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April 30, 2010

Get trashed

See this picture? It's a picture I took of some recycling bins in Lincoln Park here in Chicago. I liked the way they were aligned, and the way the bins cast a shadow. Looking at it now, I think it could have been better if I didn't have that light pole sticking out the back of the near one, and I could have maybe been lower to the ground when I took the picture. It's not a worldbeater or anything.

So, I posted it on Flickr, just to see what people said about it. Lo and behold, it is now my most popular picture, even beating out one of my favorite pictures, that of Delaware Park in Buffalo.

Do you know why it's so popular? Apparently there are garbage can enthusiasts out there. I'm getting e-mails from people asking to put my picture in a garbage can gallery, and when I click on these peoples' profiles, all their pictures are of dumpsters and garbage trucks! Not even a girl in a bikini to break it up, just all things refuse. Not even a girl in a bikini on a garbage truck! These are people who get a serious rush from waste disposal. I am really hoping to get a comment describing what model number or something those bins are.

It's cool, undoubtedly, but amusing. If there is one thing about the internet, it is that you have no excuse not to find people with the same interests as you, no matter how small. So, even though I am not a garbage enthusiast, I am honored to be a part of that little world, no matter how indirectly.

Posted at 09:29 AM | Comments (0)

April 29, 2010

A dog's life

[Tribune photo]

Not to turn this into a dog-centric site, but how amusing is that story of the dog who tied up traffic on the Ike for not one, but two morning rush hours?

This dog became a bit of a celebrity, his every move followed by traffic helicopters. (Which, I would note, don't usually actually monitor traffic.) Yesterday he disappeared into a forest preserve, only to reappear this morning for another jaunt along the expressway. He was corned but managed to escape, until some police officers finally captured the wayward beast. On the plus side, the dog will either be returned to its owner, or if no owner can be found, it will be put up for adoption. So he won't have to worry about being euthanized.

As an unabashed dog lover, I love to read stories like this, especially when it has a happy ending. Sorry to say, though, many people have rotten souls. I mean, check out the comment section in that Tribune article I linked above.

The commenters there seem to be of four ilk: 1, "Aww, what a cute story! I want to adopt him!" 2, "Why is this on Chicagobreakingnews.com, this isn't news!" 3, "I hate dogs, he should have gotten run over." 4, "That dog's owner should be shot, how dare he be so irresponsible!"

Commenter-types 2 through 4 can get bent. I think I chafe most at the people who think this dog's owner, if indeed he has an owner, is irresponsible. I hate to be the party pooper, but not all dogs are angels, and not all dogs stay where you tell them to stay. True, some dogs can benefit from training, but it is also true that not all dogs fully grasp concepts like staying where humans tell them to stay.

For example, my dearly departed dog, Indiana, was a sweet, gentle dog. He was also, sorry to say, not very bright. I don't mean that to demean him, because he was one of my favorite pets. But he just did not understand things like sitting on command or giving paw. He also enjoyed running away when the opportunity presented itself.

Our dog before Indiana was a giant mutt named Stanley. He was the king of running away - sort of like those rascals in The Great Escape. It seemed like he was running away on a monthly basis, and it turns out this was because he learned how to climb the fence. My dad had a ritual of getting ice cream for him whenever he finally got caught, to the point we think he would run away whenever he wanted ice cream.

So, a wayward dog doesn't automatically make a person an irresponsible dog owner. Dogs like to get loose, it's in their nature. A dog who doesn't want to get away every now and then, quite frankly, is a lame dog. Unless he's lame in the sense that he has a bum leg, which is okay.

To all those commentators who poo-poo this story as frivolous, or dumb, or indicative of rotten humanity, I say this.

Posted at 04:18 PM | Comments (0)

April 28, 2010

"We have uniforms and everything"

Here's something I didn't expect. Nielsen did some kind of analysis of the internet, and found that the Cleveland Indians are the most despised team in baseball. The New York Yankees came in a paltry fifth.

Contrary to popular belief, the Yankees are only the fifth-most despised team in the majors, according to an Internet algorithm built by Nielsen Co. that analyzes how people feel about certain things. This service typically uses various keywords to find out whether people have positive, negative or neutral reactions to different brands and products. No team registered a negative mark on Nielsen's "sentiment scale," which ranges from -5 to 5, but the Yankees (1.8) were one of only six teams to score lower than 2.

Now I can think of one reason why this might be: although a lot of people hate the Yankees, a lot of people also love the Yankees. They're undoubtedly the most popular team in baseball, with fans in every corner of the globe. With all due respect to my Cleveland friends, the Indians just don't have that kind of support. (The, uh, "traditional" mascot does not help.)

So, although there are a lot of negative things being said about the Yankees, there are just as many people saying positive things about them. Naturally, the "negative" score is going to get counteracted by the "positive" score. However, I would say that if a survey was done asking people to name their least favorite team, the Yankees would get a greater percentage than anyone else.

The Red Sox came it at number 2 on the list, probably because of their insufferable fans and the perpetual arms race with the Yankees. Three and four were the Reds and Astros, who again suffer from a lack of people saying nice things about them, rather than pure Yankee-level despisement.

The Chicago White Sox were number 6. Actually, I didn't know there were any Sox fans who could use a computer. Kidding, please don't run onto the field shirtless, and beat me up.

The list only goes to ten, so I am not sure where the Cubs ended up on this list, but I would be willing to guess they are near the top. The Cubs can be kind of annoying, I will admit.

Posted at 04:29 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2010

Airplane rage

Gadzooks! I will admit, one of the most annoying things about being on an airplane is when somebody behind you is kicking the back of your seat. Having been on more airplanes than I can count, seat kickers and noisy children are two of of the worst things to encounter. Also horrible: drunk passengers.

So, although I've had flights where a kid is kicking my seat, I never reacted quite like this lady:

James Holmes of the Phoenix Police Department said a mother is pressing charges against a 42-year-old woman who allegedly assaulted her 3-year-old boy while they were on Southwest flight 582 heading to Las Vegas at the gate of Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport on Mar. 21 at about 7 p.m.
...
Her three-year-old son either kicked or put his feet up on the back of the woman's seat when she turned around and grabbed him. The woman told the child, "You're not going to be kicking my seat all the way to Las Vegas," while she shook him and then slammed him back on the seat, the mother told police.

Now, I agree with those who say the mother should be working to control her child. Nevertheless, grabbing a kid isn't the way to go, not by a long shot. I'm not surprised to read that the woman in this case was reportedly drunk, although I also suspect the mother might be exaggerating a tad.

In conclusion, without endorsing the woman's actions: mothers, please try to keep your kiddies in check when they're on airplanes!

Posted at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)

April 26, 2010

I hope they used the paws of life

This story is getting reported pretty much everywhere, but I don't care. Dare I say, it's dog-gone hilarious:

Firefighters in Naperville are still talking about one of their strangest rescue missions: a small dog that became wedged in a mechanized recliner chair.
...
Firefighter and paramedic Scott Bolda said a nurse's aide was hanging onto the chair to
relieve pressure on the dog and allow it to breathe.
Bolda said the chair's electrical controls stopped working when the dog became wedged inside, so the only option was to saw the chair apart.

The dog had no comment, except to say he thought the firefighters were a little "ruff."

Posted at 04:05 PM | Comments (0)

April 23, 2010

Book 'em

One of the cases I'm working on involves an argument between a bunch of rich dudes. I can't go into specifics, obviously, but part of this requires me to comb through old records at the Cook County Recorder of Deeds, where I am trying to locate certain deeds executed in the 1910's and 20's which contain restrictions that are binding on the property owners today. Get it?

That picture is a page from one of the books I am using. These books are very hard to read, and quite nonsensical at first glance. I've been working on this for a few weeks, and I still have no clue what is going on half the time.

However, the best part of all this is also these old books. One of my favorite things is to look at old handwriting. I have long envied Abraham Lincoln's handwriting. Its flow, the swoops, the curves. It might be extreme to call it majestic, but that's what I really think.

My handwriting is notoriously bad, has been for years. It's a mish-mash of cursive and printing, often illegible. I am proud of my 7's, though. I am one of those jerkwads who puts a dash through his 7's, and although some people complain, I am not going to change. It's my thing, man.

Obviously, handwriting is not as important as it used to be, now that we all use computers and text messages and voicemail. But looking through the same few pages of that book, it is interesting to see the way people wrote in the 1920's, and how the handwriting changed up until 1985, when all the records became computerized.

Now, this is not to say everyone in the 20's had pristine handwriting. There are quite a few bits in there which are simply unreadable, leading to some headaches for me where I tried to decode what exactly the writing was supposed to mean. All I can say is this - if you are going to write something in a book that is going to be used 100 years later, make your writing legible!

This goes for people nowadays. I was horrified to learn that the Twitter Archives have been handed over to historians, because this means some idiot doing a research paper on life at the turn of the 21st century is going to be combing Twitter and find something like this.

@jason696969 lolz cant bleave u sed dat 2 her! lol lol lol 4realz? ima c u l8r @ n8's.

To borrow another colloquialism, that guy will probably say "wtf." That's why, in all my online communiques, I strive to maintain proper English. Yes, I toss in a few abbreviations here and there, but I'll be damned if anyone is every going to find correspondence by me where I use "u" and "4" as words. Of course, by that time, we will obviously have neural transmitters which translate our thoughts into words, totally destroying the need for a silly thing like a keyboard.

Speaking of which, I'm on Twitter, and have been for more than a year. Follow me!

Posted at 04:29 PM | Comments (1)

April 22, 2010

Jailhouse a rockin

My office here in the Loop is at an interesting location - kitty corner from the Metropolitan Correctional Center, a rather large jail that hold people awaiting trial in Federal Court. That black slit at the top is "the yard," where inmates are allowed to get fresh air a few times a week.

Now, across the street from the jail, and next to my building, is a parking garage whose top floor is about 40 feet below my window. Yesterday, when I was minding my own business, I began to hear hooting and hollering outside. There, on top of the garage, was a woman holding a bouquet of flowers, and the inmates up in the yard were shouting at her. She stood there for a few minutes, blowing kisses, and then walked away. I wonder if the target of her affection was there to see it?

Posted at 02:39 PM | Comments (0)

April 21, 2010

Happy Secretary Day

Apparently today is "Administrative Professionals Day," which sounds sort of like a made-up holiday but one I think is worthwhile. Now that I am a big fancy lawyer, I have lots of people I can order around and make do stuff for me. These people don't always get the attention, or thanks they deserve. So, thank you, administrative professionals!

Back in the day, many moons ago, when I was working for the school district, I was officially classified as a secretary. Paid like one, too. So, on one of the Administrative Professional Days, I, and all my colleagues - namely eight late-middle aged women - were treated to a Spa Day. We got the business - manicures, massages, and facials. Fortunately, I was able to get manly alternatives to manicures and facials. But, you know, sometimes a guy just wants to be pampered!

Posted at 12:42 PM | Comments (0)

April 20, 2010

Party pooper

Every now and then, a story pops up in the news about someone getting pinched for DUI in something other than a traditional automobile. The more comical the better, such as a gentleman who was arrested when driving a (allegedly stolen) lawnmower. What a story to tell the kids.

Likewise, an item in the Buffalo News details a fellow who made the mistake of using a go kart after having his license taken away for too many DUI's:

Ronald E. Voit, 22, of Fuller Street had driven to the Pub Bar and Restaurant in a go-kart because his license had been revoked for a previous DWI conviction. He was seen driving the go-kart near the bar just after 2 a.m.

He was pulled over by Lewiston Police Officer Scott Stafford at Eighth and Onondaga streets and was found to have a blood alcohol of .22 percent -- nearly three times the legal limit -- police said. He was charged with DWI for operating above 0.18 percent, felony DWI for a previous conviction, aggravated unlicensed operation, operating an uninsured motor vehicle on a highway and a number of vehicle and traffic violations.

His mother must be very proud.

Now, when I read these stories, I tend to wonder what the participants are thinking. Does the driver think because it's not a car, it's okay to drive drunk? I have known people to steer golf carts and ride bicycles when not sober (not me, Mom! Seriously...), and I feel like they'd be surprised that a DUI could ensue. On the other hand, a person driving a golf cart or bike recklessly can kill someone.

Meanwhile, the police must be having a good laugh over it. I totally arrested a guy in a GO KART for DUI. Lolz! (Maybe a cop wouldn't say LOL. But you know what I'm saying.) If I was a police officer, I would try to institute a contest for craziest DUI arrest.

Anyone know of any DUI arrests for things wackier than a go kart or lawnmower?

Posted at 04:57 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2010

Nature's wrath

It's been pretty hard not to follow the goings-on in Europe, where an ash cloud from Eyjafja... Uh... Eyja... A volcano in Iceland, has drifted over the Western part of the continent and forced concerned aviation officials into canceling almost all commercial flights. The shenanigans have been going on nearly five days, and are costing the airlines millions, if not billions of dollars. Or euros. Or whatever the hell they use over there.

The Royal Navy has even gotten involved, dispatching ships to help stranded Britons. I mostly enjoyed that article because I learned that Britain's transportation minister is a person named Lord Adonis. What a name! If I wanted to become a porn star and chose the name Lord Adonis, the porn producer would probably laugh and tell me to come up with something a little less obvious.

Meanwhile, El Rushbo has opined this is God's fury for health care reform. Yes, because God believes in free markets, which is why He has the anti-competitive policy of eternal damnation for those who reject Him. Or, you know, God never chose to express His displeasure at other unpopular things like the Holocaust or slavery - but health care reform - you've gone too far this time, humanity! Smite. Also, why would God punish Europe for America's doings?

This whole volcano thing reminds of the events of 1816, sometimes known as "The Year Without A Summer." In 1815, a volcano erupted in Asia, affecting the climate through Europe and North America. Global temperatures dipped, crops failed, and people panicked.

Most significantly to people nowadays, the weather forced Mary Shelley and her companions to stay inside, where they wrote to while away the time. Shelley produced "Frankenstein," and John Polidori wrote "The Vampyre," which is quite obviously the precursor to all the irritating vampire-related literature now overwhelming our culture. Actually, maybe that is God's way of punishing us?

Posted at 01:30 PM | Comments (0)

April 16, 2010

An angry mob

I've viewed the "Tea Party" phenomenon with a bit of confusion. Do I agree with their main argument, which seems to be that government has too much involvement and our taxes are too high? I don't. On a different level, I do tend to agree with their anger about the way things are done in Washington, be it partisanship, demagoguery or obstructionism. The people who show up with signs calling Obama a socialist are idiots, undoubtedly, but do add a sort of amusement factor.

Mostly I'm upset I can't take out my "Don't Tread On Me" flag anymore without looking like a Tea Partier.

Anyway, my ears perked up when I saw there was going to be a Tea Party at the Daley Center, not more than three blocks from my office. I went to check it out, and was quite underwhelmed. There were lots of signs, including your typical anti-Obama, anti-Pelosi polemic, and one guy who was muttering about Obama being a socialist, while simultaneously telling the African-American guy next to him there was only one race, the human race. I bought a cool "I went to the Tea Party and all I got was this lousy deficit" t-shirt, and listened for a bit.

The speaker I heard, I am aghast to say, I agreed with. His rant was about the goings-on in Springfield, specifically how House Speaker Michael Madigan treats it like a fiefdom, does whatever he wants, and wastes millions of taxpayer money. Like most Chicago-area politicians, he is firmly entrenched in his position, and will probably be House Speaker as long as he wants, unless the US Attorney finds a reason to get him. Then, when he is ready to retire, he'll pass the position on to a crony or family member, and the whole thing will continue another generation. I know a lot of people agree with me on this, but sadly not enough to convince people to vote for a Republican. (Even *I* would vote for a Republican, and I have never voted for a Republican.)

Anyway, apart from my brain falling apart because I agreed with a Tea Party speaker, I heard one conservative commentator describe the crowd as an angry mob. Actually, it was Dan Proft, the former Illinois GOP Governor primary candidate (and classmate of mine a few times in law school) who called it an angry mob.

I have to say, the mob really wasn't that angry. There was some chanting, a lot of flag waving, and the like, but I never felt any seething rage. It was more like a "moderately annoyed mob." I don't even know if it deserves to be called a mob. It was a demonstration.

Last night I watched "Rules of Engagement" on FX. That, my friends, was an angry mob. I think the Tea Party needed a true firebrand to whip up some anger, or it could be most of the crowd was the curious who wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

Posted at 04:03 PM | Comments (0)

I'm back, for realz

Hello everyone. Once again, I am making an attempt to get the ol' blog going again. A lot has changed since last we spoke.

Most importantly, I have a brand new job. An office job. Yes, my days as a Social Security Disability advocate are no more. No more getting up at 4 am to catch a flight to Portland, Maine. No more driving like a madman in Portland, Maine to catch another flight to Greenville, SC. And then eating Rally's or Jack-in-the-Box or a Domino's Pizza for dinner, because there's nothing else open.

As you can tell, I had a fairly rough existence at times. It was also interesting - I certainly got to see a lot of places I never would have seen otherwise. I saw the grit of the Rust Belt, the plains of Iowa, the swampy backwoods of the South. I met a lot of interesting people, some more sympathetic than others. I didn't always like my clients, or like my job, and it was time to move on before I truly hated it. Nevertheless, I think I'm a better lawyer, and person, for it.

So now I'm a desk jockey again, pattering away in downtown Chicago. It's a nice change. I have a regular schedule, and I can sleep in my own bed every night. You don't realize how comforting that is until it's gone away.

On the plus side, hopefully I can resume writing in this here commentary with more regularity. Not that I contribute much to society, but it's an outlet, and God knows I need one of those.

Posted at 10:27 AM | Comments (0)