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March 11, 2008
TMI
Paul Sullivan covers the Cubs for the Chicago Tribune. Judging by his description of Cub center fielder Felix Pie's recent surgery, he does not keep secrets very well. It's a good thing he wasn't on the Prince Harry beat.
Sullivan's story opens like any other story on a minor injury to a player:
Center fielder Felix Pie underwent a minor surgical procedure on Monday and will miss three to five days, the Cubs announced.
Okay, the natural thing to do is ask, what kind of surgery, intrepid reporter man? Sullivan does that, despite what might best be called uncomfortable subject matter:
Pie is suffering from what's called testicular torsion, or, in layman's terms, a twisted testicle. The injury happened early in camp, but Pie had the problem treated, sources said, and was able to continue playing.
Oh geez! I don't really want to know much more about this, because, well, it sounds painful. Much much worse than, say, a titty twister. Nevertheless, Sullivan gleefully tells us more:
The surgery involves sewing the outer layer of the testicle to the scrotum wall. The Cubs said it was a minor procedure, but if the problem went uncorrected Pie ran the risk of losing the testicle.
Jesus! You think we needed to know THAT part of it? I need a shower.
Actually, this reminds me of a guy I knew in college. He was rumored to have only testicle. I, personally, never tried to find out. Unfortunately, his last name began with the letter N, so he earned the alliterative nickname of "One Nut Novelli." At least Felix Pie doesn't have to worry about that.
entry no. 1100
Posted at March 11, 2008 12:44 PM
Comments
My dad went to college with a one-nutted guy whose last name was Enberg. It being a Swedish school, the guy soon came to be known as "Enbär" which in Swedish means "one berry." Nice, huh?
Posted by: Pete at March 11, 2008 01:07 PM