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November 24, 2008

Take a bite out of crime

Both Gapers Block and Chicagoist are linking to the online voting for the design of the next City of Chicago vehicle sticker. Every resident of the city who owns a vehicle has to buy one of the these things - though many don't - so one can only hope the design isn't hideous. I voted for design #3, but I loved design #6, pictured above. The big brown dog in the middle bears a striking resemblance to my dear friend McGruff the Crime Dog. In fact, a really clever design could have incorporated all kinds of famous dogs, perhaps in a fake Sergeant Pepper style design. [Click on that link even if you know what the album cover looks like, because that's an entire website dedicated to the Paul McCartney is dead conspiracy!]

Most of the city sticker designs are worthy. They were designed by high school students, so they did a good job. I'm not really sure what the point of online voting is, though, because you and I both know that the kid who is going to win is the one that is the Machine candidate.

Posted at 11:38 PM | Comments (0)

November 23, 2008

We all cheer for the yellow soccer team

The only Central Ohio sports team I cheer for on any regular basis is the Columbus Crew, aka the Fighting Canaries. When Major League Soccer started in 1996, I badgered my parents into getting season tickets, and I watched nearly every home game in person for the next six years. When I moved to Chicago, that put an end to that, but I would go see them any time they came here.

The thirteen seasons since the first one were pretty futile - Columbus didn't win jack (except for the US Open Cup a few years ago.) But no more - today, they won the MLS Cup, and are the champions of American soccer. I never thought I'd see it happen, but it did. Even though it's relatively minor in terms of sporting glory, I'm smiling ear-to-ear.

Posted at 09:49 PM | Comments (1)

Manny's

In my continuing quest for the perfect sandwich, I visited a place called Manny's Cafeteria. Manny's is famous for corned beef, though I am more of a turkey guy. I was disappointed to see there wasn't a straight-up turkey sandwich on the menu, but the roast beef sandwich, matzo ball soup, and potato pancake are so stupendously good that I have quickly become a denizen of the near South Side.

I was there a few days ago, and Gino, who must be handcuffed to the deli slicer because he is always serving up corned beef sandwiches, told me they were all out of roast beef. I said I would just have a corned beef, but then Gino offered me a small slice of meat. It was brisket, and it was marvelous. After heartily enjoying my brisket sandwich, Gino scolded me and told me never to disagree with him again. I do believe he is right.

Anyway, guess who else likes Manny's? Barack-freaking-Obama. A few days ago, I was flipping channels on the TV when I came across the BBC America News, and they were doing a story on Obama. I thought to myself, "that place sure looks familiar." Sure enough, Barack Obama was on the BBC News, ordering a corned beef sandwich from Manny's.

At this point in his life, everything Barack Obama touches turns to gold. When I went to Manny's on Saturday, there was a line out the door. I'd been there on other Saturdays, and it was crowded, but never this crowded. Perhaps Manny's was experiencing an Obama bump?

Whatever it was, I have become a big fan of Manny's. At least I know I'm in good company.

Posted at 09:35 PM | Comments (0)

November 21, 2008

Protect and serve (free coffee)

[Pic]

An interesting story came out in August about a Chicago police officer who was suspended. Her offense? She demanded free coffee from the local Starbucks stores, and when the baristas protested, she flashed her badge and brandished her gun. On the other hand, the police department recently fired another police officer who accidentally stole a bag of trail mix from a Walgreens. But let's hear about the officer with a penchant for free joe:

Though many police departments officially frown on freebies, coffee houses and restaurants around the city and suburbs give the gratis, and the officers’ bosses seem to look the other way.

But there’s another unwritten rule: Cops can’t demand the free stuff. And that’s just what officials say Chicago Police Officer Barbara Nevers did, demanding free coffee and pastries from a half-dozen Starbucks stores over the years, until she was banned from one of the java joints and a memo was sent to other stores.

The 55-year-old veteran of more than a decade was suspended for 18 months and recommended for counseling after showing her gun and badge to intimidate employees into giving her free coffee, according to documents released Thursday.

...

Some employees testified that between 1999 and 2004 Nevers frequented their stores weekly, often in street clothes, and flashed a badge or flipped her jacket to reveal her gun if they asked for payment. In 2004, she was accused of stealing a juice drink from one Starbucks, but eventually was acquitted.

One manager at a Starbucks in the 1700 block of West Diversey Parkway testified that Nevers started asking for free pastries too, and got angry when the store employees refused. The manager told Nevers she wasn’t welcome in the store anymore, and testified that Nevers walked behind the store counter, asking angrily if she wasn’t welcome, before leaving.

“She was vehement about getting the free pastries,” the manager testified.

Gadzooks! That lady sure wanted free coffee. It is an admirable tradition that the men and women who protect our streets should get free or discounted coffee, but one also cannot abuse the tradition. Though I don't see how threatening people with a gun merits a suspension, while the bag of trail mix warrants termination. The always excellent Second City Cop has some ideas about that.

Anyway, this reminds me. I can't believe I never told this story, and maybe I did, but a quick check of the ol' archives does not turn it up.

Back in the summer of 2007, I was driving home around midnight from an outing, when I passed by the Cabrini-Green housing complex. Some people are making a heavy effort to redevelop the area, and directly across the street from the remaining buildings is a little plaza with a gas station, a sub shop and a Dunkin' Donuts/convenience store. I had a hankering for a hot chocolate, so I pulled into the parking lot. There was a big police paddy wagon parked there, and a few other police cars.

I walked into the Dunkin' Donuts. I was very startled to see that several police officers were behind the counter, pouring themselves cups of coffee and squirreling away pastries for the night ahead. Without thinking, I blurted out, "What is this, did you guys take over the Dunkin' Donuts now?"

About this time, the neurons in my brain made the connection about police stereotypes and donuts. Yet, as Caesar would say, iacta alea est.

The first officer glared at me and said, "What did you say?" And then another asked me if I had any outstanding parking tickets, which, I suppose, was a low-level threat that I shouldn't perpetuate police stereotypes. I wasn't trying to do that in the first place - I think anyone who saw a bunch of cops behind the counter at a coffee shop would have also been confused.

I meekly apologized and then ran way before they could ask me for my license. I might also have wet my pants.

I also did not get a hot chocolate.

Posted at 10:01 AM | Comments (0)

November 19, 2008

I left it right there!

High above us in Earth orbit, some NASA astronauts are hard at work on the space station. The space station is basically a home in space, and like any home it occasionally needs repairs. One astronaut was doing some work on the station's exterior, when her bag full of tools floated away. Oops:

Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper said in an interview with The Associated Press that it was "very disheartening" to lose her bag full of tools. She was trying to clean up grease that had oozed out of a grease gun in the backpack-size bag, when the tote and everything in it floated away Tuesday.

The bag was one of the largest items ever lost by a spacewalking astronaut.

For a split second, she thought she might be able to grab it and she tried to judge how far away it was. Just as quickly, "I thought, no, that would probably just make things worse and the best thing to do would be to just let it go."

"There's still the psychological thing of knowing that we made a mistake and having to live through that," she said. "During the spacewalk ... it was easy to put it aside because I knew that we still had five hours of spacewalk work to do and the work needed to get done and you can't dwell on a mistake. It was hardest coming back in and having to face everybody else."

She noted there were three more spacewalks and promised not to let the mistake happen again.

Ah man, I know this feeling exactly. I'll be working on something, and I'll put down whatever it was I was using - a pencil, a hammer, a pair of pliers, and the like. When I go to retrieve it, it's disappeared. Where did it go? Beats me, but it's gone!

The process then goes something like this: I scour the entire room for it, until I give up and start watching Youtube. Then I find the missing item in my couch, two weeks later. I never finish what I was going to do.

If you're an astronaut, at least you have a partial excuse. No wonder I can't find it! There's no gravity! It floated away! Geez I'm stupid! Then they get even more frustrated because they can't figure out how to work the astronaut toilet.

Posted at 05:45 PM | Comments (0)

November 18, 2008

I can't take it anymore

Hello readers, sorry for my absence. Ever just been all wrapped up in stuff, you forget to do other stuff? That's sort of what I've been doing here. Also, I like to say stuff.

Monday night was grand. My beloved Bills were on Monday Night Football, playing the Cleveland Browns. Several of my friends will tell you the Browns are so great, they don't even need a logo. It was 28 degrees out. Look how THAT guy dressed. I don't care to go into details, but the Bills had a 27-26 lead with two minutes left, and they stopped the Browns on the Buffalo 39 yard line. Lo and behold, Cleveland converts the *56* yard field goal, which is nigh impossible. Buffalo got the ball back, and with 38 seconds left, they missed a 47 yard field goal. Final score, Cleveland 29, Buffalo 27. Me = sad, angry, blood alcohol level somewhere north of the legal limit.

After winning their first four games, the Bills are now a pedestrian 5-5. If there is one sure way to make a guy angry, it's to be a fan of the Buffalo Bills. They have such bad luck, they lose to the god damn Cleveland Browns!

The sad part is, I'll be back next week to watch them again. But in the meantime, I'm in the mood for cheering up. You know what cheers me up? This:

God, I'm such a grown-up!

Posted at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)

November 10, 2008

On pots

I have, I think, an unhealthy fascination with portable toilets. There's something inherently interesting to me about a place where somebody feels the need to install such a device.

Once, my family was driving along a road in eastern Nova Scotia, and we saw a solitary port-a-potty in the middle of a field. There was no sign of human activity, nor a dwelling, anywhere near the thing. Why was it there? I took a picture of it, but such things have been lost to history - or at least a shoebox somewhere.

Needless to say, one place that needs lots of port-a-potties is your local marathon. I've run about ten races this year - not marathons, obviously - and every single one of them is stacked with port-a-potties. I won't get into details, but running tends to loosen up one's innards, so a lot of runners like to make sure they're clean before a big race. I just drink a lot of water, in my case.

The New York City marathon was last week, and the New York Times had a most interesting article about the thousands of toilets installed for the race:

By Sunday there will be 1,660 of them. Their mismatched colors create a snaking kaleidoscope through the parking lots and roadways of leafy Fort Wadsworth. “My guys are a little color blind,” said Bill Malone, president of A Royal Flush, the Connecticut-based company that has supplied portable toilets to the marathon the last 15 years. He looked at a string of green, blue, gray, brown and pink toilets.

“You’d think they could keep the grays together,” Malone said, smiling.

Staten Island represents the starting point of the New York City Marathon. It is where 39,000 participants — people who tend to be well-nourished, quite hydrated and a wee bit nervous — wait for the race to begin.

And wait.

And wait.

And, come to think of it, if you will excuse them for a moment, they will be right back.

Gathering and placing 2,250 portable toilets for a one-day event — and then removing them almost immediately — is a daunting task. The marathon represents the third-largest annual assemblage of portable toilets in the country, behind the Rose Bowl college football game and parade and the motorcycle rally in Sturgis, S.D. Placed side by side, the 4-foot-wide toilets would stretch 1.7 miles.

Posted at 11:21 AM | Comments (0)

November 06, 2008

Glad I don't live in the 18th ward

I had heard of this a few times, but apparently some drug dealers are sneaky. They have a very covert way of selling drugs - they disguise themselves as ice cream trucks! Well, Alderwoman Lona Lane of the 18th Ward here in Chicago has had enough. She attacked the drug dealers right at the source.

[Lane proposed] an ordinance to the City Council's Committee on License and Consumer Protection "prohibiting the sale of any ice cream, frozen confection, or frozen dessert from a vehicle operating on the public way within areas of the 18th Ward."

That's right - she wants to ban ice cream trucks. God forbid somebody should call the police when drug dealers roll into the neighborhood or something. And the City Council, which could have headed off such lunacy? They passed it without opposition. Good job, friends.

Posted at 02:45 PM | Comments (0)

How I spent Election Day

Greetings from Obama Central. Being here in Chicago, most everyone assumes I spent Tuesday night in Grant Park waiting for Obama to speak after becoming the newly-anointed president elect. Nah. It would've been a great, grand thing to see. But I just didn't have the willpower to go all the way down there, especially when I learned that a bar near my house was going to show the election results.

I saddled up a group of friends, and we brought our very own Electoral College maps. As you can see, I pre-marked some of the states that I thought would go McCain, as I also did with the ones I thought would be Obama. I'm very mature, yes.

I wasn't surprised that it was all over by 10 pm. I'm completely delighted and excited that Obama will be the next president. The most exciting part to me was how I, here in Illinois, got to see Obama move from our little state senator, to a US Senator, and now the President of the United States. I remember hearing people say, that guy could be president some day. It's hard to believe it's true.

Nevertheless, I'm optimistic. I hope the change he talks about actually occurs. The cover of this week's Chicago Reader, however, sums it up best. Good luck to you, Barack Obama.

Posted at 02:20 PM | Comments (0)

November 03, 2008

Tomorrow's the day

Well friends, tomorrow is Election Day. Some of you have already voted, some of you are going to vote tomorrow, and some of you might not even vote at all. I myself am going to vote tomorrow. As Mary Schmich noted in her column yesterday, there's something invigorating about going to vote on Election Day. It makes it an event. It helps that I have nothing else to do.

Anyhow, the first presidential election I was old enough to vote in was the 2000 election. I was still in Ohio at the time, and as recent presidential politics have shown, most people only care about Ohio during elections. Typically, the national media cares about Cleveland when the Cuyahoga River catches on fire; about Cincinnati when the cops shoot somebody; and about Columbus when Ohio State students riot. But every four years, it's all on. Ohio is a microcosm of America! It's a political bellwether! As goes Ohio, so goes the nation!

And so it was in Ohio in 2000. Al Gore and George Bush criss-crossed the state, begging for votes. I was a very cynical fellow at the time, and I didn't like Bush OR Gore. So what did I do? I voted for Ralph Nader. As it was, George W. Bush won Ohio, 50% to 46.4%, with Nader snatching 2.5%. The Nader vote wasn't enough to override Bush's lead, but it sure did matter in Florida, where Nader got 97,000 votes and Gore lost by about 500 votes.

After eight years of George W. Bush as president, I have come to regret my vote for Nader. Sorry about that, America.

Posted at 02:44 PM | Comments (0)