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October 26, 2010

Aye carumba

This is an interesting story. A gentleman was babysitting some dogs, and one of the dogs attacked his dog, a tiny chihuahua. The chihuahua then went into cardiac arrest. So what is an owner to do, especially one who is a license and practicing physician? Administer CPR, of course:

Kosinski quickly went to work on Valentino, who the doctor and his wife, Sherry, had rescued months earlier from a puppy mill.

"It's not that different from what you would do on an infant," Kosinski said of giving Valentino CPR.

Kosinski gave Valentino a set of two quick rescue breaths, using his index finger and thumb to create a seal around the dog's muzzle. Then, he put his hands around Valentino's chest, with two thumbs around the sternum to begin compressions.

Success. Valentino's chest rose after the rescue breathing, and his owner quickly saw life returning to him.

"He's on the couch eating tonight -- it's a milestone," Kosinski said.

My favorite line in the story, however, is this:

Luckily for Valentino [the dog], Kosinski is certified in cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

While it's true that all doctors are not certified in CPR, it seems funny to me that him being certified in CPR is the luckiest thing about it. I'd say he was lucky that his owner is a doctor who didn't lose his shit when the dog went into cardiac arrest. After all, I think most doctors have an inkling how to perform CPR, whether or not they're actually certified.

Now, about 15 years ago my family had a trio of geese who lived in the pond. One of them broke his wing or something, and we took pity on the beast, who had lived in our pond for a decade. We took him to the Raptor Clinic at the Ohio State University veterinary college, where they did all kinds of fancy veterinarian stuff on him.

A month later, he was ready to come home, so we drove to Columbus to pick him up. Well, the stupid thing honked and hissed the entire 40 minute ride home, until we were only a mile away - at which point he keeled over, dead. My dad gave that goose CPR, but it had no effect whatsoever.

And no, we didn't eat it for dinner.

Posted at 03:50 PM | Comments (0)

October 22, 2010

Don't be a Halloweenie

When I was growing up, I was always mystified that the city schedule Trick-or-Treat for a day other than actual Halloween. In fact, I see that this year it's scheduled for Thursday, October 28. I never was able to wrap my head around why they did that. I don't even think there was a system where it the nearest Thursday, or whatever. I think they just picked a random day somewhere near Halloween, and that was when Trick-or-Treat would occur.

I never had an inkling that there could be some religious motivation behind it. I don't believe there was with my town; they just seemed kind of indolent about the whole thing.

However, a town in Louisiana has the ACLU sniffing around, because it mandated that Trick-or-Treat would happen on October 31, unless October 31 happened to be a Sunday. What's the big deal, you say? Making trick-or-treat move violates freedom of religion!

The ACLU of Louisiana on Friday delivered a letter to Livingston Parish leaders urging them to repeal an ordinance that changes the official date of Halloween when Oct. 31 lands on a Sunday.

The group defines Halloween as a religious holiday. The ACLU believes the government, therefore, has no authority to dictate its observance.

"The penalty for violation of this misguided ordinance can be up to 30 days in jail," ACLU of Louisiana Executive Director Marjorie Esman said in a statement. "No parent should fear jail time for taking children to a neighbor's house for candy, and no resident should fear prosecution for offering a treat to a visiting child."

This is a tough one to me. Halloween undoubtedly began as a religious observance. Trick-or-Treat, however, is not a religious observance. Nor does the ordinance, apparently, tell people when they can celebrate Halloween - it says they can't trick-or-treat on a certain day.

As much as I like to think this is a hamhanded ordinance, I truly do not believe it is unconstitutional. Towns regulate stuff like this all the time. Can't a town decide when its Christmas parade is? Don't towns routinely forbid the sale of liquor on Sundays? Who does this ordinance injure, and how?

I usually agree with them, but the ACLU is off the mark this time. Even though I think trick-or-treat on a day other than Oct. 31 is dumb.

Posted at 04:25 PM | Comments (0)

October 21, 2010

Oh to be part of this

It's pretty hard to get in trouble in Utah. Due to its Mormon past, alcohol, drugs, and general mischief are not tolerated. So, Utah youth needs other ways to amuse themselves, such as trying to set as many Guinness world records as possible. For example:

Eisenhower Junior High School in Taylorsville set another world record Wednesday afternoon by becoming the largest chain of human mattress dominoes.
...
The latest world record attempt was made possible by companies R.C. Willey and Serta Mattress. They provided 609 twin-sized mattresses that were placed in the middle school gymnasium.

The rules: Mattresses must be placed between participants and lined up mattress, person, mattress, person and so on. A loud start and finish signal is required and two official time keepers have to be at hand.

It took a total of 22 seconds for 609 mattresses to fall, one after another. And when it was over, a new record stood.

"609 in 22 seconds, that's amazing to begin with and they're all packed in there and sandwiched like sardines, so it was hot between the plastics," said teacher, Clayton Borough. "But the kids still pulled it off."

Allright, that's pretty cool. You can sign me up the next time someone tries this. But here's the really interesting part:

The school has a 20 year tradition of breaking world records -- more than any other school in the world. The list includes the largest loaf of bread, the largest paper clip chain, the tallest ice cream cone, and the tallest tower of pencils.

What is this? Does someone in that town sit around, thumbing through the Guinness Book of World Records, looking for a record that can be broken? Why, it says here the world's largest wad of gum has a diameter of only 24 inches! Louise! Get me the 8th grade class! Diane! Here's the school credit card, go down to the Walgreen's and buy every single pack of gum you can find! But only the sugarless kind, these are our kids, after all. TMJ be damned! Actually, since it's Utah, that should be TMJ be darned.

Update: Apparently there is no official record for world's largest wad of gum. Hmmmm!

Posted at 04:34 PM | Comments (0)

October 20, 2010

History comes alive

How did I not know about this before? The Library of Congress has a gigantic archive of photos online, including a trove of pictures from the Great Depression and homefront World War 2. You can check it out here.

My curiosity piqued, I thought I'd see if there were any pictures from Buffalo. Sure enough, there were several hundred, including some of my family's neighborhood on the East Side of Buffalo. Here's an elaborate Easter mass taking place at Corpus Christi, a beautiful church which still stands today.

The most interesting picture to me is the one above, which is a family's Easter feast. It's hard to tell in that picture, but there is a butter lamb as the centerpiece. Apparently butter lambs are only popular among Polish Catholic types. I did find one at the Jewel here in Chicago, but the butter lamb always reminds me of home, and family, and all that. Seeing it in those 67 year old pictures made me chuckle, and realize some things never change, and that is sometimes good.

Posted at 03:54 PM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2010

Those darn Mexicans

I remember back in the early 90's, there was a lot of illegal immigrant hatred. Then, when the economy started to pick up again, there wasn't much talk about it. So now with the economy in the tank again, furor at illegal immigrants is as loud as ever. Most of this is focused at our dear neighbors to the South, Mexico. I don't have any statistics about illegal immigrants, but I know they are more than Mexicans and other Hispanics. Illegal immigrants come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

Now, I would argue that immigrant hatred is nothing new. The 1840's and 1850's featured anti-Irish rage. The late 19th and early 20th century was prime time for Eastern and Southern European hatred. It also led to an increase in anti-Chinese rhetoric. So, really, this is nothing new to me, and I think is only more apparent because the internet allows for the mass dispersion of these opinions.

So, it comes as no surprise that the Sheriff in Butler County, Ohio - which separates dear old Dayton from the Queen City, Cincinnati - wants to sue Mexico for all these illegal immigrants and drug runners:

Butler County Sheriff Richard Jones is looking for help in filing a lawsuit against the Mexican government.

Jones calls it a "novel idea," saying Mexico should help pay for the cost of jailing illegal immigrants and tracking drugs that come across the border.

"Why not seize their assets to help pay for the cost of jailing prisoners, the drugs coming across the border, murder and mayhem that's been caused by aliens coming to the U.S.," said Jones.

Jones, who took a trip to the Mexican border in May, says he and all other taxpayers are victims of the Mexican government.

"My resources are being used to combat the illegal drugs been going on in this country and crimes committed," he said.

What a knucklehead. Aside from the obvious fact this is legally untenable, it's stupid. Obviously the Mexican government needs to do more to stop the drug war, but how is suing them going to help? And how will they collect? What assets does the Mexican government even have in Butler County, Ohio? None, I would imagine.

I suppose the next time an American college kid gets drunk in Rome and pees on the Colosseum, Uncle Sam ought to pay up. Something tells me that wouldn't quite seem right with the Butler County Sheriff. Snort.

Posted at 05:22 PM | Comments (0)

October 18, 2010

Sweet home Virginia

Growing up in Central/Southeast Ohio, it was only a scant 90 minute drive to the Ohio River, and then on to West Virginia. My mind was boggled when I learned that most people don't know that West Virginia was not a state until the Civil War, when the westernmost counties in Virginia chose to remain in the Union rather than secede to join the Confederacy. I mean, duh, people.

For my purposes, this means that plain old Virginia could have been a scant 90 minutes from where I grew up. But it isn't, and instead Virginia remained a distant place I saw on maps and might have driven through once or twice on vacation.

Then, of course, I got my last job where I was flying all about the country. I made several trips to Virginia, including western cities like Roanoke, in the Appalachians, and Norfolk, on the coast. My favorite had to be Richmond, with its museums, stately neighborhoods, and sense of history. In one of my trips there, I acquired a shirt at a running store that said "Virginia is for Runners," a take-off on the old "Virginia is for Lovers" slogan.

So, yesterday I was huffing and puffing down the Lakefront trail here in Chicago, when I decided I had had enough and sat down on a ledge overlooking the Lake. I was wearing the Virginia shirt. A scant minute later, a man approached me and asked me if I was from Virginia. I told him I was not, and that I had gotten the shirt when I was there for work. He then asked me where in Virginia I had been, and so I rattled off the list of places I had visited.

He then told me: "Don't go to Lynchburg. That's where all the Jerry Falwellites are."

Now, this gave me pause. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's don't assume other people hold the same opinions as you, especially vis-a-vis religion and politics. In this case, maybe he was trying to get me to say something mean about Jerry Falwell, and he could then launch into a vociferous defense, as well as maybe do a little evangelizing.

So, I gave a non-committal answer about how everyone needs somewhere they can go. This apparently satisfied him, because then he told me he doesn't even live in Virginia. He lives in Detroit. In short, I have no idea why he was asking me about Virginia, then.

Posted at 05:21 PM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2010

Snicker

Everyone knows that when you go on a job interview, you should assume you are being watched until you are far, far away from the premises. This includes the parking lot. So don't sit in the parking lot after an interview, stuffing Cheetos in your face. Don't fart in the elevator on the way there. And, for God's sake, don't leave books on how to beat lie detectors on your dashboard:

Officials said the man was at State Patrol Headquarters on October 6 being interviewed for a civilian management job when a State Patrol employee saw a book titled "How to Beat the Lie Detector" on a seat in the car parked next to hers.

"I was just shocked," said Heather Anderson.

The job candidate was inside the office undergoing a polygraph exam at the time, and officials said they determined that the car and book were his.

"They gave him an opportunity to let them know if he'd looked at some research materials or not and he apparently said 'no,'" Anderson said.

That quickly put an end to the interview process, and the man was told he would no longer be considered for the job.

I have personally never taken a lie detector test, and I always wonder about how accurate they are. They're designed to detect increases in heart rates and such that indicate lying - but, of course, they also indicate nervousness, which I probably would be if I was taking a lie detector test.

Anyway, remember that show The Commish? There was this episode where a suspect was being given a lie detector test, and they were certain he was going to use the ol' thumbtack in a shoe trick to beat the detector. So, what'd they do? Through a series of contrivances, cause him to walk a very painful half a mile or so. I'll always remember that, and hope nobody ever tries something with me when I take a lie detector test.

Posted at 04:37 PM | Comments (0)

October 12, 2010

I hope the time in jail was worth it

Running is my main hobby. One of my favorite things to do in my last job was throw on my Asics and run through a city I'd never visited before. Running in Chicago is great, but a change of pace - such as running along a causeway in Tampa, or on a miles-wide bridge in Long Beach, or through the many hills of Knoxville - make running truly enjoyable. But if there is one thing I can say about running, whether it's 80 degrees or 30, is I'm keeping my damn clothes on.

Some gentlemen think nude running is a good idea. I am not one of them. Especially when doing so gets you tazed and arrested:

WEST MELBOURNE, Fla. -- Police had to use a stun gun on a naked jogger who wouldn’t stop running.

West Melbourne police said the man was wearing one thing -- a pair of goggles on his head.

Police said the man was very apologetic and courteous when he finally did stop.

The man was intoxicated and did not seem to know where he was, police said.

I sure hope they aimed that Taser carefully, amiright? He he he.

[Tazed and Arrested sounds like the really bad follow-up to Dazed and Confused, by the way.]

Posted at 04:39 PM | Comments (0)

October 07, 2010

Mi famiglia

As I may have mentioned on this site before, I am sort of a walking ethnic joke: half Polish, one quarter Italian, and another quarter English. Just ask me about my submarine with a screen door. Anyway, I couldn't help but notice that the past few days at the Daley Center here, there's been a big Italian festival in the plaza. We're talking food, crafts, and all the green and red signs you could hope for.

If there is one thing I have noticed about Italian-Americans, it's that we don't have very good taste. I'm not talking about Jersey Shore taste, I mean garish colors, inappropriate decorations (such as a fake Roman fountain at the festival), and lots and lots of opera music. It was almost embarrassing.

There was a vendor selling signs today. There were "Italian-American princess" and "Be a bitch, it's fun!" signs. But there was also a large selection of the theft-deterrent signs with the picture of the dog that says "I can get to the fence in 2.8 seconds, can you?" Except in these signs, instead of fierce-looking dog like a pit bull or a German shepherd, it's a poodle and a wiener dog. Yes, I am certain a dog who is so fat his belly drags on the ground can outrun me, and then maim me sufficiently so as to prevent me from burglarizing a home. That really had nothing to do with Italy, it was just a funny thing.

The main point of this was that I think older Italian men are hilarious. This is undoubtedly a stereotype, but whenever I see older gentlemen of Italian extraction, such as at this festival, or on TV, they always have gray hair but their eyebrows are black. I mean hell, even Tony Curtis had it. Why is this? Will I look like that in 40 years? I sure hope not.

Anyway, the festival was good. I got a brownie shaped like a heart. Mission accomplished.

Posted at 04:47 PM | Comments (0)