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July 29, 2009
But not this guy
You all know the Forbes lists. They pop up periodically on the Yahoo front page, touting headlines like "the most miserable cities," "cities on the verge of death," and "cities with the best job prospects." You get the picture. Now, these lists always have questionable methodology - for example, Chicago gets ranked as one of the most miserable cities due to taxes, traffic and the weather, yet makes no mention of all the things that make Chicago great, thereby negating the misery factor. Aside from that, they're plain irritating because they're presented in slideshow format. One entry per page, and then you have to click on the next button to load a whole new page, with ads and everything. It's a tedious thing to do for 100 words of drivel, when really you just want to see the ranking. I know it has to do with pageviews and ad placement, but it's f'ing annoying! And then, it's also set up to automatically go to the next page after 15 or so seconds, meaning that if you want to absorb any of what the words say, you won't have enough time. Again, annoying.
So today, I stupidly clicked on their link for "Best Cities For Singles." First, the list was 40 cities long - who got left off, Fargo? (By no means am I saying Fargo is a bad place for singles - oh wait, I am. Prove me wrong.) The alcoholism of your average Buffalonian came into play here, because the Queen City made #18 on the list, ahead of Miami. Yes, the average single lady would rather party on Chippewa than in South Beach, I'm sure.
By the time I got to the top 5, I was bored out of my mind. But then I saw #4, and I almost wet my pants. The best picture Forbes could find of singles living it up in Seattle was that jacknut on the Segway. Have I ever mentioned how I hate Segways? The average person has no business being on a Segway. It's only slightly faster than walking, you look like an idiot in your helmet, and you get none of the benefits of walking. Oh, and they're dangerous to the lowly pedestrians, who have no idea these machines are coming.
Every day I, as I come home from work, I see the Segway Tours rolling around Grant Park. I always get angry when I see these people. I understand the novelty of being on a Segway, but at some point I'd think the average person would say enough. It's lazy AND presumptuous. Look at me, I'm too good to walk among you serfs. Back to the fief! God.
Anyway, the Segway is not cool. It is impossible to look awesome on a Segway. As I said once before, Steve McQueen himself could roll up in a Segway, and he'd be ridiculed. Could you imagine him trying to jump that fence in The Great Escape on a Segway? Would Bullit use a Segway? No, he wouldn't. So, if the fellow in this picture is what your typical single Seattlean looks like, I ought to move there, because all of a sudden I'd be the Fresh Prince of the Emerald City to all these Carltons.
entry no. 1402
Posted at July 29, 2009 05:39 PM