 Jimmy Page
#8 Miley Cyrus v. #9 Rutherford B. Hayes
So there you have it, this year's contestants. Who is the early favorite? There are many strong contenders this year, but we won't know a winner for a few weeks. Check back to see who will be the champion!
Click here to get your very own bracket, to play along at home. [PDF]
entry no. 1104
Posted at March 14, 2008 12:01 AM