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June 25, 2008

Not quite the bun

I always like to say, the Lord works in mysterious ways. Some times he likes to appear to us, such as in a cinnamon bun. However, lest we forget, miracles are always happening. I'm sure by now, when you looked at the picture of that ultrasound, it was so very obvious to you: that's Jesus in the left corner!

A Miami couple said they saw more than their unborn child when they viewed an ultrasound image.

They said they saw Jesus looking back at them.

Joaquim Garcia said there's an image of Jesus on the left side of the image.

Garcia pointed out what he described as Jesus' hair, beard, nose and mouth.

You don't see Jesus? Sorry, you must not have been chosen for this particular divine revelation, better luck next time.

Posted at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)

But why?

Here's something I never thought I would see:

Without a doubt, weddings can be a bit pricey, especially if you and your groom/bride to be only make a combined salary of $32,000 a year.

That's why a Virginia Beach hairdresser is auctioning off an opportunity to be a bridesmaid in her April 19, 2009 wedding.

23-year-old Kelly Gray says she wanted to have a nice wedding and needed to make up for the costs.

Kelly says, "[She] was contemplating doing a bake sale and [her] bridesmaid said, 'we need to auction something, there's Dr. Pepper cans and Cheetos bags for sale, so let's just go ahead and do a bridesmaid.' And I did not think anything would happen out of it, nothing."

Little did she know the bid would rise above one thousand dollars. The current bid, as of 9 p.m., June 24, was $1,625.

Wow! Why would somebody pay for the privilege of being a bridesmaid in a wedding, especially the wedding of a person you don't know? Now, I know I will never be an actual wedding bridesmaid, but from what I know about them, they don't seem very fun.

Does being a bridesmaid also come with buying gifts for wedding showers and bachelorette parties? Does she have to deal with a Bridezilla? What about trying on countless dresses, only to be saddled with one that's butt ugly?

It seems to me there's a lot of hassle in being a bridesmaid, and when women do it, it's because the bride is a close friend or family member. Why, then, would you *pay* to be bridesmaid to somebody you don't even know? It makes no sense.

Speaking of weddings, I once heard about a woman who was so controlling about her wedding that he insisted she choose the best man. If I was that potential groom, I'd be very, very troubled. I'd probably tell her no, and if she insisted, kindly inform her she could take a hike if she absolutely had to install her own best man in the wedding party.

Posted at 10:00 AM | Comments (0)

June 24, 2008

That's not natural

Around the neighborhood lately, I've seen a guy *walking* his cat, and the cat is on a leash. I have never seen such a thing! The cat, for his part, looks pretty pissed off that he has to be on a leash.

The whole thing seems so strange. Does the cat want fresh air? Isn't there a way for a cat to get fresh air that doesn't involve putting him on a leash? For example, one great way to give a cat the feeling of being outside is by opening a window. They can smell the air, look at other animals, and feel the breeze. The downside, of course, is that the cat isn't actually outside and has outside envy.

Alternatively, maybe he was walking the cat because it had to go to the bathroom. However, what kind of cat doesn't know how to use a litter box? I think another problem is that most cats are bashful, and unlike dogs, won't drop a deuce if you're watching.

Maybe he was walking the cat for exercise. This makes the most sense to me. Cats are pretty sedentary, and only do as much work as they have to. Even my old cat, Sam, would get up in the morning, catch some mice for breakfast and then spend the rest of the day sleeping until he was hungry again. No wonder he weighed twenty pounds. I mean, he was a brutal murderer when he wanted to be, but he didn't much care for frivolous exercise. He was like Babe Ruth in that respect.

Overall, I don't know why this guy takes his cat for walks. Clearly he can't let the cat run around the neighborhood unfettered, as he will most likely get hit by a car or into a fight with a giant rat. I will, however, have to question the wisdom of doing such a thing. If any other cats see him on that leash, it's curtains: that cat has to be so embarrassed to be seen on a leash. The cat even looks embarrassed every time I walk by, because he knows everyone is laughing at his leash.

I bet if that cat had to choose, it'd prefer to stay at home than get walked around on a leash.

Posted at 10:43 AM | Comments (1)

June 20, 2008

Bike to work day

So, every Friday lately I've been riding my bike to work. I like this a lot, because I can actually get to work faster by riding my bike than I can by taking the elevated train or driving. Not that I would I drive to work; it costs me as much to park as I get paid!

Of course, there is also a dearth of bicycle parking downtown now. Most bike racks are filled by the time I get there, so I usually lock my bike to a street sign, which I am sure will one day lead to my bike's demise.

Needless to say, biking in the morning has led to the inevitable: things that annoy me. God, I get annoyed easily. My fellow bicyclists annoy me.

The number one annoyance is the cyclists who try to pass you when you are stopped at a red light, only to be repassed by you once you start moving again. I've noticed that bicycles, unlike cars, move at vastly different speeds. Some people have fancypants road bikes and dash along at twenty miles an hour. Others lollygag down the street, taking their sweet time. I like to think I'm somewhere in the middle. Anyway, you get your fancypants road bike guys who will slow down as they approach a red light, then blow by you once the light changes. This seems kind of show-offy to me, but I guess it's acceptable once you see they are two blocks ahead of you after about thirty seconds.

On the other hand, the occasional lollygagger will also do this. This is bad, because not only is some guy rolling along at a leisurely pace, you are now behind him and have to pass him. This requires leaving the not-very-safe-anyway bike lane, and inching out into actual traffic.

A close cousin to this is the guy who is behind you, but then cuts in front of you while you are stopped at the red light. I once wrote about how I hate when people do that at crosswalks, but it is also not cool when you are on a bicycle. Would you do that on a car? I think not.

I think the biggest problem with bicycling in the city is that there is little in the way of rules. When you drive, there are certain things you know you aren't supposed to do. Some are actual laws, some are "unwritten rules." But bicyclists, especially those who aren't hardcore cyclers, tend to do what they want. By no means am I an expert cyclist, but I like to think I keep it reasonable.

Nevertheless, I love riding my bike to work. It's fast, it wakes me up, and it burns some calories. I've even found a route that is all bike lane. What's not to love?

Posted at 10:06 AM | Comments (0)

June 18, 2008

Not quite an attack dog

Reptiles aren't the smartest animals on the planet. The dinosaurs had brains the sizes of walnuts, and we all know what happened to them. Indeed, most reptiles probably don't understand English. So, none of should be surprised when we hear what happened when a man tried to order his pet snake to attack police:

Bridgeport police say they arrested a city man after he ordered his pet to attack two officers. Lucky for them that 9-foot-long pythons aren't very obedient.

Police Lt. James Viadero says 21-year-old Victor Rodriguez was charged with threatening police and disorderly conduct after Monday's incident. No one was hurt.

Officers were called to Rodriguez's apartment on a report that he was threatening his girlfriend with the pet reptile.

Viadero says that when the building superintendent opened the apartment door for the officers, Rodriguez allegedly threatened them with the snake and told it to "Get them!"

Rodriguez and his pet were both taken away: Rodriguez to jail on a $10,000 bond, and the albino python to the city's animal control shelter.

[Via the always amazing Second City Cop.]

Posted at 11:32 AM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2008

Robots!

I don't like this one bit. Not at all:

Robotic surgery, no longer something out of a sci-fi novel, has become an increasingly popular way to do minimally invasive operations.

Surgeons at more than two dozen Illinois hospitals, including the University of Chicago Medical Center and Advocate Christ Medical Center, use the "da Vinci" robot to operate on the prostate, heart and other organs while sitting yards away from the operating table. About 85,000 robot-assisted surgeries were performed nationwide last year.

But the field of robotic surgery can only grow as fast as the number of surgeons trained to use the technology. Now, using a new, $2 million training center affiliated with the Walter Payton Liver Center, the University of Illinois Medical Center at Chicago will be the first Chicago area teaching hospital to train all of its surgical residents in robotic surgery.

Let me get this straight. You're going to let a robot hover over you, your vital organs exposed to the world. You'll give that robot dangerous surgical instruments. Pardon me, but doesn't this sound like the first step in a robot plan to take over the world? I mean, people always say you can defeat the robots by simply turning them off - but you're unconscious! You can't turn them off! Don't you get it?

If I ever have to have surgery, I am telling my doctor no robots. I don't care if my insurance won't cover a human surgeon (cheap bastards), no robots. I've seen Terminator, man. I ain't stupid.

Posted at 10:19 AM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2008

Makes sense

Here's something I never thought I'd read: professional athletes supposedly took Viagra before games to give themselves a little boost. But all is not well, because according to doctors, using Viagra like that can kill you:

For those young jocks or even middle-aged weekend warriors thinking about taking Viagra to help their performance on the field, be careful.

In the wake of a report in the New York Daily News that claimed Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and other star athletes took Viagra to help them athletically -- and not just in the bedroom -- experts cautioned men from going overboard popping the "male enhancement'' pills.

Experts said the drug should be used only after consultation with a doctor. Even then, the potential side effects of the drug if used regularly during strenuous athletic activity are largely unknown. And the long-term effects aren't well understood, which would make it risky for budding athletes -- preteens or teenagers -- to try it.

"It's unwise and potentially incredibly dangerous to be taking it without consulting a doctor,'' said Scott Eggener, an assistant professor of surgery and urology at the University of Chicago.

Among the hazards, Eggener said, is that the drug, which increases blood flow by dilating blood vessels, can reduce blood pressure. Someone who is not properly hydrated, or taking nitrates for a heart condition, could be at risk.

Viagra, I suppose, is the ultimate performance enhancing drug. I just hope none of these guys suffer from priapism!

Posted at 08:52 AM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2008

That stings

In case you didn't hear, Tim Russert collapsed and died this afternoon. I'm pretty disheartened, because he was probably one of the nicest people you'd ever see on TV, and because he loved the Bills. This is the guy who'd end every Meet The Press with an exhortation for the Bills or Sabres to bring home a victory, or take time to debate with Al Gore about the legality of a certain football play. Simply put, he loved his hometown, and I think it was always a good thing for Buffalo that he was out there, being proud of it.

Of course, whenever I think of Tim Russert, I have to think of Ted's Hot Dogs. There, three years in a row, my family and I ran into him at the Ted's at Galleria Mall in Cheektowaga on the day after Thanksgiving. He'd always stop and chat, and was generally a great person. It's sad, and makes one realize to do what you can with your life. I, personally, will terribly miss this little bit of my life.

Posted at 05:03 PM | Comments (0)

But God always sees

I love to go running, as you all know, but I've never been tempted to run naked. And here's why:

GREELEY, Colo. -- A Roman Catholic priest who said he was jogging naked during the predawn hours because he didn't want to sweat in his clothes was found guilty Thursday of indecent exposure.

The Rev. Robert Whipkey, 53, was found guilty by a Weld County jury and will be sentenced in August. He faces up to 18 months in jail and could be ordered to register as a sex offender.

Whipkey's attorney argued that the reverend did not intend to show his genitalia in public.

...

Even though he is a Roman Catholic priest, the judge excluded any references to Whipkey's profession during the trial because it has no bearing on the charge. But the judge did allow previous allegations, including those that Whipkey has been seen walking nude around his home, swimming nude, and shaving nude during a boys' camp, to be admitted at the trial.

The good reverend also gave another excuse:

An officer going home from his shift saw Whipkey walking naked in the street. Whipkey told him he had been running naked at the track at Frederick High School and didn't think anyone would be around that time of day.

I find the whole thing rather suspicious, yes. But is he fit to be a priest? I will probably be castigated here for saying I'd let him still be a priest, if he doesn't screw up again. Apparently he likes to be naked. This, in itself, isn't criminal. If, however, he gets naked around children or otherwise does something untoward, kick him out of the priesthood and put him in jail. I go to the gym, and there's guys in the locker room who stand around naked, oblivious to those around them. They just don't care. Perhaps this fellow is like that... But now, he's on notice. Better behave, buddy!

Posted at 08:07 AM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2008

The custom of the sea

I read with great interest the story of the Cynthia Woods. The sailboat capsized in the Gulf of Mexico, killing one safety officer and leaving five other sailors drifting in the sea. Luckily, for the five, the story had a happy ending:

The five found themselves overboard with only four life jackets. They took turns with the vital survival gear so that no one became exhausted, Loftin said.

...

About 1 a.m. Sunday, more than a day into their ordeal, a Coast Guard helicopter flew near the group. One of them shined a flashlight skyward, got the beam of floodlight in return, and their rescue was under way.

The castaways did everything right, Coast Guard Chief Warrant Officer Lionel Bryant said.

My morbid curiosity has gotten the better of me lately, and I quite accidentally stumbled across a Wikipedia article on "The Custom of the Sea." The first sentence of the article summarizes the Custom quite succinctly:

The Custom of the Sea was a maritime custom in which stranded survivors drew lots to see who would be killed and eaten so that the others might survive.

After reading this, I got a book on one infamous episode, that of the Whaleship Essex. I devoured that book, and it is quite possibly one of the most horrifying stories you will ever want to read. At first it was horrifying because the book goes into pretty specific detail about whaling; then it describes the sailors' ordeal after a whale wrecked their ship and stranded them thousands of miles from land in all directions. You can find out what happened here, or read the book.

Finally, I also found out the Custom of the Sea led to a famous legal case, which described the parameters of the necessity defense. Surprise, the defense of necessity can't be used to justify killing someone else, even if you have to eat that person to survive.

Needless to say, all this talk about cannibalism has left me wary to ever venture out into another body of water. I truly hope those people floating in the Gulf of Mexico had a better grip on their imaginations than I do!

Posted at 12:24 AM | Comments (0)

June 10, 2008

I'm a rebel

If I die within the next few days, you'll know why. It'll be because of my eating habits.

First, on my way home from work, I stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts. The guy working there looked rather unhappy, and I soon realized it was because he had cut his hand pretty badly on something. This didn't stop me from ordering a drink, which he poured with his bandaged hand and then served to me. To be fair, he did wipe the cup before giving it to me. I was delirious, and still drank it. So I might get sick from that.

As if that was bad enough, I went for some Mexican last night. I had to get the guac, which at this particular place was made with tomatoes mixed into it. Despite the fact there is some sort of salmonella crisis going on, I ate the guac. Maybe I'll keel over from salmonella, maybe I won't. But if I do, you heard it here first.

If anything happens to me, please show this article to the CDC people.

Posted at 11:46 AM | Comments (0)

Just not right

Oh dear Lord, I hate to see what the entire story behind this is:

Police have charged a 17-year-old Littleton, N.H., man with cruelty to animals and pornography after images of children and a video involving his golden retriever allegedly turned up on the man's computer.

Ryan Taber was charged with two counts of misdemeanor animal cruelty, one count of prohibited uses of computers, a felony, and pornography prohibited, also a felony, Littleton police said.

Now, from the story, it's hard to tell if he was sending out child porn AND dog cruelty videos separately, or if the dog cruelty was combined WITH child porn. I suppose if you were a dog and had to pick, you'd probably prefer the latter. But I don't know, I really don't. If I was dog, I don't think I would care either way. I'd just want to be like the dog in the Beggin' Strips commercial.

Posted at 08:18 AM | Comments (0)

June 06, 2008

Trapped in the courtroom

I've been following the R. Kelly trial with some interest. It's an interesting change from the rather boring, but infinitely more important, Tony Rezko corruption trial. (Please please please somebody indict the governor next!)

The gist of the case is that R. Kelly filmed himself having dirty, dirty sex with a girl who may have been *thirteen* years old at the time, in a log cabin themed room at his house. Jesus! (The house, incidentally, is on George Street somewhere by Halsted. I need to check it out.)

So, the prosecution wants to get Kelly for making child pornography. I haven't looked it up, but I think this is a roundabout way of doing it because the alleged victim refused to cooperate, and because it happened eight or nine years ago, the statute of limitations for prosecuting statutory rape is way up.

The defense, meanwhile, is asserting several defenses: it's not Kelly in the sex tape, all the witnesses have a vendetta against Kelly, or somebody photoshopped Kelly into the video. Slate sent a reporter, JosH Levin, to the trial, and his dispatches have been consistently entertaining. In particular, this paragraph is about the greatest summation so far:

Since I left you a week ago, R. Kelly's Little Man defense faced its stiffest challenge yet. Grant Fredericks, the prosecution's forensic video analyst, testified last Thursday that to do a convincing job of morphing a 27-minute, 100,000-frame video—tweaking the shadows, matching the eye blinks—would take 44 years of steady work. Since Kelly is 41 years old, the architects of such a cut-and-paste job would have needed incredible foresight, or access to a flux capacitor. Fredericks also matched knots in the wood of Kelly's log cabin to those seen in the sex tape's log cabin. And despite the defense's contention that Kelly's distinctive mole could not be seen on the tape, the video analyst pointed out a quite comparable dark spot on Sex Tape Man's back. Unless Kelly's attorneys can conjure a forensic dermatologist, a forensic lumberjack, and a forensic Wayans brother, I'd say the tape is looking pretty unassailable.

A forensic lumberjack? That's gold, Jerry! The entire series of reports can be found here.

Posted at 10:12 AM | Comments (0)

June 04, 2008

I love random email

I was going on my merry way recently, when I received a strange email:

Is this TIM from Summer tour 90?

If it is, HEY BRO, adam and jefe have hooked back up, and we want to through you in the back of the truck and go party somewhere...

This is Adam, I moved back to Tucson and have reconnected with Jefe after 15 years apart.

Needless to say, this isn't me. As much as I would love to be thrown in the back of a truck and go party somewhere, I have no idea who these people are. I had to regretfully write back that he was mistaken.

It's always funny to me when there's somebody else out there with my name. I once had a long email correspondence with somebody who was looking for another person with my name. Every now and then, I Google myself to see who else is out there. It's amusing, especially when you're like me and don't have a overly common name. Other me's include a fire chief, a New England Patriots fan, and my personal favorite, a techno/house musician. Good stuff!

Posted at 09:59 AM | Comments (0)

June 03, 2008

The day the music died

Yesterday, I was walking from work to my bar review class, when I felt a strange tug on my bag. When I finally sat down, I saw that my headphones had gotten caught on the bag's strap, and the bag was pulling them apart. The wire was all stretched out, and my poor headphones were quite broken.

I'm sort of ambivalent about that particular pair of headphones. I like them because they snugly wrap around my ears, have good sound and don't bother me when I'm running. On the other hand, the cord is too long, and it coils up to easily and then won't return. Additionally, a time-consuming trip on a bus taught that if I wear them for too long, they make my ears chafe.

Like I said, the headphones were ruined. My only other option was the ubiquitous white earbuds that came with my iPod, and I refuse to use those. Why would I want to be like everyone else? Unfortunately, I was in the Loop and the only place open was a Walgreens. I picked up some headphones that similarly wrapped around my ears, but also had a shorter cord. I'm still not a huge fan of them, but they'll do for now.

I don't know how it is for most people, but I am very persnickety about headphones. I want them to fit well; I want them to have good sound; I want them to be not burdensome. I could never understand those people who walk around town with giant, pricey, noise-canceling headphones. I could see not wanting to be disturbed in one's own home, but is the pain of potentially speaking to a person on the street so great you need to ensure you can't even hear the bus that's about to run you down? I just want something that will be comfortable and also not make me look like I am merely counting the seconds until I return to my life of painful isolation.

On a more general level, I also question the need to always be listening to one's iPod. I listen to mine on the train, or at and on the way to the gym. I don't have it blasting at the grocery store, or in line at Starbucks, or at lunch. I love my tunes, believe me, but I'd prefer to be directing myself at the outside world instead of shutting myself away. It's no wonder people have such a problem meeting other people nowadays: we're all flitting along in our own little iPod worlds.

Posted at 10:26 AM | Comments (0)