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September 01, 2008
Beat me to it
By now I'm sure everyone knows that John McCain picked Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate - no breaking news on THIS web site, friends. Like many of you, this was surely an odd choice. Either it will be disastrous, or a gamble that pays off. But, being the superficial guy that I am, who plans to vote for Barack Obama unless it turns out he's actually one of the aliens from V, I have to focus on some of the other "assets" that Palin brings to the table. She has an interesting life history. Apparently she likes the outdoors. There's her typically Republican stance on sex education, complete with oopsy-daisy ironic twist. But let's face it, she's not too bad to look at either. Compared to John McCain, she's positively radiant.
A story on Craigslist described her appeal to young men in more graphic terms:
We were in line at Caribu Coffee on Halsted when, apropos of nothing, you asked me what I thought of McCain's VP selection Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. After I said I thought she was a horrifying choice in almost every way, you told me she "gave [you] massive boners."
At this point in our "conversation," I said "Ew" and left the coffee shop...without even getting my coffee! I was offended. That kind of language is inappropriate and no one wants to know that kind of personal information about a stranger.
But then, I thought about what you said. More, I thought about the way you said it. It was like you were spooked a little bit. Scared, but also fascinated at this. And then I began to wonder if you said that to me because you were afraid to say it to anyone.
Now I find myself wanting to talk to you again. About this. About everything.
Let me be clear, however: I don't date men with beards. Ever. So that's got to go. The nail polish is negotiable.
Me: Blonde, blue eyes behind cute glasses, Nordic, stern.
[Side note... If you want to get a date from Craigslist, I don't think it's good to start off by demanding your love interest shave his beard, while describing yourself as "stern."]
So, seeing as I have a lot of spare time on my hand, I took the low road and created a new term from the always-in-style MILF. Yes, if John McCain wins the election, Sarah Palin will be a VPILF.
Instead of congratulating myself on my cleverness, I had to curse the internet. You see, pretty much everything I think of that might be remotely funny, somebody has already done. And this is no exception. There's already a god-damn VPILF.com. Or, if you want to borrow from Wayne's World, she would be Baberaham Lincoln.
As I said, this was an interesting choice, and I'm glad to see somebody from outside "The Establishment" get involved in the race. And if the whole Vice President and Governor thing doesn't work out, there's always sportscasting.
entry no. 1204
Posted at September 1, 2008 09:32 PM