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August 25, 2010
Cologne capers
Vintage yellow glass perfume bottles , originally uploaded by Otomodachi.
I've had this big jug of cologne for what seems like ages. It has served me well, but it is finally nearing the end. I decided, in the interest of mixing things up a little, to buy some new cologne. This was one of the more intimidating shopping experiences I have had, even more so than buying a suit.
When buying stuff, I prefer to figure things out on my own. Of course, this flies directly in the face of the typical model, which is to have someone there to help you. So, after I strolled into the Macy's (a/k/a the dearly departed Marshall Field), I was able to sniff a few colognes without attracting attention. Soon, however, an older lady noticed me, and started peppering me with cologne questions.
Sidenote: my greatest fear when being nabbed by a salesperson was that it would be a guy. I do not like dealing with other dudes in situations like this. I like a kindly and matronly woman. It's just less intimidating, and, really, how could an old lady steer you wrong? In that respect, my fears were allayed.
But, as I mentioned, she started asking me a bunch of questions. What kind of cologne did you used to have? What did it smell like? What are you looking for now? Are you looking for more of a day or night-time cologne? (Day or night-time? Wtf!) I stammered some generalities, and instead of running for the door, allowed her to show me some nice scents. I may have said how my last cologne was "fruity," which was the way wrong answer.
I smelled a few, telling her which ones I liked and which ones I didn't. She then said, "let me get the coffee beans," and before I could comprehend what was happening, a tin of coffee beans was in my face. I was completely flummoxed, but figured this must be some way to cleanse my sniffing palette, so I took a whiff. The saleswoman didn't laugh me out of the store, so I must have done it right.
(That's something that always gets me. There are certain customs which are completely normal, but I have never heard of. For example, if you got to a fancier restaurant - nicer than, say, Cheesecake Factory - and order a bottle of wine, the waiter will show you the wine bottle before opening it. This is so you can make sure you got what you ordered. Then he'll pour a small glass for me to taste. The first time this happened, I had no idea what to do. Even now, I feel slightly fraudulent whenever this happens, because I never remember what wine I ordered, and because I don't know what it's supposed to taste like.)
So, fortunately, I navigated the coffee beans unidiotically enough. Finally, it was time to make a decision. Part of me wanted to, again, run away, but I sacked up and realized I needed new cologne. I picked out the one I liked, even without asking how much it cost. (I'm a lawyer, see, and lawyers are rich. Right?) It wasn't overly expensive, so I paid my money, walked out, and now I smell much nicer than I used to.
Later, I was walking downtown and stopped to look up at some filming for the new Transformers movie. Of course, this was the exact same time so enterprising homeless fellow bent down to shine my shoes, unsolicited. He tried to charge me $16, but I "negotiated" him down to ten. I still feel like kind of a sucker.
entry no. 1504
Posted at August 25, 2010 04:41 PM