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March 17, 2008
Faux March Madness, History Region
Faux March Madness is up and running! Let's find out how the first round of the History Region shapes up.
#1 Leonardo da Vinci 87, #16 William Jennings Bryan 64. Leo wins this one in a blowout. One of the most luminous figures of the Renaissance is simply too powerful for Bryan, the three-time presidential nominee. Bryan is certainly not a palooka, but Leonardo has the mad skillz to go far in this tournament, and he gets off to a good start.
#9 Judas Iscariot 66, #8 Henry Hudson 64. This one is a little closer, but Judas had just enough to beat out Hudson. Navigating rivers is all well and good, but Judas's place in history is indisputable.
#5 Eleanor Roosevelt 75, #12 Hernan de Soto 67. Ah yes, Eleanor Roosevelt. She was truly a pioneering first lady, one of the original first ladies who are more diplomatic figure than official White House hostess. On the other hand, de Soto discovered the Mississippi, and his influence is best summed up by Jerry Seinfeld: "like they wouldn't have found that anyway."
#4 Woodrow Wilson 79, #13 Henry Clay 66. Unfortunately for "The Great Compromiser," this competition isn't about cooperating. Wilson's steady leadership of the United States during World War I arguably led to the problems of the 20's that caused World War 2, while Clay's efforts merely staved off the Civil War. Nevertheless, Wilson wins this battle - will he win the war?
#11 Michaelangelo 77, #6 Bernard Montgomery 74. A great artist defeats a great general. What Michaelangelo had in vision, Montgomery had in ego. They were both hugely important figures, but let's not forget: there's no ninja turtle named Montgomery, is there? And the Sistine Chapel is more visually appealing than the Battle of El Alamein.
#3 Horatio Nelson 83, #14 Salome 70. Salome, of course, allegedly used her feminine wiles to get John the Baptist beheaded. That's pretty cold, but Nelson is the godfather of British naval heroes. His victory at Trafalgar helped to secure a century of British dominance. That's pretty swell.
#7 Marie Antoinette 72, #10 Anne Boleyn 64. This matchup clearly has to go Marie's way. Anne Boleyn is probably a relatively minor person, notwithstanding being played on screen by Natalie Portman, whom I think I would take over Kirsten Dunst most days. However, Marie's excesses helped spark the French Revolution. Oops!
#2 Teddy Roosevelt 78, #15 Mary Todd Lincoln 64. It is said that the Lincolns lived a life wracked by depression and sadness. Mary Todd's performance won't help that reputation, as T.R. thoroughly dominates this match. Roosevelt always advised to speak softly and carry a big stick, and today he used his stick to whoop on his opponent.
So, our second round matchups look like this:
#1 Leonardo v. #9 Judas
#2 Teddy Roosevelt v. #7 Marie Antoinette
#3 Horatio Nelson v. #11 Michaelangelo
#4 Woodrow Wilson v. #5 Eleanor Roosevelt
Check back tomorrow for results from the Legendary Figures region!
entry no. 1106
Posted at March 17, 2008 09:30 PM