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March 19, 2008
Faux March Madness, Chicago Region
Hey, it's time for the Chicago Region here at Faux March Madness. We had some upsets yesterday, but today is a new day. What will happen? Let's find out.
#1 Michael Jordan 83, #16 Carter Harrison 59. Oof. No upset here. His Airness handily disposes of the former mayor. Jordan is the most celebrated athlete in Chicago history - not coach, you Ditkaphiles - while Harrison seems to be most remembered for his assassination in "Devil in the White City."
#2 Ernest Hemingway 74, #15 H.H. Holmes 60. Another Devil in the White City character, notorious serial killer H.H. Holmes, can't fight off Oak Park's finest. Hemingway uses his typical efficient and straightforward style to dispose of Holmes.
#3 Carl Sandburg 66, #14 Bruce Wolf 55. Ah, too bad for Wolfie, but he runs up against one of the great American poets. Sure, Wolf is great for a one-liner and being overly enthusiastic at 4 in the morning, but he probably won't be quoted sixty years from now.
#4 Chris Farley 75, #13 Horatio Sanz 64. Farley runs away with this one, at least in the sense that two overweight fellows can run away. Sanz can be funny, however Chris Farley is the gold standard for SNL comics. How many Horatio Sanz bits do you know? What about Farley? There you have it.
#12 Liz Phair 66, #5 John Wayne Gacy 60. The bracket's other serial killer also gets bumped off in the first round. In all honesty, how can you not take Liz Phair in this? One is an acclaimed singer-songwriter, the other is a killer who dresses like a clown. Yes, Phair went pop with her last record, but one would presume that was a mere stumble.
#6 Bobby Hull 75, #11 Todd Stroger 70. Hockey players are tough cookies. Once, I was talking to my mom about Gil Perreault, the legendary Sabre. She told me never to call him "Gilbert," because he'd "punch you in the nose." The point being, don't mess with hockey players. If Bobby Hull was in the position to, I imagine he would take one look at Stroger's shenanigans and he would punch him in the nose.
#7 Anton Cermak 79, #10 Pete Wentz 74. This is a tough one. Do you want the Fall Out Boy bassist, or the mayor who took a bullet meant for FDR? This one goes to Cermak, who may have been the intended target due to his promise to get rid of the mob in Chicago. If you are in the same room as the president, and somebody wants to shoot you instead, you have to be a truly memorable person.
#9 Jay Mariotti 89, #8 Rod Blagojevich 88 (2OT). Now this is a contest! I think this one really comes down to who is more loathsome: the governor of Illinois, or the Sun-Times sports columnist. In the end, I think it has to go to Mariotti: although lots of people in Illinois can't stand Rod, Mariotti is despised throughout the nation. I mean, there's an actual web site dedicated to how much people hate Mariotti.
So it looks like there haven't been too many upsets this round. The second round in the Chicago region features these intriguing matchups:
#1 Michael Jordan v. #9 Jay Mariotti
#2 Ernest Hemingway v. #7 Anton Cermak
#3 Carl Sandburg v. #6 Bobby Hull
#4 Chris Farley v. #12 Liz Phair
How will the Miscellaneous Region play out? Come back tomorrow and see!
entry no. 1108
Posted at March 19, 2008 05:08 PM