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April 18, 2008
A modest proposal
I was doing some thinking. April, it seems, is high time for school shootings and bomb threats. Why, just today, an entire school district was shut down after somebody scrawled an ominous warning on the bathroom wall:
All six Dolton School District 149 elementary schools were closed Thursday after a threat was discovered on a boys' bathroom wall.
The note reading "be ready to die Monday" scrawled above a urinal in one of the schools' bathrooms prompted officials to shutter all schools as a precaution, Supt. Traci J. Brown said.
Dolton School District Superintendent Traci Brown talks about the threat that led to the closure of all schools on Thursday outside Dirksen School in Calumet City.
Meanwhile, a bomb threat at Northern Illinois University -- the scene of a shooting in February that left five students dead -- led to the evacuation of 75 people from a campus building Thursday.
These school shooting shenanigans need to stop. Clearly some threats are made simply for the purpose of getting attention or getting a free day off from school. I'm sick of it.
Here's what I think we should do. Make Hitler's birthday a holiday. All these kids who are shooting up schools choose Hitler's birthday, because they like the significance or something. Adolescent boys all have warped minds anyway, and they'll think they're the first ones to think of killing people on Hitler's birthday as a symbolic act. But make it a holiday, close the schools and government offices, and now there won't be anyone around to shoot.
Yes, it will be hard to justify giving kids a day off school for the birthday of one of the vilest people in history. But, if it saves one school shooting victim, it'll be worth it. I'm sure the unions will be in support of this.
entry no. 1129
Posted at April 18, 2008 11:12 AM